Atlas
Two and a half months later
The contents of Summer’s present are getting harder to conceal by the minute as she tests my patience to the limit while I wait for her to get downstairs.
We haven’t talked about pets, but I’ve seen her with dogs, and underneath that warrior facade lies a gentle soul that melts for anything fluffy.
They say getting a pet with your significant other is a prelude to kids.
I’m ready to skip that part, but I couldn’t put a child in a Christmas box, could I?
The kids’ topic will be a conversation for another day—one Summer isn’t ready for, when she’s still unable to give me all her secrets.
But she gives me everything else I breathe for.
The phone starts pinging, and I take a peek at the group chat, assuming the guys are rushing us to get to the new place that we got with the profits of Summer’s tax deductions idea and the one about the non-profit organization for young artists.
Instead, it’s Carter and Connor bickering again.
At least they are no longer at odds with each other.
It took Summer a single conversation to mend the damage between them, and they both lost interest in the girl they were chasing after.
It was never about her in the first place.
I think that’s part of the reason Carter started calling her “sis,” and he’s so protective of her.
Or it might be his empathy for the loss of her own twin.
“That’s a big box,” Summer chimes in from behind me.
“Took you long enough to come downstairs.” I take in her gorgeous red satin knee-length dress with a thigh-high slit, and I’m ready to eat my own words. I’d wait an eternity for this sight.
“It’s too big to be a bomb and too small to fit a stripper inside.” Summer points at the box and smirks. “Unless it’s a tiny stripper. Did you get me a tiny stripper, honey?” She scrunches her cute little nose.
“Open it.” I gesture for the box, and it stirs at that exact moment.
“Fuck! I was joking. You didn’t get me a pint-sized stripper for real, did you?”
“For fuck’s sake, open it!”
Summer gets on the ground, sitting on her legs, while tugging the festive ribbon. A second later, the head of the black Newfoundland puppy pops up.
The loud shriek my girlfriend lets out is one no banshee can either emit or exceed. I don’t know if it’s the dog or me that gets more startled.
She shoots to her feet, jumping up and down, and I can’t decide whether to focus on her mesmerizing smile or bouncing tits. Both are in her arsenal of weapons, capable of hypnotizing me.
“Oh my God!” Summer shrieks again. “That’s the best gift ever.” She pulls the puppy into her arms, peppering kisses on its furry head. “I’ve always wanted a dog. I love you so much!”
I’m rooted to the spot, trying to process if I heard her correctly. She’s never said the words out loud until now.
Seeing my dumbfounded expression, she smirks.
“I was talking to the dog.”
“Oh!”
Now I’m jealous of a fuckin’ dog.
Summer leans to leave the puppy on the ground and approaches me, before snaking her arms around my shoulders.
“I love you,” she says, staring straight into my eyes.
“I should’ve said it so many times by now.
Every time I wake up beside you, every time you look into my eyes or hold me in your arms, every time you kiss me or fuck me senseless, those are the words I want to say.
And yet I deprived myself of that pleasure, thinking I might scare you off.
But that can’t happen because you keep showing me what I mean to you .
. . with your words, with your actions, with the way you always put me first.” One of her hands glides over my cheek, guiding me closer to her lips.
“I love you, Atlas Holt! More than anything in this world, and I want you to know it, to hear it.”
I claim her lips in a hungry kiss, with enough spark for the air around us to catch fire.
“Good!” I say when she pulls away.
Summer is quick to draw back further.
“Good? What do you mean, dumbass? I poured my heart out, and all you have to say for yourself is that? Fucking ridiculous!”
I cage her back into my arms, and she doesn’t fight it.
“I know what you want to hear, but love is a simple four-letter word that can neither describe nor contain what I feel for you. It’s so much more than that.
It’s madness and an all-consuming need for you.
You tame my monsters, only letting some roam freely, to match your own.
There isn’t a corner of my mind you don’t control, both where the light shines and where the shadows reign, not so hidden.
I don’t want to see if I can’t see you, or breathe if I can’t inhale you.
If all of the above is love, then you’ve carved yourself into my fuckin’ soul, and I’m sentenced to love you for life. ”
“Good!”
I cover her grin with another kiss.
“Bear,” she mumbles against my lips. “We should name him Bear. He looks so much like a cub. He’s huge for a puppy.”
“Wait till you see how much bigger he’s gonna get. I’ll make sure he’s trained to protect you.”
“Do you think I need protection?”
“Maybe he should be trained to protect other people from you.” She nudges my ribs before dropping to the floor, letting Bear get onto her lap. “What about my gift?” Yes. I’m greedy. I want to unwrap her.
Summer points to her bag that’s lying on the couch.
As impatient as I am, I open it on the way back, but nothing resembling a gift stands out.
“It’s on my phone,” she chimes in, sparing me no attention while cuddling the puppy on the ground.
I take it out from underneath her birth control pills, which nowadays I treat as the enemy, and pass it on to her.
Three taps on her screen, and my phone pings.
“It’s our first dance. I got the CCTV footage from Link, who had managed to secure it, so there were no traces of your assault on Will. I wanted you to have this as a reminder that though things started in a strange way, the fire was there from the very first moment.”
It’s not a fire I see, but an inferno. We are pieces molded by embers to fit together, and we do so perfectly; there’s no denying that fact.
“I’m gonna show this to our kids one day so they’ll know what to look for in life, not settling for anything less than this fire.
” I wasn’t planning on bringing up this topic, but I have no intention of concealing what I’m going to use this for.
“You can only top this gift by coming here and taking your sexy dress off.”
“First of all, we don’t have time for this. Second, do you really consider this kid-appropriate content? And third—”
“Oh, we got to a third! You never do that.”
Summer scrunches her pretty little nose.
“Third, you do know I’m on birth control, right?”
“But you won’t be forever.”
A single moment of silence before the corners of her lips curl in the most cautious way possible.
“No, I won’t be.”
The desire to get those pills from her bag and throw them away right this instant is second to none. Yet, a family is built on trust, and she hasn’t given me all of hers.
“We need to go,” I urge her instead.
“We can’t leave Bear,” she protests, hugging the dog even tighter in her arms.
“The guys are already at the new house. We have to stop by. Bear will be okay for a few hours alone.”
She gets up, heads for the kitchen to fill a bowl of water, and guides the dog there, before finally being ready to get out of the house.
Fifteen minutes later, and we’re at the new property we acquired, so we can get rid of the rental house, since the new one is much closer to where the guys are every night—meaning with Summer and me.
“Merry Christmas, Principessa! Welcome to our new crib,” Connor shouts as soon as we’ve crossed the threshold.
Summer hugs him, returning the greeting, and there’s a sparkling childlike excitement in her voice when she spills the beans about the dog. He knew, of course. All of them did. After all, judging by my friends’ diurnal presence at our place, the dog will be theirs too.
Carter and Dean join in, and Link is on a video call, while Summer goes along with Connor to check out the yard and the heated pool outside.
Leaving my keys on the kitchen counter, I follow them when Carter picks up a ball and throws it at Connor. It heads for Summer instead. Connor reaches out to deflect it and protect her, but that leaves her off balance, sending my girlfriend into the pool.
I’ve never counted my steps before like I count my strides now before I dive in after her. There’s no way she can’t swim, but the urge to check she’s okay takes over my actions.
I’m sure when in the old days the legends of the mesmerizing mermaids were born, someone saw a semblance of what I’m seeing. It’s like fire underwater around her beautiful face, while her dress dances freely about her. Magical!
But she’s staring up, unmoving, breathless, like frozen in time. My first thought is that she’s playing tricks on me. Locking my lips on hers, I try to make her kiss me back, but she doesn’t move a muscle, eyes empty, locked on the surface.
Then it hits me.
Something’s wrong.
Grabbing her in my arms, I swim up. Dean helps me take her out of the water and place her on the ground. But she doesn’t cough out, doesn’t say a word, her stare—devoid of life, catatonic.
Cupping her face, I force her gaze to settle on me, but it’s past me she sees, not even registering my presence.
“Summer, what’s wrong?” I shake her, but no reaction whatsoever comes from her.
“What did you do to her?” Dean barks, kneeling and reaching for her face.
“Don’t you fuckin’ touch her!” I shout, pushing him away from Summer.
Dean falls to the ground, staying there for a moment before scurrying to grab her wrist, feeling her pulse.
I ignore him when my attention shifts back to my girlfriend’s face, blank and unresponsive, absent of anything I can reach.
My blood turns into liquid helium, freezing my bones, ready to shatter, feeling helpless, looking at her like this.
“Come back to me!” I plead. I beg.
Carter comes with a blanket, and I grab it from his hands, wrapping her in it, my arms on top, holding her so tight I might crush her. I’ve never had my heart beat so painfully fast with fear and panic, not knowing what I can do to help.
“You’re okay. You’re okay, honey. Fuck! Come back! I’ve got you. You’re safe.” I keep saying those words in her ear, as an anchor for her, and a minute or so later, her hands glide on my back.
I pull back, witnessing a single tear escaping her eye—more fear in there than I’ve ever thought she could hold. Hell, I’ve never, so far, seen her afraid of anything.
“You’re safe.” My hand caresses her cheek, and she leans into my touch. “You’re okay?”
Summer offers a silent nod before her eyes find the guys around us. My focus follows hers, seeing the worry etched deep on my friends’ faces.
“Let’s get you inside,” I say, taking her in my arms and carrying her into the living room. Sitting on the couch, I cradle her against my chest, holding on tight.
“I’ll get more towels,” Carter says, turning to leave, when her voice follows him, making him halt in his tracks.
“I owe you an explanation, don’t I?”
I wish I could tell her she owes nobody anything, but not knowing what happened back there, or how to help her—it killed me.
I don’t care if she tells the guys what happened.
She owes it to me to put all the cards on the table.
Her fears should be mine so I can protect her.
Before I can say anything, she’s already lowering that wall of hers, revealing another piece of her story.
“I drowned when I was eleven,” Summer says in a whisper. But the room is silent enough for those words to be heard like a scream. She picks at a loose thread on the blanket, pulling it slowly, unraveling it bit by bit.
“We were on a yacht. I fell overboard . . . right into a bloom of jellyfish.” Her shoulders curl, and she draws her knees closer to her chest. “They kept stinging me. Over and over. It was so dark down there. I couldn’t see anything. I didn’t know which way was up. I just . . . froze.
“You have no idea how painful it is,” she says, with a barely audible tremble in her voice that her body mimics, “to fight for a gulp of air . . . and only get water. It burns. Like your lungs are on fire from the inside.”
She swallows hard.
“I was dead when my father pulled me out. A minute. That’s how long it took them to bring me back.” She chokes out. “Going to pools from time to time is my way of fighting that fear. I still can’t get myself to go underwater. But I will . . . I will.”
Her head dips while she keeps fiddling with the blanket, like shame is soaking her more than the water did.
“I need to talk to her. We’ll catch up later if she feels like it.”
Carter comes back, pressing a kiss atop her head before turning for the door, while Connor stays there, hands intertwined behind his neck.
“I’m sorry, Principessa! I didn’t mean—”
“It’s not your fault,” Summer interrupts.
He flashes her another apologetic look before heading out.
“Do you need anything else before we go?” Link asks.
“I’ve got her,” I say.
Dean stays there unmoving.
“It takes immense strength to fight your fear the way you do.”
I’m kinda jealous I didn’t offer her that reassurance myself.
“See you later,” Dean says on his way out.
“Your fears. Now.” Barely a second after the door closes, I open my mouth to demand answers.
“All of them. It killed me not knowing what was happening to you, or how to help you.” She looks at me, sorrow collected between her brows.
“I was patient with you, not pushing you to reveal what you weren’t ready for, but I want your fears now.
I want to know what to protect you from. ”
Her lips part before hesitation seals them to the words I need to hear.
“Don’t make me beg.” My voice is strained with pain because she’s still unwilling to trust me in full.
With a hand at her nape, I draw her closer to me.
“It’s losing the people I love. Losing you is the one thing that truly terrifies me now,” she admits, inches from my lips.
“One less thing to fear then, because you’re never losing me. Even if one day you try.”
“I’m not that crazy,” she chimes in, and my lips seal on hers, holding her in my arms, hoping she never has to find out how serious I am about the fact she could never lose me.
There’s nowhere I wouldn’t follow her.