Chapter 12
Chapter
Twelve
VALI
I sit at the entrance of the tent, letting the breeze touch my overheated skin, and I try not to panic.
Ranan is gone.
He’s been gone all morning. Normally if I wake up and he’s not in the tent with me, he comes and checks in on me before he swims out again. I’ve waited for hours, though, and there’s been no sign of him. He didn’t sleep with me last night, either. Not that I expected him to, what with my courses, but it just means I haven’t seen him for that much longer.
Dread bubbles in my belly.
If he comes back, perhaps I should tell him my menses finished early. That I’m fine and I’m not cramping at all. They’re certainly better than yesterday but not gone. If he considers me a burden, though, I worry that he’s going to grow impatient. That no matter how much he swears he’s not going to abandon me, he might change his mind. People say all kinds of things to your face, but they will act very different in private. I don’t know Ranan well enough to trust him yet.
So I do what I can to tidy up and make myself presentable. There’s a waterskin left by the door for me, along with another pack of the sweet fruits. I eat and drink, and then clean up, changing out my rags. The fluff from the cattails helps immensely—I make a thick pad of it between two layers of cloth—and toss the messy scraps into a bag that I keep tightly sealed. By the gods, I’ve never appreciated living in a town as much as I have until now. I’d give anything for a copper tub by a hearth, or even a chamberpot.
But I feel much better once I’ve cleaned up and eaten. I stay away from the water’s edge and keep to the tent on the center of Akara’s back. And I wait for Ranan to return, because there’s nothing else to do. Even if he doesn’t come back for me…he’d come back for his turtle, surely?
I’m relieved when I see the sail atop Ranan’s head crest through the water. He swims towards the turtle, and then climbs up on board, water sluicing down his strong body. His gaze immediately goes to me. I wave, awkward but pleased, and he doesn’t look annoyed at the sight of me.
Ranan crosses over Akara’s broad back to my side and then drops a heavy pack in front of my feet. He crouches near me, his expression full of concern. “How are you feeling?”
I manage a smile. “Better today. Truly, I’m fine.”
“Do you bleed?”
His blunt question startles me. “I’m going to bleed for a few days more, aye.”
“Then you are not fine.” He nudges the sopping pack towards me. “Here. I got you things. Human things.”
“Human things?” I echo, surprised. Is this where he’s been all morning? Are we near a city? Is he planning on taking me there and leaving me? I don’t know how to react to this tidbit of information. “Is…there a city nearby, then?”
Ranan shakes his head, opening the large bag since I don’t reach for it. “I swam to meet a trader I work with. He is a short journey from my grotto.”
His grotto? “What’s a grotto?”
“A sea cave. I have one not far from the shore. I keep some of my things there.” He pulls out a wrapped bundle. “Here. This is for you.”
I take it from him, and as I do, it crinkles. It’s a large square of waxed paper, with more wax melted along the edges to seal them and form a pocket. I turn it in my hands to figure out how to open it, and when I find it, I run my finger under the wax and peek inside.
It’s food. There are strips of dried jerky and squares of what look like a traveling hard-tack, all wrapped in the wax paper to protect them from the sea. My mouth waters at the sight of them, the first real red meat I’ve seen in days now. “Oh, by the gods. You didn’t have to do this.”
Ranan pauses, studying my face. “You don’t like?”
I clutch the envelope to my chest. “I love it! But I feel guilty that you’ve spent your coin on me. You truly shouldn’t have.”
He shrugs and pulls out another packet. “This one has nuts and dried fruit. And this one…” He picks it up and shakes it, then frowns. “I do not know what is in this one.”
I wet my lips nervously. “All of this is for me?”
He nods, pulling more things out of the bag. There’s a beaten copper mug that looks like it’s seen better days, but I’m still thrilled at the sight of it. I clutch it as he pulls more and more out of his bag, demonstrating all the things he purchased. There are several packets of dried food stuffs, one of hard cakes, and one full of loose tea.
“Willow bark, just like you asked,” he says. “You will drink this and feel better.”
He says it like a command, but I don’t care. It’s so wonderfully thoughtful. There’s no fire to steep my tea with but I can put it in my mug and just let it sit for a few hours to steep in the sunlight. “This is incredible, Ranan.”
He pulls out two more packets, one large and flat, and when he opens it, I’m surprised to see a plain brown cloth of moderate weave. He’s got cloth already, all of it far superior to this new fabric. My confusion must show on my face. Ranan takes the fabric and pushes it into my grasp. “This fabric is ugly. If you must save the others, at least use this one.”
Oh. He noticed I was hesitant to use the fine silks. I’m even more touched. “This is wonderful, thank you.”
The final packet has…ribbons. Bright ribbons of multiple different colors. I touch one pale yellow strand that has a lovely green vine embroidered on it. “I…don’t understand. What are these for?”
His strange brow furrows. “For you. All of this is for you.”
I touch the ribbons with careful fingers, uncertain of what this means. Do I owe him a favor, perhaps? Are these wedding gifts or something else? Did I somehow communicate to him that I need ribbons?
At my hesitation, he speaks again. “The trader’s daughter said women like pretty things. That I should buy you ribbons. Did she lie to me?”
My lips part and I look up at him in surprise. “You…no. She didn’t lie to you. Thank you.”
“But you are not happy,” he points out.
“I am overwhelmed,” I admit. The covetous, greedy part of me wants to snatch up all the ribbons and pet them for hours. Underneath the yellow and green one is a ribbon in a shade of purple I’ve only seen in the skies, and another looks velvety soft. I’ve never owned such impractical things. Even as a child, before I was a slave, everything I owned was cut down from my mother’s things, and none of it was for simple beauty.
Yet Ranan has gone out of his way to get “human” food because I don’t like the thought of raw fish at the moment. He’s brought me cloth for me to use since the others are too fine. He’s brought me the tea I asked for…and now pretty nonsense ribbons that serve no purpose other than to delight.
No one has ever been so kind, and it scares me. I must not understand what this means. There is an unspoken message I am not understanding. “You did all of this…for me? Why?”
He almost looks offended by my question. “You are my wife .”
Is that the reason? That he has gone so far out of his way simply because I am his wife? It makes me wonder about his expectations. He has not looked at me with desire in his eyes once, and I worry there’s something wrong with me. That he feels stuck with me. “I thank you, Ranan. It was not my intent to make you feel unappreciated with your efforts. I am not used to such kindnesses.”
He says nothing. Simply watches me. When I figure he’s done speaking, I pick up the pouch of willow bark and sniff it, wondering how much I can put into my cup for a dose, and if we have enough fresh water to waste on tea. My waterskin is near empty and I don’t want to bother him for more simply for a cup of tea.
“We will be at my grotto soon. This afternoon.”
“We will?”
He nods. “I go there sometimes when I have goods to store, or when the weather is bad and I do not wish to spend time on Akara’s back.” He leans closer, studying me. “I made a bed for you there. I thought you might like to visit.”
Would I? I think I would love that more than anything right now. Someplace that’s not a tent on a turtle’s back sounds rather delightful…but I don’t want to seem ungrateful. “I’m fine here if it’s too much trouble.”
Ranan’s expression ices over. “Speak truth to me, Vali. I do not like your lies.”
Oh, gods. I’ve done it again. In trying to be accommodating, I’ve annoyed him. I reach out and grab one of his hands. “I would love to go see your cave,” I blurt out. “I’m not used to being asked my opinion, that’s all.”
He relaxes, and gazes down at our joined hands. Mine looks small against his, and I automatically twine our fingers. It’s the first time we’ve held hands…or touched voluntarily. No, I think back, we touched when he was teaching me to swim, but every other time he’s acted as if I am a wild animal meant to be skirted around but never approached. Yet he’s not taking his hand from mine right now. That’s a good thing, I think.
“In case I don’t seem appreciative,” I say softly, stroking my thumb over the back of his hand. “I am humbled that you have done so much for me. It makes me happier than you can possibly imagine.”
He gazes down at our hands and nods once, then pulls his hand from my grip. “I will return when we arrive. Eat your food and drink your tea.”
I’m left alone for a few hours, and make myself a strong cup of willow bark tea with the rest of my fresh water and a large chunk of the bark that I swirl in the cup with my finger to steep it. Tastes awful, but my cramps disappear like magic and I’m able to enjoy the day. The landscape is changing, the distant land coming closer. We’ve been following the shoreline from a distance far too great for me to swim, but now we’re approaching.
It’s not the most comforting shoreline. The gentle sands are gone, replaced by bleak gray cliffs with jagged rocks at the base. Nasty-looking waves crash against the tumble of boulders at the edge of the water, and I shudder to think of anyone swimming in that. I’ve heard from travelers that the shore gets more and more forbidding the closer one gets to the great city of Aventine, so we must be close.
That makes me nervous. Aventine is, among other things, a slave hub. Is Ranan taking me there after all? It’s the ideal place to ditch an unwanted wife, no questions asked. He said he wouldn’t…and yet he hasn’t kissed me, either. Hasn’t shown me any sort of husbandly interest.
And yet…he showered me with gifts.
He is a confusing man.
My belly clenches with nervousness as I work on cutting the serviceable fabric he gave me into a dress. I have no needle to sew it together, but I cut the edge into small tabs, and then I knot the tabs together, and it’s almost as good as sewing. I’m able to make myself a sheath dress with no sleeves, and I slip it over my head just as Ranan approaches.
The sea-ogre immediately frowns at me, eyeing my dress. “What is that?”
“Does it look bad? I made it just now.”
He shakes his head, his mouth thin with disapproval. “You should not be doing anything of the sort. You should be resting.”
“I can still help out. If you give me fish, I can clean them for you. Or dry them. Whatever you need.”
“I need you to rest.” Ranan’s hands go to his slim hips. “It doesn’t matter now. We are at my grotto. Do you think you can swim a short distance?”
I’m surprised he asks. “Even if I’m bleeding?”
“It is a short distance, and we are out of the deepest waters. I will hold your hand the entire time. You do not need to be afraid.” He holds a hand out to me, a silent invitation.
I get to my feet, uncertain. I haven’t seen anything that looks like a cave amidst the craggy rocks of the shoreline, and I’ve been looking hard. Even now, we’re still farther from the shore than I’d like. While the rocks are close and the crashing waves near enough that they fan a light mist over my hair, we’re still far enough out that the waters are deep enough for Akara to swim in. If Ranan lets go of my hand, I have no doubt that I will drown.
Yet dying in the sea sounds better than being returned to slavery. If he steers me towards Aventine, I suppose I can always jump into the waters or let go of his hand. With a bright smile, I push my hand into his outstretched one. “Let’s do it.”
He leads me to the rounded edge of Akara’s shell, and the choppy waters bounce and splash against the turtle’s side. “I will return for your things. For now, I want to get you situated somewhere safe. Follow my lead, and when I say hold your breath, do so.”
I eye the tall, sheer cliffs close by and nod nervously.
We jump into the water together. For all that the seas are rough, they’re warm. I surface with a sputter, and Ranan’s hands immediately go to my waist. “You’re still wearing your dress.”
“It’ll dry. It’s fine. Let’s just go.” I’m anxious to get this over with.
He nods and then takes my hand in his. I lock both of mine onto his one as he pulls me forward, his strong three free arms cutting through the water with ease. He tugs me along at his side, speeding us through the choppy waves. I expect him to head for the rock-strewn shore, but he heads for the sheer cliffs instead. I can see nothing that looks like a cave—just sheer rock—when he turns to me. “Hold your breath.”
I suck in a deep breath, my cheeks puffing.
Ranan dives, looking for all the world like a sleek fish darting beneath the waves. I can marvel at this for but a brief moment before I’m yanked under with him, the water blasting my face. I hold my breath, my eyes squeezed shut in the darkness, and try not to panic. My lungs burn after a few moments and I hold his hand tighter, dread slipping into my veins despite my best efforts. I’m going to die. I’m going to drown holding onto his hand because he doesn’t realize that humans can’t hold their breath as long as he can. I’m going to?—
His hand tugs me upward, hard, and then my head breaks the surface. I gasp, drawing in deep lungfuls of breath as I push streaming wet hair out of my face.
The grotto.
Oh. It’s lovely.
I stare around me in wonder. Sunlight streams into the water from a hole in the rock high above my head. The grotto is a cave all right, and it seems the only entrance—other than the hole far above—is to swim in through the pool I currently float in, feebly clutching at Ranan’s hand. There’s a lip that leads to the cave floor, and the cave floor itself is littered with stolen goods. I see statues of all shapes and sizes, bolts of cloth, chests of jewelry, ornate pottery jugs, and more of the strange bags that Ranan is so fond of.
It’s an absolute clutter of treasure, and everywhere I look, there’s something appealing to the eye. “By all the gods, Ranan. This is yours?”
He pulls me forward in the water, to the shallowest part of the pool, and my feet touch the floor underneath. “Aye,” he says. “Sometimes I have more, but I trade things and bring some back to my flotilla.”
I sit on the edge of the pool, my mouth hanging open as I spot a statue of the goddess Tadekha covered in gold necklaces, a staff with a large gemstone held in her hands. Even at Lady Dywan’s house, there were never such riches. “What do you do with all of this?”
He shrugs, hauling himself up to sit next to me. “Don’t know. Sometimes I just take it even if it doesn’t have a use. I figure someone will want it at some point, and better in my hands than theirs.” His gaze watches me closely. “Do you like it?”
I laugh with delight. Everywhere I look, there’s a glitter of gold. I think I even see a jewel-encrusted chamber pot perched atop what looks like a Yshremi woven rug. Like it? I feel as if I’ve stepped into a wonderland. “It’s absurd,” I tell him, and when he frowns, I add, “Absurd in the best of ways. There is so much here, Ranan! How long have you been stealing for?”
He shrugs. “I have little else to do with my time. It seems a good use of my strength and Akara’s size.”
That it is. I get to my feet, ignoring the drip of wet clothing sticking to my body, and marvel at the cave. The ceiling of it is tall, a bit like a bottle with a long neck. The chamber I stand in is the large, comfortable belly of the bottle, and the sunlit hole far above the neck. This is the grandest place I have ever seen, and the most cluttered. When I step over a chest, I see the “bed” that Ranan has prepared for me, a large stack of textiles and embroidered pillows all piled together. I want to fling myself down upon it and roll around, but I’m dripping seawater everywhere. “This is marvelous, Ranan. I swear I won’t breathe a word of it. Your secret is safe with me.”
“Why is it secret?” he asks, puzzled. “These are my things.”
“You are richer than a king,” I point out. “Anyone that knew of this would try to rob you.”
He snorts. “They can try.”
I continue to walk in the cave, pushing past piles of tapestries to examine a chair covered with gold-inlay. “This is all incredible.”
“You like it here, then?” There is an uncertain note in his voice, as if he wasn’t sure I’d approve.
I turn and give him a surprised look. “Do you jest? This is the most spectacular sight I have ever beheld.”
“Take any of it,” he says with a shrug. His body language is casual, but I sense he’s pleased. “You are my wife, so you are free to help yourself to any and all of it.”
This is the utter opposite of what I’ve been thinking. Instead of giving me away, he’s giving me his treasures. I’ve never felt more unbecoming, either. My hair is wet with seawater, my dress made from the ugly cloth shapeless and damp. I’m well aware of my menses and the sunburn on my face. Surely I cannot be his dream of a wife.
So I sit next to him, because I need to understand. I fold my legs under, tucking my skirts around them and compose myself. “Why me?” I ask him. “Why a human wife?”
Ranan gestures at me. “Why you? You volunteered. You were eager to go with me.”
I bite my lip. This is an easy explanation, and yet it doesn’t feel like the right one. “Ranan,” I gentle my voice in advance of my words, so he will realize the delicacy of the situation. “You are a man in the prime of your life. You are richer than any man I have ever met. You are good looking and strong. More than that, you are kind. You could have any woman, human or otherwise. Why get the first slave that volunteers and make her your wife?”
His eyes harden, and for a moment I think he’s going to avoid answering me. That he hates my questioning and wants me to be silent. But then his shoulders slump, just a little. He runs a hand down his broad, strange face. “I am…not good with people.”
My heart squeezes a bit. Is this why he picked me? Because I volunteered and he knew he would be awkward? That he’s lonely by himself on Akara’s back and wants company? I reach out and put my hand over one of his. “You’re good with me.”
Ranan shakes his head again, dismissing what I’ve said. “I’m not good with words.”
“Words aren’t everything.” I give him an encouraging smile. This is the closest I’ve been to him since our last swimming lesson, and I wonder if he feels anything for me. If he truly is as shy as he claims to be, it’s going to be impossible to tell.
I’ll be the one that has to make all the moves.
So I shift my weight, moving a little closer to him. “Aren’t you curious about kissing me?”
His eyes widen and he stares at me for a long moment. His strange, flat ears twitch, the muscles laying flat against his head. Ranan’s gaze dips to my mouth and then back to my eyes again. “I have considered it,” he says slowly. “But we are new to each other. You are seeking to anchor your place at my side by pleasing me. It is not the best environment in which to ask for a kiss.”
“You’re wrong. The asking is the important part.” I slide my fingers up his arm, exploring his skin. “Like now. I’m touching you. If I ask to touch you more, and you say no, that’s the end of it, right?”
“It is…different.” There’s a rasp to his voice, his gaze locked on me.
I wonder if anyone ever touches him. I wonder if he needs it. I have had days in the past where I have felt so achingly lonely that I’ve sought out a lover just to feel something. Yet I imagine Ranan lives like a monk out here on the waves.
“How is it different?” I ask, my finger dancing along the inside of one arm. “Would you like for me to stop?”
His nostrils flare. “No.”
“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” I smile at him and run my fingers along his skin. It has a slightly different texture than mine that I find fascinating. Is it because he’s in the water so much? Because his body is hairless? Whatever it is, I like the feel of it.
“It is different, because I hold all the power,” Ranan replies. “You will not tell me no simply because you want to please me. You will let me do whatever I want to you and you will not complain a word, because you are afraid of offending me.”
I still, because he’s not wrong. It’s how a slave survives. If the master’s happy, everyone breathes a sigh of relief. I can’t just simply change the way I think because he promises he will be kind to me. But I suspect he’s been avoiding me, and this is no way for us to build upon our marriage. We cannot be strangers forever, and the longer we leave distance between us, the more difficult it will be for us to conquer later.
I consider all of this as I study him. In the end, all we have are words and deeds. For now, I will have to accept his words. “Ranan, are you going to put me aside? Or send me back to the human settlements? Or make me a slave again?”
His lip curls as if I have offended him. “Of course not.”
Words are easy, though. I need more than that. “Swear it. Swear it upon the gods. Swear it upon Lord Vor.”
Ranan grabs my chin, our eyes meeting. “I swear it by Lord Vor and all the gods in the heavens.”
“That might not be many of them, given that there’s an Anticipation going on,” I tease, pulling free from his grip.
“You know what I mean,” he all but growls at me.
“I do.” I reach up and tap a finger on his nose, because when I’m comfortable, I like to be playful with my partner, and I want to see how he responds. He recoils in shock, rubbing the tip of his nose. “Very well then, I shall believe you. I will tell you no if I don’t feel like kissing you or touching you. And you should tell me no if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, like me touching your nose.”
He continues to rub the end of his nose, his face drawn in lines of disapproval. “I am not uncomfortable.”
I want to laugh because his words say one thing and his expression another. I am going to have to go by his words, then, and assume that Ranan’s scowls are just normal for him and not to be taken that he is in a poor mood. I reach for him again. “So I can tap your nose as much as I want?”
He snags my hand before I can do so. “I did not say that.”
There’s a teasing note in his voice that I like. It makes me a little bolder. “I know right now, I’m not at my best, but I would like to kiss you at some point. Just so we can see what it is like between us. It will be a strange marriage if we have no spark, after all.”
“And do you think that will happen? That there will be no spark?”
I give him a sly smile. “No. I’m good at making sparks.”
His ears go back against his head again, and I wonder if that’s the Ranan version of a blush. “I would like to kiss.”
Now we’re getting somewhere. I lean in close, full of curiosity and anticipation.
His gaze drops to my mouth again…and then he jumps to his feet. “Perhaps tomorrow we will try it,” he says, tone brusque. “After you have had a chance to rest and feel better. Explore the grotto. I will get some fish and make sure Akara is situated.”
Before I can say anything else, he dives into the pool and disappears, and I’m left surrounded by riches. I cross my arms over my chest and frown at the ripple he left. By all the gods, are all sea-ogres skittish or is it just this one? I wait for him to come back, to tell me that he changed his mind and he wants to kiss me now after all.
I wait for a long time.