Chapter 18
Alexander had initially decided that Rosalind would not attend the Corset Chronicles gathering.
He did not know much about this Society but recalled what Spencer said once before.
If these women, including Theodora, were truly reading scandalous books and discussing them at these meetings then he could not imagine what Rosalind would learn.
That decision, however, quickly changed when he saw the flicker of light in Rosalind’s eyes after she received a personal invitation from them.
Alexander had not seen that light in his sister for a long time.
He agreed to let her go and had spent the entirety of the afternoon worrying over her.
He knew that Theo would treat her with kindness, but she could have been just as compassionate anywhere.
Alexander had meant to wait at the door to the townhouse yesterday afternoon so he could be there when Rosalind returned home, but business had called him away unexpectedly.
He’d spent the remainder of the night conjecturing and wondering how Rosalind fared.
. But as he sat across from her at the breakfast table the next morning, he did not regret his decision to let her join the ladies’ group.
“You look well today, Rosie.” She truly did look well.
Her cheeks were red and a small smile pulled at the corner of her lips.
“I am well,” she said softly.
“Did you enjoy the…meeting yesterday?” His voice caught slightly as his mind immediately went to Theodora, but he shook all thoughts of her away.
She already occupied his mind every night. He could not bear it during the day too.
“I had a wonderful time with them.”
Alexander leaned back in his chair, studying her. She looked lighter and freer as though some invisible weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
Theodora was right.
He smirked, knowing she would ensure he admitted she was right and Rosie just needed some friends.
Alexander turned to his sister. “Rosie… may I ask you something?”
Rosalind looked at him cautiously. “Of course.”
He hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “Do you… do you like London?”
She stared at him and looked confused by the question. Of course she did not like it. She was forced to be here. But he couldn’t help but notice how she had changed and perhaps her opinion about London had changed too.
“I know that you miss home but perhaps London is…growing on you? Perhaps now you can enjoy being here? The balls, the crowds, the noise, the expectations… all of it.”
Rosalind looked down at her teacup and for a long moment, she said nothing.
Then, quietly, she whispered, “I do not particularly like it but…I am trying to see the good in being here.”
Her words pierced Alexander’s heart. All he wanted was for her to be happy, like she used to be before the accident.
“I see.” It was all he said as he scratched his chin, deep in thought.
Rosalind looked at him apologetically. “I do not dislike it. But it is… overwhelming. And loud…and busy. And I never quite feel as though I belong.”
She spoke in a rushed tone as if she had been holding back her truth and now, she could finally release it.
Alexander swallowed. “Rosie…why did you stay if you hated it so much? You are old enough to leave.”
Her answer came without hesitation. “I stayed for you.”
Alexander froze. He moved to London for her sake, but she stayed for his.
Rosalind continued gently. “You were alone here. And when I came of age I thought… if I left, you would be lonelier still. So, I stayed. To keep you company.”
Her words brought on a fresh wave of guilt..
She had stayed and endured London for him. And he had not even noticed how selfish he was being.
“Rosie…” His voice was rough. “I had no idea you still found it difficult to live here.”
She smiled faintly. “I know. I did not want you to.”
Alexander felt like the worst brother alive.
He leaned forward, elbows on the table. “How would you like it if we left London for a bit?”
Her eyes widened with excitement. “Where would we go?”
Alexander beamed. “Somewhere quieter. Somewhere you feel… safe.”
She stared at him, stunned. “You mean it?”
“Yes, I do.”
Her breath hitched. “I… I would like that very much.”
“Where would you like to go?” he asked softly.
“Home.” Rosalind did not hesitate.
Alexander nodded even though he, personally, did not want to return home. It would be a stark reminder that his parents were gone because of him.
“I mean…our country estate,” she clarified, her voice warming. “The gardens. Mother’s orchard. And the lake in our backyard. I miss it all. I miss the quiet and the fresh air. I miss…” She paused, her eyes dropped as if she realized she was confessing too much.
“I miss home too.” Alexander felt guilt, affection, and regret twist inside and tangle together as he looked at Rosalind. “Forgive me, Rosie?”
Her head snapped up. “What for, Alex?”
“For thinking I was doing the right thing for you when in fact it was the right thing for me. I was selfish.” His apology was sincere.
Rosalind smiled softly at him. “You did what you thought was best for me, and for the Dukedom.”
“And you sacrificed your own happiness just to be here with me.”
She nodded. “But now… now you have Miss Dowell.”
Alexander nearly choked on a breath. “I—what?”
Rosalind’s smile was small but knowing. “You have her. And she is good for you.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out. His mind flashed with images of Theodora’s doe green eyes, her stubborn chin, the way she had looked at him in the carriage, and the way she made him feel alive and furious and unsteady all at once.
Rosalind continued gently, oblivious to the storm that raged within him. “I feel better knowing you are not alone anymore.” Alexander stared at her, speechless, and Rosalind frowned. “Do you not care for Theodora?”
Alexander shook his head. “Of course, I do, but as a friend and nothing more.”
She let out a soft bark of laughter and quickly clasped her mouth.
Alexander’s lips twitched despite himself. “What is so funny? Pray, do tell?”
She slowly dropped her hands. “Nothing…nothing at all. Either way I am still glad you have Theodora. As a friend or… more than that.” She shrugged and this time Alexander laughed.
“Trust me, Rosie. We are just friends.”
But even as he said it, he doubted his own words and Rosalind seemed like she did not believe him.
He swallowed hard. “Rosie… I am so sorry.”
She shook her head. “Do not be. I am happy. Truly. And now I am even happier to hear that we are going home.”
He stood abruptly, scraping the chair against the floor. “Then we will go at once.”
Rosalind gaped. “We will?”
“Yes.” He was already reaching for the bell to summon the butler. “I will make the arrangements, and we will leave as soon as we can.”
Her face lit up like the sun. “Alexander… thank you.”
He felt something warm settle in his chest. “You deserve to be happy, Rosie. And if London is not the place for you, then we will go somewhere that is.”
She rose and wrapped her arms around him. Alexander stiffened in surprise. Rosalind had not shown any affection for a while, and this was a miracle. When she pulled back, she was smiling and Alexander knew, with sudden clarity, that from then on, he would listen to Theodora.
“I shall go pack.” She grinned at him before leaving him alone with his many thoughts about a certain sorceress.
Alexander exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck.
He had no idea what to do about Theodora. When he was with her, he could not think straight, and being away from her drove him insane as well. Every waking moment his thoughts drifted to her, and he blamed every sleepless night on her too.
She was everywhere, changing everything and Alexander could not help but think that she was changing him as well.
Perhaps I need a week away, too.
* * *
Observation, Day Five
Subject’s proximity continues to produce measurable physiological responses.
During the carriage ride, tactile contact (specifically, the subject’s hand and fingers) resulted in an immediate increase in heart rate, accelerated respiration, and a notable disruption of cognitive clarity as a powerful sense of release imploded from within and without my body.
The sensation radiated through the thoracic region and lower abdomen, suggesting a complex interplay between autonomic and emotional stimuli.
She paused, heat rising to her cheeks as the memory sharpened in the dim carriage light. Theodora could almost feel the warmth of his breath against her cheek, and the way her pulse had thundered so loudly she was certain he heard it.
She dipped her quill again with unsteady hands. Her thighs pressed together as a familiar pleasurable ache bloomed in her stomach.
The response appears involuntary and disproportionate to the stimulus. Further study required.
She stopped as the ink messed slightly on the page.
Her hand continued to tremble and her breath shortened. Every time she thought about Alexander her chest tightened in a way she could not categorize. She snapped the journal shut.
Enough.
A knock sounded at Theodora’s door before she could gather herself and without waiting for a response, her mother entered the chamber.
“Theodora, are you ready? We are leaving for Lady Humphrey’s ball in twenty minutes.”
Theodora groaned. “Must we attend?”
Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “Yes. You have avoided enough events this Season.”
“I have not avoided them,” Theodora argued. “I simply… reprioritized.”
Her mother crossed her arms. “You will go. You will smile. You will dance. And you will not embarrass us.”
Theodora bristled. “I am perfectly capable of not embarrassing you.”
Her mother gave her a pointed look.
Theodora sighed. “Fine. But I am only attending because you insist.”
She stood, smoothing her new gown, though her heart was pounding for an entirely different reason. A part of her, the part she refused to acknowledge, wanted to go because she was certain that Alexander would be attending and Theodora had questions for him.
She paused and looked down at her stained fingers. Theodora grabbed her silk gloves and slipped them on. She looked at her reflection and suddenly felt conscious of her appearance. Her fingers trembled as she pinned a loose curl back and turned towards her mother who was smiling gently at her.
“You look beautiful, darling.”
“I…I am only making certain that I do not embarrass you,” she lied.
Her mother nodded and ushered her downstairs, where her father waited by the door, already scowling and impatient.
The carriage ride was painfully silent as her parents sat stiffly across from her.
Their expressions were carved from stone.
Theodora stared out the window, wishing she were anywhere else but there.
She never understood their silence, and she wondered if it was something they were accustomed to.
But Theodora did not find it normal or comfortable enough to be described as love.
“Theodora,” her father said roughly.
She turned to him slowly. “Yes, Father?”
Lord Dowell looked uneasy and Theodora was hopeful that he was going to confess to her mother.
“Your mother and I were discussing that perhaps it is time you found a husband.”
Theodora could not hold back the laughter that burst through her in an unladylike manner.
He truly wants to get rid of me.
Her parents frowned at her as she calmed down. “I apologize, Father, but I am truly enjoying my time studying. I am in the middle of conducting research right now and—”
“Science will get you nothing. You need to stop being afraid of commitment and secure yourself,” her father hissed.
Afraid?
Theodora’s eyes darted to her mother, but Lady Dowell kept her gaze lowered and her mouth sealed. She felt tempted then to tell her the truth about the man she married and loved but she simply could not be the one who broke her mother’s heart. Instead, she turned to her father.
“Father, perhaps you should accompany Mother to Bath next time. I hear warm water helps with tension. And heaven knows the two of you could use some quality time together.” She smiled sweetly.
Her mother gasped. “Theodora!”
Her father glared at her. His jaw tightened so much that she thought it would pop right off. “You will hold your tongue!”
She lifted her chin defiantly. “Do not give me a reason to use it then.”
An icy silence followed just before the carriage finally stopped in front of Lady Humphrey’s grand townhouse. Theodora didn’t wait for the footman. She pushed the door open and stepped out, ignoring her mother’s sharp call of her name.
I am done with them! Done with their lies and farce of a marriage.
She did not know what she needed but she was looking for something as she walked ahead and glanced around at the multitude of guests.
Inside the ballroom, music swelled, chandeliers glittered, and dancers spun across the polished floor. Servants wove through the crowd with trays of champagne and laughter echoed from every corner.
Theodora scanned the room and walked farther in, weaving between guests, searching through every cluster of people, every doorway, and every shadowy corner. But everywhere she looked—
He was not there.