Chapter 18
Pen
I waited too long to pick a wedding dress.
In my head, this part of the planning wouldn't take long.
I imagined I could go into any wedding dress shop and find something that fit well enough, looked nice enough, and buy it.
Most modern bridal stores would have larger models off-the-rack, right?
But I'm in my fifth location, and things are looking grim.
I'm sitting in a big dressing room, wearing nothing but my underwear and a satin robe that's too small for me.
That's usually the first sign they're not truly inclusive.
Seven dresses hang from hooks across from me, with a small round pedestal between us, and a large mirror to one side.
I'm curling into myself on the armchair, alone now that I asked the consultant for some time to think.
My chest has collapsed, with that caved-in feeling I've never liked.
None of the gowns I've tried worked for my taste.
Everything has too much tulle or too little fabric overall.
I wasn't born to be a princess bride, with rhinestones and cloud-like skirts, or a sexy siren that loves being in the spotlight.
And while I'm glad those options exist for the brides that dream of it, man, I am not one of them.
In fact, the problem is I don't know what kind of bride I am.
I never thought I'd be one! Which is something these consultants can't seem to wrap their head around.
All of them have asked me for my vision board and, when I shook my head, feeling like a deer in headlights, their eyes widened at the prospect of having no guidance.
Well, same, you know. I'm not excited about the prospect either.
Ugh. I've never cared to think of this stuff.
Now I'm forced to pick and hope they have my size in store.
When my dad imagines walking me down the aisle, he's not thinking of an alternative daughter who prefers to wear a random cocktail dress.
Not to say anything about Leon, who probably would rather see me in white, too.
Just for the sake of tradition, if not his dreams.
Is it too late to do proper research for the right places to go to? To look at design options for someone who's never dreamed of her wedding?
Yes. It is.
I scrunch up my face and take out my phone.
Pen: SOS - I can't find a wedding dress.
I shoot the text to the group with Evie, Nat, and Ames.
I don't get a response right away, which is predictable— it's the middle of a work day for all of them.
Nat will be in her bookstore, recommending stories of love, life, and death to her patrons.
Evie will be solving PR problems for the team, and generally controlling the narrative like the queen she is.
Ames will be busy too, recording a new episode for her show or otherwise creating a new palate-breaking recipe.
They're successfully busy, and it might take them a minute or two to see my text and respond.
For now, I put my clothes back on. This store was a bust, and I can pick a new place to go to while sitting in my car.
Ten minutes later, I'm staring through the windshield and seeing without seeing.
I stare at my phone again. Let's be honest. I'd love to reach out to Leon, too.
And sure, he's not at the Thunderdome as far as I know, but I didn't ask him to help me with this wedding task for a reason.
I may not be a romantic, but he is. Something tells me he'll want to be surprised by the dress.
That he wants to see me walking down the aisle, and have a genuine first impression in front of my parents.
Hell, I wouldn't be shocked if he believes it's bad luck to see me in my dress before the ceremony, too.
I may not care for any of it, but he does, and the least I can do is respect it.
The screen lights up with a text, and I open it right away.
Evie: Looking into options right now. Give me a sec! We'll get it sorted.
Pen: Thank you!!! I'm sorry I didn't do any research earlier
Evie: I just wish we could have been there! I almost asked you about it but I didn't want to pry.
Ames: Same. Maybe we should have pried
Pen: I didn't think it was a big deal [crying emoji]. No need to interrupt your busy lives to go shopping for a dress!
Evie: Not any dress, Pen.
Ames: Sorry, I'll be on and off of my phone for the next few hours. But if you can delay and go shopping another day, I'll do my hardest to be there
Pen: Thanks, Ames, I know you would. But I want the dress today or my wedding prep will be off schedule. The joys of planning something with such short notice!
Nat: I can join you anywhere in about five hours, after my shift ends. Let me know and I'll be there!
Pen: You're all amazing.
The chain goes quiet for a second. I take a deep breath and let the screen go dark. Fuck, I'd love to reach out to Bear. He'd be a calm port to dock in. He'd know what to say to make this better. Just to know he's there, thinking of me, and ready to tell me I'm kickass and that we'll figure it out.
With a little smile finally curling my lips, I close my eyes and summon his image. In his deep voice, I echo the same words again, like he's telling me these things himself.
Penélope, you're kickass. This is a hiccup, but not the end of the road. We'll figure it out. You got this. I got you.
I take a deep breath. Even in my mind he has the power to ground me. His old oak energy has embedded into me with every hug he ever gave me.
When I open my eyes, my chest has cleared, and I have a new text waiting for me.
Evie: Go to this place. It's an indie fashion designer that looks just right. They have a few cool dresses in their wedding collection.
Pen: THANK YOU!!
Evie: Remember this gratitude because I'm about to meddle.
Pen: Meddle if you need to <3
Evie: I'm taking a screenshot of that ;)
Ames: Please enjoy this, Pen. We won't get to be there (we're being robbed!! First Nat and now you), but make it special.
Pen: You know it's not like that for me. This was just meant to be a pretty dress to sell the illusion of wedding bliss to my parents. So we can blame Nat and then make the most of going with Evie when she goes dress shopping.
Nat: HEY! I eloped with a blue polka dress that was already in my closet. Why am I being dragged into this?
Pen: let's join forces and make Evie's moment the big one.
Evie: No pressure, huh? Regardless, you should enjoy, Pen. Even if it's not going the way people imagine, make it special for your own damn self. This is a big deal— you're getting married to your best friend! Even if it is platonically.
Ames: Agreed. Make it special because it's a celebration of your friendship.
Nat: Make it romantic because it is for your parents.
Evie: Make it sexy because it's good for us to feel sexy.
Ames: pick cute lingerie that makes you feel powerful.
Evie: Ames, you're speaking my language. Pen, you should get garters! I love garters.
Pen: I'm not getting garters, but I like the idea of feeling powerful.
Ames: As long as you feel beautiful, Pen.
Pen: I promise to choose something that makes me happy.
Evie: Mission accomplished.
I smile as I put the address on my GPS and start driving.
Something tells me the next shop will have exactly what I need.