Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
ANDIE
“Hey. I was about to make a midnight snack. Grilled cheese. You in?” Tessa says, walking into my bedroom. I must have forgotten to close the door.
I’ve been staring out the wall of windows for the past half hour, my eyes scanning over the city lit up like Christmas in the dark of night. Things look so normal from up here. The night sky with its twinkling stars. The gibbous moon glowing brightly despite the light pollution trying to obscure it. The silhouettes framed in the windows of the adjacent building. Lovers. Families. Friends. So many of them oblivious to the dangers surrounding them. The evil that lurks just beneath the concrete and steel fa?ade and polished glass. Do they know about the corruption that manipulates their lives every day? The gangs, the guns, the drugs. The killers who walk among them. The woman who now controls a majority of it and all of them.
I spent most of the day at the hospital. It was rough. Some shit went down that required me to make snap decisions. I’m still second-guessing myself over them. Only time will tell if I did the right thing.
Tessa slides her arms around me and leans into my side. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” she asks, taking in the view.
I nestle my head on the top of her blonde head. “Yeah, it is.”
We stand in peaceful silence together for a minute.
“How were things while I was gone?”
“Oh, the usual fisticuffs when you get four very territorial and possessive men into one room.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. “Do I even want to know?”
“Probably not. Jax handled it.”
“Where was Rafe?”
She sucks in air through her teeth. “You probably don’t want to know about that either.”
I tip back my head and groan at the ceiling. The animosity between Keane and Liam is something that I’ll need to deal with soon.
Tessa plops down onto my bed and bounces a few times, then falls onto the bedcovers dramatically. “I’m bored and too wired to sleep. Want to play Never Have I Ever ?” She wiggles her eyebrows.
“Without the J?germeister.”
“ Aww ,” Tessa whines.
Me, Tessa, Never Have I Ever , and hard liquor make for trouble, and I have enough trouble going on right now.
“I’ll go first.” I wasn’t going to say anything to her about what I saw tonight when I came in, but decide, fuck it, and dive right in. “Never have I ever been accepted to MIT.”
Her shoulders slump. “Well, shit. How did you find out?”
“You left your laptop open on the kitchen island.”
I saw the tail end of the DMs between her and her mother; the last one from Tessa telling her mom that she was going to inform the admissions committee that she’d changed her mind and wouldn’t be accepting their offer to attend. Which means Tessa had been accepted to MIT before we graduated over a year ago, applied for a gap year, and MIT granted her a deferral. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why she did that or what she’s been doing this past year. Or the guilt I feel knowing she’s giving up her dreams because of me.
“You’re going,” I tell her.
Tessa sits up. “Not your decision. Besides, I’m gainfully employed. I don’t need MIT.” She tries to make light of it, adding in a soft chuckle, but I’m not buying it.
All Tessa ever talked about the entire time we knew each other at school was going to university. How excited she was about it. She didn’t care where she ended up, just as long as she got to experience it. I won’t let my fucked-up life mess up hers.
“Too bad.”
I can literally see the hairs on her arms raise, and it reminds me of a hissing kitten. I know better than to tell her that, though.
“First thing in the morning, I’m going to get Jax to wire them your first year’s tuition. MIT doesn’t give refunds,” I quip and watch as her mouth falls open. “Let me do this for you, Tessa. I need to do this for you,” I implore.
Those big doe eyes of hers blink up at me and for the first time in her life, she’s speechless. I know she won’t give up the argument that easily. She’ll try a million different ways to convince me to let her stay here, all because of some fucking ideology she has about friendship and loyalty. She can try, but her stubborn ass is still going to college. And I’m not done with my demands.
“I need you to promise me something. It concerns Sarah,” I say.
Her head tilts to the side just as her eyes widen when she picks up on the gravity of what that is.
This life isn’t guaranteed. If Declan hadn’t stepped in front of me, I would be dead right now. And there are certain things I want put into place, just in case. The first being Sarah. The second is something I need to talk to the guys about.
“Don’t you dare—” she begins before I cut her off.
“Sarah needs a woman in her life. To be there for her. Someone who can help her navigate things as she grows up. The guys love her and will give her the world, but?—”
“Good thing she’ll have you then,” she says sternly, her body starting to shake as her anger rises.
Pearson called me an hour ago. Something went down at the hospital that I need to deal with. I’ve been waiting for Jax to get back because I’m going to need his help. Looking out at the city as I waited got me thinking about the fleetingness of life. Deep, philosophical shit, I know. But if something happens to me, I want Sarah to have Tessa—a strong, smart, sassy woman—to be her role model.
My hands lift in front of me before I drop them. “You know damn well what I’m trying to say.”
“Yes, I do! And it’s utter bullshit! You don’t get to martyr yourself, Alex. You don’t get to be selfish like that!” she shouts. “Sarah doesn’t need me. She needs you . The guys need you. I need you. So don’t you fucking dare insinuate that something is going to happen to you.”
Her shoulder-length hair swishes wildly as she shakes her head in denial. After a year of working for Declan, she should know by now the consequences of this job. Not everyone comes home.
Tessa glares at me, her bottom lip trembling as we stand off, neither of us willing to budge or cede the argument. Jax appears in the doorway, an eyebrow quirked at the scene in front of him.
Tessa notices my attention is no longer on her and glances over at him. “Maybe you can talk some sense into her,” she tells him before saying to me, “And the answer is yes.” With that, she turns on her heel and walks out.
“What’s her problem?” Jax asks as he watches a very pissed-off Tessa stalk past him.
“Girl stuff,” I reply.
He doesn’t believe me, but he also doesn’t call me on it.
Jax approaches slowly, those green eyes behind black-rimmed glasses, scrutinizing me. Just having him near is instantly calming. As soon as our bodies touch, he takes my face between his inked hands, angling it up to his.
Jax is so breathtakingly handsome. Dark blond hair. Penetrating moss-green eyes. Full Cupid bow lips on a clean-shaven jaw. Gorgeous ink coloring his skin in reds, blacks, and grays. However, I can’t help but look at him and still see the lost boy I knew long ago. The quiet boy who was forced to become a remorseless killer. The man with hidden demons who now holds a huge part of my heart.
The tips of my fingers run over his shoulder to where the bandage covers his bullet graze, and I trace the edges of the medical tape securing the gauze square. Right now, Jax, Rafe, and I are the walking wounded. But we’re all stubborn as hell and refuse to let our injuries hinder us.
Jax lets go of my face to grip the back of my neck with both hands. “I brought you something.”
He gives me a quick kiss and walks over to the bedroom door, bending down to get something from the floor in the hallway. My heels lift up as I try to peek around him to see what he’s doing. When he turns around, holding a familiar glass Mason jar filled with fairy lights, my heart tries to soar right out of my chest.
“Is that what I think it is?” I reach for it when he brings it to me.
“Kept it safe for you in a box under my bed at the house.”
I can’t believe Jax kept the jar he would fill with fireflies for me. So many nights, I would sleep with this jar clutched tightly to my body. I used to hide it under the corner of my mattress. We had maids to clean the house, but they would never clean my room. Max had decreed it off limits for obvious reasons.
Coming around to my back, Jax drapes his arms around me and brings his face flush with mine. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the real thing. Not the season for them.”
Holding the jar up, I marvel at the tiny, white, battery-operated fairy lights twinkling inside.
“It’s perfect,” I tell him and tip my face back to meet his lips, needing him to kiss me more than I need my next breath. This beautifully damaged man who loves me.
Placing the jar down on the bed next to us, I turn in his arms. “Why do you call me Angel?”
Jax’s hand trails down my back and settles at the dip of my spine right above my ass. Applying pressure, he pulls me in until we are meshed together, my cheek lying flat on the hard plain of his chest, our bodies swaying slightly from side-to-side. It’s like we’re slow dancing.
“Because that’s who you are to me,” he murmurs, his lips nuzzling at my temple. “The sweet little angel with the amethyst eyes. The girl who held a murderer in her arms and begged him never to leave her. You saved me that night.”
Without having to say which night, memories from my childhood come flooding back.
I’d been hiding in Kellan’s closet like I often did, even though I knew Max would eventually search for me when he came to my room that night and saw that I wasn’t there. I could’ve found another hiding place, someplace that would make it harder for Max to find me. But I’d always chosen Kellan’s closet. Perhaps it was because being surrounded by his things brought me a semblance of comfort.
I’d been used to the boys sleeping over or staying in Kellan’s room. They’d done it for years. But that particular night when Jax walked into Kellan’s bedroom, covered in blood, would be forever imprinted in my mind. I remembered cringing in my hiding place when I heard another raised male voice. My breaths became labored and harsh, knowing what would happen to me once Max found me and dragged me out of Kellan’s closet. But Max never came that night. The voice belonged to Kellan. He was yelling.
Peeking through the slit underneath the door where it didn’t quite touch the wood floor, I watched my brother shove a blood-soaked Jax into the open doorway of the adjoining bathroom. I didn’t know what had happened to Jax, why he was covered in blood, or why Kellan was so mad. Had Jax hurt himself? Is that why Kellan was yelling?
As soon as the water in the shower turned on, Kellan left the room. My back and legs had begun to cramp, and the right side of my cheek went numb where it was pressed to the floor, but I stayed in that position, wanting to see what happened next. Minutes later, Kellan came back with a plate of food, a bottle of water, and a large, black trash bag. He rifled through his chest of drawers before taking out a clean T-shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants.
I remember holding my breath when Jax came out of the shower, the scent of soap and tendrils of steam wafting around him as he stood in front of the closet, blocking my line of sight into the room. I couldn’t hear everything Kellan told him—just snippets of phrases like “Dad is sending men to handle it,” “burn the evidence,” “keep your mouth shut,” and “you’ll live with us now.” Soon after, the sound of the bedroom door closing pricked my ears. Then, complete darkness as the bedroom light turned off.
I quietly opened the closet door when I heard whimpers, like someone was crying. Jax was sitting in the dark at the end of the bed, head bowed and shoulders shaking, his sad tears squeezing my tiny heart. A sliver of moonlight hit him from the window, reflecting off a piece of metal he held in his hand. A knife with a red handle. He was shakingly holding the blade to the underside of his left wrist. Without thought, I walked over to him and wrapped my arms tightly around his lean frame. Even though I was young, I’d already seen and experienced too much of the horrors of the world. I understood what Jax was about to do with his knife, and I couldn’t stand by and let it happen.
“It’s going to be okay, Jax. I’ll protect you from the demons. Stay with me. Don’t go. Please don’t go.”
I found out a couple of years later from Kellan what had happened that brought Jax to live with us. He had murdered his father after witnessing him rape, then beat his mother to death. Max took care of everything just as Kellan promised. Then Max used it to force Jax into the business. To remain a killer for the rest of his life. To become a man who enjoyed hurting and torturing others. Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing that night. Instead of begging Jax to stay, I should have begged him to run away and never look back.
“Why did you ignore me and pretend I didn’t exist all those years?” I ask him.
Jax never spoke to me again until the day the guys rescued me from the warehouse. Until a few weeks ago, whenever he looked at me, it was with cold, lifeless, disinterested eyes. He became the bogeyman, haunting the Rossi hallways at night when insomnia and the nightmares chasing him refused to let him rest.
“I didn’t deserve your light. I still don’t,” he says into my hair.
Lifting my head away from his chest, I pin him with the truth. “You’re right. You deserve so much more. I love you, Jaxson West. My Reaper.”
A startled sound escapes my lips when he lifts me in his arms, his mouth crushing mine, tongue probing deep. An explosion of heat erupts between us like it always does when we’re together. Passion and pain. And so damn good.
Then my fucking phone chimes with an incoming call, and the screen lights up the room.
“Ignore it.” Jax drops me on the bed and falls on top of me, opening my legs wide. Rough hands knead my thighs and curl under my ass. With a hard jerk, I’m pulled to the end of the bed, and Jax forces my legs wider when he steps between them.
My phone sounds again.
“Jax, I need to see if?—”
The rest of my sentence gets stuck in my throat when he bunches up my top and greedily sucks my nipple into his mouth.
My phone starts ringing, and Jax and I both groan at the interruption.
“Jax, I really need to get this.”
Jax swirls his tongue around my navel, then reluctantly eases off me so I can roll over and grab my phone where it got pushed off the bed and onto the floor.
“Can’t believe I’m being fucking cockblocked by a fucking phone.”
“I didn’t say stop,” I tell him, folding almost in half off the bed to reach the phone.
“Good point.” Jax takes advantage of my awkward position, giving me two hard spanks on the ass.
I swipe to answer, already knowing it’s Pearson when I see Unknown glowing green on the screen.
“He’s gone, little flame .”
He’s gone .
I tap Jax’s shoulder for him to move. Getting up, I walk to the bedroom door and shut it. Jax leans back on his elbows on the bed, his interest piqued when I start conversing in Russian. Turning my back to him, I pace over to the window, leaning my forehead against the cool glass. A circle of condensation magically forms at the area of contact. My hand shakes as I listen to Pearson, and I will the trembling to stop.
He’s gone .
Jax comes up behind me and takes my waist. His chin comes to rest on my shoulder.
“Angel, what’s going on?” he asks when my arm drops to my side as soon as the call ends.
There’s a turning point in everyone’s life. A metaphorical fork in the road and point of no return. A path to choose and a choice to make. You know your life is about to change when you come to that point. For most people, it’s when they hit rock bottom. When things get so bad, they either give up or fight like hell to claw their way back up. For a chosen few, like me, it’s when your fated destiny comes calling, whether you’re ready for it or not.
“ The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune’s spite; revive from ashes and rise .”
“Pearson wants me to meet him somewhere, and I need your help.”
He grips my shoulders with his warm hands. Hands that are roughened and scarred, a killer’s hands. But hands that are gentle and tender when they touch me.
My open palms glide across his shirt, taking my time to smooth out wrinkles that aren’t there. Jax stills my ministrations and lifts my right hand, kissing the Levin crest of the ring on my finger. It’s like he already knows.
I meet Jax’s steadfast, green gaze. I’m about to ask him to do something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I’m about to ask him to become the thing he hates most in order to strike down my enemies. Worst of all, I’ll willingly fall off that cliff with him.
“What do you need, Angel?”
“I need the Reaper.”