Chapter 5 Karia
Karia
“If you won’t talk to me, you’re going to talk to Dr. Klein.” Von paces in front of the hotel room door. It’s night now, hours have passed since Dad pulled me away from Sullen, long after he was led out of the room.
I curl my knees to my chest, arms wrapped around my forearms as I sit at the head of the queen bed. The urge to move, to run, to fight is tempered only by the fact I don’t know where Sullen is, and Isadora is sitting in a wooden chair with her back to the door, her eyes on me as Von paces.
At the mention of Stein’s personal doctor, my skin crawls. Sullen never said anything about this person. Not once did he mention them, but it was the only time he spoke up when we were trapped inside the meeting room. He didn’t want me around them.
Why?
I stare at the white sheets beneath me. Pillows surround me; I’m in the center. Still dressed in Sullen’s oversized, high-collared shirt, and black sweats and socks. My hair has dried now, a wavy mess down my back.
I have the sudden, twisted urge to glance at the bruise from the needle he injected me with on my belly, several nights ago. Proof that we were together. It wasn’t just a dream, like Sanford Rule seems to be.
But it’s not possible.
I know Sullen and I didn’t have a shared hallucination.
The older man went somewhere. Somehow. In the fray of shock before everyone gathered in the room, he went somewhere.
Vanished.
Didn’t he? He has to be real.
My sanity starts to slip. What if it’s the sedative doses I had? The alcohol? The lack of food? What if something is broken, inside my brain?
But Sullen spoke to the man, too.
And yet… he didn’t say anything. He didn’t back me up.
“It’s not my decision, but Dad’s.” Von continues speaking, doesn’t stop pacing, his arms folded over his chest. All in black, like Isadora. Black pants, black shirts, Isadora’s hair pulled back in braids as she watches me from her perch on the chair.
She’s always wanted this life. She’s set to take Mads’s place as leader when the time comes. My parents mention it often. Even Von won’t fight it; he’d probably kill just to be her own personal bodyguard.
Despite the history Von and I have, I’m happy for both of them. He’s obsessed with her and she loves him deeply. When he told me we couldn’t hook up anymore, it was not a blow nor a shock. I was glad for them.
My mind has always been on Sullen and before I thought we had any kind of chance, Cosmo has fucked me in his place. A substitute.
And while Sullen and I haven’t fully explored one another, I can’t imagine letting Cosmo touch me like that again. Not unless I was drunk and desperate and there was no hope and I only wanted to hurt myself.
But that’s not the case right now.
Right now, I want to find Sullen.
I don’t even care where the fuck Cosmo is. I’m not surprised he isn’t here; he’s not in Writhe.
But I don’t want to be here either.
Von stops pacing, coming to stand beside the bed. I don’t look at him and instead keep my gaze trained on the cream-colored duvet. When I get a moment alone, as soon as I can, I’ll look for Sullen. I have no idea if Stein left with him, but I hold onto the hope he’s at least alive.
I just have to get out of this. I need to play my cards right. Writhe taught me a little something, it seems.
“Karia,” Von says softly.
I’m not used to his softness.
“Please talk to me. You mentioned someone else. Who? What did they say to you? What did Sullen Rule do to you? What happened underneath the hotel? Please just… say something.”
I don’t. Not yet. I need to get my story straight, inside my own head.
But Isadora speaks in my place. “Sanford Rule, that’s who she said.
Former leader of Writhe, and Stein Rule’s father.
He’s been presumed dead for years.” Isadora’s tone is flat.
I don’t know what she thinks of me. We are friends, and I know she must understand I don’t want her boyfriend, but she’s ambitious.
Writhe is everything to her. It’s why she knows so much.
She will put them before me, probably even before Von, which means I have no chance of appealing to her friendship.
“But his body was never found.” She adds this quietly, and a sliver of hope wells up inside of me. That maybe she would believe everything I told her.
“Okay, yeah,” Von says. “Yeah, the name rings a bell. Vaguely. Did you see him, Karia? Why did you think he was…” He clears his throat, and he sounds uncomfortable. “In the room?”
I grit my teeth. Because he fucking was. But I don’t say that. I have to tread very carefully. They are not my friends; not right now. And if I act insane, I’ll be treated insane. I won’t be allowed to breathe for even a second. Won’t be able to get the fuck out of here and find Sullen.
“And what did he say to you? What did he tell you about Stein?” Von presses.
“Your dad has his name carved over his heart.” I can’t hold that in as I turn to look up at Von with tired, hot eyes.
“Why don’t you ask him?” It was part of some kind of initiation ritual.
I know it isn’t fair to throw it in Von’s face.
But I don’t care about being fucking fair right now. Nothing is fair.
Von’s gray eyes search mine. “Karia,” he says quietly. “If you don’t talk to me, if I can’t give Dad something, you’re going to be taken away from here to be evaluated.”
In my head, I hear Sullen’s single word of protest. No.
What did the doctor do to him? What is he doing to him even now?
“Did you know this hotel existed?” I ask Von quietly, forcing myself to speak something that isn’t cruel or full of bite. If I want to see Sullen, to get a chance to escape, I have to press on my allies, not turn them into enemies.
Weapons come last.
Von glances over his shoulder at Isadora. I see the look they exchange, and I know what the answer is before he turns back to me and speaks it.
“No,” he says honestly. “But it’s Writhe.” A small smile curves his lips. “There are secrets we’ll probably never know about them.”
“Have you ever heard of Burbank Gates?”
Von frowns. “No, I—”
“I have,” Isa offers, her tone still flat.
Von and I both focus on her as she studies me, her arms crossed over her chest.
“He was a so-called mad scientist. Serial killer, murdered most of his family.”
I don’t miss that word. Most. I think of what Sanford Rule said, about his grandfather buying this property from a descendant of Gates.
“Had some spooky ideas about science and longevity,” Isa continues. “Why do you ask?”
“Did you know he used to come here?” I glance up, indicating the hotel.
She frowns, her dark brows pulling together. “No.”
“Why are you asking this?” Von questions, his gaze drifting from Isa to me.
“Do you know why Sullen Rule went missing?” I curl the words out with distaste.
Von closes his eyes a moment, like he’s tired and out of patience, and I realize I’ve asked the wrong thing. “No, Karia. Tell me why.” I don’t miss the sarcasm in his words.
“Because it’s possible he killed Mercy Rule,” Isa says before I can get a word out.
“And that all attempts to rehabilitate him in the years after didn’t work.
I’ve heard my parents talk about it. They stayed in downtown Alexandria to look for you, by the way.
” Her gaze hardens as she stares at me, like I’m an inconvenience to her family.
“Something is off about him, Karia.” Finally, her mask cracks a little, letting another emotion besides stoicism in.
But I loathe what it is: Pity. “He isn’t… ”
“Something is off about all of us,” I snap as she trails off, slamming my fists down on the pillows either side of me, which isn’t as satisfying as I’d like it to be.
“Stein Rule is horrible. He’s treated Sullen terribly.
Remember he never came outside? Never got to hang out with us?
He never took off that hoodie or his shirts or—”
“Let me guess. You know all of this because he told you so?” Isa counters, her brow arched.
I frown, shaking my head. “Yes,” I reply, thinking of the marks on his body. The ones I’ve only briefly seen, and all the others I haven’t. “And I saw… he’s…” I can’t say it. I can’t give up so many of his secrets when he’s spent his entire life covering his shame.
“Do you remember when he told you that you should slice your eye with a knife?” Von cuts in as I falter, his gray eyes narrowed.
“Because I remember that. Maybe Writhe isn’t blameless.
Maybe they’re fucked up, like you said.” He nods toward me as if in concession.
“But you’ve only heard one side of the story.
You don’t know if any of it is true, Karia.
I don’t think Sullen Rule is blameless, and I’d like to know exactly what he did to you after he cut Cosmo and drugged you. ”
“Fuck you,” I snarl, bunching the soft, cool material of the pillows in my hand. “Fuck you for not listening to me. I thought I was your friend. I thought—”
“It’s because we’re your friends that we are trying to reason with you, Karia,” Isadora says, her voice softer than before. Somehow, it hurts more.
I glance at her and find she’s standing, arms still crossed over her chest.
“He did something to you, and I’m not saying Stein is a good person.
I’m not saying any of us are. But Sullen did drug you, we know that for a fact, and I don’t think anything else he did to you after was any better.
I mean, you hit Stein with a flashlight.
” So he did tell them. A soft smile curls at the corner of Isa’s mouth.
She tries to hide it, but I saw it, and for a moment, pride courses through me because I know she admires my defiance.
“That takes guts, but it took something from Sullen’s manipulation to push you to that level of violence for him. ”
A different level of violence wells up inside of me now, understanding neither Von nor Isa will believe anything I say, not unless I can prove it to them. They care about me, they want to protect me, but in their minds, that means even from myself, from Sullen’s manipulation.
So I’ll have to have some of my own.
I take a breath in through my nose. Out through my mouth. Then I say, “How long am I a prisoner in here, being guarded by you two?”
To Isa’s credit, she doesn’t look at Von. She just levels me with a scrutinizing expression and says, “Until we find out what he did to you.”
“I’m a job?” I counter. “A task?” I roll my eyes and smile, though I definitely don’t mean it as I turn to Von, still standing beside the bed and watching me like he thinks I might spontaneously combust. “Is that it?”
His jaw tightens and he sighs, running a hand over his red curls. “We’re here as your friends and we’ve been given directives, yes.”
“Why is the power out as you complete these directives?” I question.
Something Sanford never answered for me.
I glance at Isa and see her frowning. “Does anyone know, because we didn’t cut it?
” I have no clue what it means, but if Stein really did let Sanford out—if Sanford isn’t some kind of delusion me and Sullen shared—then Stein probably cut the power. But why?
Von looks to his girlfriend, as if waiting for her answer.
“Did Stein do it?” I press. “Did Writhe? Did the two of you see it happen? Do you know how it might be useful?”
And in the silence that follows, contained in the shadows of our room with only moonlight streaming in now through the parted curtains, the lamp on the nightstand flickers.
Once.
Twice.
I see the lighting beneath the door Isa is standing in front of blink on, too. For a moment, it all stays lit, casting Von’s under-eye circles into starker grays.
He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Isadora has makeup on and her appearance isn’t quite so haggard, but I can tell she’s been up, too.
My chest tightens, knowing they were looking for me.
The hum of A/C reaches our ears as the power continues to flare, as if it heard me. As if this hotel is sentient.
“Why?” I ask again, out loud, but I don’t expect anyone to answer me.
Then, in the next heartbeat, everything is dark again. It seems even gloomier this time, shadows unfurled like a thick blanket over the three of us juxtaposed against the brief light.
“I’ll talk to Mads. Figure out what the fuck is going on.” Isadora turns to leave, but Von moves in her direction, like he’s compelled to.
“You’re not going by yourself. You—”
“And why not?” Isa demands, lifting her chin.
Go with her. Leave me alone.
“We can’t leave her,” she continues, as if she read my mind. But she isn’t looking at me. She’s glaring at her boyfriend. “You stay here. I’ll find Mads—”
“He’s my father.”
“And he’s my boss. What are you so afraid of anyway?” This time, Isa spares me a single glance. “If you think Sullen is the problem, why should you be worried about me walking around this place when it’s only Writhe here?”
“And if you have any doubt at all,” I press, “maybe you should try and trust me. You could start by letting me have some space. It’s been a long few days.”
Both Isa and Von fall silent.
I shrug, indifferent to their tiredness now, gained from their search. As the hours pass by, Sullen is alone, and hurting, and scared.
Whatever I have to say to wiggle out from under their scrutiny, I’ll do it. For him.
“What do you think I’m going to do?” I ask, unflinching. “Run out the front doors? I imagine they’re guarded?”
They don’t say anything, but they don’t have to. Maybe I’m useless to it, but I know Writhe.
“Leave me alone.” I don’t put spite in my tone, but I don’t cower, either, or laugh like I might once have done.
Nothing feels bubbly or light or funny to me right now.
My thoughts are infected with Sullen, and I try my best to shield that from my gaze, my words.
“I’ll be right here. I’m sure Mads is only down the hall anyway.
” We’re not in 234 anymore, but we’re on the second floor all the same.
After he left us here, Mads met with my parents, and I assume they’re still discussing me and Sullen even now.
“Stay with her,” Isa says dismissively, turning to twist the antique knob on the door. “I’ll be right back.” Then she opens it up and heads out into the darkened hall.
Von looks to me, his gray eyes gleaming, then toward her.
“Just go,” I say, throwing up my hands. “I don’t need a babysitter tonight.”
“Fuck,” Von growls, but with one last lingering glance at me, he darts out into the hallway and pulls the door closed with finality.
I smile to myself.
I’m getting the hell out of here, and I’m going to find Sullen Bram Rule.