Chapter 38
Hannah woke early Sunday morning. Her head was still spinning from that kiss the night before. From the feeling of being in Spencer’s arms and not wanting to leave. But she knew she had to. It just wouldn’t work. Spencer couldn’t leave Chatham and she was heading back to Brooklyn on Monday.
Sure, it had crossed her mind to move home and give it a go with Spencer, but that didn’t feel right, either, to move home just because of a man—and with no guarantees that it would be something long-term. It was just a few months ago that she couldn’t stand him. They’d become good friends and more since then, but still. Going back to Brooklyn and signing a new lease still felt like the right thing to do.
She went for a long walk, all the way to Chatham Bars Inn and back, listening to upbeat music the whole way and working up a sweat. It was only eight and it was already hotter than usual. The forecast was for the highest temps of the summer, close to a hundred, through Monday. She hoped the air-conditioning at her mother’s house was still working. They were heading over there at eleven and planned to spend most of the day there.
She came home, showered, changed, and had two cups of coffee. Aunt Maddie and Uncle Richie were still in bed and it was only a quarter past nine. Hannah decided to get a head start on her packing and threw a load of laundry in as well.
By a quarter to eleven, her laundry was done and she was almost completely packed. She headed out to the kitchen and Aunt Maddie was sitting at the island, drinking coffee and checking the news on her iPad. She looked up when she heard Hannah’s footsteps.
“Hi, honey, are you about ready to go?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She’d been dreading this day all summer. Putting it off as long as she could. Her sister had been to the house a few times to check on any remaining mail and her aunt stopped in every few weeks just to make sure nothing needed attending to. Neither one of them had tackled going through her things yet. They were all dreading it.
Sara’s car was in the driveway when they pulled up. She was still in it. She got out when she saw them.
“I wanted to wait for you to go in,” she said. Hannah understood totally.
Aunt Maddie unlocked the front door and they stepped inside, into the living room. A heavy cloud of warmth enveloped them. Aunt Maddie turned the air-conditioning on and it whirred to life with a groan. But it worked and instantly began to cool the room.
What hit Hannah right away was that it looked like her mother still lived there. Like she’d just stepped out for a minute and would be right back. A book from one of her favorite authors was on the coffee table, a bookmark three quarters of the way through to mark the spot. Hannah felt a sharp pang of sadness to think that her mother never got to the ending—never knew how the book turned out.
She took a deep breath and looked around the living room at all the pictures on the wall. They were mostly family photos of Sara and Hannah at various ages and group family photos. There were none of her father. But there were quite a few of her mother’s parents, the grandparents that she had only the faintest memory of. She was young when they passed. They’d both had health challenges and were older when they had their children. Their father’s parents were still alive, but they lived in Arizona and rarely visited the East Coast.
It was the pictures of Sara, Hannah, and their mother that moved Hannah the most. It felt like it was always just the three of them against the world. They’d both been so close to their mother and she’d always been such a hard worker. It hadn’t been easy to raise two children alone. Their father had sent child support but it wasn’t much. More than once Hannah had wished it was their father who had gotten sick instead of their mother. She’d always felt horrible even thinking it, but Sara had confessed she’d had similar thoughts, too. It was just so unfair for someone as good as their mother to be taken at such a young age.
They made their way into their mother’s bedroom and that’s where Hannah lost it—when she saw the sweater she’d given her mother for Christmas hanging in the closet. Her mother had loved that sweater and now she’d never get to wear it again. The tears came fast and furious and she had to sit on the bed and try to get herself together. Aunt Maddie sat next to her and put her arm around her and wiped her own eyes with her other hand. Sara sat on her other side and gave her a hug.
“It’s okay to cry, girls. Let it out,” Aunt Maddie said. And they did. They were all three a blubbering mess for a good ten minutes. Sara got up at one point and came back with a box of tissues, which they all grabbed.
Once their tears dried up they spent the next hour just talking about their mother, remembering the happy times. And Hannah felt a change in the air, a sense of warmth and welcoming as if their mother was there wrapping her arms around them.
They gathered their strength and went through her closet and her drawers, organizing her clothes into piles and setting aside any items that they wanted for themselves, that had special meaning. Hannah took the sweater she’d given her mother and a few other sweaters and her mother’s favorite old sweatshirt, a pale pink oversized one that simply said CHATHAM across the front. She’d bring it to Brooklyn and wear it in memory of her mom and on the days she missed Chatham, too.
They’d brought garbage bags with them and put most of the clothes into bags, sorted by type—pants, tops, etc. The plan was to donate the clothes to a local charity that helped families in need. Her mother would have liked that.
“Have you girls decided what you want to do about the house, if you want to sell it or keep it?” Aunt Maddie asked.
Hannah and Sara exchanged glances. “We haven’t decided that yet,” Hannah said.
“We thought we’d revisit after a year is up. I’m probably leaning toward selling it but it depends what Hannah wants to do,” Sara said.
“I’ll probably be fine with selling it, but not just yet,” Hannah said. She knew neither one of them could imagine staying there with their mother gone.
They went through the kitchen next and cleared out the cupboards, tossing anything that had expired and setting aside any dried goods or cans that were unopened and still good. They could bring those to the local food pantry. Aunt Maddie had cleared the refrigerator months earlier of perishable stuff, but they did another sweep and emptied it totally and tossed everything in the freezer, too.
They did the books last. Their mother had been a big reader and that’s where both Sara and Hannah’s love of books came from. She had a nice collection and it was impossible to throw any of her books away. They each took the ones they wanted and left the rest there. Eventually they would do an estate sale and sell the books and anything else that the three of them didn’t want.
Hannah thought she was all cried out but her eyes grew damp again when they went into the basement and she and Sara looked at the washer. They’d bought it for their mother just two years ago as a surprise when she complained that hers was acting up and it was going to cost almost as much to fix as it would to buy a new one.
And then again when they went out to her back patio and Hannah saw the cute patio set she’d bought for her mother’s birthday one year. The one she’d had was rusted and she hadn’t wanted to spend the money on a new one. Hannah had been so excited when she’d found this set on sale at a local furniture shop. It had a painted tile top with vivid blues and greens that swirled into an image of the ocean. Her mother had loved it.
“You have to take that,” Sara said.
Hannah wondered if it would fit on the balcony of her Brooklyn apartment. It might be too big. She would have to measure. She hoped it would fit.
“Yeah, I can’t give that up. It will be like having a little piece of Mom with me.”
They did a final walk-through, put the bags of clothes in the back of Aunt Maddie’s car, and called it a day.
“Who’s ready for a glass of wine? I know I am,” Aunt Maddie said as she locked the front door behind her.
“I am so ready,” Sara said, and Hannah agreed.
They drove home to Aunt Maddie’s house. Uncle Richie was there and he gave them all a hug, but sensed that they could do without his presence and went in the other room to watch a game on TV.
Aunt Maddie opened a bottle of Santa Margherita pinot grigio, which had been their mother’s favorite wine.
“It seemed appropriate,” she said as she handed them each a glass of wine and they toasted her memory.
They sat on the deck for hours, remembering their mother, talking about everything else under the sun, drinking wine, eating potato chips and eventually a frozen pizza that Aunt Maddie overcooked, but they ate it anyway.
Toward the end of the evening, it must have been ten or maybe eleven—Hannah had lost track of time—Sara stood and suddenly gave her a hug. “It’s been so good seeing you this summer. Maybe you can make this a regular thing, spending your summers in Chatham.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Aunt Maddie said.
“You can live anywhere,” Sara reminded her. “You could even move back here year-round if you wanted to. We’d all love that. But I know you don’t want to do that.” She sighed. “I know how much you love Brooklyn.”
“Spencer kissed me last night.” Hannah blurted it out. She hadn’t intended on saying anything but the wine loosened her lips.
Sara and Aunt Maddie looked at her in shock.
“What does this mean then? Did you like it?” Sara asked.
Hannah laughed. “Yes, he’s a very good kisser.”
“So are you a couple now?” Sara pressed.
Hannah shook her head. “No. It took me by surprise. I like Spencer a lot, but I don’t see how it could work. I’m heading back to Brooklyn tomorrow.”
“You have to do what feels right, honey. I’d love to see you stay, but I know how much you love living in the city,” Aunt Maddie said.
Hannah was grateful that she understood. “It’s my home now. For almost ten years.”
“I’m going to miss you,” Sara said simply.
“I’ll miss you, too. And now I’ll bother you more often by phone.”
Sara smiled. “I would hope so.”
They went to bed soon after, exhausted from the long day. Sara stayed over and had coffee with them in the morning before heading home. Hannah gave her a final hug and promised to text as soon as she got home.
After Sara left, Hannah went for a final morning walk, showered and changed, and headed next door to say goodbye to Joy and Ben. Joy had coffee waiting and Ben came up from the basement to visit with her, too.
“We’ll miss you at the weekly writers’ group,” Joy said.
“I’ll miss all of you, too. I really loved the weekly meetings.” She’d enjoyed listening to the different stories and hearing their feedback. It was a friendly group and she’d always stayed afterward for a cup of tea with Joy and occasionally for supper.
“Spencer is going to miss you, too,” Joy said.
Hannah smiled. “I’ll miss him, too. He’s become a good friend, both him and Natalie.”
“Well, you know how I feel about that. He could be more than a friend. My grandson thinks I don’t see how he looks at you. I know you think it couldn’t work and maybe you’re right. It certainly won’t work if he’s here and you’re there. That’s all I have to say about that.”
“My wife has strong opinions,” Ben said.
Hannah laughed. “I know she does. I am really going to miss both of you.”
“Be sure to stop in and say hello next time you come home for a visit,” Joy said.
“I will,” Hannah assured her. She hugged both of them goodbye and headed back to the house. It was time to go home.