33. Breaking In
thirty-three
Breaking In
I lie in bed for a long time without sleeping.
More than anything I want to go tell Nathan I’m sorry again and try to explain, but I can’t.
Everything he said is true. Well almost everything.
He’s wrong about the way Jacob looks at me.
And anyway, if there was ever something between us, I ruined it.
“Jess.”
I’m dreaming,
"Jess.”
The voice comes again. I open my eyes and stifle a scream. There’s a face at my window. It takes me a few panicked heartbeats before I realize who’s there.
“Gage,” I hiss, “how did you get up here?”
He pulls himself the rest of the way through my window and sits on the windowsill. “I climbed the tree. I’m surprised that your dad hasn’t cut it down yet. It leads right to your bedroom.”
I get off the bed and look out the window at the long spindly branches he climbed to make it to my window. “You could have broken your neck! What are you doing here?”
He steps into my room, bathed in moonlight like some fairytale prince. But this isn't a fairytale and Gage was never meant to be my prince. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m not,” I say miserably. “How’s Nate?”
“Gone. He found a flight back to Florida. I don’t think it leaves until tomorrow morning, but he said he’s sleeping at the airport.
Mom couldn’t talk him out of it.” Gage sits on my bed.
“I’m sorry Jess. I didn’t know he was so.
..so hung up on you. If I did I would have never let things go as far as they did tonight. ”
I slump back on my bed, “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let them go anywhere at all.”
“He’ll get over it. Every guy has to have his heart crushed at least once.”
“You aren’t helping.” I lie back and pull my pillow over my head.
Gage pulls it off gently. “Sorry. I’ve never been good at saying the right thing when someone’s upset."
I stare at the ceiling. “That’s pretty obvious.”
"I'm much better at providing physical comfort." He climbs on the bed and lies next to me, so we're both sharing my pillow.
I don't look at him. "Why are you here, Gage?"
“I just came to let you know; I’m leaving too.”
For some reason the thought of him leaving makes me depressed. I let him slip his arm around my shoulders. “I thought you were going to finish your senior year here.”
Gage shakes his head. “Naw. My dad’s coming back early, and really I don’t want to start over. I have some stuff to make up, but it looks like my old school will let me back in. Besides, your friends are great, but maybe a little too tame for me.”
“What about Jasmine?”
He grins, but it’s a sad half-grin. All traces of the cocky, confident guy I met on his first day back are gone. “You think she'll ever forgive me?"
"I don't know," I say honestly. "She's been known to hold a grudge for, like, years."
He shakes his head. "That's kind of what I thought. Jaz is something special. I really liked her, maybe even loved her. I screwed that one up, didn't I?"
I sigh. "I think it's fair to say we both screwed things up."
"Yep." He stares at the ceiling for a little longer, then rolls over to face me. "Really, there's only one thing left to do."
I give him a skeptical look. "And that would be?"
He slides his hand down my arm. "Drown out our guilt with a sloppy make-out session."
I move away from him and get off the bed.
I don't think he was serious, but I can't risk it.
Gage was right about being good at physical comfort and I don't want to get too comfortable with him.
I've made enough mistakes with the Ricks boys for one lifetime.
"Or we could minimize the damage we've both done tonight, shake hands, and part as friends. "
"I think I at least deserve a hug," he stands up and opens his arms wide.
I step forward and snuggle into his chest. It feels good to have him wrap his arms around me. Despite everything, Gage has become a good friend. "Try to stay out of trouble, okay?”
“No promises.” He holds me for a minute more, then releases me and steps back. “I gotta get going. Do me a favor and try to keep Jaz out of trouble for me.”
“No promises."
“Good-bye Jess.” He starts to climb into the tree.
Then he stops and looks at me. “Listen, Nate was pissed as hell, and wrong about ninety-eight percent of what he said tonight, but there was one thing he got right. Jake has had a lot of girlfriends, and I mean a lot, but I’ve never seen him look at any girl the way he looks at you.
Give him time, okay. He’ll figure it out. ”
I open my mouth to argue with him, but he’s already gone.