Chapter 20
Brother - Kodaline
Wilder
The pull of Brownie’s bed was strong, but no matter how hard it was to leave, I had to.
I needed to speak to my brothers. Spending the evening wrapped in her arms was more than appealing, because it felt safe.
I felt at peace with her, and I knew that it was time for me to acknowledge the shift in the sand.
It would have to wait, though, because I had to deal with the demon that had let loose in my head.
Slow, short strides carried me across the gravel of the stable yard, the cold seeping through the seams of my boots, up the steps of the porch that creaked like they remembered too much.
My head back at the warm and cozy cabin where Tally lay, still naked, in her bed.
For three months I’d been telling myself that it was just sex.
Three months of lying to everyone, including myself, because somewhere between that first night and now, Tally Brown had become my religion, and I was a devoted man.
I found myself checking the time on my phone, counting hours until I could see her again.
My coffee tasted wrong when she wasn't there to make fun of how much sugar I used.
Even my damn horse seemed to know something had changed because he kept looking toward her cabin like he knew that was where I wanted to be.
I couldn’t deny being with her for the last couple of hours had helped.
Being with Brownie always helped with something, even when I didn’t immediately realize it, but I couldn’t keep running to her every time my world tilted.
She deserved better than being my emotional crutch.
And I deserved to know the truth, not the poison my father may or may not have fed to me. The truth.
“Nine months before you were born.”
I still felt the ghost of those words; Tally hadn’t been able to erase them totally.
It was time to trust the two people who’d never let me down, not once in twenty-five years.
Time to let my brothers help carry the weight.
I found everyone in the usual place, the kitchen, gathered around the table while Gunner of all people was cooking what looked and smelled like Thai food. He was like a new man since he’d got with Cassidy—in the kitchen at least.
“Hey, you’re back.” Lily’s face softened, shiny blue eyes looking up at me. “How was it?”
Shrugging, I pulled a chair out, the legs scraping across the floor causing Billy to jerk his gaze away from the toy car he was rolling between the silverware already on the table.
Nash brushed a gentle hand over Billy’s dark waves. “Looks like it didn’t go well.”
“It was okay,” I admitted. “I realized that he was basically a…” I looked around making sure Bertie wasn’t around, “…dick who was just jealous of his kids. He pretty much admitted that he cheated on Mom because she gave us all her attention.”
“Really?” Gunner blinked slowly. “He actually said that?”
“Yeah.”
Lily set down her mug with more force than necessary. “I’m sorry, what? He blamed you boys for his terrible choices?” Her voice rose slightly before she caught herself. “That’s…that unconscionable.”
“You’re not surprised are you?” Nash asked. “He’ll say and do anything to apportion blame away from himself. Look what he did to you, Lila?”
My father fucking blackmailed Lily to disappear for almost ten years, breaking both hers and Nash’s hearts, so my brother was right.
Cassidy pushed a bottle of beer toward me. “Here you go sweetie, it looks like you need it.”
“Thanks.” I flashed her a smile, but I didn’t feel it anywhere but in the pull of my lips.
She pulled out a chair and sat down. “Wild, I know I didn’t know your mom, but from everything Gunner has told me, she sounds like she was just being a good mother. What kind of man resents his children for that?”
“The kind who should never have been a father in the first place,” Lily muttered, her hands moving to wrap protectively around her coffee mug. “What else did he say?” she asked. “Because you look like you’ve been through the wringer.”
Cassidy nodded in agreement. “She’s right. There’s something else, isn’t there?”
“Yet he also looks remarkably satisfied,” Nash added with a crooked grin.
I flipped him the finger and allowed myself a smile that felt more real.
How could it not be when it was because of Tally.
I wasn’t going to deny it, but I wasn’t going to admit it either.
My thoughts about her were foggy enough as it was without me bringing my brother’s opinion into the mix. Either of them.
Lily’s eyes narrowed knowingly, but she didn’t press. Instead, she exchanged a quick look with Cassidy, one of those silent conversations that only women could seem to master.
“Listen,” I said with a quick breath. “There’s something Dad told me that I need to talk to you about.”
Cassidy straightened, her eyes darting toward Gunner. “This sounds serious.”
Lily shifted in her seat, giving me her full attention in a way that made me feel both supported and slightly exposed.
Feet thundered on the stairs and across the entryway as Bertie came rushing in. Her braids were more out than in, her cheeks were red, and she had a huge grin.
“Hey Uncle Wilder. You want to use my bed as a trampoline?”
“Bertie,” Lily scolded. “What have we told you about jumping on your bed?”
Bertie raised a brow, with far too much precision for a kid of her age. “If you just bought me a real one.”
“If you just did your chores, munchkin,” Nash counter-offered.
She rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll go and clean my room.” She turned to Gunner and sighed. “If I’m not finished by dinner, keep it warm, please, Uncle G.”
Gunner saluted her. “Ma’am, yes ma’am.”
Spinning on her heels she disappeared back up the stairs, making as much noise as possible as she slammed drawers and dragged things across the floor above us.
Lily took Billy from Nash’s lap and placed him in his playpen. “Want to talk to Nash and Gunner alone?” she asked.
Cassidy was already out of her seat. “Yes, we can give you privacy if you need it.”
“No, it’s fine.” I took a drink of my beer, fortifying myself for what the answer might be. And whether I’d be happy or not at the response. It was time to tell them because keeping it to myself wasn’t going to resolve anything. “Dad said he’s not my dad.”
The spoon Gunner was using clattered into the pan, like a bell clanging through steam and spice. The kind of sound that snapped a room into stillness. “He said fucking what?”
Lily gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.
Cassidy’s eyes went wide. “Oh, Wilder…”
Nash burst out laughing, not the response I was expecting. “Please tell me you didn’t believe him.”
My chest clenched as his face resurfaced; red and contorted as the words spilling from his mouth like bile, thick and burning, aimed to rot whatever they touched. “He said he caught Mom with another guy nine months before I was born.” I scoffed. “Then he joked it was wild timing.”
“He’s a piece of shit,” Gunner growled. He turned the burner off and pushed the pan away.
Lily shook her head. “Wild, sweetie, you can’t possibly believe that. God knows why, but your mom loved your dad. More importantly, she loved you boys with everything she had.”
“Lily’s right,” Cassidy added firmly. My guess is she had too much integrity to do what that man is suggesting.”
Nash took Lily’s hand and kissed it, his eyes on me. “The girls are right, Wild. And that bastard has no integrity or kindness in his blackened heart.”
“You seem more pissed about it than I am.”
Nausea swam through my gut. Did I really care whether Michael Miller was my dad or not?
That was probably a no, but I did care whether they were my full brothers.
I did care whether my mom had broken her wedding vows.
If she had it meant she wasn’t the woman I thought she was.
The woman I’d used as a yard stick for my own morals.
The woman my brothers had looked up to. The one who they’d told me many times had taught them how to treat a woman—with respect. And so, they’d taught me.
Always be honest.
Never string her along.
Be upfront with her about what you want.
The last one made me want to punch myself in the nuts, because there was no way I was being upfront with Tally. There was so much I wasn’t telling her about my feelings for her. How they were bigger than anything that we’d agreed to. Fucking feelings, who the hell was I?
“Don’t get me wrong,” Gunner said, joining us at the table. “I’d love to find out he wasn’t my dad.”
“What’s the problem then?” I asked.
“The fact that he’s a fucking liar and thinks it’s okay to sully Mom’s reputation.
” He shook his head. “Not that I’d blame her.
” He leaned his forearms on the table and raised an eyebrow.
“I also know you, Wild. You’re a sensitive little soul,” he gave me a crooked smile, “and it’ll fuck with your head. ”
“He’s not wrong,” Nash agreed. He then got out of his seat. “Wait here. I’ll be back.”
“Where are you going?” I looked at Lily as my brother disappeared out of the kitchen. “Where’s he going?”
She shrugged. “No idea, sweetie.”
We waited, the air heavy with the smell of garlic and something sharper, tension maybe, as Gunner’s jaw clenched tighter with every tick of the unseen clock.
Cassidy watched him carefully, knowing how any conversation of Dad boiled his piss.
The noise of drawers opening from the office had me wondering what the hell Nash was doing.
Finally, he emerged with a photograph in his hand.
He put it down in front of me, tapping it with his index finger. “Take a look at that.”
“What is it?”
“Err a photograph,” he retorted with heavy sarcasm.
“I know that,” I picked it up and looked closely at it, “of what?” Angling back, I held it up and looked at it from more distance. “I don’t remember ever having a hobby horse. And if I did, where is it? I’d have loads of fun with that.”
“You didn’t.” Nash linked his hands at the back of his neck, chilled personified. “That’s Dad when he was seven,” Nash said, nodding at the grainy photo with its edges curled and color faded. Just like the truth he’d always refused to give.
“Really?” I peered closer. “Everyone always says I looked like Mom, which is why I’m so damn pretty.”
“Seems that everyone are fucking liars,” he joked taking the photograph, handing it to Gunner who had his hand held out.
“You are Dad’s kid, Wild, sorry to tell you.
And as for Mom cheating on him, do not believe that man.
She was loyal and honest. She was a good person.
If she did do what he said then, I’m not condoning her actions, but let’s be honest, he probably deserved it. ”
It's weird what brings relief. The things that were important to me weren’t a bucket of lies. Being Michael Miller’s son wasn’t the truth that brought that release. It was knowing my mom was exactly who I’d been told she was. Then a different kind of poison pierced my heart.
“You think I'm like him,” I said quietly, looking at the photo. “You think I run when things get hard? Hurt people I care about?”
Nash's head snapped up. “What? No. Wild—”
Gunner butted in, “Bullshit.”
“I keep people at arm's length. I don't do serious relationships. I make jokes when things get heavy.” The words tumbled out like a confession. “ Maybe I am his son in all the wrong ways.”
Gunner slammed his hand on the table. “Stop. Right there.” He pointed at me. “You want to know the difference between you and him? When Tally's ex showed up and grabbed her, what did you do?”
“I punched him.”
“You protected her. When Bertie was crying about that kid at school, who spent two hours teaching her how to deal with bullies?”
“That's different—”
“When Mom died, who made sure that Gun and I didn't drown in grief?” Nash's voice was rough.
“You were six years old, and you carried us through the worst thing that ever happened to our family.” The kitchen went quiet except for the hum of the refrigerator.
“You don't run from love, Wild,” Nash continued.
“You run toward it. Every damn time. That's who you are.”
The words of denial were heavy on my tongue, but I chose not to set them free.
“Can we forget about that piece of shit now?” Gunner slammed a hand on the table and pushed out of his chair. “Because I have dinner to finish.”
“Go complete your masterpiece, cowboy.” Cassidy’s voice was soft as she gazed up at him.
When Nash leaned in to kiss Lily’s temple, his words echoed, bouncing around in my head like a pinball hitting every nerve.
Was I running toward this thing with Tally?
Was it love? The word felt too big, too dangerous to even think fully.
But I couldn't deny what my brothers had seen.
What they'd called out. The way I'd thrown that punch for her. The things they didn’t see, the way I checked the time, counting hours until I could see her again.
The way her laugh had become the soundtrack I didn't know I needed.
My phone buzzed. Another text from her:
Tally
Hope you're okay. Here if you need anything.
My chest squeezed. When did someone caring about me start to feel like oxygen?
When had her thinking of me become the thing that kept me upright?
Maybe my brothers were right. Maybe I didn't run from love—maybe I just didn't know what it looked like when it wasn't conditional.
When it wasn't something I had to earn by being the funny one, the easy one, the one who never asked for too much.
With Tally, I didn't have to perform. I could just... be. The thought scared the hell out of me. And for the first time in my life, that felt like exactly the right reason to move forward with something instead of away from it. I just wasn’t sure I was brave enough yet.