Chapter 29
“Theo… is this really your last day with us?” Lady Dowell whispered with a trembling voice as she stood nearby.
Theodora could not answer. Her hands were shaking as she folded another dress and placed it into the trunk.
The room felt smaller than usual, and suffocating, as if the walls themselves were closing in on her.
She had spent her entire life reading, studying, and dreaming of a future she thought she could shape in this room.
Now she was packing it away piece by piece, as if erasing herself from her own life.
“Hurry up!” Lord Dowell yelled from the doorway.
Theodora looked at her mother and saw the tears that were already streaming down her cheeks. She looked tired and twice her age.
“Please… please do not do this, Benjamin,” she begged, turning towards the man standing stiffly outside her chamber.
Lord Dowell did not even look at Theodora. His jaw was clenched, his posture rigid, and his expression carved from stone.
“I told you both already. She leaves today.”
“Why today?” her mother cried. “Why so soon? Can she not stay another week? Why are you doing this Benjamin?”
“Because I said so,” he snapped. “And I will not repeat myself.”
Theodora swallowed hard, her throat burning. “Father, please do not fight—”
“Hush!” he cut her off. “You have brought nothing but shame to this family. You will go to the convent and reflect on your actions.”
Her mother sobbed harder. “She has done nothing wrong!”
“Silence,” he barked. “The carriage is waiting. Now, make haste.”
Theodora’s breath quickened. She looked at her sweet, gentle mother and something inside her cracked. Her vision blurred as she tried to hold herself together, but the moment her mother reached for her, she broke and began to cry.
Her mother rushed forward, and they collided in the middle of the room, arms wrapping around each other desperately.
They clung to one another as if they could stop the world from moving.
Theodora buried her face in her shoulder, inhaling the familiar scent of lavender, of safety, of childhood, and of everything she was about to lose.
Her father huffed loudly. “Enough of these dramatics. Finish packing and get to the carriage.”
He turned and left the room, slamming the door behind him.
Theodora’s reality came crashing down upon her. Her life would never be the same again. She would not see her family and friends as often and she would never see Alexander again.
Alex.
Theodora’s sobs grew harsher. “Mother… I do not want to go.”
“I know,” her mother whispered, stroking her hair. “I know, my darling. I know.”
They held each other tightly, both shaking and crying. Her mother’s tears soaked into Theodora’s hair, and Theodora clung to her.
Finally, her mother pulled back just enough to cup Theodora’s face with trembling hands. “Listen to me. I will come live with you.”
Theodora shook her head immediately. “No. We spoke about this, Mother. You cannot live in a convent because of me. But you must promise me one thing.”
“Anything!” Her eyes lit up.
Theodora looked around to see if anyone was listening.
She leaned closer to her mother and whispered, “You must leave Father.”
Her mother’s eyes filled with fresh tears. “I will leave him. I promise you that. I should have done it years ago.”
Theodora nodded, though her chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself. She turned back to the trunk and forced herself to continue packing. Her hands moved mechanically while her mind screamed at her to stop, to run, and to fight. But she could not. She had no strength left.
“Theodora!” Her father’s voice bellowed from downstairs.
They flinched.
“I will walk you down,” her mother offered.
Theodora nodded, wiping her cheeks with trembling fingers. She took one last look at her room before they walked out, down the hall and into the foyer.
Her father stood by the open door, tapping his cane impatiently. “Finally.”
Lady Dowell glared at him. “You are a cruel man, Benjamin.”
He ignored her. “Get in the carriage.”
Theodora’s legs felt weak. She clutched her mother’s arm as they stepped outside and the chilly air hit her face unforgivingly. The sky was gray, and heavy with clouds, as if the world itself were mourning. She looked at the carriage waiting at the bottom of the steps and her heart clenched.
Lord Dowell gestured sharply. “Move.”
They walked until they reached the carriage. Her mother’s grip tightened on her arm until she felt a sting.
“Well? What are you waiting for? Get in!” Her father snapped.
Theodora didn’t move; she felt frozen to her spot. Memories collided in her mind and heart and all she could see was Alexander.
Hysteria.
Her father barked, “Now!”
Theodora flinched but still could not move. She felt as though she were missing something.
“Hush, Benjamin! She is saying goodbye to me.”
Lord Dowell scoffed. “She has had plenty of time for that.”
“No,” her mother said, voice trembling but firm. “She has not.”
Theodora continued to stare at the carriage, unable to breathe.
What am I forgetting?
Her mother turned to her. “Theo… look at me.”
Theodora forced herself to meet her mother’s eyes.
“You are not alone,” her mother whispered. “Not now. Not ever.”
Theodora swallowed hard. “Thank you, Mother…”
Her mother cupped her face again. “When I leave him, I will come to you, I swear it.”
Theodora nodded, tears spilling over again.
Her father snapped, “Enough! Get in the carriage!”
Theodora closed her eyes. Her mother squeezed her hands one last time before she stepped toward the carriage.
Suddenly, horses’ hooves could be heard. They all turned toward the commotion.
“Who the bloody hell is that?” Lord Dowell grunted and peered into the distance.
Theodora craned her neck and saw a carriage arriving. Her pulse quickened as it approached them and stopped a few feet away from hers. The door swung open and just before she could guess who it was, Alexander jumped out and ran to her.
* * *
Alexander barely felt the ground under his boots as he crossed the distance between them.
His legs were shaking from the ride. His lungs burned too, but none of those physical discomforts mattered.
The only thing he saw was Theodora standing next to the carriage, her hand on the door as if she were already halfway gone.
Her mother’s face was streaked with tears and her father stood rigidly behind them, jaw clenched, eyes cold in his direction.
The sight of him made Alexander’s fists clench.
When he finally reached the family, he stopped directly in front of Theodora.
She looked stunned, as though she wasn’t sure he was real.
Her eyes were red from crying, her lips trembling, her posture stiff with resignation.
Seeing her broken, defeated, and preparing to disappear into a life she did not choose hit him harder than any punch he had ever taken.
He forced himself to breathe. “Theodora,” he said, roughly, “Ask me how I feel?”
Her father stepped forward immediately. “You will not speak to my daughter. You had your chance and now she is leaving. This spectacle ends now.”
Before Alexander could respond, Lady Dowell turned on her husband with a fury that startled everyone. “Benjamin, for once in your life, shut your trap.”
Lord Dowell froze, stunned by the sudden rebellion. His mouth opened, then closed again, as if he could not quite process that his wife had spoken to him that way.
Alexander did not look at him. His eyes stayed on Theodora.
“Please,” he said quietly. “Just ask me how I feel.”
Theodora swallowed. He took it as a good sign that she did not move away or tell him to leave. She simply stood there, staring at him as though she were afraid of him.
“How did you find out?” It was not what he wanted but she finally spoke and her voice tore his heart to pieces.
Alexander took a deep breath, steadying himself.
“Anna and Spencer came to Wiltshire last night.”
Theodora let out a humorless laugh. “Anna…of course.”
Alexander had no speech prepared. Everything he had rehearsed on the ride over had vanished as he looked at her. She towered above him majestically and he could admire her for days. But he had to speak and it had to be nothing but the truth.
“Theo, I trained my body for years to endure pain,” he began, speaking steadily even though his heart was pounding. “Boxing, fighting, and discipline was what kept me sane. I thought I understood what real pain was. I thought I knew how to withstand it.”
“You came to see me to talk about boxing?” Her brows furrowed and a fresh wave of pain washed over her features.
“Let me finish,” he said patiently.
“All right,” she whispered.
“Nothing,” he continued, “no fight or opponent had prepared me for the pain of imagining a life without you.”
Her breath hitched, but she stayed silent.
Alexander pushed on. “When I left that day, I told myself I was doing the sensible thing. That I was protecting myself and I was avoiding the kind of pain that destroys people. I told myself I did not believe in love, that I did not need it, and that I was better off without it.”
He shook his head. “I was wrong, Theo. I have been wrong about many things in my life, but never more than I was about you. Now, ask me how do I feel?”
Her father muttered something under his breath, but her mother shot him a glare so sharp he stepped back and gave them their space.
Theodora sighed. “How do you feel, Alex?”
Alexander reached into his coat and pulled out a small velvet box. His hands were shaking as he opened it, revealing a delicate gold ring with a sapphire set in the center.
“This was my mother’s,” he said quietly. “She wore it every day of her life. She loved my father fiercely and he loved her. I feel as though I have never understood that kind of love…until I met you.”
Theodora stared at the ring, and back at him, completely stunned.
Her eyes widened, and for the first time since he arrived, she reacted. She shook her head slightly, overwhelmed. “Alexander… you walked away from me. If you are only doing this to save me from the convent, then you need to leave.”
Alexander stepped closer to her. “I am not asking you to marry me so that I can save you. I am asking because you are the only person who has ever saved me.”
“But how can I trust you again?” She choked on her tears.
“You can trust me because I love you. And I have never loved anyone before you. I did not know I could feel anything like this. I know that you may not believe in love or feel anything for me. But I have those feelings for you. And I will love enough for both of us.”
Tears fell down her perfect face. Alexander had not prepared any of this but he told the truth and he knew that he was saying the right things.
“Alex—”
“Theo, I am asking you to marry me because I cannot imagine a future that does not have you in it. I am asking because I have fallen, madly, deeply, and scientifically, in love with you.”
Theodora stared at him in utter silence for far too long.
Finally, she whispered, “No.”
Alexander felt the world drop out from under him. His breath stopped as his fingers tightened around the ring box. For a moment, he could not move.
Then Theodora closed the distance between them.
“No, Alex,” she repeated steadily. “You are wrong.”
His brows furrowed in confusion.
She took another step towards him. “You cannot love me scientifically because love cannot be studied scientifically. It surpasses all reasoning. It defies every rule I have ever made. Every observation made no sense unless you were the subject. Every hypothesis led to you.”
Her voice trembled.
“All of this led to one conclusion.” She looked up at him and smiled. “I love you too, Alex.”
He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and felt the tension in his chest break apart. Alexander got on one knee before her and held the ring with both hands.
“So, what do you say, sorceress? Will you marry me?”
She held out her hand and Alexander felt as if he were on top of the world.
“Yes!” She grinned down at him as he slid the ring onto her finger with shaking hands.
“This is outrageous—” Lord Dowell began but Lady Dowell’s joyous laughter drowned him out.
“My darling daughter is getting married!”
Alexander did not take his eyes off Theodora, and she did not take her eyes off him. He reached for her hand, and she let him take it. Her fingers curling around his with a certainty that steadied him more than anything else ever had.
He turned slightly, positioning himself between her and the carriage that was going to separate them forever. He didn’t need to say it aloud, but the message was clear: she was not going anywhere except with him.
Lord Dowell stalked towards them, but his wife blocked him with a look that could have cut stone. “Benjamin, if you try to interfere, I swear I will make your life a misery you cannot imagine.”
Lord Dowell froze and cussed under his breath.
Alexander squeezed Theodora’s hand. “You are coming with me,” he said quietly, not as a command but as a promise.
She nodded. “Are you certain?”
“More certain than you will ever know.” Alexander turned to her parents. “You have my word that I will take care of her.”
“I know you will, Your Grace.” Lady Dowell curtsied and smiled through her tears.
Alexander finally looked at Lord Dowell. “You lost the right to decide your daughter’s future the moment you tried to destroy it.”
His face reddened, but he said nothing.
Alexander guided Theodora towards his carriage.
“Where are we going?” She asked curiously.
“I believe we should speak with Evelina. I am hoping she will house you until we can be wed?”
“She will most definitely agree to that.” Theodora beamed at him.
Alexander knew that Theodora’s sister would not deny her. He was so enraptured by Theodora that he had not noticed her mother following them.
As soon as she kissed Theodora goodbye, he leaned closer to Lady Dowell and whispered, “My attorney will handle your separation with Lord Dowell, and my home is open to you.”
Lady Dowell pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle a sob.
Alexander winked at her before he climbed into the carriage beside Theodora and closed the door. The horses started forward, pulling them away from the Dowell estate and away from the life Theodora had been forced into enduring. Alexander reached for her hand again and she let him take it.
He did not speak for a long moment and neither did she. They simply sat there, breathing each other in, and holding on to each other as if their lives depended on it.