Chapter 3
Stage Two: The Talking Stage
Mechanism: Cognitive Mapping
Aim: To prove that seeking “common ground” is simply the ego searching for its own reflection in another person.
Method:
Catalogue conversational overlaps.
Identify whether “connection” increases only when similarities are found.
Note ego-reinforcing responses.
Expected Conclusion: Validation masquerades as compatibility.
“I am so sorry that I didn’t get to you sooner.” Anna led Theodora through the side door.
Theodora looked around for her father. Then, she tried swallowing, but her throat felt dry.
Where is he? Who is he with? What if someone catches him and Mama gets word of his affairs?
She had no idea where Anna was taking her. She was just grateful that it was away from the possibility of her catching him in the act again. She rested her hand against a wall and dropped her head, taking deep breaths.
Anna continued leading, not noticing her friend’s renewed distress. “When Mary said she left you with Lord Danning I thought, My God, I need to save her! That man can be terribly boring but then imagine my surprise when I saw you with the Scarlet Duke!”
Theo squeezed her eyes shut before opening them to focus on Anna who was fiddling with the mask on her face.
“Are you going to explain this nonsense about a Scarlet Duke or keep me guessing?” She scrunched her nose.
Her voice was weak and breathless.
Anna huffed. “He is Alexander Kendall, Duke of Hawthorne. He is a good man, truly, but not when it comes to women… he toys with them. I am unsure if he ever left a lady ruined but his reputation amongst the courtesans is quite… scandalous. He is my husband’s best friend…
but I feel like I must warn you, Theodora.
The Scarlet Duke is...” She leaned closer and whispered, “…a rake.”
For once, Theodora appreciated Anna engaging in a bit of gossip rather than focusing on calming her Theo’s agitated breathing. She needed to get a handle of her distress before someone asked a question she did not want to answer.
“Perhaps a rake is exactly what I need for this experiment,” she eventually said.
Anna gasped. “Oh, no, Theo. Anyone but him. He is charming, handsome and mischievous; he will most definitely break your heart…”
Theodora felt a surge of anger. It seemed as though her friend did not believe that she was strong enough to handle the experiment on her own, but she did not have the energy to argue.
“There you two are!”
Both Anna and Theodora looked up to see Maria and Evelina rushing towards them from the ballroom.
“Yes, here we are, and where were you?” Anna pointed at Evelina.
“What do you mean? I was off finding another participant for Theodora’s study,” Evelina replied.
“You thought she would be up for more experimenting after dealing with the Scarlet Duke?” Anna returned.
Maria and Evelina both gasped. “The Duke of Hawthorne!”
Maria took Theo’s hands. “Are you all right? I’ve heard stories about him. He—” Maria’s words cut off as she dropped her eyes to their joined hands.
“Theodora, your hands? They are shaking and clammy. Are you all right?”
Theodora was losing patience and stamina.
“Yes, yes, I’m fine. It has just been a whirlwind of a night is all.” She pushed Maria’s hands away and swiped the back of her wrist across the perspiration gathering along her hairline.
Evelina narrowed her eyes. “This is too much. Playing with emotions is not for the weak.”
Theodora straightened at that. “I am not weak. It was hot and I have not had anything to eat or drink. And, yes, fine, throwing me in front of men I was not prepared for, was not how I was expecting to conduct my experiment, because…” She took a breath.
“Experiments need to be controlled by the scientist.”
Her words came out sharper than she initially intended but her mind was spiraling with thoughts of her father’s whereabouts. Her sister and friends remained silent around her.
“I am sorry for snapping at you just now, Evelina.” She forced a smile. “I really am fine. I truly needed some air.” She leaned back against the wall, and her satchel hit her hip reminding her of her findings.
“In fact, while I do agree that the Scarlet Duke does not sound like someone I need to involve in my experiment,” she said to Anna, “he did help me realize that I may be right with my initial thoughts on ‘love at first sight.’”
The three women looked at each other then back to Theodora.
“How so?” Maria inquired.
She took another steadying breath. She had no intention of discussing everything now.
“Oh Theo, did he say something to you?” Anna brought her hands to her mouth.
“What?” Theo questioned. “No. I mean he—”
But the very thought of him made her shudder and it was not an unpleasant feeling.
Evelina looked at Theo and rested her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “If he made you uncomfortable in any way you can tell us.”
Theodora looked at all three women in disbelief. Their line of questioning was absurd, and it was making her feel dizzy again. She did not need all of these questions right now. What she needed now was some space to breathe and think.
She turned to Anna. “May I use your library?”
Anna looked at Evelina who nodded subtly. “Of course. You know where it is.” Anna grabbed Theodora’s arm before she could leave. “Are you sure you are all right? You look awfully pale. I could walk you there then send someone for some refreshments.”
“Thank you, but I will be fine. Go back to your anniversary party, Anna.” She leaned over and kissed both of Anna’s cheeks.
Taking Evelina’s hand, she looked at Maria. “Please ladies, you may all proceed. I am all right; I simply need to document my findings before discussing them with you.”
The three said their hesitant goodbyes as Theodora made her way towards the library.
* * *
Observation Day One
It appears that ‘love at first sight’ is nothing more than our primal instincts, coming alert at the sign of a suitable mate.
A woman’s choice of clothing can influence a potential mate to the extent that even two strangers might feel the similar vibrational patterns between each other simply because of the color she wears.
I have not felt such vibrations—
The quill hovered over Theodora’s notebook as she ruminated over how to precisely write her next observation because she had felt a certain type of vibration between her and the gladiator.
The Scarlet Duke.
All thoughts of him and the words for her experiment kept being interrupted by images of her father with the new mysterious lady.
Who is she?
Her stomach tightened at the thought of the word mistress. She grimaced. What an ugly word.
Theodora straightened her back and sighed. She needed to stop thinking about her father. A few days ago, she had been tempted to write about his affair but after having the Duke of Hawthorne find her book tonight she would be more careful about what she documented in the future.
With a shake of her head, she returned to her notebook.
After several conversations with seemingly attractive men, no sudden vibrations occurred within my body.
A flash of hazel eyes appeared in her mind. She jolted upright before laughing the thought away. She would listen to Anna’s warning and stay away from such a man. Vibrations or not.
“That was just a symptom of distress,” she said to herself.
“What was?”
She knew that voice. She remembered how it felt against her skin the first time she heard it. Theodora turned her head to see the gladiator in question standing in the doorway of the library and leaning in a ridiculously nonchalant way.
“Do you have some sort of ailment that does not allow you to stand upright?” She inquired.
A slow, wide grin spread across the man’s face and it made her chest tighten unexpectantly.
Theodora chastised herself for making him smile, which, of course, was an absurd sentiment.
The man stood tall and walked into the room as she turned back to the desk.
She could hear his long and confident strides approach her.
She snorted to herself. Only she could analyze someone’s gait and determine their characteristics. Ever the woman of science, she was.
“Your sense of humor has returned,” he remarked as though he knew her all his life.
“As you can see, I am in good health. A perfect specimen some would say.” Although she no longer saw him, she could hear the playful tone to his voice and hated that she let a smile show.
It was at that moment Theodora wished her mask covered her entire face to hide the blush that was inevitably on display for his amusement.
Oh well, I just will not turn to him. Perhaps he will get the hint and leave me alone.
“You did not answer my question.” He came up behind her chair. She yelped when he pulled it back away from the desk and turned it to face him. He rested a naked arm on each side of her as he leaned over her.
“What is a symptom of distress?” His voice was low, deep, and once again she felt a fiery sensation rush through her veins.
Distress is what I’m feeling right now.
Theodora licked her lips and his gaze dropped to catch her tongue in action. She felt nervous in his presence, and she leaned back against the chair. It was no use. The man was so large he took up the entire sight of her vision. There was no escaping him.
She cleared her throat. “For one, a strange man coming into a room unannounced and unexpected is quite distressful, especially when a woman is occupying the room by herself.”
He remained silent. This close to him, she could see tiny specks of gold that glittered within the hazel of his eyes.
The man dipped his chin. “Agreed. Especially since the strange man then closed the door with said woman in the room.”
Theodora’s breath caught as her eyes flew to the closed door. Slowly her gaze returned to his. She braced herself for the feeling of dread or unease, like she felt when she had leaned toward the Duc d’Orlèans. Only, there was no disgust with this man.