Chapter 31
T he rhythmic sound of my foot tapping anxiously on the floor of the exam room was the only sound that could be heard as we sat waiting for Dr. Gremillion. The office had called for my mom to come in to discuss her latest bloodwork and scans. I held her hand as different scenarios played through my mind. I started to formulate a plan to convince her to go to MD Anderson if he told us the news wasn’t good. Maybe I could get Lex to talk some sense into her. It might mean more coming from him.
“Hello, ladies,” Dr. Gremillion greeted as he entered. I could barely hear him over the sound of my pulse hammering in my ears. “I’ll get right to it,” he said, sitting down on the rolling chair. I held my breath, waiting.
His face broke into a smile. “You’re officially cancer-free, Ms. Olivier.”
My heart stopped, falling into my stomach before it restarted again, beating with a renewed vigor.
“Are you serious?” My mom’s eyes were wide as saucers.
“Completely,” he said. “Your scans and bloodwork show you have no cancer cells left in your body.”
My mom and I turned to look at one another. The tears began to fall heavily from our eyes as we exhaled shakily. We threw our arms around each other, sobbing and laughing all at the same time.
“So-so what now?” I stuttered, wiping the tears from my eyes.
He smiled at my mom. “You’ll still need to do the chemotherapy treatments for a few more months to prevent any recurrence, but all signs point to you being in remission. Congratulations. I know this has been a long road.”
We had waited so long to hear those words, and I still couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. She’d done it. She’d beaten this.
Dr. Gremillion spoke with us about remaining cautious about my mom’s health, because the chemo had taken such a toll on her immune system, and that it might be a while before she was able to interact normally with the outside world. She still looked so fragile, but I knew every day she would only get stronger now that she knew she was cancer free.
We were giddy on the car ride home, laughing together and making plans for the future that we’d been hesitant to make when it felt like her condition was balancing on the edge of a knife.
“I think I’d like to go to Greece first,” she said, pulling off her hot pink wig and tossing it in the back seat. “Find a topless beach to take the girls out and dip my toes in the Aegean.”
I laughed. “Not sure Greece needs to see that much of you.”
“You think Lex would want to come to Greece with us?” she asked.
“Maybe,” I said. “But he’s definitely not going to that topless beach with you.”
“Carl has already volunteered.”
“Gross,” I said, but couldn’t manage to do anything but smile.
She became serious all of a sudden.“Hadley, how can I ever thank him?”
“Lex?” I asked even though I knew who she meant.
“This is all because of him. I’m alive because of him.”
I let the steady stream of tears fall down my face at her words. I’d thanked him so many times already, but he never wanted to hear it. He would always change the subject, seeming uncomfortable with my gratitude. Hearing my mom say those words, however… it was almost too overwhelming to think about just how big a role he’d played in my happiness.
I sniffled. “I don’t think he wants you to, Mom.”
She nodded but I could tell by the look on her face that she was still planning on telling him. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself without saying it.
“He’s going to be so happy to hear you’re in remission.” I dabbed at my eyes. “Even if he doesn’t want any of the credit.”
She smiled. “You really found a good one.”
I nodded fervently. “I did.”
She looked over at me, her smile widening. “We’re staying in California, aren’t we?”
I looked back at her for a few moments before my face split into a huge grin.
◆◆◆
After I dropped my mom off at her house, I immediately called Lex.
“Hey,” he answered. “What did Dr. Gremillion say?”
“Do you have a second?” I asked. He’d been invited to do a pretty famous podcast that discussed different topics in the scientific community, and he was their special guest for the day, which meant I wasn’t seeing him until tonight. But I couldn’t wait that long to tell him the news.
“Yeah, we haven’t started yet.”
“How do you feel about Greece?” I asked.
“Greece?” he asked. “What about it?”
“It’s the first place my mom wants to go now that she’s cancer-free.”
I could hear him exhaling roughly before he said, “Baby, that’s amazing.” His voice was thick with emotion.
“I know,” I said, becoming emotional all over again. “And I know you don’t want to hear it, but my mom insisted that I thank you again. She’s alive because of you, Lex. We owe you everything, and it still wouldn’t be enough for what you’ve done for us.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” he said quietly. “And it’s got nothing to do with me. Your mom did this. She fought this fight, not me.”
I could hear someone calling for him in the background. “You’ve got to go.”
“I’ll see you tonight?” he asked.
“Yes,” I told him, even though it was a given. There were very few nights we ever spent apart anymore.
I drove back to my house, feeling like I could float away with happiness. I tidied up around my house, but with nothing left to do, I started searching for the podcast Lex was on. I probably wouldn’t understand a word of it, but I wanted to hear his voice anyway.
The show broadcasted live, so I got to hear him speaking as soon as I found it. He was talking about the project they were working on at Stanford, and how close they were to being able to go to the trial phase of their device. He dumbed it down, so even someone like me could understand what their project was about, but he eventually got to the more complicated processes, and I was left to just enjoy the sound of his voice. When they finally wrapped up the science discussion, the hosts started to ask him a few personal questions about his childhood and his family, but he only gave vague details.
The female host pushed a little harder. “Well, when we announced that you were coming on the show, a lot of our female listeners wanted us to inquire about your relationship status.” She giggled after saying it, making me want to reach through the phone and strangle her. “So can you tell us if you’re seeing anyone?”
“I am,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.
“What a shame,” she said wistfully. “I know we’ll have a lot of disappointed fans.”
I really did not like this woman.
“So go on,” she encouraged. “Tell us about the lucky lady who’s won your heart.”
“She’s incredible.” He still sounded like he was smiling. “She’s a professor in the music department at Stanford, but she’s also a composer and really beautiful singer. She’s really just the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I’m incredibly lucky.”
“Wow, sounds like Dr. Alexsander Strovinski is in love,” she commented.
“I am,” he confirmed.
I stopped breathing completely. Did he really just say that he was in love with me? I knew I was in love with him, but I never expected any kind of declaration from him this early in our relationship, especially not one that was being broadcast to thousands of people.
My heart began hammering in my chest. A part of me was thrilled to hear him say it, but the other part was disappointed that I was hearing it for the first time over my phone with that annoying woman’s giggle coming through the speaker. I shut off the podcast, my mind reeling.
I set my phone on the counter and took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. I stared at my phone for a moment, the silence in the room feeling heavier now that the podcast was off. My heart was still pounding, a mix of emotions swirling inside me—excitement, disbelief, and just a little frustration.
The rest of the day passed in a haze. I drifted from task to task, barely aware of what I was doing. I found myself staring out the window at nothing, replaying the moment over and over. Part of me felt giddy, wanting to relive the way he talked about me—the pride, the affection, the admiration. But another part of me couldn’t stop feeling a twinge of disappointment that this wasn’t how I imagined hearing those words for the first time.
When he got home later that evening, we didn't have much time to talk, because we headed straight to my mom’s to have dinner with her and Carl. It probably wasn’t the best idea to have multiple people in her home, but she insisted that we come over to celebrate. We took extra precautions to make sure we didn’t give her anything.
The mood was light as we popped champagne, laughing together and making plans to go to Greece next year, but in the back of my mind was the constant replaying of Lex saying he loved me.
My mom pulled Lex aside toward the end of the night, and I knew she was telling him how grateful she was again for everything he’d done. I gave them some space, knowing I would start bawling if I overheard them talking about it.
As we drove home together in mellow silence, the memory of what Lex had said on the podcast seemed to be all I could think about. I couldn’t help but be a little bothered by the way it went down. It felt like a moment that was supposed to be just for us was taken from me, and I wanted it back. More than anything, I wanted to hear him say those words to me and only me.
When we got back to the house, I was so preoccupied, overthinking everything, that I barely registered Lex standing by the door watching me. I was taking off my makeup in the bathroom when he walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“What is it?” he asked quietly.
“Nothing,” I said a little too quickly to be believable.
He turned me around so he could look me in the eyes.
“You’ve been distant with me all night.” He brushed the hair from my face. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s nothing,” I said, but he held me in place, waiting for me to answer. I let out a sigh. “It’s just something you said on the podcast.”
He looked genuinely surprised by that answer. “The podcast?” His head tilted. “What did I say?”
I couldn’t look him in the eye as I said in a quiet voice, “You said you loved me.”
He froze. His expression was unreadable. “I see,” he said. “And it bothers you that I feel that way?”
“Of course not,” I said quickly. “It’s just that you’ve never said it to me. I would have liked to have heard it straight from you and not over my phone’s speaker.”
His brows knitted together. “I’ve never said it to you?”
I shook my head, and he really looked shocked by that news. He smiled though, pulling me into his arms. “Forgive me,” he said into my hair. “Surely, you must have known though. I think it every time I look at you. I’m not sure how I’ve managed to go this long without actually saying it out loud.”
He brought me to sit down on the edge of the bed before he took my hand in his, bringing it up to his mouth. “There isn’t anything I don’t love,” he said, taking my index finger and wrapping his lips around the tip of it. “I love your smile,” he murmured before moving on to give my middle finger the same treatment. “I love the sound of your voice. I could listen to you sing the ABCs and be absolutely enthralled.” My ring finger was next. “I love your kindness. It makes me want to be a better person.” He moved on to wrap his lips around my pinky finger. “I love every sound you make when I’m inside you.” He moved to my thumb, running his tongue over the tip of it. “I love the way you say my name—like a prayer.”I stopped breathing completely as he pressed his lips softly to the center of my palm.
“I love you, Hadley,” he said, looking me squarely in the eyes. “Nothing I’ve waited for in life has ever been quite as worth it as you.”
I inhaled sharply, my heart hammering in my chest. I brought his hand up to place it over my heart so that he could feel how his words affected me because my own words were failing me at the moment. He looked at his hand placed over my wildly beating heart before his eyes moved to stare at my lips hungrily.
I leaned in instinctively, pressing my mouth to his before wrapping myself around him completely. He kissed me hard, his tongue sweeping the length of my mouth, making my core pool with wetness. We frantically tore at each other’s clothes until we were completely naked, and I pulled him on top of me.
“Wait,” he whispered. “Let me grab my wallet.”
“No,” I said. “I’ve been on the pill for months now. I had a full screening done when I came to Stanford. I’m clean, and I haven’t slept with anyone else.”
He was staring down at me. I could see his chest rising and falling heavily. “I did too. I’m clean, and I haven’t slept with anyone else either.”
“Good.” I reached down to position him at my entrance.
His lips were parted, and he was breathing raggedly as he said, “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I don’t want anything between us anymore. I love you, Lex.”
He closed his eyes and a slight shudder went through him. When he opened them again, they were so bright, they looked as if they were shining even in the darkness of the room.
“You were right to be upset with me,” he said. “I wouldn’t have wanted to hear that from anywhere but your beautiful lips.”
I smiled before pulling him down to kiss me. Our tongues danced slowly across one another before Lex pulled back, pressing his forehead to mine, and pushed into me fully in one swift movement. We both gasped at the pleasure of not having anything between us. He held still for a few moments, closing his eyes, and muttered, “Fuck, you’re so wet.” His voice was raspy with need.“I won’t last long. It feels too good.”
I ran my hands across the muscles of his chest, feeling my way across his beautiful body. He rocked into me again, and my head fell back. I whispered his name, and he grabbed the headboard to use as leverage to push into me deeper. Once he really began to move, I held onto him, feeling his muscles flexing and rolling underneath my hands.
I groaned loudly at the intense pleasure I felt. I didn’t know if it was because we weren’t using a condom or because he had said he loved me, but this time felt different. An orgasm came upon me quickly as he pounded into me, but another one followed right behind it. I’d never had multiple orgasms like this. I had started to doubt that it was even possible. But here he was, drawing every last inch of pleasure from me.
Lex came to an abrupt stop, holding himself still inside me as my body continued to furl and unfurl around him. I felt sure that he hadn’t finished, so I peered up at him questioningly. “What’s wrong? Why’d you stop?” I panted.
It took him a moment to answer and when he did, his voice was strained. “You can’t imagine how this feels.”
I skimmed my lips across his jaw, the salty taste of his sweat lingering on my tongue. "Tell me," I whispered.
His head dropped to my shoulder as he let out a long exhale. "It's the way you fit me so perfectly... body and soul," he said. "I'll never be able to make sense of it... It feels like you were made just for me."
My heart twisted in my chest. "Things that are meant to be are always like this.”
His lips brushed slowly across my shoulder, sending shiver down my spine. “Like what?” he murmured.
"Easy,” I replied softly. "As effortless as breathing.”
His eyes lifted as he pinned me with one of his raw, heart-stopping looks. “Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
I could never keep it together when he was this way with me. A tear trickled its way out the corner of my eye, and Lex quickly kissed it away. He knew me well enough now to know these weren't tears of sadness as a smile spread slowly across his face.
“What hasn’t been easy is having to constantly hold it together," he said, his hips beginning to move again. "It takes everything in me not come apart the second I’m inside you.”
I grinned back at him. “Don’t hold back on my account. I'm more than ready to know exactly how it feels to have you come inside me.”
I felt him grow harder as he suddenly pushed in deeper. “Then I’d hate to make you wait any longer,” he said before his lips claimed mine again.
He threaded his fingers through mine and brought them over my head. His movements were deliberate and unhurried, each stroke blending our bodies together in a seamless rhythm. I wanted so badly to touch him, to feel his taut muscles beneath my fingertips, but Lex held my hands pinned above me. So instead, I did everything I could to draw closer to him, squeezing my thighs tightly around his hips. It took an embarrassingly short amount of time for him to work me back up again. The sweat beaded across his forehead as I watched his brows furrow in concentration. I could tell he was still holding back, waiting for me to finish (again). I tilted my hips to change the angle, causing his cock to brush deliciously across my most sensitive area.
As Lex picked up speed, my grip tightened around the fingers he still had threaded through mine, my insides suddenly tensing as I exploded, shattering into a million pieces. Lex groaned loudly in what sounded like relief more than anything as he found his release, thrusting into me one final time. I was surprised by how much I liked feeling his warmth spreading inside me as he rolled his hips slowly, drawing out his pleasure.
I lay back completely spent as Lex rolled on his back next to me, trying to catch his breath.
I turned my head to look at him, already missing the feel of his weight pressing onto me. “I’ve never done that with anyone before,” I told him. “Without protection, I mean.”
His eyes met mine. “Neither have I.”
I smiled. I liked that we were each other’s firsts in that way. “Was it a lot different for you?” I always imagined the contrast would be more pronounced for the guy.
“Yes, but it’s always felt different with you.”
I heaved a sigh. “Stop doing that.”
“What?” he asked with a puzzled expression.
“Stop saying the most romantic shit anyone’s ever heard. I can’t cry anymore today.”
He chuckled lightly before turning onto his side to face me. His hand lifted to caress my face while his fingertips slowly began tracing my lips. Even without saying anything, he still managed to bring tears to my eyes with his quiet tenderness. Romantic bastard.
His hand suddenly came to a halt as he stared at me for a few moments before letting it drop from my face completely. A serious look came over his expression as he propped himself up on his elbow. “There’s something I need to say to you.”
His tone had me worried. “What is it?”
“I know it’s selfish, but I’m going to say it anyway.” He took a breath. “I want you to stay… I know how much you love New York and how much you miss your dad, but I want you to stay here with me. Stanford wants to renew our contract for next semester, but I didn’t want to give them an answer until I talked to you. I want to be wherever you are. So if that’s in New York, then we’ll go, but I think we could be happy here. So I’m asking you to stay.”
I looked at him, really looked at him. Every line of his face was beautiful to me. I was so completely in love, and I wasn’t going anywhere.
“There’s just one problem,” I said.
His face fell. “What is it?”
“I don’t know if Stuart’s going to be willing to switch houses with me.”
Crinkles formed at the edges of his eyes as a smile spread across his face. I didn’t know if I’d ever seen him look so happy.
California might not feel like home yet, but this certainly did.