Chapter 6 #2
Once we’d stated our intentions and placed the rings on each other’s fingers, Pastor McKissick grinned at us and then at our guests. “Now, by the power vested in me by the holy Christian church, I pronounce you husband and wife, . . . united in love for life. You may salute your bride.”
The chapel disappeared behind me as Jaxxon pulled me into his arms and kissed me. My happy heart danced around in my chest, as the words his father had spoken over us resounded in my head.
I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.
The reception lasted well into the night, with Jaxxon and I finally making our exit around nine o’clock.
The classic Rolls Royce Silver Cloud took us straight from the venue to Chicago Executive Airport, where we boarded a private jet headed for the city of Felicidad on the Caribbean Island of Iredia.
“This is wild as hell,” Jaxxon told me, leaning his head back on the cushioned rest of the jet’s captain’s seat. “Like, you actually stood at the altar and married me.”
I giggled. “What? Why are you acting like you can’t believe it happened? We spent more than a month planning the wedding.”
“Yeah, but you don’t understand. You played not only hard to get, but . . . impossible to get for decades, Home. You knew how I felt about you, and you wouldn’t give yourself to me for shit.”
My heart clenched at the shadow of pain in his voice.
I took his hand into my lap. I wasn’t one who liked to talk about feelings.
My natural inclination was to deal with feelings and try to move with the good ones and past the bad ones.
I wasn’t comfortable discussing and/or examining them.
But I felt like I owed it to Jaxxon to talk about our past.
“Jaxxon, when we were teenagers, my thoughts on love were warped and toxic. There were so many people in my life that I loved but didn’t really like.
I mean, King, Sparkle, . . . my father. I loved them because I felt like society dictated that you needed to love your family; otherwise, you were weird or a psychopath, but I didn’t like them.
It’s hard to like somebody with a hair-trigger temper.
I mean, things could be going along so good.
We could be laughing and joking, and out of nowhere, King would get offended, or something would rub him the wrong way, and he would snap.
Then there was Sparkle, same thing, different manifestation.
You could be laughing and joking with her, and as soon as the laughter subsides, she’s gonna say something slick.
It’s hard to relax or settle in when you live in a household filled with ticking time bombs.
“But you were my constant, boo. You have always been, besides my momma, the person I’ve loved and liked.
If we would’ve dated as kids and broken up, I would’ve had nobody.
So, it was never about me trying to reject you or test your patience.
It was always about me trying to make the best decisions possible to keep the person I needed the most in my life.
Thank you for being so patient with me. Thank you for not writing me off. ”
He pulled me to him. If the armrest hadn’t been separating us, I would’ve been in his lap.
We were quiet until I broke the silence.
“Okay, about this BDSM you’re trying to introduce me to, when are we gonna get into it? I feel like you started it up, but then you gave me the ring, along with the three-hour course on the rules and regulations, but we haven’t revisited it since.”
“I haven’t been denying you sex.”
I looked into his eyes with a smirk. “No, you haven’t. But it’s been giving very vanilla, Big .”
His eyes twinkled, and his chest rumbled with a chuckle. “Take your seat belt off and come over here.”
I unbuckled myself, stood, then sat in his lap.
“You’re just ready for me to dominate your life, huh?”
“Not my life, sir,” I corrected quickly.
That caused us both to laugh, because we both knew how much I hated being controlled.
“But I’m cool with you taking the lead in the bedroom. Plus, it’s something you enjoy. I want you to have the things that make you happy, Jay.”
He buried his face in the crook of my neck, kissing me there. The sensation caused me to both giggle and shiver.
“You make me happy.”
His breath was hot against the skin on my throat, as he worked his way up my chin, and to my lips. He kissed my lips.
“You make me happy, too,” I mumbled, his lips still against mine.
He broke the contact of our mouths. “The things we’re gonna do when we play, they’re gonna require major trust on your part, Home. And I know how you can be about trust. It’s . . . precarious at best?—”
“Don’t act like that. You know if I don’t trust nobody else, I trust you. Just please don’t ever do anything to break that trust, Jay. That would . . .”
“I know.” He assured me.
“I won’t say it would kill me, but it would definitely bring my world to a screeching halt.”
“Trust is one of the reasons that I didn’t want to introduce playing into our lives until we were under the covenant of marriage.”
I smirked. “You’re such a preacher’s kid.” I mimicked him, “under the covenant of marriage.”
He tickled me in the stomach and kissed my cheek. “Yeah, I’m a preacher’s kid, and you know what they say about us. When somebody lets us off the leash, . . . we lose our fucking minds.”
The moment we stepped into the house in Iredia, Jaxxon became Big. Even though the change only took place with his demeanor, it was physical to me as well. I saw it with my eyes. His back went straighter. He stood up taller. His beautiful brown eyes went darker.
He gave me three verbal commands before he instructed the driver on where to place our luggage.
“Ay, Baby.”
Butterfly wings immediately began to flutter inside my stomach at him calling me “baby.” I knew I was no longer dealing with Jaxxon. I was dealing with Big.
“Yes, Big.” Though I didn’t drop to my knees, I did look down at the floor.
Being submissive was almost like a game to me, against myself.
It was like I challenged myself about how obedient I could be, without bucking up.
Because the truth was, I lived to buck up at somebody trying to tell me what to do.
But since the reward for behaving was a stellar sexual encounter, I felt like it was worth the sacrifice.
Though Jaxxon was giving me mostly vanilla sex, it was still mind-blowing, but he was also incorporating tiny bits of dominant/submissive behavior into our encounters.
I couldn’t lie; letting him command me made my coochie leak. Jaxxon took charge on the field, and he generally took charge in life, but with me, he wasn’t like that.
He had the tendency to let me play offense while he adjusted to my actions.
Jaxxon understood that for somebody from my dysfunctional background, that looked like support to me.
In the words of the rapper Ludacris, when I moved, he moved, .
. . just like that . He made me feel safe.
He made me feel like I could show my entire ass, crash out, or be a whiny brat, and he would adjust so he could love me through it.
I never thought it was fair to dump all my stuff on him, but I was thankful to God that Jaxxon was built to love me until I got my act together.
Everybody couldn’t say that they had a Jaxxon in their corner.
I didn’t take his love or his friendship for granted.
I wanted to give him everything he gave me and then some.
So, even if letting him boss me around in the bedroom didn’t make me hot as hell, I would’ve still let him do it. Because he liked it, and I loved him.
“Good girl, Baby. I like the way that you remembered where your eyes go, and you remembered the proper response. Listen, you’re gonna go upstairs and take a shower.
I know your natural inclination is to unpack your suitcase and get everything put away.
You’re not to touch your suitcase, at all.
You’re not to touch anything. Do you understand me? ”
“Yes, Big.”
“Good.”
I could hear the smile in his voice. I wanted to smile too. Making him happy made me happy.
“After you take a shower, don’t moisturize or put any product on your body.
I wanna smell the natural scent of you, Baby.
Only you. Put your hair on top of your head in a bun, a pineapple, whatever you call it.
Meet me in the bedroom. Be ready and be in position.
You have twenty-five minutes, and it starts now. ”