Chapter 25 #2
“This is not making me feel better,” he whispered when she dragged the flannel down the other side.
“It is torture. I wish for it to end.” She wiped over his reddened ear and behind it.
“I wish you had not seen me so.” She patted along the line of his jaw.
“I wish you were not my Guardian.” And wiped his other ear. “I wish…I wish not for this.”
Rayna drew the cloth down his neck, holding it against each bit of skin for a few seconds before moving to a new area. She stared into the thin glimpse of his stunning irises.
Maybe it was what he said, the way he was watching her, his vulnerability, or the fact his exhaustion resonated through the marrow of her bones, but…
I didn’t wish for this either.
And upon that one single, aligned thought, all the words—that feeling she’d locked behind chains a few days ago, swearing she’d never unlock it—clanked undone and poured forth.
Except no panic rose and gripped her by the throat. Rather, the churn of discomfort was gone from her belly, and a serenity took its place.
“You think this has been easy for me?” she heard herself mutter.
The only sign of surprise from him was the twitch of his fingers around hers.
Leaning over him, she rubbed the flannel down his arm. “Do you think it was easy, realising I was attracted to a Study even though I knew I shouldn’t be? When it’s never happened before. Because I’ve never failed to be professional while doing my job. Ever. But you…”
She wiped his individual fingers. “You made it fucking impossible, Dominic.” Cleaning his palm, she forced herself to meet his unmoving stare. “Every boundary I tried to set, you just walked right through it like some indestructible bear.”
Her skin warmed under the intensity of his gaze.
“Every time you touched me, every time you looked at me, all fucking horny, all those shameless erections when I hadn’t even touched you.
” She grew more frustrated with each thing she listed.
“All those loud laughs, and your curiosity, and conversations. Your stupid compliments, sneaking into my room every night, and just constantly being affectionate. Gosh, you’ve been so fucking relentless. ”
Rayna exhaled before wiping back up his arm. Then she moved onto the arm of the hand she held but stopped halfway when his fingers clamped around hers.
“I cannot apologise for it,” he mumbled. “Even if you want me to, I cannot. I would not mean it.”
She flashed him an annoyed little smile. “Yeah, I know, you persistent idiot. But don’t act like this was easy for me. It wasn’t—it isn’t. Knowing you’re a Study…but wanting you anyway.”
Gulping, she tried not to shift in discomfort under the knowledge that she’d admitted something she wasn’t supposed to. Unable to take his silence, she focused on flipping the flannel in half with one hand.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I…don’t know,” she admitted, then placed the cloth on his exposed abdomen. She couldn’t help noticing there were no defined lines of abs, only one flat plain with a sharp V cut into it.
With a low gasp, Dominic jerked, and his stomach contracted under her touch.
Her attention snapped up. “Did that hurt?”
“No. It is cold.”
She held the cloth there for a few seconds, letting his flushed skin adjust to the cool dampness. Then the quiet rustle of her wiping his torso up under his T-shirt and his shaky breaths filled the gap in their conversation.
“Is it because I am ailing?” he said. “Are you taking pity on me?”
Rayna huffed an amused sound. “I’m not nice enough to offer you pity for being sick when it’s your own fault for not admitting you were last night.”
“Then why, Rayna?” His eyes took on a miserable glow. “Do not taunt me with hope if nothing is to come of this.”
She thought over her answer as she dragged her hand out from under his T-shirt. “I’m tired, Dominic. These last few days were exhausting, and last week was just as bad. I kept convincing myself it was the right thing to do, but nothing about it actually felt right.
“Meeting Jake proved there was nothing between us, and I felt stupid because it just became more obvious how I wanted you. And then I kissed you, and I…I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.”
It didn’t help that Erin and Kelly had told her what Monty had said, according to George. She kept wondering if it meant what her best friends had suggested, rather than what she’d thought.
What if she’d exaggerated the repercussions in her mind, and in actual fact, she wouldn’t be throwing away her job if Dominic joined her in her bed, with no lines drawn this time?
As long as he went back to his time, maybe everything would be fine if they behaved like a man and woman who wanted each other behind closed doors, rather than as Study and Guardian.
“I still don’t know what I’m doing,” she admitted. “But I can’t pretend I don’t want you anymore.”
He released a rough, choked sound. “Ray—”
“But there have to be rules.”
“Anything,” he said desperately and pressed her palm flat over his thumping heart. “Anything you want.”
“You don’t know what the rules are.”
“It does not matter. I accept.”
She cocked her chin. “I’m paying for everything then, and you can’t argue about it ever again.”
The glow on his face evaporated. “No. Not that.”
“But you said anything.”
“Almost anything.”
A chuckle burst from her, and she shook her head at the way he so quickly amended what he’d said. Stupid man.
Except when she felt the weight of his pawing stare, her amusement faded, and a blush warmed her cheeks. “What?”
One corner of his mouth pulled up. “It has been far too long since I was last gifted with the sound of your laughter.”
“Right back at it, aren’t you?” she grumbled the playful accusation. “Even in this state.”
“With you, sweetheart?” His gorgeous smile widened. “Even on my deathbed.”
Rayna scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Well, you currently look like it, so you’re not far off there.
” Then she dragged her hand from his and climbed further onto the bed until she was kneeling with her knees bracketing one of his thighs.
“Come on. I need you to sit up so I can take your T-shirt off and wipe you down some more.”
“I am being tortured by a little witch,” he whispered gruffly.
But it wasn’t the wounded kind of torture anymore. It was light-hearted and suggestive. It sounded more like him. And Rayna couldn’t put into words how glad she was for it.
Gosh, she’d missed him. More than she cared to admit.