Chapter 16
sixteen
“One night,” Evan says. “That’s all it can be. The other thing I said was true. Even if I want more, I can’t. It’ll only be tonight.”
I repeat his words with an eager nod. “One night.”
After our agreement, I don’t rush into his arms, mostly because I’m shocked he’s giving in.
A small piece of me wanted to deny him when this moment came, a petty act of revenge, but I can’t.
The past he’s hinted at runs much deeper than his words, and I shouldn’t open that box. This was never a game to hurt him.
He reaches out and traces a finger along an invisible line on my arm, causing me to quiver.
His palm follows, warm and enveloping. It wraps around my shoulder and glides across the sloping outline of my neck, skipping over the strap of my tank top.
I press myself into his sensual and hesitant touch.
He sets the pace, but he’s not in a rush to take me. He’s exploring slowly. This isn’t a race. I read the signs in every move he makes.
He steps closer until we’re eye to eye. When his palm settles on the nape of my neck, I suck in a breath, still amazed this is actually happening. We’re connected now, but there’s still a lingering question behind his eyes. He tilts his head.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
I nod because I can’t bring myself to say the words. Even with our agreement, I want him, but I’m not sure I’ll forget him after tonight. Something in me can’t commit to that detail, but I’ll take the small part of himself he can give me.
No matter the consequences, I forge ahead. God knows I have my own issues. This side of him I understand.
If I follow Aggie’s rules of the romance universe, I should forget this night in the blink of an eye, but I’m already questioning her logic when Evan’s lips move closer to mine. My eyelids become heavy.
His breath contrasts against the chill on my skin.
He moves closer, and his warmth rushes in like a comforting blanket.
With his body heating mine, he melts away my nervousness.
Strong fingers reach along my lower back.
Small in his embrace, I’m gathered close until we’re chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis, and touching everywhere.
My breathing deepens and my gaze focuses on his lips.
They’re inching closer. His exhale warms my face. And then . . . contact.
His lips sink into me, like submerging into a warm bath. My insides awaken at our connection as nerve endings fire and spark. Every part of him—lips, arms, and body—collide with my world, like we’re magnetically drawn together.
Our mouths part and tongues stroke in a heaven-filled state of starry-eyed discovery. This is everything I imagined, but not with Evan. He’s not in a fury to consume me like I envisioned. What he’s doing is making love. He’s kissing me like we’ve been together forever.
I allow him to continue because the moment it happens, I realize I’m desperate for the bond, even if it’s a facade. Maybe he needs this too.
There’s always been something missing in my life. I’ve never been in love with anyone. Not in a friend way, or even a family way. Not in the after.
I’ve dreamed of it, hoped for it, but I’m not dumb enough to believe I’m in love with Evan. No. But at least here I can pretend to be. With a few blazing kisses, he makes me believe what’s happening between us is real.
For tonight, I’ll allow myself to be loved.
Lost in those thoughts, I relent to his magic.
My hands travel over the soft cotton of his T-shirt until his heart thumps in wild beats beneath my hand.
Dropping them to his waist, I tug his shirt loose and draw it over his head, eager to feel his skin against mine.
He removes my tank with the same fervor.
We disconnect long enough to toss the tops aside, and then we’re on each other, kissing once more.
Hot skin presses against skin. Our arms tangle.
We’re searching for any way to be closer.
As we kiss, his hands glide along the line of my spine. They dip beneath the fabric of my night shorts, where his large hands palm my ass. They circle my hips, making their way to my stomach where thumbs inch their way north until his hands caress my breasts.
His mouth breaks away from mine to explore the new territory. His tongue circles my breasts, his teeth tease my nipples, and then he drops to his knees as if worshipping me.
My head falls back, and I moan accepting my fate.
He grasps my hips, fingers hooking into my sleeping shorts, and I jolt at the newness of being touched there.
He drags them over my hips, past the curve of my thighs, and they fall to the floor, landing in a puddle at my feet. Now I’m completely exposed.
My heart skipping, I stiffen with anticipation of what he’ll do to me. I glance down, and he fixes me with those dark, soulful eyes.
“You’re so beautiful.” He breathes the words out slowly, one at a time.
That sentence, those words and letters, they dance along the slopes of my bare skin, awakening every inch of my body.
The hair on the nape of my neck rises. Goose bumps flourish, spreading like wildfire.
He’s thought of me like I’ve thought of him.
His needy hands return to my hips, firm fingertips sinking into my flesh, and he settles a soft kiss on the edge of my panties.
My eyes roll back as heat blooms at the point of contact.
Wet lips press determined kisses in a cool, sensual trail leading from one hip bone to the other.
And at the end, his greedy fingers twist into the elastic and drag my panties off.
His lips follow, traveling south, farther and farther until there’s one place I need them to touch more than any other. I’m wet and waiting.
One minute I’m standing, and the next, Evan carries me across the room and seats me on the couch. With my back pressed into the cushion, he kneels on the floor before me and lifts my thighs over his shoulders.
This may only be for tonight, but with this beautiful man locked between my legs, I’m enjoying every second.
As I imagine what comes next, he commands my body, sliding me forward until my sex meets his mouth.
The contact causes me to cry out in surprise.
He responds by gripping my thighs and locking me in place.
The hot air from his mouth warms the space between my legs, coaxing them open.
He spreads me wide and dives in as if he’s hungry for my taste.
In one soul-awakening kiss, I’ve found nirvana. As his velvety tongue takes defined licks on my clit, a moan forms somewhere deep inside my body, rings in my ears, and escapes with my panting breaths. My hands clench the sides of the cushion.
“Evan.” His name is a whisper on my lips, but he reacts, seeming determined to make it the only word I’ll ever say again.
My fingers thread into his thick hair, but not for guidance. I’m holding on for dear life because Evan’s an expert, knowing where to touch, where to suck, where to bite, and how to use his fingers. With each assertive movement, I lose more control, writhing beneath him.
I never could have imagined that being with someone would be like this.
Intensity builds in my core. My muscles tense, my insides contract, and when he lightly nibbles at my clit with his teeth, I finally lose myself.
Spasms course through my body as I ride a wave of delirium with Evan locked between my legs.
“Oh, my God.” I stiffen and arch my body into him.
My release lasts for what feels like an eternity until my bones become worthless and limp.
My arms and legs sink to the couch like jelly.
I rub the heel of my hand into my forehead, holding on to that precious pressure blooming there, that euphoria of mind-numbing orgasmic perfection I never understood before now.
“I’m not done with you,” he growls.
Evan’s grinning because he knows what he’s done to me in a matter of minutes. His skill level is so high above my practically virginal state, it’s embarrassing. Maybe it was written on my face all this time. This girl needs a good bang. He only read the glaring neon sign.
He was right all along. Why would any woman give this up, no matter how much of a smart mouth he has? I could learn to love this smart-ass mouth for its special bedroom skills alone.
I shut off my brain and let my attention drift to other sensations. Evan’s hands massage my sides as he peppers my stomach with kisses, stopping at my breast, biting the nipple before tugging it with his teeth and teasing me.
I wince. The slight pain is rapturous, and I squeeze his torso between my thighs.
When his mouth touches mine again, I focus on what he can do to me next. I taste myself on him, and it’s so sexy, I need more. I need everything.
With his body hovering over me, I unbutton his jeans. When I unzip them and tug them off, he springs free and large.
“No boxers?” I find his gaze in the darkness.
“Commando.” He gives me a sheepish grin.
Our lips connect again as I grab him, stroking his length. I’m imagining myself on top of him, in front of him, below him, riding him six ways to Sunday and back around the block. He must want the same thing because with a crackle of a condom wrapper, he’s covering himself.
He kneels on the couch. His feet dangle over the cushion’s edge, his toes pointing toward the floor. With my butt supported by the back of the sofa, I face and straddle him. My thighs and knees press tight to his side. He lifts and slides me onto him until we’re united.
There’s a sense of relief behind his eyes. We sit for a moment, my gaze anchored to his. It means something to him, even if he won’t say what. And it means something to me, because it’s new and it’s with him.
His kisses are sweet, like every time before, reminding me we’re in perfect pretend lust.
“You feel amazing, Cait.” His raspy voice mixes with our moans. We kiss as he rolls beneath me.
He controls the movement of our bodies as we pump in a slow rhythm. I use my knees to lift and drive myself onto him, while he uses the power of his solid thighs to meet my crest.
He slides one hand between my legs and uses his thumb to circle my clit in slow, lingering movements.
My breath catches at the immediate delirium it delivers, and I whine at having my core activated in two ways.
When I lean back, he takes my breast in his mouth, sucking and nipping at its arousal.
His hands are everywhere, touching everything, and I can’t breathe.
I’m a live wire, wild and whipping in every direction under his skilled touch.
I latch my arms around his shoulders to heave us closer and skim my chest against his. Heat builds between us. My heart beats even faster as I tense and twist with need.
His face tucks into my shoulder where he’s breathing heavy, while I’m panting in his ear.
We’re damp in this sprint, and closing in on each other.
My walls tighten around him, all muscles contract, and I finally cry out.
My intoxicating explosion spreads everywhere at once as we moan, coming together.
Our movements slow until we collapse in kisses.
“You might be the death of me,” he admits. We’re tight in each other’s arms, descending from our sex-induced high.
“There’s a possibility I may not be able to move—ever again.”
I laugh from relief, and he laughs too. He kisses me one last time before he lifts me off and settles me on the couch. I lie still, blissed out and naked with him slumped at my side, while his fingertips tease the length of my arm. Gentle touches glide back and forth, tracing my skin.
He kisses my shoulder as if signaling we’re done, and he rolls to his feet. I watch him make his way toward the bathroom. What comes next? Is this already over, even though I’m still suffering from the lingering aftereffects? An Evan hangover?
I exhale and stand, following him. Inside the bathroom, he’s washing his hands, and I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his neck. He stiffens and relaxes when his gaze catches mine in the mirror’s reflection. He turns and wraps me in his arms.
Even though I don’t want to, I’m about to ask him if I should leave, uncertain if this is where we end things.
I’ve never done this before. My heartbeat thunders in my ears, and my cheeks burn with uncomfortable heat.
I chew the inside of my cheek and glance around.
I’m not ready for this to be over, not ready to form those words that make me ache inside just by thinking them.
Evan saves me by speaking first.