Chapter 23 #2
We make several more stops handing out gift cards, waving at people we see at stop lights, and spreading kindness and Christmas cheer.
Despite it being a long day full of activities, Avery doesn’t complain once. In fact, each time we finish a RACK, she’s asked what we can do next, even making suggestions like picking up trash, which is how we ended up at the school, collecting litter from the grounds.
Isaac and Avery run up ahead, and I laugh at the way he challenges her to a contest to see who can pick up more trash, then falls behind to let her get a head start.
Bella walks up next to me, her arm linked through mine, and rests her head on my bicep as we watch them.
“You and Isaac do this every year?”
“Yup. Like I said, we used to do one RACK a day as a countdown to Christmas, but Jake never wanted to help so it was up to me to make it happen. And we did for a while, but the divorce made it hard because I didn’t get to see him every day.
Eventually we decided to cram as many into a single day as we could. ”
I’m in awe of her tenacity. Most people would fold under the stress of what Bella’s endured, but she’s turned every obstacle meant to dull her blade into an opportunity to sharpen herself into the woman she is before me. A tiny little ball of Christmas joy and cheer.
“I wish I could see life and people the way you do, but I’ve seen so many shitty things in this world that it’s hard to find the good. How do you do it? How do you believe in people when they let you down? How do you find the good?”
“How? I take one bite of the cookie at a time instead of cramming the whole thing in my mouth and ending up with a bellyache. One bite. One day at a time. Because I need to believe there’s good in people. To believe in something bigger than me.”
She pulls back, stopping me in my tracks, forcing me to hear her words.
“You’re right that there’s so much shit in this world, but I choose to believe that there’s more good than bad.
And that’s what Santa represents. It’s goodness and light, people coming together as a whole for a greater purpose, to spread joy and love at Christmas.
It’s this unspoken understanding that everyone adheres to—well, unless you’re an asshole.
If a kid mentions Santa in front of anyone, that person immediately plays along, no matter what the kid says.
If the kid says they don’t believe you, you try to convince them.
If you talk about Santa as an adult, you always look around to check for little ears first. These are things we all do—no one teaches us this, we just do it.
That’s how I know people are good. Because their base instinct is to protect the magic of Santa.
That’s what I love about it. That’s why I believe in Santa.
I choose to see the good in everyone. Even grumpy firemen. ”
I grin down at her like a stupid, lovesick fool. “I think you were always supposed to be part of our lives.”
“It definitely feels that way. And I’m not complaining.” She looks up at me as she grabs my gloved hands in hers.
We stand there, eyes locked for several beats, and I decide that if I want to have more days like this with her, I need to make it clear how I feel, especially after her earlier suggestion that Avery and I do this alone next year.
If only we didn’t get interrupted last night, I was so close to telling her then.
I blow out a deep exhale and push down my nerves, push down the doubt, push down the guilt, and decide that it’s now or never.
“Remember that day you told me how you looked up your students’ names to come up with their elf name?” I ask as her brow knits in confusion. “Well, I looked up what your name meant too.”
“You did?” She sounds surprised by my admission.
“I did, and it couldn’t be more accurate. Your name means pure heart, and you, by far, have the purest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. You love with your whole heart, your whole mind, and your whole soul. I’ve never met another person like you, and I don’t think I ever will.”
“So, I shouldn’t ruin this moment with a dick joke?”
I throw my head back in laughter. “Fuck, I love you.”
My pulse quickens as the biggest smile lights up her face. “You love me?”
I slide my hand into her hair, pulling her close to me.
“I really fucking do. I love your patience, your kindness, how much you care about everyone around you, even when they don’t deserve it.
I love the way you love my daughter. There’s not a thing about you that I’m not wildly, madly, deeply in love with.
And now I’m going to kiss you before you can make a dick joke. ”
Her laughter is cut short when I press my lips against hers, and then I’m wrapping my arms around her as I pull her body flush with mine. The kiss is slow and tender, erasing everything around us so that there’s only us and this moment that feels bigger than both of us.
When we pull back, breathless and panting, I lean my forehead against hers.
“I can’t help but notice you didn’t mention Lefty and Righty in your little speech,” she says, and I bark out a laugh.
“Seriously, though, when I talked to you at that PTO meeting, you were so raw and vulnerable. I could tell how much Avery meant to you, and I think part of me fell in love with you at that moment. But you barely cracked a smile back then, and it became my mission to bring joy to both of your lives. Because I love you too, more than I could ever express with words.”
And that’s exactly what she’s done. She’s brought us joy. And laughter. And the magic of Santa. But more than all of that, she brought me back to life, and I will do everything in my power to show her how grateful I am.