Chapter 9 #2
Another heartbeat of quiet. Then, “I dreamed of being your god, once upon a time.” It sounds like a confession.
I would get on my knees for it.
For him.
Anything he wanted, it could be his right now, if he only told me how to help him. How to let us run, once more.
This time we won’t be stupid.
We won’t go anywhere connected to Burbank Gates.
We won’t put ourselves in the worst place imaginable.
I am sick of tunnels, corridors, flickering lights, monsters in the dark who are nothing like my own monster, trapped within these walls.
“But nightmares always followed because you are fated for heaven and I will forever be buried in hell. Leave me, because if something happens to you while you foolishly, stupidly try to save me, I will never forgive you.”
I slam my hands against the door again.
And again.
And I tip my head back, then crash my skull to it, a wave of dizziness nearly forcing me to my knees.
“Karia, stop.” It’s as if he knows. We are so close, he can tell which part of my anatomy I am abusing for him.
I blink past the pain and force myself to stay upright. “I don’t want your fucking forgiveness. What will I do with it if you are nothing but bone? Tell me how to save you, tell me how—”
“You can’t. I am forever damned. Now leave me here, and get the fuck out.”
I hear it. How it cost him to say those words, and not just in his heart. There is a labored quality to his breathing. He is not as cruel in his tone as usual. Something has happened to him, beyond being trapped in this tomb. I think of the blood on Stein’s shirt.
I imagine grabbing the former leader’s lapels, dragging him to the fire, shoving his head inside, watching his flesh melt from his body, droppings of fat and grease puddling on the floor, skin liquified.
It wouldn’t be harsh enough for what he has done to his son.
To what he has done to us.
“What did he do to you?” I snarl. “What did he do, Sullen?” Don’t make me leave you. Don’t let this end us. Do not.
“Go, Karia. I will say nothing else.” His voice breaks. “I have nothing to give you. Leave me. I am silent now.”
No.
I pull back, pounding frantically on the door.
Over and over, the heels of my hands aching.
I do not stop when the sharpness lights up my wrists.
And when I get no where, when I don’t tear the fucking divide between us down, I crash my shoulder against it. A gasp wrenches free from my lips, and I swear I hear his sharp intake of breath, but he says nothing. He is stubborn and wicked and he will give me nothing else.
I am silent now.
The fuck you are, Sullen Rule.
“What did he do?” I am screaming it as I use my shoulder like a battering ram, debasing myself for him. “What did he fucking do?” I slam into the wall, an ache lighting up my entire side.
I don’t care.
I am beyond polish now.
I do it again.
And again.
There will be bruises along the length of my body. I might crush my shoulder cap here in the dark for a boy who won’t give me his words.
“Sullen!” I scream his name like he screamed mine. “What did he—”
“I stabbed him, Karia.” Stein’s voice makes me jump.
I spin, my back to the wall, palms pressed flat to it. The pain lances up my body, my heart knocks precariously within my ribcage, and I see the glow of the room beyond Stein.
He is in the doorway. There is commotion at his back. More people, more voices; they cannot hear him admit to his evil deed.
I stabbed him, Karia.
My bottom lip trembles.
No.
I feel as if I am sliding.
I push my soles against the concrete floor to steady myself as I shake my head, still flung across the door at my back, as if I can keep Stein away.
But if he’s not lying, I need to get to Sullen.
I need to help him.
I think of his breathless words. How he sounded so strained.
I stabbed him.
No, no, no.
Stein cocks his head.
I cannot see the details of his demonic face, the way the light is behind him, but I see his shadow, the outline of evil.
Once again, I imagine him in the flames.
Melting flesh.
The sweet aroma of his rotting corpse.
It would be my favorite scent.
I feel as if I am not living in reality.
I wonder if, in fact, this is all a dream.
I can’t speak at all.
Stein studies me, hands in his pockets. “It is admirable, the way you care for him. Hurting yourself to help him.” There is a smile in his tone.
I think Sullen whimpers somewhere behind me.
I am silent.
“I could hurt you better,” Stein says quietly, so softly, I wonder if I made up the words inside my head.
“In fact, I will. But you should know he is not worth any of it. He is demented, mad, he is not well. He never has been. Whatever stories he has told you of all his scars—if, in fact, he’s dared to show them to you—they are lies.
He hurts himself, and he calls it paternal punishment.
I have spent my life with a broken heart, watching my only child slice up his skin, scar his flesh. ” His voice catches.
In the dark, if I didn’t know Sullen like I know my own soul, I might believe Stein Rule.
But he is a pathological liar.
He is so deep into his own shit, he may even believe it to be true.
I say nothing.
I don’t waste words on this walking carcass.
“And now he has tried to drag you into his web of deceit. I am sorry, Karia, but Sullen is not the boy you think he is.”
There is silence.
Then there is another scream.
“Don’t touch her.” It is gasping, Sullen’s voice behind me. It is heartbreaking. “Do not fucking touch her.” It sounds like he is gurgling on something.
I think of the stab wound.
Where it might be.
The blood I saw on Stein’s shirt that in the dark, I can no longer examine.
My knees tremble.
I am sagging back against the wall, my arms still spread wide, like I am a sacrifice.
“Don’t. Touch. Her.” The last word is barely audible.
I slide to a crouch, my shoulders aching, but I don’t lower my arms.
Stein dips his chin, staring down at me.
The shadow cast along his face hides what I know must be a cruel smile directed my way.
“Get up, Karia Ven. Your friends are waiting for you.”
I shake my head.
Tears roll down my cheeks.
I want to scratch them away.
I want to stay right here.
I wonder if I could wake up.
“Up, Karia.” Stein’s voice has lost all manipulation. Irritated command replaces it instead.
I do not stand.
He stalks forward, pushing away from the door, where it swings closed behind him.
“No.” Sullen’s voice.
I wonder how much he can hear. What he knows.
“Do not… don’t touch her.” There is true fear in his tone.
Stein approaches me, and before I can tilt my head to meet his gaze, his hand fists in my hair, jerking sharply up.
I gasp, feeling some strands break free, but I do not rise for him.
“Get. Up.” He pulls viciously, and unless I want all of my hair separated from my scalp, I know I have to stand.
Slowly, clumsily, I do, but he does not let me go.
He jerks my head to the side with his grip in my hair, then his entire hand covers my face, fingertips digging into my cheekbones, palm pressed over my nose as he moves me away from the door like this.
I do not say a word.
I do not cry out.
I do not fight him off.
If Sullen hears, I know it will hurt him.
I bite my lip so hard, the flesh gives way and the tang of iron invades my mouth.
“You and I are not through,” Stein says harshly, his lips near my ear.
I wonder if he could break the bones in my face with his hand alone.
I think again of his melting flesh.
A smile curves my mouth.
He jerks sharply on my hair once more, like he feels it.
Tears well up and blur my vision, but it’s only dark here anyway.
“And I will ensure you watch him die, you stupid child.”
The door opens at his back.
All at once, as if he has been stung, he releases me, stepping back. And his voice morphs into a kind, gentle tone, like a snake shedding its skin. “Come with me, Karia. He is not safe. Not now. I promise when his episode has passed, I will allow you to see him.”
I blink as I lift my head, my face smarting, scalp sore, side aching.
Von stands in the doorway, watching me.
My eyes connect with his gray ones.
I do not want to move, but I know I will only bring Sullen more pain if I stay.
“Karia,” Von says quietly. “Come here.”
I want to collapse into his arms.
I want to find Isadora, grab her and tell her everything.
I can’t do this alone.
I stagger forward on graceless steps.
I am close to Stein.
I catch the scent of his cologne and feel like retching.
I keep my gaze on Von, the flames dancing beyond him.
I curve my body to edge around Stein, but I feel his fingernail as he drags it along the inside of my wrist when I pass by, a silent, unseen warning.
Von reaches for me, and I crumple against him.
My tears soak his shirt as I press my face to his chest, his hands gripping my elbows.
But I wonder if I leave here… will Sullen be alive when I am able to come back down?
Stein promised I’d watch him die, but how close will he bring him to the other side before he drags me in?
I tense in Von’s arms.
Is this a dream? A nightmare? Can I wake up now?
I straighten, pulling back and tipping my chin up, looking into my friend’s gaze. I open my mouth, to tell him I need his help. To beg him to save Sullen.
But before I can get anything out, a strange sound floods the room at my back.
It’s mechanical and electronic at once, a clicking noise. Then a sliding, like… a door opening.
A gate, maybe.
One for a fence with a security system; I know that sound. I belong to Writhe, after all.
Von’s fingers tighten on my elbows.
He is looking past me.
There is a slithering, scuttling sound over the noise of the door opening.
And it must be that. A door.
The one that kept me from Sullen.
A smile stretches my lips, my bottom one stinging from where I bit it.
There is the flare of a great flame beyond Von, but then it’s gone.
The fire goes out and the scent of smoke grows thicker.
Tingles slip down my spine.
And I hear Sullen say, perhaps to Von, maybe to his father, “I said don’t fucking touch her.”