Chapter 24
Ash
The lights were off and the curtains drawn but the television was on, a hazy old episode of Cheers playing, the sound barely audible.
I found Zelda on top of the blankets, curled up in the mass of pillows.
She was awake in a cloudy sort of way, her blinks slow and her gaze distant.
A mountain of balled up tissues sat beside her and her eyes were red.
"Waiting up?" I asked as I stripped out of my suit.
She gave me a drowsy headshake-shrug response and lifted her legs when I tugged down the quilt and sheets. I climbed onto the bed and held my arms out to her. "Come here, love. It's no good sleeping without you."
I'd also suffered no fewer than five heart attacks in the past twenty-four hours, not that I was sharing that issue with Zelda. She didn't need to absorb the weight of my worries on top of dealing with the wholly unwelcome appearance of her fleabag ex.
My office building's security firm was already on alert about him, as was my apartment's management company. He wasn't to be allowed inside under any circumstances though that didn't seem adequate. I didn't believe anything could ever be adequate so long as he was capable of tracking Zelda down.
All I could do was trust Zelda's belief he'd go and stay gone. I couldn't hide her away or hire a private investigator to keep tabs on him in perpetuity. Couldn't hire a hit man either, as much as that appealed.
The list of things I couldn't do in this situation was extensive but so was the one with everything I could.
There was no restriction on loving her the way she deserved or honoring her boundaries when she asserted them.
I was free to give her the affection—and sparring—we both required on a fundamental level.
Right now, I intended to do just that.
Zelda tucked herself up against me, her knees folded to my torso and her toes pressed to my bare thigh. "How's Magnolia?"
A soundless laugh rattled in my chest. "She should know better than to take anything from my mother's stash but otherwise fine. She reminisced for a few hours before passing out."
"I tried to do that," she said. "The passing out, not the reminiscing. I've relived enough today." She peeked up at me from her spot on my chest. "But you probably have questions you want to ask."
I shook my head even though I had no fewer than a million. Plain and simple, this wasn't about me or my questions. "You said you didn't want to talk about it. You said you're all right. That's all I need to know."
"You want to know how I let it happen," she continued, as if I hadn't offered an end to this conversation. "How I didn't notice that he was bad news or how I didn't know better but—"
"No, love. No. I'm not thinking that at all," I interrupted.
"—but the thing you have to understand is nothing ever happens all at once.
It isn't terrible from the start. It isn't until you've made tons of tiny sacrifices that you see the giant hole where you used to be and the person who consumed it without regret.
" She pressed her hand to her sternum. "Now, I get to start over without Denis's shadow leering over me and that means windowsill gardens and green plates and—and you, Ashville. I get to start myself over with you."
Though it was exactly what I wanted to hear, I had to ask, "That's what you want?"
"If you're worried about being my rebound, you should worry about something else. My relationship with Denis was closer to roommates, I guess. If one roommate used shreds of validation and praise to coerce the other into writing academic papers and paying his rent."
I was working my ass off at staying quiet because I wanted to let Zelda say everything she needed but I must've reacted in some way.
She paused, peered up at me. "We're not going to be upset about it, Ash.
That's a waste of energy. I made these mistakes, I've learned from these mistakes, and I sat down beside you on that plane because I was ready to leave those mistakes behind.
All right? That's where it stays, behind us, never to be relived again. "
I wanted to believe her. I wanted to accept all of her words and use them to pave the path forward but something tickled the back of my brain in a way I couldn't shake.
Since I couldn't explain this tickle in a meaningful manner and it was the middle of the damn night, I ran my finger down Zelda's nose and over her lips. "You're tired, love. Let yourself rest now."
It was late when I woke up, the morning's sunlight poking in through gaps in the curtains and the sounds of life from the downtown below fracturing the tender quiet we'd found.
Zelda, for her part, was undisturbed by the bright and the noise, still fast asleep in her threadbare boxers and a tank top that seemed more like a suggestion of a shirt than anything else.
According to my watch, it was nearly noon. A little more than three hours separated me from my groomsman duties. From there, I'd surrender the day to a carefully calibrated procession of photos, the ceremony, more photos, drinking-eating-drinking, toasting, dancing, and a bit with a flying bouquet.
I planned on positioning a very specific woman in the path of that bouquet.
I climbed out of bed, hit up the bathroom, and then shuffled through the papers and brochures we'd received last night.
I'd abandoned it all on one of the side tables because we'd been pressed for time and had to make our way to Blithewold mansion for the rehearsal before my mother gave herself an eye twitch.
But now I couldn't find—
"What are you looking for?" asked a sleep-roughened voice behind me.
"Don't move," I ordered, still paging through the documents. "I can't feed you breakfast in bed if you're not in bed."
Zelda linked her arms around my waist, rested her head between my shoulder blades. "I don't need room service. Forget about that."
I turned, taking her in my arms and dropping a kiss on her forehead. "Then what do you need, my love?"
She blinked up at me, her eyes still swollen and bloodshot. I didn't like seeing that, didn't like knowing she returned to this room alone last night and cried. It left me ragged on the edges, empty and aching in the middle.
Zelda ran a hand through her hair. "Let's start with a shower."
"Sure. I'll get the water warmed up for you."
"After you do that," Zelda started, "will you join me? In the shower?"
"Yeah," I said, nodding. I bit back the tease waiting on the tip of my tongue because I didn't need to remind her of the times she'd declined my offers. She knew all about that and she knew today was different. "Of course."
That was how we ended up in the shower together, Zelda's head tucked under my chin and her arms linked around my waist while the water washed over us. We didn't care about the time we stood there, doing nothing but holding each other and ignoring my dick's desire to be the center of attention.
Until Zelda swayed against me, her hips pressing into mine in a fatally soft move that eliminated all questions of if she wanted me this morning and replaced them with how.
Her lips found my chest, my neck, my jaw, my arms—every bit of skin I had to give her—and she covered it all in kisses, licks, timid bites. She was like a baby vampire, unsure of precisely how she planned to kill me, but the truth was she'd already done it. I'd been hers from the start.
When the kisses and little bites no longer fed her desires and her body seemed to tremble with need, I brought my hand to the back of her neck. "I'd love nothing more than to pick you up and fuck you until there are grout lines on your back but—"
"Don't you dare," she cut in. "Not until you stop groaning in agony every time you put on a suit coat."
"That's why I need you to turn around and put your hands on the wall, love.
" I held her tight, my fingertips pressing into the corded muscle of her neck.
Her breath caught and her lips parted on a sobbed sigh but she didn't move.
"If I have to stare at those lips a minute longer, I'll come on your tits and leave you squirming the rest of the day.
Do as you're told and put your hands on the wall. Understand?"
There was a yawning second where Zelda's eyes flashed with defiance, resentment, exasperation, and interest—in that order.
It was then that I knew why I'd played that card, why I hadn't opted for some gentle petting or a sweet, safe fuck void of these rough-scraped commands.
It was because she pushed her wet hair from her face and planted her hands on the wall, steadying herself in place while shimmying her ass at me.
She didn't need anything sweet or safe today.
Her ex was an abusive prick and I had to get over that fast because he didn't get to rob her of the intimacy she deserved—even if it was rather rude and depraved.
I ran my fingers down her spine, over the dragonfly tattoo at her waist, between her cheeks. "I'd prefer it if you responded to me with words, Zelda."
Arching her back, she tossed a glance over her shoulder. "Yes, Ash. I understand."
Despite the teasing in her tone, her message to me was clear.
You can tell me what to do but I'm always in charge.
You have my body and more importantly, you have my trust.
You get to have me because I chose you.
It was exactly what I needed to hear.
"Good girl." I dragged my fingers down the line of her ass again, massaging her there because it turned her on like nothing else.
Truly, her body could singe sheets when I played with her back channel the right way.
If we played like this for a couple of minutes, she'd boil the bathwater too.
"I didn't come prepared, my love." She rocked her hips against my hand, silently ordering a finger inside her.
I complied. "If I leave you here a moment, can you promise you won't move? "