Chapter 27 #2
Evelina hesitated, chest rising and falling with anger, but she obeyed. She sank onto the sofa beside Theodora, who sat stiffly, hands clasped in her lap. Maria placed a plate of cakes on the table and poured tea for them with shaking hands.
“Eat,” she said. “Or at least pretend to.”
Evelina stared at the cakes, then at Theodora and her expression softened. The anger melted into something far more painful.
“Theo,” she whispered, “why did you not tell me?”
Theodora swallowed. Her voice came out thin and brittle. “Because I did not want to worry you. It felt like it would be all too real if I told you. And I thought… I thought I could handle it on my own.”
Evelina let out a choked sound and pulled her into a tight embrace. Theodora stiffened at first, then softened into her sister’s arms, burying her face in Evelina’s shoulder.
Evelina held onto her and whispered shakily, “I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry.”
Her final week in London was not going well.
Everywhere she went, her emotions were heightened.
She would be “exiled,” as her father so coldly put it, in just a couple of days and she had no idea how to handle it.
Theodora was to be sent away to a convent where she would spend the rest of her life in silence and obedience.
Theodora felt too much to feel anything at all.
Maria, Anna, and Evelina surrounded her, and she tried not to think about how much she would miss being away from them. They filled her life with adventure and humor. And with them she did not have to conduct any experiments to know that they loved her.
“There must be something we can do. We cannot let this happen,” Anna said fiercely. “My husband is a duke and Maria’s husband is a duke. We can use this to our advantage and fight your father.”
Maria nodded vigorously. “We will go to him together and demand he stop this madness.”
Theodora stared at her hands. “There is no point.”
“What do you mean, no point?” Anna frowned at her.
“What is the point of remaining in London?” Theodora asked quietly. “And what is the point of fighting? My father has already decided. He has already written to the sisters at the convent and arranged everything. He really wants me gone.”
“But you do not want to go,” Maria countered with a trembling voice.
Theodora let out a hollow laugh. “Maybe the convent is a blessing in disguise.”
Evelina grabbed her hand. “Do not utter such words.”
“Why not?” Theodora asked. “What am I supposed to do here? Face everyone after being humiliated and rejected? Am I supposed to pretend that nothing happened? And that I was not foolish enough to…” She trailed off, unable to finish.
Anna sat on the opposite side of her. “You do not have to tell us anything about you and Alexander. Not unless you want to.”
Theodora avoided looking at them.
“Anna, you were right when you warned me away from him months ago. How did I ever expect to survive the Scarlet Duke?” she spoke quietly.
Anna’s eyes widened, but she did not interrupt.
Theodora let out a breath that sounded almost like a laugh.
“I was completely blind. And I became irrational against everything I stood for. Including science. Even my observations became obscured. Perhaps…my father was right and I thought I was being clever, but I was not. I was analytical at first but became detached from my work once Alexander got into my head.”
Maria exchanged a glance with Anna.
“I went through every step,” Theodora continued. “Every single one. And I felt exactly what a person in love would feel. I thought I was merely studying and observing it. But I was living it, enjoying it and…falling for him through it all.”
Evelina squeezed her hand. “Theo…”
“And now,” Theodora continued emotionally, “Now, I need to add one final stage to my list.”
Anna leaned forward. “There is a final stage?”
“Yes, the stage where the person you love betrays you and abandons you.”
A heavy silence fell over the room.
“If I had known I would end up like this,” Theodora whispered, “I never would have started.”
“This is our fault for encouraging the experiment.” Evelina looked at her with a pained expression.
Theodora shook her head. “No, please do not say that. It is all my doing.”
“Theo, listen to me. Anna and I have both went through similar heartbreaks at the beginning of our marriages. It was not easy and we cried too but, in the end, —”
Theodora looked up sharply. “Maria, it is not the same.”
Maria pursed her lips.
“You both had difficulties,” Theodora continued. “You both had misunderstandings. But your husbands wanted to marry you.” Her voice broke and she began to cry. “They wanted to stay married to you and they fought for you and they chose you.”
She inhaled raggedly. “But Alexander ran away from me. He left me with my father and did not care what happened once he made his own escape.”
Evelina’s eyes filled with tears again.
Theodora felt terrible for making everyone emotional on their last day together.
“I always thought I would be the one to run. Or I would be the one to leave before anyone could hurt me. But I did not run. I let myself feel everything only for him to leave.”
Maria reached for her hand. “Theo—”
“No,” Theodora said softly. “It is all right. Truly. I am not angry anymore. I am just… tired.”
Anna brushed a tear from her cheek. “You do not deserve this!”
“Maybe, I do deserve this,” Theodora said. “I was na?ve.”
Evelina wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “You are an intelligent young woman with a good head on her shoulders. You are far from na?ve!”
“Thank you.” Theodora smiled softly at her sister.
Her friends fell silent, each of them fighting their own emotions. Maria wiped her eyes. Anna pressed her hand to her mouth and Evelina held Theodora as if she could keep her from slipping away.
“You will make quite an attractive nun,” Anna muttered with a coy smile.
They all hesitated before bursting into raucous unladylike laughter and Theodora savored the sweet moment shared between them.