Chapter Twenty-Four
In the morning, I dressed and had breakfast in my room, as I did when at court. Sleep had been hard-won and fitful, but I eventually relaxed and gave in. Morning brought a fresh perspective, and I stood on my balcony to ponder things as I basked in the sun and sipped my tea.
I'd gotten wrapped up in Jucai. He had a commanding presence and a way about him that captivated me. I could admit that. In the end, it amounted to nothing but infatuation. Maybe a minor obsession. Being home reminded me of who I was and, more importantly, who I wasn't.
I was not someone Jucai could summon. Not to end our relationship and certainly not to apologize.
If he apologized, would I sleep with him again? Probably. All right, definitely, but I wouldn't let him enthrall me again. I would do my job, form an alliance between our kingdoms, and fuck Jucai until I had enough of him. Then I would come home and move on to Diaya.
My body tensed at the thought of the claw, but that was only nerves.
I'd feel differently after I got my fill of Jucai.
I just needed to get through this. I'd been behaving badly, going against my training, and now I knew why.
I liked Jucai. So when I saw things I didn't approve of, I'd taken them personally. It was as if he were failing me.
Utterly ridiculous, but it's the truth, and the only way to deal with it was to face it.
I had liked the King of Ilshi from the moment we met.
When I learned about his slaves, I was so disappointed in Jucai and myself that I reacted poorly.
In any other kingdom, I would have taken the time to investigate or at least asked more questions before I judged the King and his court.
And if I decided the King was wrong, I would never tell him.
I'd take that information back to my king and let him decide.
It wasn't my place to judge kings, not even sea kings.
But Jucai was different.
I should have noticed my interest in him wasn't appropriate and kept things professional.
Instead, I let lust lead me and fucked things up.
Not anymore. From this moment forward, I would be professional.
What happened in the bedroom would be separate from my diplomatic mission.
I would no longer allow my fascination with Jucai to color my view of his kingdom.
Nor would I limit either of us with an agreement.
Without rules, we couldn't betray each other.
He could fuck whoever he wanted, and so could I.
And if he decided he wanted Yevena instead of me?
My body ran hot and cold. If Jucai tossed me aside for Yevena, I would be furious, but I wouldn't excuse myself from my mission. My pride wouldn't allow it. I'd have to see it through, remain aloof, and try not to murder the Sea King before I returned to Erimbar.
With that settled, I went inside and set my teacup on the breakfast tray.
Today would be a new beginning. I had to get to work.
First, I needed to inform King Jucai of what I'd learned from Daha and Diaya.
After that, he could tell me what happened with Yevena.
Next, I will respond politely. Then we could work out a new arrangement.
After that, we would head back to Kansu.
I opened the door and came face to face with Jucai.
He stood in the corridor, a fist lifted to knock.
Jucai blinked in shock, but quickly recovered and stepped past me into the room.
I looked from his back to his guards, holding the door open for them.
They ignored me and took positions in the corridor.
Sir Feilen took the door from me and started to close it, his expression full of reproach.
“Oh, fuck off, Feilen.” I slammed the door before he could shut it.
I turned to find Jucai heading into my bedroom.
“Your Majesty? Uh, we can sit down in here.”
He turned and motioned to the bedroom. “No, we'll speak in here.”
Barely holding back my grimace, I went into the bedroom.
“Close the door,” Jucai said.
“Your Majesty, we need to discuss—”
“Close the fucking door, Nadar!”
I closed the door.
Silently, I counted to ten. I was a professional. Handling irate kings was my specialty. Jucai was just another job. And what the fuck was his problem? How dare he act as if I were the one who betrayed him? Three, two, one. “Is something amiss, sire?”
“Amiss?” Jucai surged over to me, his hair flying about him, flashing in the sun. “Where were you last night?”
“I was here sleeping.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Where were you?”
“I was waiting for you in my guest suite.” His face twitched, and his hands clenched. “And you were not here sleeping. I sent Sir Feilen to fetch you, and he said you didn't answer the door.”
“Yes, I know. He knocked several times. But I was in the bath.”
Jucai blinked and sputtered, “The bath? You were bathing, so you didn't answer a royal summons?”
“You are not my king, Jucai. I was weary and didn't want to speak to you. So, I didn't answer the door.”
“Why didn't you want to speak to me?”
“I needed some space and perspective. Perhaps we were too hasty to agree to a monogamous relationship.”
“What did you say?” he whispered.
“I saw you with Lady Yevena. You broke our rule about flirting.”
“Flirting? What are you talking about?”
“I saw you, Jucai. You were flirting with her.
And you said that you only flirt to seduce.
So, I assumed you fucked her last night.
Perhaps you couldn't help yourself. If she's your mate, it would explain your betrayal.
I would, of course, understand. I don't want to stand in the way of a mating. So, if you want to—”
“Shut up.”
“I'm trying to be reasonable.”
“Shut up, Nadar!” Jucai grabbed my shirt and yanked me into a kiss.
It was not a romantic kiss. It was punishing and full of demands, but it was also extremely erotic, with his arms locked around me and hard cock urging mine into a similar state.
I couldn't help but respond, and when I did, the lashing of his tongue gentled, and the pressure of his lips eased.
The kiss softened into something tender.
My heart started racing, my hands clenched in his hair, and something rose inside me.
I jerked away, panting.
Jucai stared at me, his brilliant green eyes brighter than usual. “And now you pull away. Is this over between us?”
After taking a calming breath, I said, “Not at all. I just think we should establish what this is before we continue.”
“We've already established our relationship.”
“But Lady Yevena—”
“Lady Yevena requested to be seated beside me. I don't know what you think you saw, Nadar, but it was not sexual interest on my part. I did not flirt with her.”
“It's fine if you want to—”
“Nadar, you are trying my patience. I don't lie.
I see no point in it. So, when I say that I have no interest in Lady Yevena, it is the truth.
I could not excuse myself from the royal table to dine with you.
It would have insulted King Saric and Lady Yevena and embarrassed my kingdom.
So, I waited, listening to her prattle on about losing her lover to his mate, until I could make my excuses and leave.
But before I could extricate myself, you left and never returned.
I had to wait through dessert and entertainment until I could retreat to my room and send for you.
But you didn't answer the door. Then my guards hear from the servants that you left dinner to speak with that fucking Eljaffna. Now you stand here acting as if I am to blame.”
“I . . .” Holy fuck, am I in the wrong? Damn it all to the gods and back! At least I hadn't slept with Diaya. Still, the situation had revealed feelings I didn't know I had for Jucai—unwanted feelings. “I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I misread the situation.”
“As you often do, Nadar. And we are alone. Call me by my name.”
“I don't know how you feel about me, but I think I'm getting too attached. I need to do my job, and it's become difficult—”
Jucai raised a hand to stop me. “If you think to make me beg or fight for you, you'll be sorely disappointed. I am not that man.”
My chest clenched. I had thought we could continue our sexual relationship if I were more careful with my feelings, but you can't control how you feel.
My very reaction to his callous words was proof of that.
It was safer to end things now, before I got more attached.
Before the newness wore off and the Sea King turned his attention elsewhere.
“I would never presume such importance, nor do I want you to beg or fight. I like you, Jucai. Too much. So, I think it's best we end things now.” I softened my tone to add, “I cannot allow myself to fall in love with you.”
Eyes intense, Jucai whispered, “Why not?”
“There is nowhere for us. A bird may love a fish, but where would they live?”
“We may transform into animals, but we are not animals, Nadar.”
“No, but we are from two very different worlds. You cannot leave yours, and I don't want to leave mine. I need the sky, Jucai.”
“I see.” His entire demeanor changed in a heartbeat, his gaze going aloof and his body relaxing. “Very well, Lord Nadar. We will be king and diplomat, that is all.”
Everything in me screamed to stop this, to hold on to him for as long as I could, but that only made me more adamant to end it. “Thank you, Your Majesty. Now, shall we attend King Saric? I have news for you both.”
“We shall.” Jucai swept out of the room, even more distant than when we were strangers.