Chapter 9 Stefan #2
The connection between us felt real. The way Matteo listened when I talked. The way he brought me Thai food and worked on his laptop while I read. The way he touched me like I was precious. The way he'd said "you're brilliant" like he actually believed it.
That felt real.
Even if it shouldn't. Even if it was fucked up and complicated and probably the result of captivity and isolation and my desperate need for someone to value me.
It felt real.
I stepped back from the threshold. Back into the room. Away from freedom that wasn't really freedom at all.
Matteo watched me. His expression carefully neutral. Not pushing. Not judging. Just waiting for me to decide.
"I don't have anywhere else to go," I said quietly. "My father's a traitor. My family will probably disown me for getting caught. For failing. For being exactly what Giuseppe always said I was—useless." My voice cracked. "The life I had before is gone."
"Stefan—"
"And even if it wasn't." I met his eyes. "Even if I could walk out of here and go back to that life. Even if my father wasn't a traitor and the other families weren't a threat. Even if leaving was actually safe." I swallowed hard. "I don't think I'd want to."
The admission hung between us.
Matteo crossed the room slowly. Gave me space to retreat if I wanted. I didn't.
He stopped in front of me. Close enough to touch but not touching. "You can stay here," he said. "With me."
"What does that mean?"
"It means whatever you want it to mean." His hand came up to cup my jaw. "It means you're not a prisoner. You're not leverage. You're not a pawn in anyone's game. You're just... Stefan. And you can stay as long as you want."
"What if I want to stay permanently?"
"Then you stay permanently."
"What if this is just Stockholm syndrome?" The question I'd been avoiding. The fear I couldn't shake. "What if my feelings aren't real? What if I'm just... broken from being locked up? From being isolated? From latching onto the first person who showed me kindness?"
Matteo was quiet for a moment. "Do you think that's what this is?"
"I don't know." Honesty felt important. "I don't know if what I feel for you is real or just my brain doing whatever it takes to survive captivity.
I don't know if I'm choosing to stay or if I'm just too scared to leave.
I don't know anything except that when I look at that open door, I don't want to walk through it. "
"Then don't." He pulled me closer. "Stay. Figure out what this is. Give yourself time to know if your feelings are real. And if you wake up one day and realize this was just trauma—if you want to leave—I'll let you go."
"You promise?"
"I promise." His forehead rested against mine. "I want you here, Stefan. God, I want you here so much it scares me. But I want you to choose it. I want you to stay because you want to, not because you have nowhere else to go or because you're scared or because your brain is playing tricks on you."
I kissed him.
Tried to pour everything I couldn't articulate into the connection. All the confusion and fear and desperate hope that this was real. That what I felt for Matteo was genuine and not just a survival mechanism. That I was making an actual choice instead of just accepting the least bad option.
When we broke apart, I said: "I want to stay."
"You're sure?"
"No." The honesty felt important. "I'm not sure about anything.
I don't know if my feelings are real. I don't know if this is healthy or fucked up or some combination of both.
I don't know if I'm making the right choice or the worst mistake of my life.
" I held his gaze. "But I know I don't want to leave. So I'm staying."
Matteo kissed me again. Deep and thorough and full of promise.
"Then stay," he murmured against my mouth. "Stay as long as you want. Figure out what this is. And if you decide to leave, if you wake up one day and realize you need to go, the door's always unlocked now. You can walk out anytime."
The promise should have felt like pressure. Like a test. Like Matteo waiting for me to fail or prove myself or make some grand declaration.
Instead, it felt like safety.
Like he was giving me the one thing no one else ever had: actual choice. Actual agency. The ability to decide my own future instead of having it dictated by my family or circumstances or fear.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"For what?"
"For giving me a choice. Even if it's an illusion. Even if I can't really leave safely. Even if this whole situation is completely fucked up." I kissed him softly. "Thank you for making me feel like I have control over something."
We ended up on the bed. Not for sex—though I wanted him with an intensity that was becoming familiar. Just to hold each other. To process everything that had just happened.
I'd chosen to stay.
Chosen Matteo over freedom. Over my family. Over the life I'd known before.
It was probably the stupidest decision I'd ever made. Or maybe the smartest. I honestly couldn't tell the difference anymore.
But it was mine.
For the first time in my life, I'd made a choice that was entirely my own. Not because Giuseppe ordered it. Not because it served some family purpose. Not because I was playing a role or maintaining an image.
Just because I wanted to.
That had to mean something.
Even if I didn't fully understand what yet.
"What are you thinking?" Matteo asked, his hand tracing patterns on my back.
"That this is insane. That I'm probably making a huge mistake. That my feelings might not be real and I might regret this in a week or a month or a year." I tilted my head to look at him. "And that I don't care. I'm staying anyway."
"That's very brave or very stupid."
"Probably both."
He laughed. The sound was warm and genuine and made my chest tight with affection that was either real or my brain's desperate attempt to survive trauma. I still couldn't tell.
"What happens now?" I asked.
"Now?" Matteo pulled me closer. "Now we take it one day at a time. Figure out what this is. Build something real if we can. And deal with whatever comes next together instead of with you locked in a room and me pretending I'm not completely obsessed with you."
"You're admitting again you're obsessed?"
"Stefan, I kidnapped you and kept you locked up for two weeks because I couldn't let you go. I'm way past pretending this is anything other than complete obsession."
I laughed despite everything. "At least you're honest about being insane."
"It's one of my few virtues." He kissed my forehead. "Are you hungry? We barely ate the Thai food."
"Not really. Just tired."
"Then sleep. I'll stay."
"You don't have to—"
"I want to." His arms tightened around me. "Get some rest, Stefan. Tomorrow we can start figuring out what comes next. But tonight, just sleep."
I closed my eyes and let myself relax against him.
The door was unlocked. I could leave anytime I wanted. The cage was open.
And I was choosing to stay.