Chapter 7
Magnolia: Hi! Happy Monday!
Magnolia: Fine. I'm glad it's a new week. Looking for a fresh start on many things.
Magnolia: Awesome.
Magnolia: I'm sorry about your breakup.
Dating App Guy 8: Thank you.
Dating App Guy 8: You want to help me fuck away the memories of my ex? No strings, no expectations, no emotional baggage?
Magnolia: I understand what you're going through, I truly do, but I don't see how this could be free of emotional baggage.
Magnolia: And I don't really want expectation-less sex.
Magnolia: I'm into strings and expectations and emotions. I want all of those things.
Dating App Guy 8: I can stay hard for a full 30 minutes. No lie.
Magnolia: How old are you?
Dating App Guy 8: I turned 38 last month.
Magnolia: 30 minutes at 38? Now that's a résumé builder.
Dating App Guy 8: Damn straight.
Magnolia: Not a little to the left?
Dating App Guy 8: I can say I honestly laughed out loud just now.
Magnolia: You're welcome.
Dating App Guy 8: I appreciate it. I needed that laugh.
Dating App Guy 8: I also need to get over my ex so…what do you say?
Magnolia: Look, you seem like the most normal person on here…if that's even possible…but I'm not in the market for a fuck buddy or friend with bennies.
Dating App Guy 8: I get it. I can't talk about anything more serious than that but you're beautiful and seem cool.
Magnolia: Am I cool because I didn't block you? You went to the dick size within 3 or 4 messages and that's block-worthy behavior in my book.
Dating App Guy 8: And yet you did not block me.
Magnolia: No. I didn't.
Dating App Guy 8: Why not?
Magnolia: Not sure. Maybe because you led with being fucked up and closed with the measurements. You could've skipped the personal horror story.
Dating App Guy 8: I guess so, yeah, but I only need to fuck away my issues because of my ex. This is too time-consuming to be my normal mode of operation.
Magnolia: This being the online match-up part? Or the sex as bloodletting?
Dating App Guy 8: Goddamn, stop making me like you.
Magnolia: What?
Dating App Guy 8: Don't say sarcastic, insightful things. It makes me want to talk to you.
Magnolia: And that's bad?
Dating App Guy 8: Yes. Talking isn't part of my offer.
Magnolia: Maybe you need to talk. I'm pretty sure you could've found someone else for the hate fucking.
Dating App Guy 8: Why can't you let me self-medicate in peace?
Magnolia: (glancing around) dude, you messaged me.
Dating App Guy 8: You got me there.
Magnolia: What happened?
Dating App Guy 8: I don't want to talk about it.
Magnolia: Okay. You don't have to.
Magnolia: You don't have to tell me anything. But I don't want to have anonymous sex. If that's what you're trying to find, I don't think I'm the right person for you.
Magnolia: I don't think anonymous sex is right for you either but don't let me stop you from the self-medication.
Dating App Guy 8: You're a little rude.
Dating App Guy 8: I think I like it.
Magnolia: Okay.
Dating App Guy 8: I know this sounds like bullshit since you just asked me to explain myself and then told me to piss off when I wouldn't but I have a meeting in 10 minutes and I have to prep for it unless I want my career to go the way of my last relationship.
Magnolia: No worries. I need to get some work done too.
Dating App Guy 8: Would it be okay if I messaged you later tonight?
Magnolia: Sure.
Magnolia: Protip: keep talking about your dick. It's good to be proud of something.
Dating App Guy 8: What did I say about making me like you?
Magnolia: I believe it is not advised.
Dating App Guy 8: It's not.
Dating App Guy 8: Keep doing it.