Chapter 15
One Year Later
With my eyes closed, I hold the final note and let it pour out of me, filling every corner of the room. When the music cuts, so do I, lowering the microphone away from my lips. The stage lights are blinding, hiding the crowd completely, but I smile anyway and bow, waiting for the applause.
Only—there isn’t one. Or at least, not much of one.
Slow claps, a few whispers, and someone coughing in the back are the closest thing to applause I get in this dank, old bar close to campus.
No one’s here for the music. Hell, half of them probably think I’m some drunk girl doing karaoke, but at least for a few seconds, when I’m on that stage and my eyes are closed, I can imagine I’m somewhere else.
On a bigger stage. One where people want to hear me.
Standing straight, I open my eyes and slot the microphone back into the stand before saying, “Thank you,” into it. Then I walk off stage, and signal to my boss that I’m going to take my ten-minute break before I go behind the bar.
It’s not the best gig. The princess party job paid a lot better, but I got fired after I had to return Princess Blanca’s dress tattered and ruined. The new dress was deducted from my final paycheck. Ironically, it took all the payment from Scotty’s party to pay for it.
Unfortunately, this is the best thing I could get that would work for my college hours and auditioning.
It’s not too bad. Mike, the owner, lets me sing a few songs each shift, so at least I can get some practice in.
Does it feel as good as when I sang to those five-year-olds?
No. I miss singing to them. I miss seeing the hope and wonder in their eyes when they see their favorite character come to life.
Now when I do see people’s faces, all I see are lost, soulless eyes who couldn’t give a shit about my singing.
I try not to think about it too much, since I’m not going to get that time back.
“Laura,” Danny, my scene mate in improv class, drawls out before sliding an arm around me and exhaling a sugary cloud of vape smoke that smells like synthetic peaches, “that was beautiful.”
“Thanks,” I say, pulling out of his hold and dusting off my black dress before taking a seat with the rest of my classmates, Lana, Curtis, and Jo.
They are the theater crowd I’ve been hanging with since…well, since the incident. They’re pretentious and I don’t really like them, but since moving out of English Lit 101, I had to fill my hours with more theater electives, which means I’m with them more often than I’d like to be.
It’s not that I don’t like them. It’s that I don’t feel great when I’m around them. They’re all…just so good at this, and at playing the game to get further in theater.
Lana toys with her dark hair before leaning into Curtis and giving him a long, slow kiss. It’s overly dramatic, like everything they do. Seriously, sometimes I think they break up just to have loud, theatrical makeup sex. Can’t judge. At least they’re getting some.
I’ve been on two dates in the last year. Both of them were disasters. Both times, I compared them to—I sigh, shaking my head. I don’t want to think about him. It only opens up wounds I’ve been trying to shut.
I can’t even look at a hockey player on campus without coming out in hives. Every time someone mentions Hendricks Unchecked, I change the subject. In fact, I’ve structured my entire life around avoiding Scotty Hendricks, and sometimes I worry that makes me think about him more, not less.
“When do rehearsals start for The Glass Orchard?” Danny asks Jo.
I cough, using it as an excuse to cover my face with my hand and hide the disappointment that’s no doubt showing across my face.
Every single person at this table got a role in this semester’s main play. Every single person except me. Just like every semester, I’ve been passed over for a part again.
It’s definitely made me wonder if I should keep going. Will anyone really see my worth?
The thoughts have been whirring in my brain for so long, but then I remember that every actor says it takes just one thing to make you big, and that keeps me going…for now.
“Next week, I think,” Jo responds, her smile wide and beautiful. “I’m looking forward to playing opposite you.” She leans across the table, shoving her ample breasts in mine and Danny’s faces.
I think they’re fucking. I can’t be completely sure, but the way they look at each other. There’s also the fact that the leads in all the plays seem to end up together after the production is finished.
I should probably add that to the list of reasons why I can’t get laid.
Danny does what he always does, smile and wink.
Then he starts talking to everyone about The Glass Orchard, leaving me to sit quietly because I have nothing to add to the conversation.
They all know it, and I get the occasional sympathetic glance from them, but I don’t acknowledge it.
Instead, I toy with the ends of my hair, feeling how silky-soft the ends are. That new hair oil is clearly helping.
After another five minutes, I move onto my dress, picking a loose thread to pretend I’m doing something other than feeling horrendously sorry for myself.
Jo glances over at me, her smile softening. “Laura, have you heard of any good auditions coming up?”
“Uh.”
How do I answer that? What’s the best way to say no, I’ve got nothing on the horizon? Nothing at all.
“Oh, did you hear about that new skating show that’s coming to town to audition?” Lana asks the table with a grin.
“Skating? As in the roller-skating show, Cosmic Tracks?” Jo says. “My friend got a role in that just because she could skate. It takes no real talent at all.”
Yeah, because actually learning to skate isn’t a real talent at all.
Fucking pretentious.
“No. It’s for an ice-skating show. Um, what’s it called?”
Ice skating? Like my sister, and… Scotty.
Ugh. I hate that I still think about him.
It’s been an entire year, and I’ve managed to avoid him at all costs on campus, but somehow, I still manage to think of him most days, which guts me.
Figuratively and literally, because every time I think about him, I think about the worst humiliation of my life, and I’m just waiting until that stupid Hendricks Unchecked episode airs and I lose all the dignity I had left.
How far in advance do they even film? It feels like I’ve been waiting forever.
Lana’s spinning her hand in the air, still trying to think of the name of the production. “It’s for those kids’ movies. You know, they do a compilation of movies and they all have their own segment.” Her fingers click, and she points at Curtis with a smile. “Evermore on Ice. That’s it!”
“Oh yeah,” Jo says. “Aren’t they focusing on the one with the annoying yappy squirrel this year? Iced Out.”
“It’s a pet fox,” I say quickly, garnering the attention of everyone at the table.
Then I shrug, pretending it’s no big deal.
“I’ve seen the movie a couple of times. It’s a fox, and he’s pretty integral to the growth of the story.
” I clear my throat. “Are they—are they doing auditions here?” I ask, my voice higher than it should be, and although I’d never show it to these guys, there’s a tiny bit of excitement brewing in my belly.
Iced Out… Ice skating.
Surely, there can’t be many actresses here who can sing and skate? I can do both…kind of. I’ve also got one thing no one else does. Experience. I played Princess Blanca for a year.
“Yeah, I think they start in a month or two. The show runs over the winter break.”
Winter break?
This could work. I could do this.
The more I think about it, the more I want it. Surely, there can’t be any other singing Princess Blancas that can ice skate.
“Where are the auditions?”
There’s a pause and they all look at each other with smirks.
I know what they’re thinking, but I don’t care. Not anymore. I need to prove to them, to myself that I can do this.
“Wait, you're not going to try out, are you?” Danny asks. “Do you even skate?”
“My sister is a gold-medal-winning ice hockey player.” It’s an answer, but not to the question he asked—mainly because the answer would be ‘kind of’. Noelle and I skated together until we were ten. That’s when everyone started to see how good she was compared to everyone else.
It’s also when I gave up, knowing I’d never match up to her, and I’d just flail behind, but surely some of that experience I had would help. Muscle memory is everything. That’s what Noelle is always saying.
There’s a chorus of questions from the group. ‘She is?’ ‘What?’ ‘How come this is the first time we’re hearing about it?’
I don’t answer their questions, knowing that if I do, it will go into an entire discussion over Noelle, and I can’t face her taking the limelight when she’s across the fucking country.
Well, for now. She’s actually coming to visit me next week because she’s playing against Covey U’s women’s ice hockey team.
Fuck, is this fate?
Is this karma finally coming around and offering me something I can’t refuse?
“The most important thing for this role is that the person can sing. I also know the source material well.”
Silence.
None of them want to question me, probably because they’d never even consider auditioning for a role like this.
Lucky for them, they get picked for school plays and people praise them for just entering the room.
They’ve already made it in Covey U. People want to work with them.
They actively figure out roles for them.
But the world is bigger than Covey U, and if I can get something outside of the school. A paid gig, no less, then maybe this will be my big break. Maybe I will finally be taken seriously.
“You know if you do it, you'll get pigeonholed into kids’ stuff,” Curtis says.
“So what?”
It’s better than being pigeonholed into nothing, I think, but don’t say it out loud. Confidence is everything in this business.
“I'll be working, and that's the most important thing to me.”