The Scientist

Chapter 1

I mmediately crossing out long haul truck driver as a career option . After four and a half grueling days on the road with minimal stops, my ass was now completely numb and might never recover.I parked along the street and shut off the engine of my old Ford Cosworth, Marge, and I swear I heard her groan. She was in decent shape for being over thirty years old, but I knew I’d pushed her to the limit with this long journey. I couldn’t just leave her behind. Although admittedly, the cross-country trek would have been much easier without my senile companion. I was pretty sure even she forgot where I parked her sometimes.

As I made my way up the sidewalk, the reality of the situation slowly started to sink in. The urge to let myself fall to pieces as I stood on the front porch of my new home was overwhelming. But I fought the temptation, telling myself I would get through this. We would get through this. I took a deep breath and walked through the front door of my new home and my new life.

My best friend called not even two seconds after I walked through the door.

I picked up after the first ring. “Hey.”

“Did you finally make it?” she asked.

“You must be psychic,” I said, setting my things down. “I literally just walked through the door.”

“Actually, my psychic hotline rates are quite reasonable if you’re looking for a reading.”

“I think I’ll pass. I’ve already got a magic eight ball giving me some bad advice.”

She chuckled. “So how does it look?”

I glanced around at all the spacious room. 'Open floor plan' back in New York meant the hallway doubled as your bedroom.

“It’s much nicer than I expected,” I answered honestly. Not having to play a high stakes game of Tetris with my furniture where winning meant I had the ability to cram my life into a glorified shoebox would take some getting used to. Who knew basic living standards could feel so luxurious?

I was staying in the faculty housing units of Stanford University. They were a nice set of townhomes, all uniform in appearance. Each unit had its own bricked porch with some beautiful plants hanging from the rafters or sitting atop the walled-off sections.

The two blocks of homes were adjacent to one another, each configured in a U formation with only a walkway running up the center as a way of accessing each unit. The home came fully furnished in a tasteful design and was better than I could have hoped for, especially given the short time frame I’d had to look for anything.

All this room, though . I half expected to find Narnia in the walk-in closet.

“Oh, I’m so glad!” she gushed. “Isn’t the weather here absolutely beautiful?! I swear that’s one thing I won’t miss about New York.”

My best friend had already moved to California a week before I had and thankfully, managed to find a place that was close to her doctor.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” I said, not wanting to give California too many compliments just yet. But honestly, she was right. Not having to worry about choosing which rain or snow boots I'd be wearing for the day was definitely at the top of the pros column for Cali.

“Well, I’ll let you get some rest. I’m sure you’re exhausted. I just wanted to check to see that you made it. Do you want me to come over tomorrow and help you unpack?”

It dawned on me that her surgery was only a few days away, and I felt the nerves settle into the pit of my stomach. It was the whole reason we were here.

“No, you need to rest up before your procedure. Let’s have dinner Sunday night, and I can sleep at your place after. That way we can head to the hospital first thing in the morning.”

“Okay… See you then." She lingered on the phone for a few seconds longer as if she wanted to say something more, but eventually, the line clicked off.

I put the phone down and sighed. I could tell at this very moment she was doing the most useless thing possible—worrying about me.

It had been a month since she was diagnosed with cancer. One month of endless doctor’s appointments, running tests, drawing blood, worrying, and searching. Searching for a doctor to treat stage three triple negative sarcoma, a rare and deadly form of breast cancer. So rare that only a handful of doctors in the US even treat this type of cancer. But we found one, the best one. The only problem was the drive fromNew York to California was one hell of a commute, which is why I quit my job and said my goodbyes to the people I cared about.

Together, we decided to move to the San Jose area so that we could be close to her doctor, who was supposed to be the leading expert in this type of cancer. So even though she should have been focused on what lay ahead of her—surgery, chemo, and just generally kicking cancer’s ass—I knew she was sitting at home, worrying about me. I wished I wouldn’t have let her convince me to get a separate place. I thought it would be best and easiest if we just lived together. Butshe insisted that I needed to have my own space that way, my life, as she put it, “Wouldn’t revolve around her tits.”

I went upstairs and claimed the bedroom that got the most sunlight. I figured I should get better acquainted with Mr. Golden Sun since he’d be around a lot more on this side of the country. Afterward, I checked out the rest of my new home with an enthusiasm on par with Mr. Squidward Tentacles.

As I walked slowly from room to room, the silence seemed deafening. A pang of longing shot through me to hear the hum of idiosyncratic noises that defined New York City life… my life.I was born and raised in the city and still couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I wouldn’t dwell on it too much though, because while I loved the city, it was nothing compared to the love I had for my best friend. After all, I’m the only person who has ever heard her heartbeat from the inside.

◆◆◆

Ever since my mom’s diagnosis, I found myself in a toxic relationship with a temperamental jackass named sleep. Our biggest problem was that he was all over me during the day when he knew I was busy, but when nighttime came, he loved playing hard to get. That was when he wasn’t ghosting me completely. Maybe he was finally changing his fickle ways, because when I woke the next morning, I glanced over at the clock to find I had slept for fourteen hours straight. I wasn’t in the mood to analyze his motivations just yet.

My phone dinged with a notification that the moving van with the rest of my things was still a few days away. I guess the driver valued having feeling in his ass cheeks. Selfish bastard .

I was about to call to check in on my mom when the phone started to ring. It was my now ex -boyfriend, Garrett. We’d broken up a little over a week ago when I sat him down and told him that I was moving to California. He wasn’t a bad guy, I just wasn’t in love with him. We’d only dated for about six months and there was something missing—what Carrie Bradshaw would call the “zsa zsa zsu.” I knew we would never make long distance work, and I took it as a“here’s your sign”moment that I didn’t even want to try. I meant it when I said that I hoped we could still be friends, so I decided not to ignore him like my instincts were telling me to do.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey, baby.” I cringed a little at his use of the pet name, but maybe old habits die hard.

“What are you up to?” he asked.

“Just getting settled in at my new place in the land of perpetual sunshine,” I answered sleepily.

“You really did it then?” Disbelief colored his tone. “You actually left New York?”

Well, that kind of pissed me off.

“Yes. What part of ‘I’m moving to California with my mom’ didn’t you believe?”

“I guess I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it. You love New York.”

“I do, but you know my mom is my world.”

Nothing but silence was coming through the other end of the line, so much so that I pulled my phone from my ear to check that we hadn’t gotten disconnected.

“So, that’s it? You’re giving up your whole life here? Your career? Me? It’s all just over because your mom needs you?” he asked sharply. “What if I need you?”

I really had to rein in my temper before I responded. I knew I shouldn’t have answered the phone. Always go with your gut, people.

“What did you think would happen, Garrett? I couldn’t stay for you. We weren’t even in love.”

“I was in love with you… I still am.”

Well, that felt like a knuckle sandwich to the belly button. I didn’t know what to say. He had never told me that he loved me. I had assumed we were on the same page. He didn’t even seem that upset when I broke things off.

“Garrett, I’m sorry. I know this all happened really fast, but this wasn’t something I planned. My mom is sick, and I’m going to be there for her… no matter what.”

“Okay, I get it. I’m sorry.” He sounded genuine, but I couldn’t shake the annoyance I felt from his lack of empathy for what my mom was going through.

“It’s fine,” I said, unable to hide my irritation.

There was a long pause where neither of us said anything, and I wondered if this would be the last time we would speak. We’d met through his sister, Sophie, who was a production assistant on one of the plays I’d been hired to compose music for.I’d been taking jobs on Broadway as a composer and lyricist over the past few years, while also juggling some other minor writing gigs here and there. But I left it all behind. That type of work requires all of your focus and attention, which was something I was unwilling to give to anyone or anything besides my mom at the moment.

“You’re going to hate California… Rumor has it they say ‘excuse me’ as an actual apology there and not a bark of annoyance,” he teased, and I automatically smiled. This was the side of him I liked.

Garrett was easygoing, good looking by anyone's standards, and always managed to make me laugh when I was having a bad day. He was a forensic accountant at a big law firm and absolutely loved his job. I'd never ask him to leave his job or New York, and he didn't offer when I told him that I was moving, so here we were.

“I know. It’s going to be the worst,” I agreed, and we both laughed, easing the tension between us. “Although, I can’t talk like that now. I’ve moved to the land where seldom is heard a discouraging word.”

“I doubt there are any buffalo roaming in downtown San Jose.”

“No deer or antelope playing either?”

“Nope.”

“There goes my dream of the great American West.”

We both chuckled lightly, reveling in our easy banter until the silence set in again.

“I’m going to miss you,” he said after a beat.

“I’ll miss you too,” I admitted, and it was the truth. I’d spent the last six months of my life speaking to this man each and every day, sharing our lives together. It wasn’t an easy thing to give up, but I knew in my heart that we weren’t meant to be. I wished more than anything I could keep him as a friend, but I knew all too well that time and distance will kill even the greatest of relationships.

“Would you think about moving back if your mom gets better?”

“ When she gets better,” I corrected because I refused to think any other way. “I’ll be on the first flight home.”

“Meet you at Dim Sum Palace.”

We both worked late hours at our jobs and that was our favorite place to get takeout since they stayed open late.

“No need to threaten me with a good time, sir,” I said, playing along.

“Seriously, Hadley. I’ll wait for you as long as I have to. I know you said you weren’t in love with me, but it’s only been six months. We were good together. You have to admit that.”

“I don’t know how long I’m going to be here. I don’t expect you to wait for me.”

“I know you don’t, but I also know I’ve never felt this way about anyone. It took me by surprise when you told me you were moving and that we needed to break things off, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it since then. When I can get some time off work, I’ll come and visit you. We can make this work.”

“Garrett—” I started to say, trying to let him down easy.

“Don’t say anything right now,” he cut in. “Just think about it. We can talk more after your mom has her surgery and you get settled in there.”

“I don’t need to think about it. We both need a fresh start.”

“You’re saying that now, but things can change. Your mom could have a quick recovery, and then you’ll be back in New York in no time.”

“I told you what the doctors said. She’s going to be in treatment for a long time.”

“Doctors are wrong all the time. Your mom’s tough. If anyone can beat this, she can.”

“That’s nice of you to say but—”

“I’ve got to get back to work. We’ll talk more about it later.”

He hung up before I even got a chance to respond. I put my phone down and pinched the bridge of my nose. This was turning out to be more complicated than folding a fitted sheet. I would just have to be more direct the next time we spoke. Would hiring a skywriter to etch it into the clouds be considered going overboard?

Okay, fine . Flock of carrier pigeons it is.