8 #2
“Kai, like I told you. She wanted to know what he’d been like when I’d known him. Anything I remembered about him. She asked a lot of questions. Good questions. Helping me remember things, or asking me what I meant. She made it easy.”
“Do you remember what you told her?”
“Well.” A beat passed, and then she said, “I knew Kai from his first year here. He was in my class, and I always encourage the freshmen to get involved with the fall play—we were doing The Importance of Being Earnest. So we ran auditions, and I couldn’t believe it, but he tried out.
He was so nervous he could barely say the lines.
I cut him, but I told him I’d love for him to take an acting class and try again in the spring for the musical and in the meantime, he could help with tech. We always need people to do tech.”
“How’d he take it?”
“He got mad.” She laughed. “I’m not laughing at him, you understand. Just laughing because I remember he stomped his foot when I told him.”
“Like a child,” Tean said.
“Yeah, exactly, like a little kid. And I tried telling him not to give up, and keep trying, and he’d have another shot in a few months—but I think he was so embarrassed that I was only making it worse.”
“Embarrassed?” Jem asked. “Because he didn’t get the part?”
Ms. Winfield shook her head. “He had an awful lisp.”
Jem frowned and looked at Tean.
“Did you talk to him?” Ms. Winfield asked. “You did. And you didn’t notice a lisp, did you?”
“I don’t remember,” Tean said.
But Jem shook his head.
“He was already doing it freshman year, but he only got better at it as he got older. He was so careful about what he said. If he was supposed to say, ‘I’m sorry,’ he’d say, ‘My bad,’ or if he needed to ask for the salsa, he’d say, ‘Give me that,’ and point.”
“That’s why you were surprised he tried out,” Tean said.
Ms. Winfield nodded. “Of course, after I met his parents, I was even more surprised.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because the dad wanted him in sports: football in the fall, wrestling in the winter, baseball in the spring. Kai didn’t make it onto a single team, but as far as the dad was concerned, that meant Kai needed to be practicing, trying to get ready for next season, not wasting his time doing the school play. ”
“Did Kai tell you that?”
“The dad did,” she said with a dry smile. “The stepdad, I should say. At parent-teacher conferences.”
“What about his mother?” Tean asked.
“She didn’t say a whole lot, but she seemed nice.”
“Was that the kind of thing River wanted to know?” Jem asked. “What did she ask you about?”
“Well, she wanted to know about his friends, not that he had many. Were either of you involved in theater when you were in high school?” When they shook their heads, she said, “It’s the Island of Misfit Toys.”
Tean frowned, but Jem grinned. “Like in Rudolph.”
“Exactly. It’s not only theater, of course.
Band has its fair share of misfits too. But a lot of kids who don’t feel at home anywhere else end up in theater because, unlike band, you don’t have to play an instrument.
All you have to do is show up, and you can move the scenery around or help paint or learn how to run the lights.
For a lot of the kids who don’t have anywhere else to go, it’s like a second home. ”
“Was Kai one of those kids?”
“That’s what I was telling River. He definitely didn’t fit in. And he was involved in the theater every year.”
“But not acting, right? What’d he do?”
“Whatever I asked him to do. Lights. Sound.” She started to open her mouth and then shut it again.
“What?” Tean asked. “What were you about to say?”
“It’s silly.” But after a moment, when they didn’t argue, she said, “It’s just a thought I had after I talked to River.
I didn’t tell her this, so I don’t know if it’s helpful or not.
But a couple of days after she was here, I was doing the dishes, and the memory just popped into my head.
I remember one day walking backstage. I don’t remember why.
And I must have been lost in my own head, because when I saw Kai, I had this moment of— I don’t know what to call it.
I was embarrassed, I guess. Like I’d walked in on him in the bathroom. ”
“Where was he?” Jem asked. “What was he doing?”
“That’s the thing. He wasn’t doing anything.
We have a room we use for wardrobe, and they’ve got makeup stations—lights and mirrors, you know—and he was just standing there, watching some of the kids get ready for the show.
But when he noticed me, the way he looked at me— After I got over the shock, I made a mental note to ask Kai if he wanted to help with the costumes and makeup for the next show.
I don’t know how much you know about this, but a lot of our gay kids still don’t feel safe coming out.
Big surprise, a lot of them also end up in theater. ”
“You think he’s gay?” Jem asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I’m not trying to stereotype, understand.
But when I saw him, there was something in his face, something about how he was watching them.
” She reached up to adjust the bow in her hair.
“Anyway, you wanted to know what I told River, and I didn’t tell her that.
Kai was always well-behaved in class. Maybe a little too well-behaved.
He was too quiet, I mean. Closed in on himself.
He opened up a little with the theater kids, and I really hoped he’d make some friends, but it never seemed to work out that way.
He was a strange kid. And the other kids, even the theater kids, found him off-putting.
He was hard to talk to because half the time he wouldn’t even respond, and of course, part of that was the lisp. But…”
“His eyes,” Jem said.
“Yes! Yes, exactly! You know what I’m talking about!”
Jem nodded.
“What about his eyes?” Tean asked. “Did he seem dangerous?”
“No, not exactly.” She glanced at Jem as though he might offer some support, but when he didn’t, she said, “It’s hard to explain.
He could be polite. He’d smile sometimes and nod at whatever you were telling him.
He always did what I asked. But there was just something about his eyes, the way he looked at you.
It was like he wasn’t looking at a person. I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“Did he frighten you?” Tean asked.
She was silent for longer this time. “Yes. I think maybe he did, although that’s not how I thought of it at the time.
I just told myself he was strange. And he made me uncomfortable.
If you work with kids, you figure out pretty quickly that a lot of adults are afraid of them.
Kids are unpredictable. They’re loud. They don’t seem to know the rules that the rest of us have already internalized.
But it wasn’t that—I spend every day with kids.
It was just Kai.” She touched her throat. “I’m embarrassed I just said that.”
“Don’t be,” Jem said.
“Was there anything else?” Tean asked. “Anything River seemed to want to know? Or anything you think might help with locating him?”
“I don’t know. We talked a lot, but…” She trailed off. When she spoke again, her voice was taut. “Do you think that’s why he killed her? Because of something I said?”
“Not necessarily,” Tean said. But he thought maybe. Or maybe it had simply been enough, in Kai’s opinion, that River had been digging into his past. It was impossible to say.
“Right now,” Jem said, “we’re just gathering as much information as we can.”
“I told her she should talk to his mom,” Ms. Winfield said with a helpless shrug. “If she wanted to find him, I said, she should talk to his mom.”
“To whose mother?” Tean asked.
“Kai’s.” Ms. Winfield must have heard something in his tone, though, because she looked at him more closely. “What’s wrong?”
“I wasn’t aware—” Tean almost said, That she was alive. But he realized, in the same moment, how idiotic that sounded. Instead, he said, “I wasn’t aware River talked to Mrs. Butler.”
“It’s Curtis now,” Ms. Winfield said. “She remarried.” And then, as though they were two of the slower students in class, she added, “Dale Curtis was his stepfather.”
“Do you know if River ever talked to her?” Jem asked.
Ms. Winfield shook her head. “I told her where the Curtis place is. I don’t have a phone number for them, but Vernal’s not that big. She could find it if she wanted to.”
“Could you give us those same directions?” Tean asked. “I think we should stop by and talk to her.”
“Oh. Oh no, I’m sorry. I thought you knew.” Ms. Winfield’s bow drooped, and she straightened it absently as she said, “Kai’s mom passed away a couple of weeks ago. It was so sad; she fell down the stairs.”