Chapter 25
Theodora stood looking out of the tall library window.
Her pale fingers pressed lightly against the cold glass and left an imprint there.
The Dowell estate grounds stretched before her in muted winter colors that seemed to match her morbid thoughts.
She had been staring at their drive for hours, willing a familiar carriage to appear.
Alexander is leaving today.
The thought frightened her and she wasn’t sure why. If her letter reached him in time, he might come and if it didn’t… then at least she had said her goodbyes.
But did she truly want to say goodbye to him?
Her heart raced as she remembered surrendering her body to him.
She had claimed it was all for science but now she doubted her reasons, especially after they spoke and opened up to each other.
She had not dared write the truth plainly to Alexander because she was afraid that her father had been reading everything before allowing the letters to go to the post.
And she was right.
Lord Dowell had been inspecting every letter, every scrap of paper, and every message that entered or left the house. Thankfully, Theodora’s notebook was locked within her drawer and only she had the key. She was risking it all, writing to and about Alexander.
Nevertheless, she still needed to see him. So, she had written anonymously. She’d slipped her letter into the stack of her father’s outgoing correspondence and prayed that it would be delivered unnoticed.
She hoped Alexander would recognize her handwriting and understand what she could not say. And a part of her hoped that he would come. But it was wishful thinking.
Perhaps he had already left. Perhaps he never received it. Perhaps all of this was for nothing!
Her chest tightened painfully as she watched the sun begin to set.
Just as her thoughts drifted towards Alexander and her body began to crave him, the library door opened and Lord Dowell stepped inside.
“Ah, there you are!” he said smugly.
Theodora felt instantly cold in his presence.
He looked at her with a mixture of triumph and disgust.
What is he up to now?
His beady eyes swept over her as though she were an inconvenience he had been forced to acknowledge.
“Father,” she said, turning herself fully towards him. “Have you come to tell me that I may I leave the house? I do have pressing matters to attend to this evening.”
He closed the door behind himself. “I told you, I will let you and your mother out once I have cleared things up properly.”
“You mean once you have ended things with your mistresses?”
A thick uncomfortable silence settled between them as they glared at each other.
Theodora had finally lost all her patience for the man who stood before her. If he could not love and respect her mother, his wife, then surely, he didn’t deserve his children’s love and respect either.
“All these years I thought you were the quiet daughter who would avoid conflict at all costs.” He let out a bark of humorless laughter as he walked over to the wines and poured himself a drink. “It seems I was wrong.”
“You have been saying you will clear things up for two days now,” she replied, ignoring his insult and tone. “You have not even allowed any messages to leave the house. Evelina has been writing to me constantly and if I do not respond, then she will grow suspicious.”
Her father laughed again. This time it was a sharp sound that made her skin rise uncomfortably.
“Do you think I am mad, Theodora?” He twirled the glass of wine in his hand.
She frowned. “No. I just think you are being unreasonable.”
“Watch your tone.” His eyes narrowed at her like a snake’s.
She clenched her hands at her sides; she’d had enough of her father’s taunts. The urge to see Alexander grew so strong that she imagined pushing past Lord Dowell and running away.
But that would be absurd, especially for her.
“Evelina will not remain silent,” Theodora said, lifting her chin. “If I do not reply, she will come here herself. Or she will send someone. You cannot keep me locked away without consequences.”
Her father’s expression shifted as he studied her.
He knows something.
“It seems,” he said slowly, as if he read her mind, “I am not the only one in this family with secrets.”
Theodora’s stomach dropped. “What are you talking about?”
“You know damn well what I am talking about!”
“I do not! And anyway…no secret would be big enough to cover up yours!” she retorted.
Lord Dowell smirked. “Are you certain?”
Before she could answer, her father turned, slammed the glass on a counter, and left the library.
Theodora stood frozen as dread crept up her spine.
She didn’t know what he was doing, but she knew it wasn’t good.
She knew that look in his eyes because she had seen it before.
It was the look of a man who believed he had found leverage.
When he returned, he held something in his hand that looked oddly familiar. Theodora felt her face flush with anger and embarrassment.
“That is mine! You have no right reading it,” she hissed at him.
Her blood ran cold when he held the notebook up between two fingers, as though it was covered in filth.
“Theo, I know everything you have been doing.”
Her breath caught. “Father—”
“I know all about how you have been flirting with men,” he continued, voice dripping with disdain. “How you have been sneaking around and meeting the Duke of Hawthorne in secret to… ‘experiment.’”
Her father flipped the notebook open, pages fluttering like wounded wings. “Do you think I am blind? Do you think I do not know what this implies?”
“This is rich, coming from a man who could not keep his marital vows!”
Lord Dowell’s face reddened.
“You have been disgracing this family! You have been making a fool of yourself and of me!” he roared.
Theodora flinched but held her head up. Her own anger flared like an uncontained fire. “You do not need my help in making yourself a fool.”
“How dare you?” he snapped and stepped closer, eyes blazing with fury. “You have been meeting a man in secret then coming home and writing about how you have been letting him touch you.”
He pointed an accusing finger in her face. “Do not pretend innocence. I know exactly what kind of girl you have become.”
Theodora’s breath shook. “You know nothing about me.”
“I know enough,” he said. “Enough to keep you locked in this house until you remember your place.”
She stared at him, horror and fury swirling inside her. He had read everything. Every line she had written about Alexander. He had taken her mind, the one thing she had always believed was hers alone, and turned it into a weapon against her.
Her father snapped the notebook shut. “This ends now.”
Theodora’s entire body went cold. The words struck her roundly, hollowing her out from the inside. She stared at the notebook in his hand.
Her father paced once, slowly, as though savoring the moment.
“What are you going to do?” Her voice sounded small and helpless.
“I have a plan,” he said simply.
“You have a plan?”
“Yes,” he replied, turning towards her with a look of self-satisfaction that made her feel nauseas with fear. “I always have a plan.”
Liar.
She took a step back. “Father—”
“You have lost the right to call me that.” He raised a hand, silencing her. “My plan is that I will stop seeing other women. I will fix things with your mother, and I will restore order to this household.”
Theodora was stunned. She expected something more sinister, but this seemed like good news.
“You will stop having your affairs?”
“Yes,” he said, as though he was granting a favor. “But under one condition.”
Her hope was quickly dashed.
“I will not let you live under my roof anymore,” he continued smugly.
“What?” Theodora gasped.
“You have become a liability,” he said coldly. “A distraction and a source of shame. I had considered sending you to a convent, but then—” He lifted the notebook slightly. “—the solution presented itself when I broke open that drawer of yours.”
Theodora’s blood pulsed loudly in her ears. “What are you going to do to me?”
He strode across the library slowly and placed the notebook on the desk. When he looked at her again, his eyes shone and he smiled devilishly at her.
“The solution is simple. I am going to marry you off to the Duke who ruined you.”
His words felt like a punch to her gut.
She stared at him, unable to speak. “You… you cannot be serious.”
“I am entirely serious,” he said confidently. “You have already compromised yourself with him. You have been meeting him in secret. Writing about him. Allowing him to touch you. Therefore, you will marry him, and this scandal will be contained.”
Theodora felt her knees weaken. “I did not—you are twisting everything—”
“I am correcting everything you have ruined,” he snapped. “You will marry this man, and this family will be saved.”
Saved? How will this save my mother?
She shook her head, utterly horrified. “You cannot force me into marriage.”
“I can,” he said. “And I will.”
“How can you be so wicked?” Theodora’s voice trembled.
Her father’s expression hardened. “Do not speak to me of wickedness when you hide behind your studies to act as a common courtesan to Dukes. You should be grateful that I am arranging this!”
She wanted to scream but before she could respond, a knock sounded at the library door and a footman stepped inside, bowing quickly.
“Lord Dowell… a visitor has arrived.”
Her father frowned. “At this hour? Is it an important guest?”
“Yes, sir. It is—”
“Send them in!” Lord Dowell waved him off and the footman scurried away.
Theodora had too much on her mind to wonder about the guest.
Her father’s eyes narrowed in her direction again. “You will prepare yourself for marriage, and once you leave this house, I never want to hear from you again.”
Her heart pounded so violently she thought she might faint. She turned towards the window instinctively and froze when she spotted the carriage outside.
“The Duke is here,” she gasped.