Chapter 13
Rosalind had gone to her chambers to rest; the walk having left her pleasantly tired. Theodora should have taken her leave then and returned home. But what awaited her there was even worse. She felt like a stranger in her own home, harboring secrets from her beloved mother for her wretched father.
Damn him.
Theo walked towards the front door, planning her escape when her eye caught the view of a grand library. She stopped short at the entrance and her breath caught. The shelves reached the ceiling and there must have been hundreds of books.
“Magnificent,” she whispered under her breath.
I should leave.
Instead, she found herself drifting inside. Her steps were slow and cautious. She peered at each book on the shelves, struggling to stop her thoughts from traveling to Alexander.
Missing someone is a chemical reaction. Stage Five of her list.
But Theo was not here because of the experiment. She was here because Rosalind and Alexander were in pain, and she wanted to help them.
That is all.
She decided to find Alexander, aide him, and leave.
Theo put the book she’d been holding back into its place and turned to find Alexander when she suddenly realized that she was not alone. The man himself sat in an armchair on the far side of the library, smiling mockingly in her direction.
“You may take that book if you want,” he said slowly.
Theo gulped. “Why are you only wearing a shirt?”
Alexander let out a low laugh. “I am allowed to wear what I please in the comfort of my house. Anyway, I did not expect a farewell from you.”
Theodora looked around flustered.
Why is he always underdressed?
She decided to shift the conversation. “How long have you been sitting there? And why did you not say anything?”
He laughed lightly. “You were intriguing to watch so I decided to silently enjoy the show.”
Theodora felt a pull in the pit of her stomach; she was beginning to notice a pattern in her body whenever she was around him.
I will be sure to write about this.
She looked at Alexander then, trying to decipher why she felt the way she did around him. Perhaps it was his expertise when it came to seducing women but surely, she had some self-control…
Her breath caught when a ray of sunlight suddenly cut across his shoulders, illuminating the dark fall of his hair and the frame of his body. He was still looking at her darkly. The intensity of his gaze struck her like a physical force.
“Theodora,” he said softly.
“Yes,” she responded shakily.
The library had always been her sanctuary. It was a quiet, orderly, and rational place to hide in when the rest of the world felt chaotic. But with him in it, the room felt claustrophobic and frightening in an exciting way.
“Were you looking for me?” He regarded her with a curious expression, raising a dark brow.
She swallowed. “I… wanted to speak with you.”
Alexander got up and strode towards her, and she felt her pulse quicken with every step.
“How was Rosalind?” He sounded troubled.
“She was better than the last meeting,” Theodora said. “Much better. All she needs is some good food, sunlight, and exercise. And…” She hesitated. “I think you should take her to Bath. The waters there helped my mother when she was—”
She was admitting too much to him. Alexander studied her with that same intense focus that always made her feel as though he were peeling back her layers one by one.
“I will consider all of that, thank you,” he said quietly and she was grateful that he did not ask her to continue.
“You are most welcome.”
“You care for others easily, even when you are suffering,” he added. His words and the observation he made surprised her.
She stiffened and frowned as she thought about it. “That is not true. I am perfectly fine.”
“It is,” he said. “Something made you stop believing in love or that you are undeserving of it. I am not going to ask you tell me what it is, but I can see it in you.”
Theodora’s breath faltered. She was the one who read and examined people, but she had never been on the receiving end of such scrutiny. His perception of her left her deeply unsettled.
She forced a laugh. “You are guessing wildly.”
“Am I?” he asked.
When did he get so close?
Theodora caught a whiff of his cinnamon scent and her stomach fluttered involuntarily.
“I am curious…was it a heartbreak? A betrayal? Or someone who—”
“That is enough,” she said sharply, heat rising to her cheeks. “I did not come here to discuss that.”
He tilted his head curiously. “Then why did you come, Theo?”
“To check on you and to help Rosalind,” she said simply.
Alexander chuckled. “Do not bother about me. That will do you no good.”
“You are in pain,” she said, grateful for the shift in their conversation. “I saw it yesterday and today. So that means it has not improved.”
He hesitated, then sighed. “Very well, but I strongly disagree with this.”
“Why?” she raised a brow.
“Because a scientist should not get attached to her guinea pig.” He smirked at her and she rolled her eyes.
Before she could reply smartly, Alexander reached for the buttons of his shirt and Theodora stilled.
He unfastened them slowly. It was difficult to tell if each movement was meant as a deliberate tease for her or if His Grace was in so much pain that he could only move at this pace.
Eventually, the fabric fell open and revealed the ropes of muscles, a defined chest with a small tuft of hair in the middle and a huge, disturbing bruise along his ribs.
The deep, dark, and angry marks bloomed across his skin.
Theodora swallowed hard. He was half-naked in front of her. The vast library suddenly felt too small and the heat she felt in her core felt unbearable.
This is not conducive to rational thought.
She forced herself forward, kneeling slightly to examine the bruises and ignoring the teasing smile on Alexander’s lips.
“I have taken for you a rake but not a brute,” she muttered.
“That is hurtful,” he said dryly.
“This is hurtful,” she countered, pointing at the bruise that looked like a small island. “How did you earn this?”
Alexander smiled faintly. “From boxing.”
Theodora stared at him, but her fingers were gentle as she traced the edge of a bruise. His breath hitched, and she pulled her hand away immediately.
“I am sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“Barely, the opposite actually.” He winked at her.
Men.
“You should not jest about such things, and why, in God’s name, are you boxing?” She placed her hands on her hips and spoke to him sternly, but Alexander seemed to enjoy it.
“It is a passion of mine, like reading is for you.” He shrugged as if it did not matter and that injuries were a normal part of it.
Theo sighed loudly. “You need a cream; I can bring one tomorrow.”
“I would appreciate that.”
She nodded, trying to focus on the injury, and not on how warm his skin felt beneath her fingertips or the way his muscles tensed under her touch. It surprised her that he was affected by her as much as she was by him.
“Who did this to you?” she asked.
“My sparring partner, Briggs,” he said casually. “He has a strong right hook.”
“I do not understand the concept of boxing. You let him hit you?”
Alexander shrugged and responded with a cocky smile.
Theodora shook her head. “You are truly impossible.”
“And you are avoiding something,” he said.
She frowned. “I am not.”
“You are,” he said softly. “You always do when you are flustered.”
“I am not flustered.”
“All right,” he said, amused.
“Perhaps you should put your shirt on. I have examined the injury and know how to assist you now.” She spoke more sternly.
Alexander stayed as he was, not attempting to put his shirt on at all. “How is your experiment going?”
She crossed her arms and looked around the room for a distraction. “I have found… some evidence that love is not deeper than attraction.”
Alexander tipped his head to the side and stared at her for a long beat before asking, “And did you heed my advice?”
Theodora could almost taste the sweetness of his breath. “I…I have not had the chance to.”
He smiled slowly as if the delay of her experiment was the best news ever. “Physical touch was on your list, was it not?”
Her heart lurched.
“Y…yes, physical contact raises heart rate and causes euphoria, showing these signs point only to lust; and love is simply an intense form of it.”
“Have you ever been touched?” His voice dropped low.
Theodora took a deep breath and exhaled.
What does he think of me?
“Of course not,” she said tightly.
Alexander took a small step forward, closing the gap between them.
“Since you have already touched me, perhaps you should feel it too. Who knows? You may be wrong about physical touch altogether.” He flashed her a wolfish grin.
Theodora let out a choked laugh. “That is not —”
“Logical?” he asked. “It is perfectly logical.”
She hated that he was right and that her pulse was already racing. Despite any of her protests, she wanted him to touch her.
For the sake of the experiment.
“How can you prove a theory without some practical work?” He lifted a hand, brushing a rogue strand of hair from her cheek. The touch was featherlight, but it sent a shiver down her spine.
“Do you truly believe I will fall in love with you?” she scoffed.
“That is why we are experimenting…is it not?”
She wanted to wipe that smug look off his face.
“And what if you fall in love with me?”
He laughed and she did not understand why she felt insulted. “That is not possible.”
Theodora glared at him. “You are very sure of yourself.”
“I am,” he said smugly.
“As long as you remember that this is still an experiment and just an experiment,” she muttered.
“Of course,” he whispered.
“All right, then… touch me.” She lifted her chin, dropping her arms to her sides and surrendering to him.
Theo noticed how Alexander’s eyes darkened and his muscles flexed tautly. His fingers trailed down her jaw slowly. His touch was unbearably gentle. Suddenly, she struggled to breathe and her knees weakened.