26. Karia
Karia
Iscrub the corner of his room on my hands and knees.
Cosmo watches, looming at my back. He left before, as I coaxed Sullen onto his feet, then to the bathroom that has a strange padlock hanging off a metal loop, reassuring him I would be okay, but I think his desire to hide overwhelmed everything else anyway.
I took the time to find a hall closet with cleaning supplies in their absence; down the stairs, to the left, too frightened to venture further. Too worried to leave Sullen truly alone.
Now Cosmo has returned, and I wish he would stay away.
“You shouldn’t do this,” he says. “It is beneath you.”
Fuck you. It’s what I want to say, but if Sullen hears us fighting, it will cause another small war.
The scent of urine is cut with something cherry-citrus from the small pale-blue bucket an inch or so from my hip.
“Everything is,” I mutter instead. “And somehow I am crushed under it all the same.” My fingers are drying out, the shallow cuts from the glass at the Emporium sting from the water and liquid cleaner, but I don’t care.
I can’t do nothing.
Sullen is currently showering in the bathroom connected to this room, on the opposite side.
I still have no idea where Sanford is or how, exactly, he is working with Cosmo.
I have little energy or desire for retribution right now, but I cannot be idle, so this—cleaning—is what it must be.
Me in a crouch, crawling around this dirty corner of Sullen’s room.
I want to set it on fire, along with this entire home I have yet to explore.
But until I have eight hours of sleep and a better of understanding of what the fuck is going on, it’s the best place to lie low, I suppose.
“Here.” Cosmo’s voice sounds as tired as I feel.
I pause, one hand planted on the hardwood floor, another curled in the damp sponge. Turning carefully to look over my shoulder, I see Cosmo extending a wine glass toward me, something deep red inside.
My mouth almost waters at the sight of it, but I must have been drugged to get here without waking.
I am slightly cautious now.
Coffee with Sullen at Dreary comes to mind, and I cut my gaze to Cosmo’s.
“Are you attempting to poison me?” I have not forgotten how he put his hand around my throat.
The way he tortured Sullen by stripping him down before I arrived in this room, and how he mocked him after.
Cosmo de Actis is not my friend right now, merely a person I tolerate whom I know won’t kill me just yet.
Allies are thin, these days.
Maybe they always were.
It’s a good thing I slipped the knife under Sullen’s dirty, bare mattress, just in case.
I avoid looking at it even now, lest I give my secret away.
Cosmo rolls his eyes, ignoring me otherwise.
“When you’re done,” he lifts the wine glass higher, “you need a shower, too. There are seven bathrooms in this compound.” He gestures once more with the wine and I watch the ruby liquid slip precariously up the sides of the glass as his gaze travels the room.
It’s small, with off-white sheets piled haphazardly on the twin bed.
I think they were once a brighter color, but lack of wash has tinted them.
The walls are wood-paneled, the light overhead is dull yellow.
There is a narrow closet door with a brass handle, a dark oak dresser, a nightstand, and little else.
Sullen spent his time here, trapped behind a door that locks on the outside.
And that might have been the best mercy he could have, that it ever locked at all.
“You shouldn’t be doing this. Get up off your knees, Karia. This is not you.” Cosmo’s gaze lands on mine and I frown, curling my fingers tighter in the spongy softness of the yellow scrubber.
“I can’t afford to get drunk right now.”
Cosmo sighs heavily, then glances at the dresser.
The way he pivots, I see there is a wine bottle and a nearly-empty glass there I didn’t hear him set down.
He’s been drinking as I scrub piss from the floor.
The brilliant urge to slap him slams through me and I grit my teeth as he slowly turns to face me again.
“Actually, you can. They won’t come here, not for days yet. And I know you want to.” He inclines his head toward the proffered glass. “You were always happier this way.”
“Isn’t everyone?” I snip back, my face growing hot and I’m not even quite sure why.
Maybe because he remembers me most drunk.
Maybe because he likes me most when I’m drunk.
I don’t think I care what he likes anymore, but perhaps he’s not the only one who prefers me that way.
Von and Isa always seemed happier and more full of laughter when I was drinking, too.
Sullen is the only one who has ever tried to stop me from it, but perhaps that was simply a manner of control. Maybe he gets off on telling me what to do, since he’s been obeying twisted, sadistic commands his entire life. He needs someone to bully.
He’s found me.
Maybe they both have.
Perhaps that is the thing I am good for. Being used.
“No,” Cosmo answers my question quietly, a shadow crossing his face.
“You humiliated him,” I whisper, staring at the wine in his hand. “Then you used me as bait. How do I know you haven’t put arsenic in that glass?”
“I drank from the same bottle. I found it in the kitchen, although I’m sure there’s a wine bar I simply haven’t discovered yet because I didn’t want to leave you alone too long with—”
“You left me just fine to do this,” I lift the sponge as I sit back on my calves, the wood hard beneath my shins as I turn to face him.
“You left me alone, knowing he was close by, right after his… breakdown.” I lower my voice and glance toward the off-white door to the bathroom, closed now.
“I don’t think you have my best interests in mind at all.
And what of Sanford? Where is he? You never told me anything you said you—”
“Because you shut me up, didn’t you?” he snarls, stepping forward, the floorboard creaking under his weight as I gaze up at him, practically on my knees before him.
“You wouldn’t hear a fucking word until I showed you his stupid fucking face.
” Another step closer and I have to lift my chin to look up at him.
He smiles, as if just noticing our positions.
It is fascinating, the way he changes expressions so quickly, as if they are only masks to don, to switch up as he chooses.
“I like this,” he whispers quietly, staring down at me. His cheekbones are sharper from this angle, although I suppose they are always that. “Do you remember it? How it feels, to love me?”
I reach up then, wanting to snatch the glass from his hand. Before I can, when my arm is in midair, there is the sound of a knob twisting. When I turn my head, I see Sullen in the doorway of the bathroom, steam wafting out behind him as if he is a fallen angel ascending from hell.
His eyes find mine immediately.
I grip the sponge tighter in my hand, but my other trembles, half-reaching for Cosmo.
Sullen’s dark eyes roam over me, on my knees before my friend, then the wine glass he’s offering.
Dressed in a deep red hoodie, a black bandana now around his throat, his thick hair wet, strands sticking to his forehead in a delicious sort of way, black pants tucked into sand-colored military boots I didn’t realize could be so hot, I suddenly want to crawl to him.
Instead, I take the wine without breaking eye contact.
Then I down the entire glass as he watches.
He slowly drags his gaze to the sponge in my hand. I watch his full lips press tightly together before he focuses on Cosmo.
“What are you doing?” he asks him quietly, nothing of the raw desperation and humiliation in his tone from before. He has masks too, it seems.
Cosmo snorts as my teeth clink against the glass and I don’t want to move it away from my face because it feels like something to hide behind. To shy away from the fact that yes, I willingly scrubbed Sullen’s piss from the floor and now I am on my knees in front of Cosmo.
“What does it look like?” Cosmo taunts. I feel his gaze come to the side of my face as I watch Sullen. “She’s good with that mouth. You find out yet?”
Sullen doesn’t move from his position at the bathroom, the light off behind him, but he gives Cosmo a wicked smile. “Not yet,” he says softly. “But I suppose since you’re getting her drunk for me, I’m about to find out?” He phrases it as a question as my pulse thumps hard inside my chest.
Indignation rises there, too, over the fact they’re both speaking about me like I’m not here, but there’s something in the way Sullen doesn’t rise to Cosmo’s bait that makes me want him more. He is not cowering after what Cosmo did to him. He is facing him fully, deflecting each blow with ease.
Cosmo takes a step toward me, and Sullen doesn’t stop smiling. “Why don’t you watch first? I’ll give you a demonstration since you don’t know how to handle someone like her.” Then he reaches for me, his fingers knotting in my hair and jerking hard.
I get to my feet without thinking, so fast, I’m momentarily dizzy as I duck my head away at the same time.
Cosmo releases me and I step forward, then flip my wine glass and ram the base under Cosmo’s chin as he faces me.
His neck crunches from the angle while he tries to hold eye contact. I loosen my hold on the sponge at my side, but don’t drop it completely.
“I am not a pet for you,” I say, my voice low, entire body warm with shame and anger.
I force the base of the glass higher, watching as the circle digs into the underside of his chin.
I know it doesn’t hurt and I think briefly of breaking the base of the cup just to cut him with it, but it seems I have his attention without bloodshed.
Besides, I want to drink more from this glass when I’m done here.
“I am not a toy. I don’t know why you’re really here and I don’t care to know tonight, but in the morning, you are going to tell us everything, and if you don’t, you will never see me again, do you understand? ”
I expect him to say something cruel. Maybe, is that such a threat? Or perhaps he’ll only laugh and say he was sent by Writhe to kill me anyway and now he’s just toying with us.
But surprising me, maybe even shocking himself, he only says my name like a plea.
“What?” I snarl, in a very different way.
He swallows hard, the glass bobbing under his throat as he looks at me.
“I’m sorry.” His nostrils flare, as if he is trying to stop himself from crying, but I remember what he said, about performing.
And I know what he is. An artist. Is anything real to him?
“Seeing what you’d do for him…” He trails off, and I know Sullen is watching.
But I know, too, Cosmo is pretending.
“He’s gotten more from you than I ever have.
” Or maybe not. “And it hurts, you know?” He tries to sound more conversational, and I’m second-guessing his intentions again, but I don’t care.
Whatever he really wants, it doesn’t change what I want.
It doesn’t erase what he did to Sullen, only an hour ago.
So I smile at him and lower my glass by my side.
I take another step toward him, my breasts skimming his core.
At this, Sullen says, “Karia,” like a warning. Like my name is something he owns.
But I’m not done with Cosmo.
Slowly, I lift my other hand, the one with the sponge, and I bring it over Cosmo’s head. Then I squeeze it tightly, wringing out water and urine and liquid cleaner all over his shaved head. The concoction runs in rivulets over his brow, down the slope of his nose, dripping along his cheekbone.
He doesn’t even close his eyes.
He doesn’t look away from me.
And I empty everything out of the sponge before I drop it to the floor.
“Don’t follow us. Don’t look for us.” I step back, edging around him, my heart thumping so fast in my chest, it’s hard to get the words out, nevermind sound calm and in control, but somehow, I manage it. “When I’m ready, I’ll find you.”
I finally edge by him, hoping he doesn’t swivel around and grab me, but I’m free to saunter toward the dresser, where I pluck off the bottle of wine with one hand, my glass still in the other.
Then I incline my head toward Sullen, his brows raised as he stares at me with the ghost of a smile on his lips.