Chapter 6
Stage Five: Yearning
Mechanism: Dopamine Withdrawal
Aim: To prove that “missing” someone is a chemical dependency.
Method:
Track emotional state during Subject’s absence.
Compare to withdrawal symptoms from other dopamine-linked activities.
Expected Conclusion: Addiction, not attachment.
Observation, Day Two
The subject initiated contact along the lateral neck and jawline, deliberately avoiding the mouth.
The reaction this produced was immediate and disorienting: a sudden acceleration of pulse, a tightening low in the abdomen, and a noticeable disruption of coherent thought.
The absence of a kiss appears to have intensified the response rather than diminished it, suggesting that anticipation alone can override rational processing.
The subject’s precision indicates practiced familiarity with eliciting such reactions, which supports the hypothesis that technique, not sentiment, governs these encounters.
The resulting loss of composure on my part must therefore be attributed to sensory manipulation rather than emotional significance.
Further observation is required to determine whether such responses can be consciously controlled or if they remain inherently involuntary.
Theodora shut her notebook as soon as Evelina sat next to her. Her lips and body tingled from the memories of her encounter with the Scarlet Duke. She shook all thoughts of him away as she and her sister watched the flustered Earl of Bixby fumble over himself and tried not to laugh.
“Theo, I cannot believe you asked him that.” Evelina tried to hold an air of shock, but her sister could see right through it. She was as amused as Theodora was.
Theodora lifted a shoulder in a slight shrug. “I only asked if he thought his mission to find a wife who is like his mother reflects his own feelings of his mother and if he had wished he could marry her instead.”
Evelina could barely contain her laugh.
“What?” Theodora asked. “It is a common issue. If you had paid attention when we learned about Sophocles, you would remember Oedipus—”
Evelina held up her hand. “I remember quite well, but that does not mean it is an appropriate topic of conversation on our walk. I think you gave the poor man apoplexy.”
Theodora glanced over to the man who had rejoined his party throwing horrified glances their way. “You cannot give someone apoplexy, Evelina. Although, he did seem rather upset. Perhaps I should apologize for my comments?”
Evelina took her sister’s arm to continue their walk. “I do not think that is wise. He would not do us much damage; most think he is a cranky old curmudgeon. He is not worth our time or your experiment.”
Theodora pursed her lips. “I do not seem to be doing well with my experiment, do I?”
“Perhaps not. He was the third man today that you chased away with your questions.”
Theodora grumbled. “Is it my fault that they cannot hold a conversation or answer simple questions to garner whether or not we have something in common?”
Evelina studied her sister. “So, you asked about Sophocles’ play because you wish to find a man who is as well-read as you or you are hoping to find a husband who nurtures tender feelings for his mama?”
Theodora pursed her lips. “You know I do not wish for the latter. I am just trying to move onto the second stage of my study.”
“Which is what?”
“The talking stage where both parties look for common ground.”
Evelina glanced at her sister. “I may not be a seasoned scientist like you, but how is that going to prove love does not exist? It is natural for people to seek out similarities with others during the course of a conversation.”
Theodora smiled. “Exactly. We wish to speak to people who have things in common with us because something inside our minds is just searching for a compatible partner.”
Evelina wrinkled her nose. “Well, that doesn’t sound so very scientific.
I think any member of the ton could tell you that a marriage will thrive if the couple is compatible.
” She sighed almost wistfully. “Look at Mama and Papa. If we were to list their traits, they would never match. But they have been together forever and they complement each other nicely.”
Theodora began to grind her molars. “No.” She could feel her heart race, and she had the sudden urge to run. She stopped her steps causing Evelina to misstep. The world around her began to spin.
“Theo? Are you all right? Why did you stop?”
Theodora closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.
“I am sorry, Evelina, I am fine. Something just came over me.” She placed her hand on her stomach.
“It felt as if I were about to step onto stage to perform a song on the pianoforte only, I did not prepare. Do you remember that one summer concert when I did that?”
Evelina smiled. “I was sure Father was going to lock you in your room for the Season.”
Theodora felt her heartrate pick up again at the mention of her father. Her eyes looked around for a distraction.
“You still do not look well. Would you like to sit?” Evelina gestured to a park bench a few feet ahead of them.
“No, there is Maria over by those trees with some specimen, er, gentlemen. I should speak with them. Come.” The last thing she wanted to do was sit and have her mind replay her last few interactions with her father.
Theodora practically dragged her sister to where Maria and her husband stood with two men.
“Ah, Theodora and Evelina, how nice to see you out on this gorgeous day.” Maria introduced the sisters to Lord Darvy and Mr. Collinsworth, friends of her husband’s.
“Very nice to meet you both.” Theodora extended her hand to Lord Darvy. He placed a chaste kiss on her knuckles, and she made a mental note that she had yet to feel anything whenever a man kissed her.
That is not true, her mind reminded her.
She scowled.
“Everything all right Miss Dowell?” He asked.
“Hmm? Oh, yes, sorry. I was just thinking of something my sister said.”
He looked at Evelina who raised an eyebrow at Theodora.
“We were talking about Sophocles and his writing.” Theodora beamed.
The Lord’s eyes lit up. “Ah. Oedipus Rex written by the great Athenian Sophocles.”
Theodora looked up and met the man’s eyes. “You know of him?”
Lord Darvy laughed. “Of course I do. I studied the Romans and Greeks while at school, although,” he leaned in towards Theodora, “the Greeks and their mythology were my favorite.”
Theodora gasped. “Mine, too!”
Evelina and Maria exchanged a look.
“I feel a lot for the writings of the great philosophers. We do not give them enough credit when continuing their research,” Lord Darvy admitted.
Excitement hummed in Theodora’s blood. “Fascinating. I believe the same. We owe a lot to our predecessors.”
Mr. Collingsworth cleared his throat and Lord Darvy pulled out his time piece.
“Drat. We must be going.” He looked at Theodora.
“I hate to leave; I feel our conversation would be most enlightening. I am on my way out of town, but if you attend any balls, I would love to continue our conversation then.”
Theodora smiled and shook her head. “I believe I will be.”
Lord Darvy’s smile lit up his face. “I will see you then, Miss Dowell.” He bowed. “I look forward to continuing our conversation.”
“As do I, Lord Darvy.” She dipped her chin with a smile as the gentlemen walked away.
“Fascinating,” she repeated in wonder as she watched them leave.
Maria and Evelina both grabbed one of her hands and squealed.
“That was amazing!” Maria said.
“Who would have thought you would have found a match discussing stuffy old men?” Evelina added with a laugh.
Theodora turned to both women in confusion. “Whatever are you two talking about?”
“Lord Darvy?” Maria stated. “If the conversation continued and he was still in town he would definitely be calling on you tomorrow.”
Theodora scrunched her nose. “Well, then I am glad he will be leaving.”
Evelina cocked an eyebrow to her sister and tugged on the hand she was holding.
“What do you mean? He is handsome, he likes the same things you do.” She tugged again.
“You found a compatible match or whatever you were blabbering on about before. You found common ground with Lord Darvy and all that.”
“You even said, ‘fascinating’ twice. Were you not fascinated with him?” Maria added.
Theodora closed her eyes, finally understanding. “Oh, that. I was fascinated because while we have much in common, I did not feel anything.”
Maria dropped Theodora’s hand with a groan. “Then why did you say you would like to see him at the next ball?”
Theodora frowned. “Since we have common interests, he would be an excellent conversation partner. I imagine we could continue discussing classical literature and dramas. I, too, like Greek mythology and philosophers,” she added proudly, “but that does not mean I see myself developing feelings for Lord Darvy.”
Theodora shook her head as she reached into her pocket for her book.
Sometimes she truly did not get how women of the ton were so quick to jump to marriage when two people had one thing in common.
Which was why this experiment was so important.
If love could be proven scientifically, then it could also be avoided scientifically.
“If you ladies excuse me, I would like to write down this interaction.” Theodora left the two women standing as she sat down on the bench a few feet away from them. She opened her book and started furiously writing about her conversation with Lord Darvy.
“Avoiding love altogether for the sake of science? You are being too clinical with your research, sorceress.” Heat pooled in her belly as she slapped her book shut and looked up.