2
Somehow, Tean got Jem into the Subaru. He went back inside to check on Daniel, only to discover the boy had locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out.
Justin and the other teens from Daniel’s group were clumped together near the door, watching Tean with expressions that ranged from wary to downright hostile.
Maybe the worst part was Daniel’s hoodie hanging from Justin’s hand.
“His dad will be here soon,” Tean said. “I’m sorry about what happened.”
None of them answered, which was maybe a good thing.
Nasha was busy dealing with upset and angry adults in the main room, which was definitely a good thing, so Tean escaped outside and waited on the sidewalk until he saw Ammon pull up in a silver Impala.
Ammon spotted him—of course—but tonight, at least, Ammon only raised a hand before hurrying into Rainbow House.
When Tean got into the Subaru, Jem was leaning back in his seat, staring at the headliner.
“I’m going to go to jail,” Jem said.
“You’re not going to jail,” Tean said.
“Yeah, I am. They’re going to arrest me. Assault and battery and—oh my God, Tean. Oh my God. Oh my God, I really fucked up.”
“Everything is going to be okay,” Tean said.
Jem ran his hands over his face. After a moment, he nodded.
“Are you okay?” Tean finally asked. “What do you need right now?”
“I just want to go home.”
“Okay.”
Okay, okay, okay. He heard himself like he was stuck on repeat.
He tried to shift into drive, but the car wasn’t on.
He started it, and the headlights painted the bumper ahead of them, and for a moment, it seemed unreal how ordinary everything looked.
He sat there a moment, the vibrations from the engine working their way through the car and into him.
And then he tried to shift into drive again, and this time it worked, and he started home.
Jem slumped in his seat, staring up at the headliner, and didn’t speak.
Tean’s phone vibrated a few times as he drove, but he didn’t take it out. If it was Ammon, he didn’t have the mental energy to deal with him tonight. Or with anyone else.
You’re always busy.
Tean pushed the thought away and focused on the road.
As always, Scipio was happy to see them.
The Lab had been asleep on the couch, and he was still waking up as Tean followed Jem into the house.
Jem stood there, staring at nothing, as Scipio eased his front legs off the couch and stretched.
When the Lab padded across the room and nuzzled into Jem’s hand, Jem flinched.
He turned his head like he wasn’t sure where he was, and then his hand turned, cupping one of Scipio’s ears, and in a rough voice, he said, “Hey. Hi. Catch any bad guys while we were gone?”
In answer, Scipio rubbed against Jem’s legs, sniffed his shoes, and eventually decided Tean was worth greeting as well. Then the Lab cocked his head at Jem, his whole body suddenly on alert.
“I’ll take him,” Tean said.
But Jem shook his head and said, “Yeah, buddy. Come on.”
He let Scipio out the back and disappeared after him. Out through another of those black rectangles. A doorway to another dimension.
Tean turned on the porch light. Scipio was sprinting after a ball. Jem stood in the center of the yard, hands in his pockets.
Tean sat on the steps.
Jem threw another ball.
Scipio ran.
The sounds of his paws on the grass, and of the Lab breathing hard, and the chain-link fence rattling when one of the balls got past him and smacked into it.
No moon tonight. The stars small and sharp, packed deep until only the points showed.
And Jem. Silent.
Eventually, Scipio ran himself out. He was drooling when he carried a ball over to Tean, and Tean scruffed his ears and told him quietly, “Good job. You got all those balls, didn’t you?”
Jem dropped down next to Tean. The little light that came through the kitchen window left most of his face in shadow, but along the contour of his cheek, his beard glimmered gold and silver. “I’m sorry.”
Tean scooted closer until their knees bumped. Closer again until thigh was pressed to thigh. And he remembered, like it had been someone else, Jem’s idea of a secret handshake, and how they were supposed to bump butts.
“I had to lock the bathroom door the first day I was in his house. The only day.” He held up a single finger, barely visible in the dark. His finger floated there for one second, and then another. And then Jem blew out a breath. “I can’t remember if I already told you about that.”
“You bit him.”
“Yeah.” Jem laughed softly. He flopped one of Scipio’s ears to the side and then twitched it back again, and the Lab rolled onto his side, head rubbing against Jem’s leg. “Down to the fucking bone. He had to get a million stitches.”
And you were nine, Tean almost said. You were nine years old.
“Just some piece of shit,” Jem said. “They pulled me out of there the same afternoon.”
“That was him? That man, Wendell?”
Jem nodded. He rubbed his nose. “Fucking Grey Flannel.”
“What?”
“The old man smell.”
A startled laugh escaped Tean. He clamped down on it, but Jem’s mouth quickened into a grin that melted away again a moment later.
“I really fucked up,” he said in a small voice.
“Jem.” Tean slid an arm around Jem’s waist and pulled him closer; they were already pressed against each other, but Jem surrendered after a minute and leaned into Tean. “It’s okay. What he did to you, tried to do to you—”
“But I shouldn’t have done it.”
“No more guilt and shame and worrying,” Tean said, voice light, one hand chafing Jem’s side. “That’s my job. I don’t blame you, Jem. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m not angry or disappointed. And whatever happens, we’ll figure it out together.”
Neither of them said anything for several minutes, and the only sounds were Scipio gnawing on his ball, occasionally rolling onto his back, then onto his side again, nails scraping the boards of the porch.
The dry air tasted faintly like freshly broken earth, mineral, almost metallic, which meant Scipio had been showing off, tearing up the yard as he ran.
“What the hell is going on with Daniel?” Jem asked out of nowhere.
Tean shook his head.
Jem must have sensed the movement because he said, “You saw him, though, right? He was flirting with Wendell.”
“I’m not sure he was flirting.”
“He was laughing at a dumb joke and practically pulling his shirt off.”
“I don’t know.” But a moment later, Tean said, “He’s fighting with Ammon.”
“Again,” Jem said sourly.
Tean laughed quietly.
“I don’t get it,” Jem said. “He lets Daniel go to Rainbow House. He lets him come over and hang out with two convicted homosexuals. And Ammon loves a dick in his mouth. So, what the fuck are they fighting about?”
Tean almost said again, I don’t know. But instead, he said, “He’s trying, Jem. This is hard for him too.”
“Well, he’s fucking things up with Daniel.”
“It’s not unusual for fathers and sons to argue. Especially when the sons are teenagers and beginning to individuate.”
“I get that,” Jem said. “I saw it on an episode of Growing Pains. But you can’t tell me it’s a good thing that Daniel is changing his clothes after he leaves home. Or that he waits until he’s here to put on his makeup. Or the pronoun thing tonight.”
Tean groaned. “Oh my gosh, why did I say, ‘Okay’?”
Jem laughed. “It was cute.”
“It wasn’t cute; it was a disaster. You handled that so much better than I did.”
“Yeah, but that’s why he told you.”
“Huh?”
“He told you because he knew you wouldn’t know what to say.
” When Tean didn’t respond right away, Jem continued, “He wanted to see if you’d freak out.
And he wanted to push your buttons a little.
He doesn’t know how to push my buttons yet, or he’d be doing it all the time.
God, Tean, why do you think he insisted you come to a drag show? ”
“Because it was a community event and I could support him?”
“Because he knows it would make you uncomfortable, and he wanted to see if you’d pass the test.”
“What test?”
“Whatever test he had in his weird teenage brain.”
It took several seconds before Tean said, “What?”
Jem just laughed.
“And I don’t know why Daniel would think I’m uncomfortable around drag queens.”
“Oh, hm, maybe it could have something to do with the time we took Daniel to drag brunch, and you actually slid under the table so that drag queen couldn’t put her wig on your head.”
“It was full of rose petals! And what if she had lice?”
This time, Jem laughed until he was lying on the porch.
After a moment, Tean caught himself smiling reluctantly, and as Jem’s laughter faded, he said, “I just don’t know anything about that kind of stuff.
Wigs and makeup and clothes. The other day, Daniel asked me if he was a summer or a winter, and I asked if he was talking about his birthday, and he rolled his eyes and told me I was a basic bitch. ”
“You are, babe,” Jem said, propping himself on one elbow to consider Tean. “That’s why I love you.”
Tean ran his hands through his hair. He caught Jem’s smile. “How do people do this? I mean, Jem, we’re not even his parents. We’re like his—”
“Super cool gay uncles.”
“—part-time caretakers,” Tean said, “at a failing zoo, and we don’t have any resources, and we have to make sure people don’t poke him through the fence with sticks—”
“Didn’t see this coming,” Jem said, “but that’s mostly on me.”
“—and all he wants to do is climb over the fence and get out and run wild where literally everybody will be able to poke him with sticks, and the more we try to keep him from doing that, the more he wants to bite our heads off.”
“Is he a monkey or a tiger? Wait, can tigers climb? Holy shit, have I been living in a world where tigers can climb?”
“Tiger cubs climb trees as early as six months old. That’s not the point. The point is what are we going to do?”
“Take it one day at a time.” Jem scratched his beard. His voice was still even, but there was a tightness he couldn’t quite hide when he added, “Keep him away from the fucking chicken hawks.”
“My gosh, do you think there are more?”
“They’re all over the place. I mean, there’s a reason an old fart like Wendell gives a lot of money to an LGBTQ youth organization, and then, when he comes sniffing around, nobody’s brave enough to say boo.”
Tean caught himself pushing his hands through his hair again. “I don’t think—I don’t think we’re going to be able to keep Daniel safe, Jem. Not entirely. Not on our own.”
“I’m not going to lose my mind again, babe, but I’m not going to let guys like Wendell creep on a fifteen-year-old.”
“No, I meant—well, Daniel.” Tean waited, but Jem didn’t say anything. “We know Daniel’s interested in older men,” Tean continued. “And I don’t think it’s a stretch to believe Daniel might also be seeking some sort of affirmation or positive reinforcement because he’s fighting with Ammon.”
“Yeah, that walking jailbait loves a daddy, God help him,” Jem muttered. In a louder voice, he said, “Daniel can keep it in his damn pants until he’s eighteen.”
A laugh burst out of Tean. Jem offered a crooked grin.
“Day by day?” Tean said.
“That’s all we can do.”
Tean got to his feet, and Scipio scrambled up as well—offering the ball he was still carrying, just in case anyone wanted to play some more. When Tean held out a hand to help Jem up, the blond man straightened and winced.
“Your shoulder,” Tean said.
“It’ll be fine,” Jem said, but he had to take Tean’s hand with his left instead of his right, and he grimaced as Tean pulled him up.
“Jem, I heard it. I want to take a look at it.”
As they moved into the kitchen, with Jem grousing about how he was simultaneously a) completely fine and, b) just needed some ice and ibuprofen, a knock came at the front door.
Jem froze, his gaze snapping toward the sound.
Tean didn’t need telepathy to know what Jem was thinking. The word POLICE was practically written in the air over Jem’s head.
Scipio shot toward the door, barking wildly, tail wagging.
With a calming gesture for Jem, Tean made his way across the room.
He flipped on the porch light and nudged Scipio out of the way—the Lab was barking even more wildly now, probably torn between his guard dog duties and the possibility that whoever was outside was his new best friend and would love to take him out back to throw the ball again. Then Tean opened the door.
The woman standing on the porch was large, with dark hair that fell to her shoulders and what Tean suspected an expert like Daniel would say was expensive makeup. She wore heart-shaped eyeglasses, a color block sweater, and jeggings. Her coat was the exact color of a muskrat.
“Dr. Leon?” The woman was trying for friendly, but something in her voice sounded like a wire drawn tight. “I’m sorry for bothering you. May I come in? I need to talk to you about River Jordan.”