Prologue II Constantine #2
Then his eyes started to smart, the emotion splashing over the edges of the pan and extinguishing the flames beneath. He moved into me, then gripped me in his arms, squeezing me tightly, clapping me on the back as he took a heavy breath.
Caught off guard by the only display of emotion I’d ever seen my brother make, I stood there and let him hold me. And piece by piece, the anger started to fade. My arms eventually encircled him, and I gave him a gentle pat on the back.
“I’m sorry,” he said in a hoarse voice, tears about to break.
I patted him again, this time harder. “I know.”
We sat together at his dining table. He’d placed a bottle of wine there along with two glasses, but neither one of us drank. He had a nice apartment with luxurious furniture, but I didn’t pay much attention to it, given the circumstances.
We were silent for a long time, like neither one of us knew where to start.
“I’m really fucking sorry,” he said abruptly.
I gave a nod.
“I felt bad after it happened, but in the months since, I’ve felt so much worse. Like an infection that’s slowly spread to the rest of my body, it’s taken its toll. The guilt. The shame. The heartbreak.”
I watched my brother pour his soul out to me.
“But what I feel the worst about . . . is the fact that you two aren’t together anymore.”
The mention of her made my chest tighten, like always. “Yeah, it’s been rough.”
He stared at me for a while, the unspoken words about to fire off from his eyes. “It’s not too late, Constantine.”
Isabella continued to text me, but I told her that I didn’t want to hear from her anymore.
That we both needed to move on. And when she continued to do so, I threatened to block her if she didn’t stop, and I didn’t want to do that.
I still wanted her in my life . . . someday .
. . when I was past this. So we hadn’t spoken in a while, about two months. “I’m done.”
“You love her.”
“Love isn’t enough.”
“You’re being too harsh—”
“Edric, if I wanted your opinion, I’d ask for it.”
He retreated, pulled back the neck he’d stuck out for her.
“She’s not the one. It’s done.”
He stared at me like he wanted to say more but decided to stay on my good side. “I feel so fucking bad.”
“You should,” I said. “But we’re done because of her actions, not yours. If anything, you did me a favor. Now I know her true character.”
“Isn’t there a difference between someone’s character and a mistake?” he asked. “Because I don’t think she’d make a mistake like that again if you gave her another chance. She’s still a good person, Con.”
“Never said she wasn’t. She’s just not my person.”
He gave a painful sigh.
“I’m done talking about her.”
He gave a nod in agreement, then stared at the wine bottle. “I’m really glad you came down here.”
“Well, Ma made me, so . . .”
He didn’t look offended by that, just grateful for whatever made me face him.
“Sobbed her heart out to me, so what the fuck was I supposed to do?”
“Yeah.”
“But she was right. I’d lost myself. Lost myself to the anger and the grief, and I didn’t like who I was.”
“That’s not your fault, Con. Isabella and I are responsible for that.”
“It’s been six months. I thought I’d feel better by now.”
“Might take years.”
“Yeah.” Six months had come and gone, and I felt exactly the same as the night everything unfolded. It was as if no time had passed at all.
“Everything you said before . . . you were right.” He lifted his eyes from the wine bottle. “I’m not happy with what I have, and I’m even less happy when I have whatever made someone else happy. And then I hate myself for being so fucked in the head.”
I’d said the harshest thing you could say to another person, but I wasn’t sorry about it.
“I’ve always had a crush on Isabella. Didn’t understand why she was drawn to you instead of me.”
“I asked if you were cool with me going for her.”
“I know, I know.”
“And you said yes.”
He nodded. “I know. I assumed I would move on, but I never really did. Thought I’d make a move after you broke up, but you never did.
I felt like she and I made more sense than you two ever did, but you’re right.
I would have gotten bored in a couple days and would have dumped her, like I do with all the others.
I keep waiting for ‘the one’ to walk through the door, but even if she did, I’d probably pump and dump .
. . like always. But the truth is, there’s no ‘the one’ for someone like me.
I blame my unhappiness on everyone else, but in truth, I’m just a shit person.
Could find a billion euros on the street, and I’d still be depressed. ”
It was the first time he’d ever been this vulnerable with me, showing me all of his colors . . . including all the ugly ones.
“Everyone loves you because you’re charming and charismatic and all that, and I’m . . . nothing.” He gave a painful chuckle. “It’s funny that we’re twins but nothing alike. You’re happy and healthy, and I’m just fucked in the head.”
I didn’t dismiss anything he said. Didn’t say it wasn’t true, because it was one hundred percent true. “You don’t have to end where you start, Edric. You can change all those things if you want to.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and sank into the chair. “Maybe. Or maybe people never change.”
“I think they can if they want to.”
He gave a noncommittal shrug.
I let the silence pass for a while, let the heft of the conversation wane before I changed the subject. “So what are you doing here in Palermo?”
It took him a moment to leave the previous conversation and join the new one. “I’ve always liked it over here. Picked up a job as a cook in one of the restaurants.”
“And you can afford this place?” I asked bluntly. I’d barely seen any of it, but it had a separate dining room, a full kitchen, and the living room had space for at least twelve people. Major step up from his old place.
“Well . . . there’s more to the story.” A little smirk came on to his face. “The restaurant is owned by one of the Cosa Nostra guys. He took a liking to me and started having me do other things for them.”
“As in, the Mafia?”
“Yep.”
He’d gotten himself into trouble in Taormina, and now he’d come to Palermo and gotten himself into deeper trouble. “Does Ma know this?”
“God no.”
“What kind of stuff do they ask you to do?”
“You know, deliver certain kinds of packages, tail some of the other guys to make sure they’re doing their jobs, eavesdrop on conversations, stuff like that. It pays well. Like, really well. Sure beats making pizza and arancini.”
“Only you would get into this situation.”
He gave a shrug. “Right place, right time.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you come back to Taormina.”
He stared at me blankly for a couple seconds like he didn’t understand. “I’m not coming back, Con.”
The finality of his words struck me like a blow to the stomach. “What?”
“I originally came here because I knew you didn’t want to see my face. Wanted to stay out of your way. Didn’t want to make family dinners awkward for everyone. But I’ve been with Cosa Nostra for a couple months now, and I like it.”
“It’s the Mafia, Edric.”
“I know, I know. But it’s not like what you see in the movies. I mean, sure, it can be. But I like the guys, and I like the work. I like being a part of it.”
“Until you piss someone off and get a bullet in your skull.”
He gave a slight shake of his head. “It’s hard to explain, but it’s not like that. They’re good guys, as crazy as that sounds.”
“It sounds crazy because it is crazy.” I should have listened to Ma and come sooner. Now Edric was mixed up in bullshit that would get him killed.
“Look, it’s nice to do something different from working in a kitchen all day. It’s nice to be respected. It’s nice to get paid well. It’s nice not to smell like tomato sauce all the time. And the women . . .” He shoved his closed fist into his mouth. “Goddamn . . .”
“There are beautiful women in Taormina.”
“Sure, but Cosa Nostra has their own women . . .”
“What does that mean?”
“Like how a famous band has groupies? Well, they have their own groupies.”
“Edric, you’ve never had a problem getting laid.”
“I know, but these women are unbelievable. You need to see them to understand.”
“Edric, trust me, you don’t want to get mixed up with these guys—”
“Trust me, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
My brother was at it again, chasing something shiny and new that he’d regret later.
“You used to talk about leaving Sicily. Traveling to Rome and Paris. Seeing the world. Doing something different from slaving away in a kitchen all day,” he said.
“Yeah, but that was before—” Before I fell in love.
“You gave up on those dreams because you chose to settle down. But now that you and Isabella are done, maybe you should reconsider what to do with your life. Because I know making arancini isn’t your calling.”
“And stealing from people and killing people is yours?” I asked incredulously.
“Whoa, you’ve got it all wrong.” He held up both of his hands like he wanted me to back up.
“Cosa Nostra kills people—but only people who deserve it. They aren’t out killing people for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
And we don’t steal from people. Well, except the government .
. . because we ain’t paying taxes. We just run our business the way we want without an audit or interference.
Pay off people who get in the way. Bribe people to look the other way.
Infiltrate businesses to do our bidding.
And if someone tries to infringe on our territory or compete with our businesses, then we might kill them. ”
He talked like he was one of them. He was already that deep in this cult. “Ma will never let you stay here.”
“What’s she gonna do?” he asked as he threw his arms up. “Fight my boss?”
“Yeah, she might,” I said seriously.
He chuckled. “Honestly, Ma would be perfect in Cosa Nostra. That woman doesn’t flinch.”
“You can’t really see a long-term future with these guys.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“You’re going to want to do this when you’re married with a family?”
“Why not? A lot of the guys have wives and kids. And who knows if I’ll ever clean up my act enough to settle down. I’m not going to base my decisions for today on a future version of me I may never know.”
“And what if you want to leave? They’ll kill you.”
He released a loud laugh. “Another thing from the movies that’s just not true.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he said. “Come down with me and let me show you around.”
“You’re out of your mind.”
“Why not?” he asked. “Come on, aren’t you just a little bit curious?”
All I could do was stare because I couldn’t honestly say I wasn’t curious.
He grinned. “Knew it.”