Chapter 51
Bear
I've never been good at being apart from Pen. Now that I know I'm in love with her, it's even worse.
It's Friday and my wife has been at her parents' for less than a day.
I'm running drills and thinking of her at home.
I'm studying plays and wondering if she's missing me like I miss her.
I'm looking at the coaches and wondering when they'll send us on a break, because I might find a private place somewhere, to video call her only so I can see her face.
We've never gone a day without at least a few words exchanged, but now even twelve hours feels like way too much.
How I missed what my feelings really meant is beyond me. I don't even try to cut myself some slack. At some point in the last twenty years, I should have realized and, had I listened to my therapist more, I might have.
When the season starts again and I go back to my obligations, I'll have to admit a thing or two to her. I will challenge her by pointing out that knowing it now doesn't mean I could have done things differently.
Eventually we're given the green light to go for lunch. The group convenes in the locker room for a quick freshen up before going to eat. I'm still considering a quick call— or at least a quick text— when Evie enters the locker room in a rush.
For once, she forgets her usual announcement asking us to cover the goods. Her eyes are wide open, and she scans the room with tension trailing at her heels.
Saint, Dom, Rafa, Damián and I stand at once. Logan sprints to meet her halfway. The rest of us wait. Evie shakes her head at him but waves her hand asking him to follow her. She doesn't stop.
She locks eyes with me and pins me down with how serious she is.
"Is Pen okay? Her dad?" I ask in a low voice as soon as she's near me.
"Her dad is fine as far as I know." Evie's stress makes her reassurance hard to process. "As for Pen— she's physically okay."
I don't like the sound of that at all. I get the feeling she's saying that for everyone else's benefit, not mine. My stomach drops.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"We need to talk." She gazes at everyone else. "Bear and I— alone."
I frown. Everyone else gazes from Evie to me. Worry and a thousand questions are written all over their faces.
"Come with me." Evie turns and walks away.
I follow. She leads me to a service room around the corner. It's a medium size space with an industrial-type washing machine and dryer set. Cleaning supplies wait in metal shelves on the side walls. The light is cold, with only a couple pot lights up on the ceiling.
I don't pay attention to much else. Evie stares me down with a serious look I've never seen on her.
"We're in trouble, Leon Karlsen."
"Is Pen okay?"
"She will be. I think. We can do our best. But you— Damn, Bear. What were you thinking?"
I cross my arms. "I need you to explain."
"There's a video going around online. Of you and Pen at the club. In a storage room. Can you guess what's happening in the video?"
This time, my stomach turns to rock. It falls to the ground, solid and cold as it digs deeper and deeper. It pulls from any heat I ever carried inside my body, turning me to ice. My skin turns clammy.
"Fuck," I say.
"Well, you shouldn't have! Not in public!"
"It was hardly in public."
"It was in a building with five hundred eyes everywhere! And more than enough cameras to get you in trouble. Seriously, Bear."
I press my lips together. I clench my hands on and off again in a rhythmic manner.
"Have you seen it?" I ask. "Is it… can you see Pen…"
The question jumbles in my throat. It's more than possessiveness.
Of course I don't want anyone else knowing the face she makes when she comes.
Even in the middle of all of this, I can be selfish.
But that's not the part I care about the most. Pen would hate the vulnerability of it, and women always get it worse with this kind of thing.
"I had to look through my fingers the first time, so thank you for that.
" Evie scoffs. "But that's one part where we were lucky.
The video is bad quality. There was a camera in the storage room but no sound.
Not enough light to see everything clearly.
You never see Pen much, but your face is clear.
Hard to hide the combination of size and beard…
and there's this moment where the light hits you just right… "
She makes a sweeping motion over her face and shoulders, giving me an idea of what's shown in the video. Some warmth returns to me, but not much.
"Show me, please," I say.
It's a recording of a video playing on a screen.
The security film itself is black and white and grainy.
Like the camera couldn't decide between switching between night or day mode, and got stuck somewhere in between.
My heart stutters. I can see Pen's hair, one of her arms holding on to the metal shelf behind her, and not much else.
But I'm appearing from out of the frame.
Handling myself, and her maybe, though you can't see anything below my shoulders.
Next thing, I'm looking up— the light hits me.
A desperately hungry look shines on my face.
Next thing, I'm crashing against Pen and… rocking. Let's call it that.
Anyone with half a brain can fill in the blanks of what's going on, even if it's blurry. It's not a long clip, and it ends in the middle of things, but it's enough to get me sweating uncomfortably.
I clench my jaw until I can hear my teeth grind. I give the phone back to Evie.
"Shit," I mutter.
She sighs. "Whoever posted it seems to have gotten it from the security room when no one was looking. It's probably why it doesn't reveal the whole— err— encounter. I mean, I think. I saw enough but it's not like I was studying it very deeply."
I pull my stomach back to my body. I take a deep breath and release it slowly. The situation is bad, but not as bad as it could be. You can't see Pen, and it's not the whole encounter. It's bad quality. If we can contain it somehow…
"Is the video spreading very fast?" I ask.
"Fast enough that it's easy to find, but not going viral as of now.
It was posted yesterday and it had a big climb, but seems to have plateaued.
This is one thing where you're lucky, too, I guess.
Plenty of people are seeking the video, but just as many are posting to shame everyone who wants to watch it.
You have a group of fans who want to protect your privacy. "
"Good. That's good." I nod. "Who have you told?"
"Only you so far, but you know that if I know, there will be people in the league who find it. I won't be able to keep it fully quiet. Selena will know, and Cora as the GM, and your agent, of course."
She stares at me with serious eyes. She doesn't move, except to blink. I gulp. Usually I can only read my wife's thoughts, no one else's, but this time it's different.
Getting caught on camera having sex with Pen goes against the morality clauses in my contract.
I sigh. "I'm going to get fined, aren't I?"
Evie nods. "I'm not sure about a suspension."
"Shit." I rub my face with both hands.
"I don't think you'll be able to train today or tomorrow. We'll have to have meetings with everyone here, then with the league…"
I stare at the floor and shake my head. "I need to call Pen."
"Do you want to tell the guys?" Evie puts a hand on my arm. "You don't have to, but they'll likely hear it through the grapevine anyway."
"Yes. Let's tell them."
She pats my forearm and sighs. "We're going to make this right, okay? As right as we can."
"Thank you, Evie."
She nods and turns to open the door. As soon as she does, we find all five men pacing outside.
Evie blinks at the wall of them. "Please tell me you were not listening through the door."
"No," Logan says, "but not because we didn't want to."
She sighs again and stares at me, giving me room to decide. I call them all in.
They surround me. Evie stands next to me for support.
I look up at the ceiling, and ignore the embarrassment adding extra beats to my heart. "There's a video of Pen and I— err— well— in a storage room in the club."
No one reacts at first. When several seconds go by without a sound in the room, I give in and lower my eyes to track their response.
Saint's eyebrows are high up on his forehead. "That's one way to make it clear you two are not platonic, after all."
I chew on my bottom lip. "It's only this group who thought we weren't."
"I suppose that's right." Logan frowns harder than usual. "But it's not only about that, is it? Are you getting fined?"
"Probably," I say. "Might get suspended."
"The coaches are going to be pissed," the QB adds.
"Who leaked the video?" Dom asks. "I thought the club was a safe place."
"I'm going to look into it." Evie's mouth pulls to the side. "I know the manager will want to know too, when the alternative is to lose our business."
Damián's eyes stay on me. "What did Pen say?"
I rub my lips with a fist. "She doesn't know yet."
"How bad is the video?" Rafa asks.
"Bad enough," Evie says. "It won't send me to therapy, but it's clear it's Bear."
"Is it not clear it's Pen?" Logan asks.
"It's not clear it's her." Evie gazes up to her fiancé. "The video isn't very explicit either. Just enough."
"There's an option there," Logan says. "If you need to keep it quiet for her."
I frown at him. "There's no way I'm going to pretend to be having sex with someone other than my wife."
"Isn't she applying for a job at the Strike?" Rafa asks.
Nevermind that I haven't moved, or that the ground is still. I lose my footing.
"Fucking hell," I say through gritted teeth. "There's no way I'm letting this affect her."
Evie puts a hand on my arm again. "Then let's make a careful plan, shall we?"