Chapter Twenty-One #2
It was satisfying to see the fury and disgust play over Robert’s face as he listened to her recount the geological society’s refusal to include her.
“That’s not why you’re upset though,” Robert said, guessing that something else had happened, and Abigail nodded, looking away from him. In an attempt to reason her thoughts, she started gathering her belongings, her discoveries closer, slotting them back into her reticule.
“It is not correct for us to be here like this.”
“There might be a whole host of things we—you and I have done wrong. But I don’t give a damn. I need to know who made you cry, so I might kill them in good conscience.” Robert had eased himself closer to her, and the offer of murder came so readily to his lips, that it made Abigail hiccup a laugh.
“I would not make you a criminal. Or have you hung for murder.”
“What happened in there? What was said?” There was anger in his voice.
Abigail wondered if Robert was capable of striding in there and causing more mayhem than she had.
When his face focused back on hers, she realized he was.
His fists were clenched, his body was stiff.
A powerful masculine aura resonated off him.
Robert was entirely willing to seek out each and every one of the gentlemen inside Burlington house and hurt them for hurting her.
It should not have been as much of a comfort as it was.
“I lost my temper,” Abigail said. “With them. Part of me knew they would not wish for me to join. After all, they have refused my letters and contact beforehand. Only responding when I write as a man. I should not have been surprised. But—” Her voice trembled.
“I finally had an entry for them. My—our sea creature—he is magnificent and only a fool would refuse to see this. This discovery—it proves both the wonders of history, and it shows what I am capable of too. If it stays hidden, then I might as well too. No one will ever know what I am capable of and then what is the point of me?”
Abigail was grateful when all that Robert did was move his hand a fraction so that it rested gently on her shoulder, a small touch of comfort. It gave her the strength to continue.
“It is not simply going to be a loss for me,” Abigail said, although it was this, all of the things she would undoubtedly never learn or share or discuss, “but what I know, what I have learned, what I can contribute…they’ll never know. No one will.”
“And anything else?”
“I…” she steeled herself and then added, “It made me so angry, that thought of both of those things, beating through me.” Her hand went to her chest, where the fury had mingled and throbbed desperate to escape.
“So, I told them they were bloody fools.” She sniffed, the memories flooding through of their shocked and appalled faces, she doubted any of those men had ever been yelled at by a woman before.
“I lost my temper, and I shouted at them. Why couldn’t they see what a mistake they were making? ”
“They are eejits, you are right,” he said it straightforwardly without denying this. It made Abigail laugh.
“Knowing so, but having no way of convincing them of this, means it is no such a solace as you would imagine. One of them told me that I had no right to call myself a scientist, let alone a scholar. That those words were reserved for men only. And they said they were keeping my sea creature’s skull.
” She let out another gasp. “Mr. Buckhurst promised he’d get back for me. ”
The greatest find she had achieved in her life, and yet it still was not good enough.
Try as she might, it would simply come to signify yet another lack of progress on her part.
Symbolizing precisely how it like her would never belong in this world.
If anything could be clearer it was not merely this attempt at professionally failing entirely, but the relationship between Robert and herself ending the way it had. Both were never going to work.
“I must be leaving,” Abigail said. Now that Robert knew what a scene she had created, what crimes her family were tied up in, what by the standards of the day a loose woman she was, it baffled her that he remained next to her on this bench.
She forced herself to be sensible and ordered her snatched up belongings.
The contents of her coastal finds having been stowed safely away, Abigail knew it would be best to leave.
Pull herself away from the scene of her embarrassment and from him.
With all speed, she should make her way back to the accommodation Judith had procured them and ready herself for the return to Lyme.
That was her fate. Not to confess, and be comforted by Robert Davenport, not when he might be the man who destroyed whatever remained of her family and home.
“I would willingly storm in there for you. Commit a crime, hurt those men just as much as they’ve hurt you, if I thought it would do any good.
” With a wry chuckle that blended both bitterness and a sort of self-awareness, Robert added, “In the last ten days, since we have been apart, I have started to realize there is nothing I would not do for you,” he said, causing Abigail to pause, as she made to stand up.
Almost against her will, and certainly against her own better judgement, her eyes darted over to his pale blue ones. She had never seen him look so. Unless she was much mistaken, he looked desperate.
“Please stay. Please listen. Once you’ve heard me out…well…” He pursed his lips, “At that point, I can at least be satisfied that I’ve said my piece.”
Unable to think of an adequate response, Abigail nodded, and settled further back into the bench.
The rest of the cluttered London street and passersby were dimmed and all she could see was him.
Drinking in the quality of his smart tan suit, his crisp white shirt, the dignity of his hat, and the sheer appeal of his face.
How much she longed, despite everything to lean closer and kiss him, the familiar taste of his mouth against hers.
It was familiar and yet it had also been far too long since she’d indulged in such a heady delight.
“Abigail?”
“Miss Fossey.” She corrected him automatically, the jumble of her feelings still not set in her mind what she should do, feel or say, but her mind clinging to the societal rules seemed wise.
“If you fear I have said anything to incriminate your family….”
“Your position in the customs office, your role…I know how much they mean to you,” there were so many aspects of his job that Abigail still did not know a great deal about, could not imagine since he had not told her of it.
But from his letter to Montacute, it appeared his loyalty was to that office of state, and it would be unfair for him to cast this aside in favor of what…
a bedraggled woman who had failed in her life’s work.
“How much has your sister told you about…?” Robert asked.
“Nothing, Judith has been focused on distracting me. She is the one who convinced Mr. Buckhurst to take me here today.” With a watery sigh, Abigail added, “That has proved to be a failure. Because of me.”
“There is a great deal I must tell you, but I do not think this bench, or this particular location is the…right place. What if one of those fools emerged from the nearby building? Will you come with me? It will not take me more than an hour. That I promise you.” Robert gazed at her with such conviction that Abigail found herself nodding, unable to think of what the best decision would be.
When she got to her feet, Robert smiled, and hailed down a passing carriage for them to take. It was a blessed relief, Abigail realized as she stepped up in the vehicle to be close to him once more, and she would bask in the solace of him even if it was just for the promised hour.