Chapter 23 #2
My cheeks heat at the reminder of those whispered words. The truth is, I thought I was going to combust. The way his breath feathered across my neck, the heat radiating from his proximity. It was all too much, but I can’t say I hated it. In fact, I want more.
“Yeah, your face says otherwise,” Greer calls out.
Saylor shrugs. “I told you so.”
Abby lets out a deep cackle. “Oh my gosh,” she pants. “I needed a night like tonight.”
Abby slides Clem off her boob as she clasps a few buttons and adjusts her daughter onto her shoulder.
“I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and defeated lately.
Goldie has turned into a total three-nager with a raging attitude and Clem still isn’t sleeping through the night.
Factor in Jacob’s stress with the athletic booster fundraiser, and frustrations are high. ”
The Silo Bay Hawks athletic boosters were supposed to host their annual casino night in May, but due to a scheduling conflict, their reservation was canceled, shifting the date to June.
It doesn’t make any sense why the reservation was canceled, since it’s always been on the same weekend in May for the last ten years.
No other place was available right away, so the members decided to push the date rather than cancel.
Greer reaches across the table and grabs Abby’s hand, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sorry you’re going through so much at once. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to juggle everything, all while trying to take care of yourself and a farm.”
“You know you can always call me to come babysit. I’m more than happy to take Goldie off your hands for a few hours. Now that the weather is getting warmer, she can come over and swim. We’ll have a girls’ day,” Saylor offers.
I glance around the table and take a deep breath. “I know it doesn’t help now, but I may have a solution for future booster nights.”
“How so?” Abby asks, eyes glittering with unshed tears.
“I stumbled across my mom’s journals scattered around the house. The first one I saw was sitting next to my childhood bed.”
The table quiets, and I take a gulp of my wine. Admitting I’ve been reading my mom’s journals is hard. There’s so much guilt and grief clouding my relationship with her—or lack of.
Greer’s eyes widen. “Oh, shit. That’s got to be tough.”
I nod. “You have no idea. Seeing that journal on my nightstand felt like a slap to the face. Like she would go into my room to be near me and write.”
“Fuck,” Saylor rasps.
I flick my hand. “But that’s a whole different story.” I turn toward Abby. “She had a list of hopes and dreams. One of those dreams was turning our old barn into an event center.”
“You’re doing it, aren’t you?” Abby asks curiously, excitement in her tone.
I bite my lip, smiling. “I met with a contractor last week to get the costs. Construction starts soon.”
“Look at you,” Greer beams. “Setting down your own roots and making things happen.”
The words hit me harder than I expected. These might not have been my original dreams, but there’s something prideful in creating my own avenue, even if they were Mom’s plans.
“I’d like to talk to Jacob about taking over the casino night,” I tell Abby.
“I could meet with the boosters, help plan, and run with their concept. I’d keep the date reserved each year to avoid scheduling conflicts and do all of the decorating and organizing.
There’s no reason why the varsity football coach is handling so much when there are other people who should be stepping up to the plate, especially since my mom contributed a lot. ”
Abby rocks Clem gently as she wipes a stray tear. “I think that sounds like an incredible idea. It would alleviate extra weight off Jacob’s shoulders and stress from our family.”
“I’m happy to do what I can.”
Abby reaches for my hand, and the connection has me turning my head. Thank you, she mouths, and I offer her a soft smile.
“Isn’t it funny how life has a way of sorting itself out? Like how people pop up unexpectedly and turn their energy into something good,” Julia says, wiping her face with a napkin.
“Yeah, like how my brother is actually smiling.”
I do love his smile.
“I thought we weren’t talking about us?” I ask, raising my eyebrows to my so-called friends.
“Yeah, but we’re nosy bitches…” Greer shrugs.
I drink the rest of my wine. “We’re…figuring it out. We’ve spent the last week having heavy conversations. I thought they would break us beyond repair, but he surprised me this morning.”
Saylor’s eyes widen. “That was the first time you two have talked since your conversation?”
I shake my head. “No, we’ve been texting a lot, taking our time and relearning each other. But seeing him is different than hiding behind a screen. And the fact he was flirty feels…promising.”
“I’d say,” Saylor mumbles in her wine.
Greer stands, sliding behind Saylor’s chair. She walks to the counter and grabs another bottle of wine, opening it and pouring me a hefty amount.
“Thanks.”
“I figured you need it.”
I take a big gulp and set the glass down. “I knew it was going to be hard seeing him again. But after running into him on my first night, I had a feeling it wasn’t the end of us.”
“Really?” Julia asks, tilting her head.
“Really. It sounds crazy because I was pissed at him, but my body came alive. It’s like my heart knew it still wanted him, but my mind needed time to process.”
Abby smiles. “The heart wants what the heart wants.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Greer adds.
“Same,” Saylor agrees as we all lift our glasses.
It’s not long before the conversation turns lighter, and we dig into the strawberry pie Greer made. Our laughter swells, bright and easy, echoing off my walls and making the space feel more full of life.
Sunshine melts past the horizon, painting the field beyond the big picture window in gold and rose as the day comes to a close. The farm lights flicker on in the distance. My chest warms as I glance around the table.
I’ve been on a mission to chase the feeling of home, but what if home isn’t a place? What if it’s a feeling? Being surrounded by people you love, enjoying a home-cooked meal, and finally feeling safe after so long of not having that luxury.
This.
This is what I’ve been searching for.