Chapter 20 #2
The lump in my throat burns. I’m tired of feeling hurt and betrayed. Angry. When words fail me, all I can do is nod. A part of me has to believe they thought they were doing the right thing. I kept secrets to avoid hurting others too. So how am I any different?
Mom and Nora were best friends, and had been for years.
Long before school days and dances. Before our dads were in the picture and they became farmers’ wives.
All through the years, they were never far from each other.
When they both found out they were pregnant, it was kismet.
Growing up, she was my second mom. Always spoiling me rotten and being another shoulder to cry on.
Deep down, they wouldn’t do anything without love for us in their mind, right?
“He’s in the southwest field.”
I shake my head, eyebrows creasing.
“Jett. He’s working out some things in the southwest field.”
My shoulders fall with the guilt of why he feels the need to work things out and with how long that walk is.
“Harold’s in the stables. Have him saddle up Copper. He’ll get you to Jett.”
I nod, starting to back down the stairs. “Thanks, Nora.”
“Wren?” she calls after me.
I pause to tip my head over my shoulder.
“It’s good to have you home, honey. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”
My steps falter as the words stick to me like honey.
The word honey lands heavy with familiarity.
I nod, offering a tight-lipped smile, as I turn.
The lump in my throat keeps words from forming and I don’t even know what the right thing to say would be.
I cross the yard to the stables on the side of the house.
The Riggsbys are cattle farmers who rely on motorized vehicles to carry them over the farm, but they’ve always had a few horses.
After dinner on Sundays, they’d saddle up and ride over their land, appreciating everything they built.
Occasionally, I’d ride along with them, either on my own horse if there wasn’t one free, or I’d double up with Jett.
Copper might as well have been part mine with as much as I rode him.
And that’s how I find myself on the back of a horse I haven’t ridden in years, heading straight for the man who broke my heart. The man I swore off but can’t seem to stay away from.
Resting the reins in one hand, I lean forward, running my palm over his coat. Copper’s muscles flutter beneath my touch. He’s a gorgeous sorrel Quarter Horse with a shiny penny-red coat, deeper red mane and tail, and a few white markings on his legs.
“Good boy,” I coo. “Take me to him.”
I kick at his sides, spurring him to move faster. He kicks his legs from a trot to a canter. As hesitant as I am for this conversation, the uneasiness burrowing a hole in my stomach is making me queasy. My pulse races with every sound of Copper’s hooves against the ground.
With how flat the land is, I can make out Jett in the distance…
Only, he’s not alone. There are three other figures standing around him, and the weight of seeing everyone nearly knocks me off the saddle.
All four of them are leaning against the fence, staring out over the land.
Jett’s no longer in the sweatpants he left the house in this morning.
From here, I can see how his Wrangler’s hug the globes of his ass.
Copper whinnies as he sees Jett, and all their heads turn in our direction.
Baker elbows Jett, and he says something I can’t make out from here.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette.
I slow Copper to a walk as we approach the line of ATVs.
As hard as I try to avoid looking at Jett, my eyes betray me.
Midnight irises stare up at me, clouded with disdain.
His eyes hold me captive as he leans forward to light the cigarette, cupping the flame with one hand like he’s done a thousand times.
Levi, who was always in my corner, stares at me with an unreadable expression as Heath crosses his arms over his chest with a goofy smirk on his face.
But it’s Baker who steps forward. The ball cap he’s wearing shields his eyes.
“Hey, Wren,” he greets, and I nod before he reaches for Copper’s reins. “Hey, buddy.”
I let the reins go lax as he holds him still. “Need a hand?”
“I’ve got it.” Or at least I think I do.
I bunch the fabric of my skirt in my hand as I fling my right leg over the saddle. The breeze catches the material as it flutters against my boots. As graceful as possible, I dismount the large animal, smoothing my skirt as I tuck a flyaway strand of hair behind my ears.
Baker chuckles. “As graceful as ever.”
“Best I could do in a dress,” I mumble. “Wanna give it a try?”
He huffs a laugh. “Nah, I’m good.”
I watch as he leads Copper over to one of the fence posts to tie his reins. Baker flicks his eyes between Jett and me as if he can sense a storm brewing.
With one foot in front of the other, I can’t look at anyone else. Not when he’s standing there, cigarette hanging between his fingers, watching me, cataloguing my movements. Smoke drifts around him, curling into the sunlight.
Levi claps Jett on the shoulder. “We’re gonna head out. What do you want us riding back?”
“Everything but the horse,” Jett says, his eyes never straying from mine.
The guys exchange a look, but they don’t question him. They help gather the tools scattered across the yard from a hard day of fence repairing.
Heath brushes past me, tipping his ball cap. “Princess.”
I shudder at his mocking tone. Levi doesn’t spare me a glance, and I could crumble from the cold shoulder. It’s at that moment that I know Jett told him about this morning. I want to shrink until there’s nothing left, but that’s what LA Wren would do, and I’m not her.
The sound of engines firing causes the ground to rumble beneath my boots. But all too quickly the rumbling fades, leaving us in heavy silence.
Jett scrapes the cigarette against the sole of his boot before tucking the butt in his pocket. “Why’re you here?”
I flinch at his tone and swallow hard, taking a tentative step toward him.
“I couldn’t let this morning be the last word, not without you hearing the whole story.”
His jaw tightens. “The whole story? There’s fucking more?”
“Yes.”
He crosses his arms, watching Copper munch on some grass. “I’ve got a question for you.”
“Ask it,” I say eagerly.
“Have I been walking around this town with everyone knowing about my baby?”
“No one knew.” My voice trembles.
“What do you mean?” he snaps.
“I mean,” I sigh, wiping a loose tear. “No one knew about the baby. They didn’t know I was pregnant, and they didn’t know about the miscarriage.”
“How the hell is that even possible?”
“I was in a dark place after you abandoned me.”
“And if you would—”
I raise my hand, silencing him as he drags a hand down his face.
“I went to college, lived in the apartment we were supposed to share. I found a part-time job and buried myself in schoolwork. For the first month of college, I was a goddamn zombie. I didn’t make friends, and I couldn’t blame people for not wanting to be around me.
I didn’t take care of myself; no makeup, frumpy clothes, blank expression. ”
“Wren—” His throat bobs as anger fades into something softer—something like pity.
“I’m not telling you this for your pity. It’s the truth.”
Silence stretches between us, both of us processing.
Playing with the hem of my crotchet tank, I keep my attention locked on my movements.
“I’d order takeout when I could stomach eating.
I lost weight and barely answered the phone.
My parents tried to talk me into moving home, but I told them I needed time.
I’d get sick from time to time, but I assumed it was from heartache.
It wasn’t until after Thanksgiving that I realized I hadn’t had a period.
Again, I chalked that up to stress. But when I noticed my jeans were tight, even though I was barely eating, I knew deep in my bones I was pregnant. ”
“How’d you not tell your mom? You two were thick as thieves.”
“Everything changed when you left. I was angry with everyone. I started cutting them off. Mom tried to talk to me, and looking back, I should’ve heard her out.
But I wasn’t ready. I begged for answers the day we were supposed to leave.
I was worried sick you were dead in a ditch somewhere.
All I was told was that you were fine but needed to leave town for a while.
No one would give me anything else, so whenever they’d bring up the farm or mention your family, I refused to hear it.
I didn’t want to hear anything that reminded me of you, and that meant them too.
I know it was childish, but I can’t change how I acted. ”
He swallows roughly at my honesty, but I don’t stop.
“I went to the campus clinic and discovered I was thirteen weeks pregnant and out of my first trimester. I’d missed an entire part of my pregnancy. Guilt clawed at me. How could I have not known? I felt so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Wren,” he interrupts, and I shrug. I sure felt stupid at the time.
“They recommended a free clinic not far from campus. That’s where I heard—” I sniffle, voice wavering. “I heard the heartbeat. We made a life. As angry as I was at you, I couldn’t hate you anymore.”
I fidget on my feet, noticing there’s less space between us. Not until Jett’s reaching down and placing his strong hand on top of mine. I jolt at the electricity zapping me from his touch.
Snapping my attention from our joined hands to his piercing eyes, I’m shocked to see them glossy with unshed emotion.