14 #2
“Look, I’m really uncomfortable with this.
But I’m going to tell you because—because it was so fucking weird.
And when you said I wasn’t shocked that Kai had hurt someone…
” His voice took on new strain when he said, “I’ve thought about this for years.
Can’t get it out of my head. And I want you to know I’m embarrassed or ashamed or whatever.
But I was a kid, too, and I didn’t know what to do. ”
“Of course,” Tean said. “We’re just trying to understand what’s going on.”
“Good luck.” Scott’s laugh was frantic, almost manic. “You know how I said that the sex stuff wasn’t really a surprise? The way Dale talked, I mean. The stuff he was saying to kids, the stuff that was totally inappropriate? Well, that’s because I knew what was going on with Kai.”
“Was he abusing Kai?”
“Physically, yes. He beat the shit out of him sometimes. Emotionally and psychologically? For sure. Kai never measured up. He was a piece of shit. He was a sissy. He was a fag. But sexually? I don’t think Dale ever touched him, if that’s what you’re asking.
But he did—” The silence of a held breath.
And then an explosive release, and a choppy string of words.
“He gave him these pictures. Porn. Women being tied up. Women being hurt. BDSM stuff, but—but mean. I’m not into kink shaming, and people can enjoy whatever gets their rocks off, but listen, these pictures—they were about hurting these women.
Degrading them. God, when I told you I can’t get it out of my head, that’s what I’m talking about. ”
“Was this part of his attempt to turn Kai straight?” Tean asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t know if he really believed Kai was gay or if he was just trying to butch him up.
But Kai showed me those photos one time, and I said I didn’t want to see them again.
We didn’t talk about them after that, but I knew he had them.
I should have told someone, I guess. I don’t know what I should have done. ”
“Jesus Christ,” Jem said under his breath.
“Like I said, it was fucked up.”
In the front room, Scipio was barking again—loud, excited. A family walking their dogs, maybe. Or kids on their bikes.
“Did you give Kai a poster of a cowboy?” Tean asked.
“Holy shit, does he still have that? Yeah. I gave it to him when he turned sixteen. By then, Dale had him interested in roping and riding—or even if he wasn’t interested, he had to act like he was.
At school, he’d spend every minute he could with the drama kids, but as soon as he got home, it was all the cowboy shit.
It was kind of a joke, the poster. Because the guy was hot, and I knew Kai thought he was hot.
But Dale couldn’t say anything about it because he was a rodeo champion. I thought I was so fucking smart.”
“But Kai didn’t identify as gay?”
“I mean, until I came out, neither did I. But we did a lot together, and you can’t convince me he didn’t like it.
Particularly since he started most of it.
You’ve got to understand, though, that it’s different out there.
Maybe he felt like he couldn’t come out.
Or maybe he’s bi and he was just having fun and figuring himself out.
I don’t know. Like I said, the one time I tried to talk to him about it, he lost his mind.
Hell, if Dale had been around and Kai tried coming out, I honestly think he would have killed him. ”
“When did Dale die?” Jem asked.
“Before I left for college, so I guess when Kai was sixteen or so. I can’t say I was sad, but it was a pretty messed up way to go, even for an asshole like Dale. I heard someone say he was out in that barn for almost a full day before somebody found him, and by then, it was too late.”
“What happened to him?”
“He fell.”
Goose bumps tightened Jem’s skin.
“You said you wanted to know where he was,” Scott said abruptly. “Did you already look at Direwolf Ranch?”
“What’s that?” Tean asked.
“That depends on who you ask. It’s this old ranch in the middle of nowhere. They’ve got a few buildings still standing, and about a million No Trespassing signs, but I don’t think anybody has lived out there for decades. But it’s one of those places people talk about like it’s—”
“Haunted?” Jem said.
“Yeah. Or maybe ‘paranormal’ would be a better word. People say that UFOs land there and take you away, and when you come back, you’re different.
Or skinwalkers—have you heard of that? There are caves below the ranch, and everybody says that’s where skinwalkers used to change shape.
They talk about things coming out of other dimensions, things that are like here, but not. ” He laughed. “Wolves from Planet X.”
Tean’s color had dropped; Jem put a hand on his shoulder as he said, “Kai liked that kind of stuff?”
“Yeah. That was actually something he and Dale both liked. That and roping and riding were about the only things they could talk about without Dale losing his shit.”
“Why do you think Kai might be there?” Tean asked.
“Because he was obsessed with it. There are all sorts of YouTube videos about the place, and he watched them nonstop. He could have told you everything about that ranch—drawn a map of it, even—with his eyes closed. We drove out there one time, and it was the only time he just…talked. The whole drive, he went on and on about aliens and government cover-ups and what we might see. You know what we see when we get there? A bunch of falling-down buildings, and I tore my favorite Michael Jackson T-shirt getting over the fence.”
“You drove out there. So, it’s not far?”
“It’s in the basin. A couple of hours from Vernal, maybe? But I’m telling you, there’s nobody around that place. If I needed to hide, and I was still living in Utah, it wouldn’t be a bad spot.”
“Can you send us the address?” Jem said.
“It’s been ten years.” But then he said, “I bet I can find it online. Let me look tonight, and I’ll see what I can do.”
In the front room, Scipio went crazy—barking wildly.
Tean snapped a look at Jem.
“Is there anything else?” Scott said. “I’ve got to get going. I’m in trouble already.”
“This has been very helpful,” Tean said. “Thank you again for your time. If we have any follow-up questions, we’ll give you a call.”
“And send us that address,” Jem said as he moved toward the office door.
“Yeah, well, no offense,” Scott said, “but I hope you don’t call.”
If there was more, Jem didn’t hear it because he was headed down the short hallway toward the living room. He was still making his way when someone began to knock on the door. No, not knock. Pound. And Scipio’s barking had gotten even more frenzied.
A hint of the old fear still wormed its way up inside Jem at the noise. Antony, and the basement, a sick dog who didn’t know any better.
“Okay, okay, okay,” Jem said as he got to the front door. Scipio stopped barking and started whining, pressing his nose to the jamb like he was going to charge outside as soon as Jem opened the door. “Back up,” Jem said, nudging the Lab away.
Someone was still hammering on the door.
Jem opened it.
Daniel stood there, his face wet with tears.
Mascara melted down from one eye and along one cheekbone.
Daniel must have realized what Jem was staring at because he reached up with one hand and scrubbed at the dark streaks.
That only made it worse. Behind him, parked in the driveway, was Ammon’s Chevy Impala. The engine was still running.
“Hey, what’s—” Jem began.
“I need a place to stay,” Daniel said, and then he burst into tears.