Chapter 8 #2
“Everyone needs a friend,” Theodora agreed. “But… this is not what you requested of me. And your sister is clearly suffering. Her posture, her breathing, her—”
“Stop!” His voice cracked like a whip in the silent corridor.
Theodora froze.
Alexander dragged a hand through his hair, pacing a short line before facing her again.
“You saw how she reacted to being questioned in such a manner. She was frightened and overwhelmed. Rosalind does not need to be prodded with questions like some—some specimen on a table by you or anyone else for that matter.”
Theodora’s eyes flashed. “I was not treating her as a specimen; I was simply trying to find out the root of her obvious melancholy.”
“You were treating her like a patient,” he spat. The words tasted bitter. “You were observing and analyzing her like you do with your men.”
She flinched at his choice of words.
“You do not even know me that well to assume how I perceive people,” she scoffed.
“I know when you are dissecting someone with your eyes. I see it when you look at me,” he shot back.
Her breath trembled, and she stepped away from him. Alexander instantly regretted his words.
“I was truly only trying to help.”
“You were trying to diagnose,” he countered. “There is a difference.”
Theodora’s hands curled at her sides. “And what have you been doing, Your Grace? Ignoring her suffering? Pretending she is merely shy and hoping that she will magically recover if you avoid the truth long enough?”
He stiffened as his own anger rose but there was something admirable in the way she spoke that made him wonder what she had been through to bring about such compassion for others.
“Theodora, do not presume—”
“You will address me as Miss Dowell. And I presume nothing,” she cut in, her voice trembling with emotion she clearly did not want to show. “You can question my integrity but do not question my intelligence.”
Alexander felt the words like a blow to the ribs.
He stalked closer, towering over her. “Intelligent or not, you know nothing of what I have done for my sister.”
“Then tell me,” she challenged, her eyes fierce even under Alexander’s glare. “Tell me how you have been dealing with her?”
He opened his mouth, then closed it as all the memories of his parents flooded his mind. He would always blame himself for his sister’s melancholy.
I should have been there for her, every second and every day.
What could he say? That he had tried everything? But was that even true?
He should have hired physicians, tutors, companions, governesses, and nurses.
He should have taken her back to the countryside, or to the seaside.
And he should have filled her rooms with books, flowers, and music.
But Alexander was too busy fighting his own guilt so much so that he could not comfort Rosalind the way she needed.
He had believed that coming to London would be best for them both, but he had been wrong.
“You are accusing me of not helping my sister?” he asked defensively, ignoring the guilt he felt in the pit of his stomach.
“I only ask so I may suggest how to truly help her,” Theodora said in a far gentler tone than she had employed a moment before.
I failed her.
Theodora watched him. Her expression softened and he prayed that she did not see through him.
“Your Grace…”
His jaw clenched. “I have tried everything to help her.”
“You could not have tried everything; it is not possible,” she said.
Alexander laughed humourlessly. “Do not get technical with me, Miss Dowell. Do not stand there and imply that you, who met Rosalind not ten minutes ago, know her better than I.”
“I am not implying anything,” she said, though her voice wavered. “I am saying that she needs help. Real help. And you cannot do it alone. Surely you know that because you asked me to assist.”
“I made a huge mistake asking you to come here. As I said, she needs a friend not another—physician,” he snapped.
“I disagree. Rosalind does not need me. She truthfully needs a trained physician.”
Her words made him freeze.
She continued, oblivious to his spiralling thoughts. “I understand that you are trying to protect her. But protection is not the same as healing.”
He stared at her. “You believe you know everything. Do you not?”
“Nobody knows everything.”
“Oh, of course. But you, Miss Dowell, truly believe that science can explain everything. And I hate to ruin your expectations, but science cannot truly explain everything. Sometimes life takes an unexpected turn. People leave, hearts get broken, and we become lonely. Rosalind is merely lonely. She did not adapt to London, no matter how hard I tried. And I, foolishly, believed that you, a young, intelligent woman who grew up in the city, would do her good.”
“If you explained your intentions to me, I would have understood her better. I—”
“I guess you cannot be intelligent and sympathetic at the same time.” He cut her off coldly.
Theodora swallowed, her eyes glistening. “Now that I do understand, let me see her again, and I will—”
“No.”
The word came out harsher than he intended, but he did not take it back.
Theodora looked insulted. “No?”
“Why would I allow you to see my sister again after you frightened her?” He frowned down at her.
Theodora flinched as though struck. “I—”
Alexander growled. “You will never see her again, Miss Dowell.”
Her eyes filled with hurt. She stepped back, shaking her head and laughing humorlessly. Alexander felt a sudden sense of dread.
“I should not have come,” she said as she looked at the front door.
“Theodora—”
“I do not know what I was thinking but I should not have agreed to your deal.”
He reached for her, but she turned away from him. Silence fell, heavy and suffocating.
Miss Dowell lifted her head up, every inch the proud, wounded alchemist he had met at the masquerade. “I will take my leave, Your Grace.”
She walked towards the exit without a second glance.
Alexander moved instinctively. “Wait.”
She did not. She kept walking. He longed to follow her, but pride rooted him in place. He could not force her to stay and understand the terror that lived within the Hawthorne House, so he watched as she reached the door.
For a moment, he hoped that she might turn back, but she did not and perhaps that was for the best.