29. Watching
twenty-nine
Watching
Nate.
I’m so confused. Kissing him left me on a weird high, but by the time I went to bed I had a guilty ache in my chest. I like Nate and we had a lot of fun, but my feelings for him are tangled up with my feelings for Jacob, and even some for Gage.
I need time away from them to think things over.
I’m going to the trail I used to run with Brad.
It’s far enough that it will take a long time to run it and get back.
I sneak out of the house through the side door. I think I’m in the clear, but I run into Jacob coming from around the corner.
“Good morning, Jess.” He’s carrying a box of tiles, more stuff for the house. “You’re up early after a late night.”
How does he know I was up late?
“I’m going running.” As if that isn’t obvious. I sidestep him, but he moves to block my escape.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” He sets the box down. His smile is friendly, but there’s something about his tone that makes me wary.
“Sure.”
He takes a deep breath. “You’re really pretty, Jess.”
“Thanks.” I’m not sure how to take that. I should be flattered, but I know he didn't stop to compliment me.
“I’m not sure how much you realize that,” he pauses again. “And I’m not sure you realize the effect it has on a guy when a pretty girl pays attention to them. Guys like my brothers.”
“Your brothers? What about your brothers?”
He stumbles around as if he’s not sure what he wants to say. “What I mean is well... It’s not nice for pretty girls to play with guys’ hearts.”
His words sink in. Shock, embarrassment, and anger churn in my stomach. “You think I’m playing?”
He takes a step back, his hands in front of him like he thinks I'm going to take a swing at him. “Listen, you can play Gage all you want. He deserves it.” His voice gets serious. “But not Nathan, he hasn’t had the experience with girls that me and Gage have.”
Now he’s telling me to stay away from his brother?
Guilt morphs into fury. I take a step closer to him, almost in his face.
“Ever since you got here, you’re all about what I should and shouldn't do, and who I should stay away from. Now it’s your brother, and you’re telling me I’m not good enough for him? ”
“That’s not what I said. Listen Jess–”
I don’t let him finish. “Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’m not a little girl anymore. If you want something from me, step up to the plate and tell me what it is. Otherwise, let someone else have a swing at it.”
He opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something. No words come out. I slam my earbuds into my ears and head for my car. After about ten yards I turn back around and face him.
“By the way, based on last night, I’d say Nate has plenty of experience with girls.” Let him figure out what I mean by that.
Jacob stands there looking shocked. Matthew and Tyler stop midway from the shed. I think they heard me. Nate is right behind them. I catch his eye for a second and then turn away. I wonder if he heard me too.
I climb into my car, twist the ignition, and slam my foot on the gas, revving the engine. I don’t hear the door open and don’t realize anyone is there until he sits down. I jerk the headphones off my ears. “What do you want now?”
“Do you mind if I come with you?” It’s Nate.
“Come with me where?” I ask stupidly.
“You're going running, right?” He smiles.
“Aren’t you supposed to be working on the house?”
Nate gestures to his brothers, both standing dumbfounded in front of our old rental house. “They can handle it. I think it’s time I got to ditch work to hang out with a girl, don’t you?”
I glance at Jacob. My anger flares again. “Absolutely.”
He squeezes my hand. “Give me five minutes to change.”
It’s a beautiful day. I run hard, ignoring the pain in my heel. I don’t care. I try to block everything out, but it takes less than a mile to realize that I’m not really mad at Jacob.
I’m mad at myself.
I glance at Nathan, easily matching my stride, a satisfied smile on his face.
How could I have been so stupid? Why did I kiss him?
I don’t want to hurt him. I wasn’t intentionally using him.
Or was I? I’m suddenly confused about my own motives.
What if Jacob is right and I’m just playing games—stupid, childish games to get his attention?
I stumble, and Nate catches my arm. “Are you okay?”
“It’s my foot.” I look down at the spot of blood on the side of my shoe.
“I forgot about the cut,” Nate says.
“Yeah. Me too. Can we walk for a while?”
“Actually, if you're bleeding, we should head back.”
“Probably a good idea,” I admit.
He wraps his arm around my waist, and we turn around. As we do, someone slides down the slope from the bridge over the trail.
“You have a new running partner?” Brad's eyes are hazy. I press closer to Nate. He tightens his grip on my waist.
“Are you okay?” Brad moves in closer. He must have noticed I was limping. “If you need a ride, my truck’s right up the hill.”
“No thanks. We’re parked just up the trail.” Nate moves so he's between me and Brad.
Brad looks Nate over, like he's sizing him up. Finally he shrugs. “Your choice.” He backs away. “Have a great Christmas, Jess. I’ll see you soon.”
As soon as Brad leaves, I let out a long breath I didn't realize I was holding.
Nate turns to me, his expression tight with concern. “Let me guess, that was your jerky ex-boyfriend, the one Jake told me about."
“Jacob told you about Brad?”
“Yeah.” Nate glances over his shoulder. “Do you run here a lot?”
“I used to. I used to run here with him.”
Nate nods. “Maybe you shouldn't. I don’t want to freak you out, but it felt like he was waiting for you.”
I shake my head, but I remember Brad was here the last time I came. “He just likes to come to the trail to get away from his parents so he can smoke.”
“Maybe.” Nate stops and wraps his other arm around my waist. “Still, I’m glad I came with you today.”
I look down the trail. Brad is leaning against the guardrail above the trail, smoking and watching us.
I lean closer to Nate. “I’m glad you came too.
” He pulls me against him and kisses me.
I know I shouldn’t let him, but maybe if Brad sees me kissing someone else, he’ll get the hint that I’ve moved on and leave me alone.