Chapter 19
Karia
My hands feel jittery, a tremble crawling up my wrists as I hold onto his arms, his tongue along my throat now.
I let my eyes fall closed, my chest heaving so fast, it’s hard to catch my breath. He grabs my thigh, lifting it up and pinning my knee to his side. I try to engage my muscles and keep it there, but it’s like I’ve lost my control. It doesn’t seem to matter anyway; he doesn’t let go.
He licks a line up my neck, over where he bit me, too, and I flinch at the sting even as my desire grows, turning so hot I feel as if I’m burning up despite what little I’m wearing.
Still, I need more.
I force my brain to send signals to my body to move. I shift forward on the windowsill, the cold of the wood caressing chills up my thighs. He groans at the same moment his teeth dig deeper into my skin and I feel how hard he is, pressed up against exactly where I want him.
Fuck me, Sullen.
I want to say it, but I’m scared to push him.
He’s never done this before and maybe I’m being too much, too needy, too desperate, letting him grind against me on a windowsill, both of us still dressed.
But the sounds he’s making in the back of his throat as he sucks on my skin are too good for me to even try to stop any of this.
Besides, he promised he wouldn’t. Stop, that is.
I hope he keeps his promise.
I shift my hips, pressing more fully against him, and a low whimper escapes my lips, the sound raspy from the way he’s holding me by the back of my neck, keeping my chin lifted, muscles strained.
He smiles against my skin, but I hear his heavy pants, too, and I know he’s just as affected as I am, even if I’m the only one in awe of just how big his dick feels.
“Please,” I whisper, my eyes flashing open as he angles his head more and clamps down on my neck like he’s a dog and I’m his toy. “Please, Sullen.” I don’t release my grip on his arms and the tension in his muscles mirrors my own.
“Please?” he mimics me, his tongue flicking along my skin as he speaks. “Please, what?” Then, as if he really wants an answer, he pulls back enough and lets up on the pressure around my neck.
I dip my chin, meeting his gaze. His pupils are so wide, it’s like his eyes are black. I can feel his breath on my lips, his pulse through my grip on his arms, and of course, his erection is pressed so tightly between my thighs, it’s hard to think of anything else at all.
What did he ask? What do I want?
“You. Please…” The words leave my lips, much like my thoughts.
I don’t know if it’s what he did to me, the cut on my thigh, presumably drugging me, or…
I shake my head a little, as if I can get my brain back together that way.
The motion causes the bites on my neck to sting and I wince.
A crease forms between his brows, a bone in his jaw moving as he studies me.
I’m worried he’ll stop if he thinks he hurt me so I scramble for something to say.
To more clearly answer his question. “Please fuck me.” My voice breaks and my cheeks heat, but I don’t care.
“Don’t make me wait anymore. I’ve wanted you for so long, Sullen.
” I sound whiny, but I don’t take it back. I mean every word.
“How long?” he demands, his gaze roaming over mine, like he truly wants to know.
“Years.” I can’t calculate time in my head.
I’ve always been drawn to him, that’s all I know.
It should be enough. He’s been my obsession just as much as he claims I’ve been his.
“Forever.” I swallow hard, hoping my grasping at words is enough.
I feel clumsy, inadequate, inexperienced, and I know that must be what he did to me, what he put into my bloodstream, because between us, I should know what I’m doing.
But right now, he’s in control. At least, I hope that’s how he feels.
If he does, he’s more likely to keep going.
“Why didn’t you wait for me?” he asks, bowing his head to mine, our temples together. “Why did you… let them… instead of me?”
I know who he means. Cosmo. Von. I want to scream. Von is my friend. Cosmo was, for a long time. But aside from friendship, they are nothing to me. I did not risk my life for them. I didn’t even turn back under the hotel, to see if Von was okay.
Why can’t he see that? But I know he did, he does, he just doesn’t believe it. He doesn’t think he’s worthy, and because I didn’t wait for him then, in his warped little mind, it reinforces those feelings of undeserving.
“I wish I would have,” I tell him truthfully, trying to catch my breath, my brain, to think of how to talk him into fucking me.
Maybe that makes me the monster, but I feel as if I’m going to be empty forever and I want him to fill me now.
I slide my hands up to his shoulders and I feel him tense, but I keep going until my arms are around his neck, holding onto him.
“I wish it had been you. I always thought of you. I always wanted you. And I… I assumed you were hooking up with other people and…” I close my eyes, realizing how stupid I was for such an assumption, knowing now he was locked away and tortured for years, right under my nose, and just like Sanford accused me of, I did nothing.
Sullen laughs. It’s dark and dangerous and husky, but the sound forces my eyes open. “You are so fucking stupid.” Before I can protest or get angry or say anything, he leans in, and his mouth comes over mine.
My breath catches in shock, and I’m not aware he’s kissing me until a second later, when his hands are gripping my ass, pulling me into him.
This time, from adrenaline or maybe desire or sheer desperation, I’m able to move my limbs, to tighten my legs around his waist.
He moans into my mouth, and I finally catch up.
Shit.
He’s kissing me.
I take full advantage of the heat of his lips, the nearness of his tongue. I dart my own into his mouth, and for a heartbeat, he stops, frozen, his fingers pressed so painfully into my curves, I know he’ll leave bruises.
I tighten my arms around his neck, arching my back, pressing my breasts to his chest, molding my body to his. Let me, let me, let me.
Then he says, “Fuck, Karia,” the sound between our lips, and he lets me twirl my tongue with his. He opens his mouth wider, his sharpened canine hitting against my teeth, and I like it, how sloppy and messy and frantic this feels.
Kissing him feels better than any sex I’ve ever had. Hot and wet and crazed, everything seems out of control, but unlike my past, when I really was out of it, this isn’t simply something happening to me.
I’m here, with my arms around him, my hips melded to his, my mouth greedily seeking out more of his own. I’m in this, I’m with him, I want to remember every second of tonight.
The exhaustion I felt is a light blanket, still there, pressing on my shoulders, but what he said, about fucking me while I’m unconscious, it seems comical now.
I won’t sleep through this.
He bites down on my bottom lip as if to ensure just that, and in the next moment, his teeth are clashing once more with mine as he works out exactly how to kiss me.
The sounds he makes, little whimpers and moans I didn’t know would make me feel so absolutely feral, push me for more.
I reach between us, dropping one arm from around his back.
I feel the hardness of him, long and thick, but it’s not that I go for, scared I might frighten him off if I do.
Instead, I shove aside my sleep shorts, exposing myself between us.
He dips his chin, pressing our temples together once more, our lips apart as his eyes find mine. I moan at how good it feels, even just this, when there’s no barrier for me and I can feel so much more of him between my thighs.
“Put your arm back,” he finally says, his voice guttural and rough. “Don’t let me go.”
I don’t even smile at the command.
I just obey.
I curl my fingers into the ends of his thick hair, gripping him tightly.
He inhales deeply and my cheeks flush as I realize I can smell me, too, between us.
My lips are swollen from his on mine. My neck throbs where he bit me. I’m so fucking wet, it would take nothing for him to press into me if he wanted, and I feel completely alive.
He glides one hand up my back possessively, firm and heavy with his touch. Then he latches onto my neck again, squeezing the sides.
I squirm into him, arching my hips up and down, grinding against his erection straining through his gray sweats as I stare up at him.
He doesn’t look away from me, forcing me closer with his other hand on my hip, urging me on.
I want to get him naked.
I want to be naked.
I want myself laid out on the bed for him, thighs spread, every part of me exposed for any use of his.
But if this is what will ease him into this, into us, I’ll take it.
His threats about fucking me unconscious were part of this role he plays, trying to be more angry and dangerous and vile than he is.
Even if he was, even if one day he feels free enough to really hurt me, to take advantage of me while I’m sleeping, I’ll welcome it.
But this stage, this step, I want it, too.
He pulls back a little, glancing down.
I follow his gaze as I watch myself shift my hips, grinding against him.
I can feel how swollen and aching my clit is, and I don’t look away as I rub myself against the bulge in his sweats.
It’s erotic, seeing me, naked, dry fucking him like this.
There will be a wet spot on his pants from me, but if I do this right, they’ll be a bigger one from him.
At the thought, that’s all I achingly, desperately want.
To make him come.
I curl my fingers, pressing into the back of his skull as I lift my heavy eyes to his and keep grinding over his cock. He helps me with his hand on my ass, but his other comes around my neck, sliding upward to cup my face, gloved fingers spanning my cheekbone.
His thumb glides over my swollen mouth, stinging from where he bit me, just like my throat, my thigh.