Chapter 56
Pen
The doctor appears through the door ten hours into the surgery. My palms go instantly clammy, but Leon doesn't let go. He squeezes my hand and brings me closer.
He's such a steady source of calm, my mom comes close to him as well. Bear anchors us.
"How did it go?" he asks the doctor.
"Everything went great. They're wrapping up now."
All three of us make sounds of relief. My knees give out, but Bear catches me. From the corner of my eye, I see he holds my mom close, too.
The surgeon smiles. "We'll clean him up, watch him for a couple of hours. If you need to go eat something, now is a great time."
My mom thanks the surgeon to the point of making him uncomfortable, but I gaze up at Bear instead. I don't need to ask. He brings me close for one of those epic hugs I used to think might not be mine one day. But Leon promised they'd be mine forever, and I melt into my husband.
It's the warmth, the peace, the safety that make me think of love this time. The way being in his arms feels like this life is finally mine. Like I've always known what I wanted with him, even when I didn't.
"You know what I just realized?" I ask against Leon's wide, soft-hard chest.
"Mmh?"
"Have you heard those people who say love is clarity? That when you're past the honeymoon, love feels like safety?"
He doesn't respond right away. I tilt my head back so I can gaze up at him.
Mom asks a hundred questions and the surgeon answers, but they're not more than a soft murmur nearby.
All I needed to know was that my dad will be okay.
I'll learn how to help with his recovery later.
I'll thank Bear until I make him uncomfortable later, too, for finding a way to help my dad get the best surgery team.
His dark blue eyes lock with mine. "I have heard that, yes."
"I think… if that's true… I've loved you from the start, too."
The big man sinks into me. All those muscles he packs in his husky frame soften.
He smiles. "Isn't that something?"
"Loving you is like breathing." I echo his smile. "Maybe that's why I didn't realize, either."
"As long as you love me today, Pen. As long as you love me forever."
"I don't remember a time when I didn't, Leon Karlsen."
Dad wakes up the next morning, somewhat confused, but recovers as expected. Two days later, Bear’s suspension is complete, and he is brought back to the TD to prepare for the upcoming pre-season game.
A week later, I get an email from Mariana to let me know the team wants to schedule a few formal interviews with me. Evie tells me she heard they want to hire me, but they need to have due diligence.
Everything turned out well. Even if Bear has had to survive some ribbing in the locker room.
Despite the ongoing group text where Gina and Nikki from my old job continue to send me gifs and jokes, like they have since I told them about the wedding.
They keep implying I was in denial for decades, and I keep denying it even now when I know they were right.
Everything has changed… but nothing has changed.
It's still the same me who walks into the Strike's stadium, and detours toward the field for once.
The guys know to come find us for a pre-game kiss, and my friends and I go find our spot on the turf.
With seventy thousand people in blue roaring around us, Evie, Ames, and Nat laugh at me too.
I don't mind. I'm too happy for that. Especially when Leon finds me in the crowd, jogs at me, and spins me in the air.
I laugh. "Stop! You can't bring me onto the field."
There is a velvet rope and a few signs. He could get in trouble for that.
Leon doesn't put me back on the ground until he makes sure I'll be outside the lines.
"We have to stop doing things that can get you fined," I say.
"It would be worth it."
"Was the video worth it?"
"So worth it. In fact, I'm wondering if everything that happened after changes your score for the club sexcapade."
"Change my score?"
"Pen, you gave me the lowest score for that one."
I laugh. "I wasn't scoring you."
"My performance?"
"Leon, no. I was scoring the thrill of risk. Not worth it."
"Pity, considering I bought the cabin."
"What?!"
He nods. "I signed the papers today. It's automatically half yours, of course."
"That's not— I didn't think—"
"Of course I had to buy it." His answer comes to the questions I didn't get to ask. He read my mind again. "My wife keeps getting these ideas about things she absolutely has to do to be happy, and I can only oblige. We won't be at risk there anymore."
"Leon."
"Penélope."
"You spoil me."
"Yes. What's the point of life otherwise?"
A whistle spears the air, and coaches call the players back to the benches and the field. Bear gives me a quick kiss.
"I love you," I tell him.
"I know," he says, steals another peck from me, and takes a step back. "Tell me again tonight, yeah?"
"I'll give you a new score tonight!" I yell and laugh.
He shakes his head and runs to the field. My friends stare at me in shock, before they laugh too and tease me some more.
The Strike wins their first pre-season game.
And I tell him how much I love him that night again, certain for once that this kind of love belongs to me, too.