Chapter 25
“G arrett showed up last night,” I told my mom as we dug into our chicken alfredo later that evening.
“What?!” She gaped, her fork suspended in mid-air. My gaze went to the sharp lines of her collarbone and jaw. I still wasn’t used to how thin she looked now, but I never commented on it. I just encouraged her to eat as much as possible whenever we were together.
“I know,” I said. “Lex showed up and pretty much kicked him out.”
Her eyes widened. “Where did he go?”
“I didn’t want him wandering the streets of Stanford late at night, so he stayed at the guys’ house with Stuart, and Lex stayed with me.” A warm flush crept over my cheeks as the memory of last night replayed in my mind. “He took an Uber back to the airport this morning.”
“I can’t believe you waited this long to tell me!” she protested.
“It was quite a scene,” I said.
“Was Lex upset?”
“A little," I disclosed. "It bothered him how pushy Garrett was being."
My mom's face hardened with concern. "What do you mean?"
“He didn't hurt me," I assured her. "He didn't know I was seeing someone else, and I think he expected me to be thrilled that he came all this way to see me."
"But you haven’t even talked to Garrett in months, right?”
“No, I haven’t,” I said. “Which was the reason I think Lex was so annoyed. Garrett kept pushing for me to give him another chance instead of accepting that things were over."
My mom shook her head. "You really had quite the evening."
"I wish that had been the end of it, but the scene continued into this morning when he came to say goodbye," I told her. "He was trying to get a rise out of Lex, talking about that trip we took to Cancun and asking if we could try to be friends once I got back to New York.”
“What did you say?”
“I said ‘maybe’ just to get him out the house, but there’s no way. I don’t think we could manage it after all this.”
Her expression became unreadable. “Interesting,” she said cryptically.
“What’s interesting?”
“Have you thought any more about what I said?” she asked, not answering my question.
“You’ll have to be more specific,” I responded. “You talk a lot .”
She smirked. “I don’t think you’re allowed to speak like that to a woman with no eyebrows.”
I chuckled. “I’ve actually enjoyed that particular side effect. Your reactions to my insults have become more subdued.”
She gasped, placing her hand over her heart. “I am shocked you would say such a thing, Hadley Marie Olivier.”
“I would have no way of knowing that from your expression.”
Her mouth slowly spread into a wide grin. “The woman who raised you must have been truly appalling.”
“Truly.” I smiled back at her. “So, what is it you want to tell me, mommy dearest?”
She had that teacher look on her face, so I knew I was about to hear a life lesson.
“Now, I don’t want you to bite my head off again, but I know you, Hadley,” she started. “I can tell you and Lex are only going to get more serious about each other.”
My brows pinched together. “Is that a bad thing?”
“Not at all. Lex is a great guy,” she said. “The whole saving my life thing really convinced me of that.”
I shrugged. “I’m still on the fence.”
“Tell me something,” she said more seriously. “Do you miss New York?”
“Of course I do,” I answered automatically. I knew where she was going with this, and I could already feel my defenses going up.I wasn’t sure if I was ready to revisit this conversation just yet.
“What is it you miss, exactly?” she asked.
“Everything,” I said. “Sunday picnics in Central Park, walking the pier at Coney Island, ice cream in Chinatown…”
She nodded her head. “All the things you used to do with Daddy.”
I stared straight ahead. I could feel the raw emotions wanting to take over for the logical side of my brain that was telling me she was right. If I thought of what I truly missed about New York, it was the memories I had with my dad, and how it always made me feel closer to him to still do those things.
"I get what you're saying," I said, trying to be diplomatic. "But leaving New York permanently... I just don't know if I can do it. It feels like I’m abandoning Daddy."
"Daddy would want you to be happy. That's all he ever wanted." She placed her hand over mine. "Can you really tell me that Coney Island and picnics in Central Park will make you happier than what you’ve found here? And I’m not just talking about Lex... Your writing has been even more incredible since you’ve been here, and you should see the look on your face when you talk about the students in your classes. I’d recognize that look anywhere. It’s rewarding in a way you can’t describe. I see how happy it makes you.”
“Okay, but why is everyone acting like I was some miserable troll in New York?” At last count, that made three people—my mom, Jimmy, and now Garrett—all telling me that I was so different here. How could I not be different when my life had changed so drastically in a matter of months?
She shook her head. “I’m not saying that at all. I’m just afraid thattrying to keep Daddy's memory alive is going to keep you from making memories of your own."
I couldn’t meet her eye, knowing I would start crying if I did. Was she right? Was I just living in the past and destroying any future happiness I could have by holding on to the idea of New York so strongly? I wanted to tell her she was wrong, but my mom had always known me better than I knew myself.
Admitting the truth felt disloyal to the depths of my soul. But the truth was there regardless, just as it had been when Lex showed me that my dad was truly ill. This time I had to face the uncomfortable possibility that it wasn’t New York itself that I was missing these days… it was my dad.
A single tear trickled down my face before I quickly swiped it away.
“This is your fault, you know,” I accused.
She smiled, already picking up on my sarcasm. “How so?”
“You and your defective breasts got me into this mess.”
Her hands flew to cover her breasts. “Shhhh! Romy and Michele can hear you.”
I rolled my eyes. “You named them?”
“Of course. They’re my new breast friends.”
“And what am I?”
She smirked. “Old news,” she said before wrapping her arm around me.
I sighed, leaning into her small frame. She was the one who was sick, but I still needed her support more than ever. I was never going to figure this out on my own.
“What am I going to do, Mom?”
She kissed the top of my head and smiled. “You tell me.”
◆◆◆
I went home and changed before heading to the guys’ house for the Spitzer tournament. I thought of cancelling because I was still in a weird mood after talking to my mom, but I knew Stuart would throw a fit. More than that though, I wanted to feel Lex’s arms around me and the mind-numbing happiness that always brought.
I could hear the party going on from outside the door. I tried knocking, but I doubted they could hear it over the loud music and everyone’s conversations, so I let myself in. There were more than twelve of them here, it seemed, as people were scattered about their living room and dining area. Lex and Stuart were seated at a table in the center of the room, and Stuart spotted me as soon as I walked in.
“Oh, thank god!” Stuart shouted. “Hadley’s here now, Lex. You can finally stop pouting and concentrate on the game.”
Lex’s head whipped around, his eyes brightening when he saw me. He shot out of his chair and walked over to me, pulling me into a tight embrace right there in front of everyone and kissing me intently.
“Guess you don’t mind a little PDA then,” I said, smiling against his mouth.
“Didn’t even realize anyone else was here,” he said, grinning back.
This . This is exactly what I needed. All the confusion and self-doubt disappeared in an instant the second I was in his arms.
“What. The. Fuck,” I heard a guy at Lex’s table say. I had only met him once that I could recall. I was struggling to remember his name.
“What?” Stuart said. “I told you Lex and Hadley were fornicating now, Louis.”
Louis . That was his name.
“I thought you were bullshitting me! Hadley freaking Olivier. How could you not tell me, Lex?” Louis accused, gaping at him. “We spend countless hours piled on top of each other in a lab, and you didn’t think to mention you were seeing Hadley freaking Olivier?”
Lex shrugged. “It never came up.”
Louis scoffed. “This explains so much. He looks like he’s been walking on clouds lately… I guess it makes sense. I would be too if I were dating Hadley freaking Olivier.”
“You know‘freaking’ isn’t actually my middle name,” I said as Lex walked me over to their table, where Peter was seated across from Louis. Dan and a few other guys I recognized at the adjacent table had started to laugh. I smiled at them in hello, and they gave me their usual nod in response.
“Sorry. I think my brain is hemorrhaging from this revelation. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Lex is a good-looking dude, but I know some guys in the math department who’d give their right testicle to be with you.” Louis inclined his head toward me. “How do I know this, you might ask? Because they told me so themselves and even specified which testicle.”
I laughed at the absurdity of it. “I don’t require testicular sacrifices for first dates anymore.”
He threw his head back in laughter. “How did this even happen?”
“Her car broke down. Lex was waiting outside. It’s a long story. One that I’m still bitter about,” Stuart responded. “I’m usually the one waiting outside for him most days.”
“Yeah, it was first come, first served,” I said, and the room burst into laughter again.
“Anyway, it doesn’t matter,” Stuart said, waving me off. “Can we get back to the game?”
I heard Louis mumble, “Hadley freaking Olivier” once more under his breath before they went back to their cards.
“Do you want to sit?” Lex offered me his chair.
“No, I’ll stand. I’d like to watch.”
He sat down, and I stood at his side, draping my arm over his shoulder, and looked down at his cards, trying to decipher the game.
“So how does it work?” I asked, not familiar with the game at all.
“It’s a partner’s game, which is why I’m glad you’re here, Betty, because now maybe my partner ,” Stuart said the word accusingly, “will actually concentrate instead of glancing at the door every thirty friggin’ seconds.”
Lex didn’t even deny it. He just chuckled, placing his free hand on my hip and rubbing gently.
Louis was staring holes in the hand Lex had on my hip with his mouth gaping. Neurobiologists, in my limited experience, could really be so dramatic. I decided to mess with him a little more.
“Hey, do you guys have any coffee? I could really use some. Someone kept me up all night last night.” I winked at Lex and bumped his shoulder with my hip.
“Kitchen,” Stuart said without looking up from his cards.
“You want any?”I asked, looking down at Lex.
He smiled up at me. “No, I’m good. Thanks.”
I bent down to kiss him and got the satisfaction of seeing Louis’s jaw nearly hit the table, which had me biting my lip to keep from laughing. Too easy , I thought as I went through the swinging door to their kitchen.
“You’re my hero, dude!” I heard Louis say. “Maybe you could set me up with one of her other friends from the blind community.”
That was the last thing I heard before, “Ouch! Hey! C’mon, I was just kidding!”
Lex must have thrown something at him, and I started to chuckle. I found the coffee pot and made myself a cup because I really was dragging. Lex had told me he always had trouble sleeping, but I was starting to see just how easily he managed it. It seemed he could function on little to no sleep at all. His tolerance must have built up over the years of late nights in the lab.
When I came back to the card table, they looked like they were on their best behavior now. I leaned against Lex, settling in to watch them play. I came to see the game was mostly about trying to outmaneuver the other team. You kept separate scores and ultimately played for yourself, but the partnership made it possible. They would often play out the possibilities in their heads before the losing team threw in their cards for the round, making it more difficult for me to understand what was happening, but I was enjoying myself.
I eventually found myself sitting in Lex’s lap, holding the cards while he whispered instructions in my ear, trying to explain the game and telling me what moves to make.
More and more people had started showing up, including Nicky, who had been throwing daggers at me with her eyes ever since she’d walked in and spotted me sitting in Lex’s lap.
Stuart groaned. “Great, the ice queen’s here.”
“Fuck you, Stuart,” was her favorite response.
“I’d rather play checkers on a cheetah’s ass, Nicky.”
“Why’d you invite me if you’re just going to be an asshole?” she snapped.
“Isn’t it obvious? Lex made me.”
That turned her attitude around. She shot me a smug smile, and I felt a knot twist in my stomach. Lex had already explained to me that he did it so that she wouldn’t be ostracized by her coworkers, but it still stung, and she knew it.
“Just do me a favor and go outside if you have to shed your skin,”Stuart said to her. “I’m still cleaning the rug from the last time you were here.”
Stuart's latest insult wasn’t enough to elicit a further response as she continued grinning at me.
I shifted uncomfortably in Lex’s lap. He pulled me close to his chest, ignoring both of them as he casually planted kisses along my neck and shoulder. That essentially shut her up as she walked off into the kitchen.
“Hey, where’s Jace tonight?” Peter asked.
Stuart nodded towards me. “Ask Hadley,” he said bitterly.
“He’s on a date with my friend Sarah,” I announced cheerfully. I had convinced her to take a chance and told her she wouldn’t regret it. She’d reluctantly agreed. I’d been checking my phone every so often, hoping she wouldn’t send me an SOS text to come and rescue her.
“What?” Peter asked incredulously. “You’re settingJaceup with your friends and not me?”
“Get in line,” Stuart said. “We’ve already had this discussion.”
“Jace is a lucky man,” Louis interjected.
“How would you know?” I said, chuckling. “You’ve never even met Sarah.”
“It’s a known fact that hot girls travel in packs,” he answered.
“Exactly what I said!” Stuart exclaimed, and I started to laugh even harder. Lex smiled, his eyes fixed on me, looking like he was really enjoying himself. I was glad we had agreed to come.
They settled into a discussion about work as they continued playing, and I couldn’t even begin to keep up. I listened closely, fascinated by how their minds worked. They were on a different level of thinking that really humbled me.
“Okay, but every time we put it through the electron microscope, we’re getting low throughput. The flow cytometric EV isn’t stable enough for those particles,” Peter was arguing.
“The smaller refractive index is what’s leaving the cells intact, dumbass,” Stuart fired back. “We need better fluorescent markers.”
I had listened to them arguing about the best way for these particles to pass through this microscope for ten minutes now, and the words slipped out without thinking.
“Sounds like it might be better as a waveform,” I said. “Kinda like musical notes.”
Silence followed as everyone in the immediate vicinity froze, and I felt my cheeks redden.
I looked around at them. “What? Was that really stupid?”
“No… that... might… actually… work,” Stuart said slowly, pausing between words. He had a glazed look in his eyes, his mind obviously somewhere else.
“Do you think?” Peter asked Lex.
“If we run the variables through the PMT-based flow cytometry then I think… maybe,” Lex said, his eyes narrowing a fraction.
“It’s worth a shot,” Stuart said excitedly, abandoning his cards. “Come on, we could still get into the lab. The security guard probably hasn’t left yet.”
The rest of the guys stood up, but Lex stayed rooted to the spot.
“I guess I’ll see you later,” I told him, smiling, even though I was a little disappointed our evening together was over so soon. I went to stand, but he held me in place with a torn expression.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, but he didn’t answer me.
“Hadley, please come with us,” Stuart said, rolling his eyes and guessing what was wrong with Lex. “I can already see Lex is going to be insufferable if you don’t.”
I didn’t realize that was an option, and I grinned broadly.“Could I? I’d love to see you work.”
His eyes brightened. “You’d really want to come?”
“Of course. It’s not often someone like me gets the chance to see the greatest neuroscientist of our time at work.”
Stuart made gagging noises from behind me. “Please don’t make his ego any bigger, Betty.”
Lex grinned at me. “Apparently, you’re the smart one.”
I laughed as we stood to follow the guys out to their cars.
“I can’t believe I’m going to have to share my Nobel Prize with a liberal arts major,” Stuart grumbled as we walked along the sidewalk.
The whole team—including Nicky, who was still shooting me dirty looks—got down to work as soon as we got into the lab. There was a buzz of excitement in the air as they each went to their respective stations and started pulling different equipment and textbooks out. I got a front-row seat to their animated discussion of the problem and why waveforms might actually be the solution.
Lex sat next to me, scribbling furiously on the sheets of paper in front of him. I tried not to bother him as he worked since he seemed to be fully engrossed in it. The tiny furrow in his brow was so endearing to me as I watched him concentrate. He had put his glasses on, which made it even harder for me not to jump his bones. I sat on my hands to keep myself from reaching out to touch him like I wanted to do so badly.
Peter came over and peered over Lex’s shoulder, watching him work out the variables on paper. When Lex was done, he paused to let Peter read it fully.
“Incredible.” Peter smiled as he looked it over. “This is some of your best work, Lex. You solved it in no time.”
“What did I say about his ego?” Stuart shouted from across the room.“Keep it up and he’s going to turn into a real-life Russian doll—completely full of himself.”
Lex smiled at me proudly. “It was all Hadley’s idea.”
“We’re definitely keeping Hadley around from now on,” Louis said, also looking over Lex’s work. “Every great artist has his muse.”
I started to laugh, and Lex leaned over to kiss my temple sweetly. “Let’s get started,” he said to the other guys.
I observed for a while, totally lost, but still fascinated. Lex tried to explain different points to me, but I knew he was wasting time when he could be working so much quicker, so I told him to just let me observe so he could get focused.
Once they seemed fully immersed in the experiment, I slipped out to get them some food.I brought back pizza, drinks, and snacks, knowing it was going to be a late one for them.
“You’re my hero, Hadley!” Dan said, running over to the pizza.
“Inspiration and pizza? Seriously, your girl’s amazing,”Louis said, digging in as the rest of them swarmed on the food.
“Calm down. It’s pizza, not the discovery of penicillin,”Nicky said, refusing to eat a thing.
“We already know how grateful you are for penicillin’s discovery, Nicky,” Stuart interjected. “Its ability to cure most venereal diseases is a matter close to your heart.”
She flipped him the bird before walking away.
Lex came over with a look of amazement, shaking his head. He leaned over and whispered, “I don’t deserve you,” close to my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
I said under my breath to him, “Keep whispering in my ear, and I’ll drag you out of this room and you won’t ever finish this experiment.”
His eyes flared as he looked down at my mouth. I bit my lip, trying hard not to think of every way I wanted that mouth of his on me again. Stuart discreetly cleared his throat, breaking us out of our little trance.
“Alright,” Lex said, his throat bobbing. “Let’s get back to it.”
They worked well into the night, and I ended up falling asleep across one of the tables. I felt warm hands picking me up, and I barely registered that Lex was carrying me back to their car. I fell back asleep immediately once we were in the car with my head in his lap, only coming to again once I felt him laying me down on his bed. I curled up next to him, totally exhausted, and drifted off to sleep in his arms.