Atlas #2
But I want harder truths now. Would she reveal them to me? Does she deem me deserving of divulging to me things she wouldn’t tell anyone else? Not about her family or what happened to them. I don’t think she’s ready for that. But another topic she left the door open to conversation.
“The night of the party, I asked you if you had shot or killed anyone. Were you being honest in your answers?”
Her gaze shifts away from me.
“You went from broken bones to murder? Real smooth!” she scoffs when she finally decides to answer.
“Were you truthful?”
“I was.”
“If I show you my skeletons, will you show me yours?” I ask, ready to tell her dark secrets nobody but my brothers know.
Her lips press in a line, making it clear she doesn’t want to go there. But I hope . . . No. I know she’ll trust me back.
“Two. My father forced me to kill the first one. An employee of his. One of those who enjoyed torture more than they should, and the things he had done . . . It was hard to take that first life, but it never weighed on me.” I pause, surprised that there’s not a sliver of shock in her eyes.
“The second was my choice. Jacob had a younger sister, Maddy. She was raped and strangled about two years ago. Link found the man responsible, and I killed him. I never told Jacob, because we were already not on the best of terms after his father’s death.
I feel no guilt over taking that life either.
” My words settle in the silence before I ask her the question I’ve been asking myself more than once. “Does this make me a monster?”
Summer shakes her head, then lets her arms fold over my chest and buries her face there.
“If you are one, then I am, too.” Her eyes lock on mine when she says a single word. “Four.” Then she goes quiet, leaving me stuttering over a number, I’m sure I misheard.
“F-four! Seriously?!” I expected to hear she shot someone in self-defense once or by accident, not that her count is double mine.
Double my count.
My ego just took a bullet.
“Those four men were the people who tortured and murdered my family. I killed them that same night and kept shooting, emptying their own guns into their bodies, long after they were dead. I wish I could bring them back, only to be able to kill them again. See what kind of monster you’re in bed with? ”
How did I get so lucky to bump into her?
“All I see is my woman, who’s strong enough to do what needs to be done.”
“Your woman? Would you still call me that if you knew that I carry secrets?” she asks, looking to the side.
“You’ll tell me everything, eventually. For now, all I care about is that you’re truthful about how you feel for me.
” Her eyes drift back to mine. “I bet telling me about that drunk night now doesn’t sound so bad, does it?
” She chuckles, hiding her face in my chest again.
“Once the hard stuff is out of the way, talking about everything else will be easy.”
“I’m taking that night to the grave.”
Summer’s faint smile wanes from her face like it was never there, the lighter mood gone in an instant.
“Since you’ll be staying . . . I have nightmares sometimes. They don’t last long, or so I was told, so please don’t wake me up if you hear me screaming.” Summer’s voice turns quieter at the end.
“What?! Why?”
“It’s a reminder, and I need it. It’s what drives me.”
“What do you mean, what drives you? You’ve killed the men responsible. You should allow yourself to move on.”
“I killed the men hired to do the job. One day, I’ll get to the ones who ordered it.”
Silence fills the room, just as conviction fills my resolve.
“Give me names, and I’ll do it for you.”
Her lips part at my offer.
“I tased and choked you less than two hours ago, and now you’re offering to kill someone for me?”
“What can I say . . . Maybe the lack of air damaged my brain. Or it might have been the hit to the head.”
Summer slaps my chest at my remark and smiles again. Yes! I would indeed kill for her smile. But then it’s gone like a summer breeze.
“I’m not giving you names.”
“And I’m not letting you live through that horror in your dreams. Mine to keep, mine to protect.”
Her fingertips trace my lips.
“I like you so much more than I should.”
“Does my willingness to kill for you make it obvious I like you more than I should?”
“Nope. I bet you do that for all your hookups,” she quips, getting another poke under her ribs, drawing her ridiculously sweet giggle.
“I’ve never slept with anyone by my side,” I admit, and she goes quiet.
“Why?”
“You’re vulnerable in your sleep. You’re not there. Defenseless. All your dreams, desires, secrets, and fears could be spilled. It’s too much of a power over yourself to give to just anyone, and way more intimate than fucking.”
“Hate to break it to you, but you already slept next to me, so it’s safe to say I popped your cherry.” Her nose scrunches in the most adorable way. “Not to worry. You popped a cherry, too. I’ve never before had a note from anyone.”
“I’m pretty sure I popped more than one. Have you come in front of a room full of people before? Or had a belt around your neck?”
She slaps me again, making me cackle.
Instead of falling asleep, we keep talking for hours.
Long enough for me to piece together that her mother was a poker hustler, even if Summer never says it outright.
Or to know her father wasn’t an accountant.
The only counting he was doing was in lives taken.
By the time the night fades, I realize that a lock-picking set as a gift for her seventh birthday is the least shocking thing about her upbringing.
When sleep is about to claim part of our time together, she whispers, “Thank you for being here with me,” sealing the moment with a kiss before snuggling right next to me and dozing off faster than I can give any kind of reply.
I drift off soon after, certain that with her, the fear of falling asleep beside someone doesn’t exist.
My dreams, desires, secrets—she can have them all.