Chapter 5
Starlight – Taylor Swift
Wilder
She didn’t say a word when I pulled away. Just adjusted her clothes with shaking fingers, like she was still trying to catch up to what had just happened. I told myself it was the champagne, the buzz, the heat of the moment. That I hadn’t meant the words.
You ruin me.
But they were still lodged in my throat as I followed her out of the hallway, back into the thrum of the bar, where laughter and flickering candlelight blurred everything back into something normal.
Only it didn’t feel normal now.
Tally Brown was buzzed. Giggly and fucking cute as hell. She couldn’t even walk in a straight line to the truck.
“How much have they had to drink?” I asked Gunner as he held Cassidy upright.
“At least three bottles of champagne between them.” He nodded over to the side of the parking lot where Lily was puking. “Could be worse.”
Nash was holding his wife’s hair, turned away because puke was my brother’s nemesis. When Bertie was ill it had always been a double jeopardy as to whether it would make Nash go too.
“I think I can drive,” Tally said beside me. “I’m fine.”
Immediately she tottered on her high heels, stumbling against me. “I don’t think so, Brownie,” I muttered against her ear. “I value my life.”
“You okay to get her back to her cabin?” Gunner asked, forcing me to put some distance between me and the wobbly redhead.
“Yes, sure.” I nodded to the other truck. “Who’s driving and who’s taking care of the girls.”
“I’ll let Nash drive in case Lily pukes again. I’m not sure he can take it.” Gunner chuckled, as fingers grabbed at his chin and pulled his head around.
Cassidy smooshed his lips between her finger and thumb. “I love you, baby,” she drawled drunkenly. “I can’t wait to be your wife. Do you love me?”
Laughing hard, Gunner smacked his lips against hers for a quick kiss. “So fucking much, sweetheart.”
The door to the bar opened behind us and a few more revelers trooped out. One or two called out more congratulations to the happy couple, while the rest either got in their vehicles or started the walk home.
“Nash, there’s an old feed bucket in the back of the truck,” I called to him as he helped Lily into the back seat. “Give it to her to puke in.”
Nash held up a hand in acknowledgment, his attention still on his wife as Gunner coaxed Cassidy to get in beside her.
“Okay, Brownie, get in the truck.”
She decided to go headfirst, sticking her ass in the air as she pulled herself in. Her jeans were tight, and I had to stop myself from giving it a slap, or maybe even taking a tasty bite. It was too damn plump and perfect.
“I think I did it wrong,” she giggled over her shoulder.
“I think you may have.” The smile I tried to hide was too insistent and it made my cheeks ache. “You want me to help you?”
“Nuh uh. I can do it.”
Watching her maneuver herself around was entertaining.
She was stubborn and beautiful and made something as simple as sitting up straight a show that I never wanted to miss.
And so, I just stood back with my arms crossed, an amused smirk on my face.
Finally, Tally was sitting upright and reached for her seatbelt.
After four attempts I leaned in and took the buckle from her hand and slotted it in.
I didn’t mean to linger but being that close to her, her breath on my cheek, the way she blinked, like I’d surprised her did something to me.
Just a flicker. A shift. Not enough to name, but enough to notice.
Her scent was heady and pulled me in. I couldn’t resist dropping a kiss to her neck, inhaling the sex and desire.
I wasn’t supposed to want moments like this.
The slow ones. The sweet ones. But she made it hard to remember what the rules were supposed to be.
“Naughty boy,” she whispered. “Someone might see and we my friend,” she bopped me on the nose with her finger, “are supposed to be a big fat secret.”
“You make a guy forget his damn common sense, just by existing.”
Lights shone into the cab of my truck and when I looked over my shoulder I saw that my brothers were on their way home. It did cross my mind that they might have spotted our exchange, but it was quickly pushed to one side when Tally belched loudly.
“Oh my God, Brownie, you’re actually disgusting.” Chuckling to myself, I pushed out of the cab, closed the door and made my way around the front of the truck. If we got home without having to stop for her to puke, too, then we’d be onto a winner.
We drove along the main road out of town, toward the ranch, nothing around except the sky and the stars. The sky that Tally insisted was blue not black, a beautiful haven of peace. And all I could think about was the way she’d looked when I’d said it.
You ruin me.
It had slipped out like a breath, and ever since the words had lodged somewhere in my chest. I shouldn’t have said it. Not in the dark. Not in a damn hallway. And definitely not when it could mean more.
“How you feeling?” I asked her.
She lifted her head from the window and looked forward into the darkness. “Can we stop for a few minutes?”
“You about to puke?”
“Nope. I just want to look at the sky.” She turned to me and sighed. “Feel the beauty of it.”
My heart jumped an extra beat at her sentiment. It was how I felt on my horse in the wilderness of our land. I felt the beauty of it. It seeped into my soul. Settled me.
Putting the truck into park, Tally had the door open before I’d even turned the engine off. When I got out she was leaning against the hood, head back, staring up at the sky.
“Do you ever wonder if there’s life up there?”
My eyes were transfixed to the slim column of her neck and the way her hair hung in a curtain of waves, the ends whispering against the truck’s hood. Her back was arched and images of her beneath me flitted through my memory like a silent movie.
“Well, do you?” She turned her head in my direction.
“Not really. I don’t think about it.” I moved next to her, resting my ass next to hers, stretching my legs out in front of me, crossing them at the ankles. “I think the life on this planet is enough to think about.”
“But it’s so vast up there.” She nudged me. “Surely you must be a little curious.”
“No,” I scoffed. “Not one bit, but I’m guessing that you are.”
“Yeah, of course. Not enough to want to become an astronaut or anything but I do wonder if there’s more than us going about our daily lives.”
“You think there’s a little green alien somewhere training horses or herding cattle?”
“Who knows. If there is, I hope if he’s like you he’s got a sassy female calling him on his bullshit.” She scoffed and turned her face back up to the midnight sky. “It is sapphire though, not black, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, it's sapphire like the ocean and those stars are like tiny little boats floating in it.” I smiled, still staring up at the sky, not able to see it any other way now.
“Are you mocking me, Mr. Miller?”
“No Brownie,” I turned to her with a sigh. “I’m not mocking you. I’m just saying I heard you. I hear everything you say. Even the stuff you don’t mean to say out loud.”
Her profile was almost regal, with the little up turn of her nose and the confident jut of her chin. When her gaze met mine there was an instant flash of softness in her eyes. It quickly disappeared and I was given sarcastic disbelief in its place.
“Do you ever take anything seriously?” she asked.
I didn’t answer right away because I didn’t want to lie. Truth was, I took a hell of a lot seriously. I just didn’t let anyone see what mattered.
“I don’t always follow the rules, but I take my work seriously. I take my family seriously, especially Nash when he’s mad at me for some reason.”
“See what I mean. I asked you a serious question about being serious and you made a joke.”
“Believe me, Nash is no joke when he’s angry.”
Rolling her eyes she looked back up to the sky, her scrutiny no longer on me.
“I guess life seems easier when you don’t take it seriously.
If you bring a little lightness to everything then even the darkest of times can seem easier to get through.
” I swallowed thinking about my mom and when we lost her.
Gunner had been the rally caller to stay positive, Nash withdrew, and when the grief and the pain became incessant I became the joker.
The little brother who no one wanted to leave because he made them feel better. “I guess it’s become a bit of a habit.”
A habit or a shield?
“Did you see that?” Tally asked excitedly. “It was a shooting star.”
“I missed it.” The wonder on her face was incredible. “Did you make a wish?”
“No, no point. Wishes never come true.” She turned back to me. “And I like your idea that lightness helps even in the darkness. It makes things much simpler.”
It felt like my heart was readying itself to jump out of my chest. I didn’t know whether I was glad she understood me, or sad that she agreed.
“It makes the goodbyes less painful,” I whispered into the darkness, my pinky reaching for hers. “Painless and simple just how I like it.”
With our pinkies linked we continued looking up at the sapphire sky, content in the peace and the silence of the night. As I wondered whether it was Tally or my lies that were the real ruination of me, because that simple touch shouldn’t have meant anything, yet it felt like everything.