Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
Ronan looked at Angela across the table of the small pub and wondered if they were still the same people as when they had broken up eight years ago.
He was still trying to take in the conversation with Elaine.
It had been a huge surprise to hear her telling him off for feeling guilty all this time.
And now she wanted to get a full-time carer, and urged him to forget about any obligation to her.
‘Go out with your friends,’ she had said.
‘Have a bit of fun. You’ve been stuck with me long enough.
’ He had protested that he didn’t mind looking after her, but she had insisted that from now on, he was free.
‘You might even want to move out,’ she had suggested.
‘Get your own place nearby.’ When he had asked her what had brought this on, she said she had been thinking about it ever since she had that chat with Maureen.
‘I’ve been a little selfish,’ she admitted.
‘I should have tried to make you move out years ago. I hope you can forgive me.’ Her contrition had been genuine, and the feeling of freedom had been strange and wonderful at the same time.
After their conversation, he had called Ciara to tell her what Elaine had said.
Then he had told her he’d get in touch with Angela in order to close that chapter so he could move on.
But they had been cut off mid-sentence. Frustrated, he had tried to call Ciara back, but the signal must have been too weak.
He hung up thinking he’d speak to her next time they met, which he hoped would be very soon.
And now, here he was with Angela having a drink in a pub near his home.
Dressed in a green silk shirt and matching scarf that went so well with her colouring, she looked back at him with her pale eyes and patted her perfectly styled hair.
Then she picked up her glass of white wine and shot him a charming smile.
‘Cheers,’ she said. ‘It’s nice to see you again after all this time. ’
Ronan lifted his pint of Guinness and tried to figure out what it was about her he found suddenly so off-putting. ‘Cheers, Angela,’ he said, returning her smile. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch for so long. But it was a bit difficult under the circumstances.’
‘I know. I heard from your sister what was going on,’ Angela replied. ‘We’ve been in touch a lot during the years since the accident.’
‘Sarah?’ Ronan asked. ‘You mean she has been filling you in on the situation?’
Angela nodded. ‘Yes. I know you’ve been stuck looking after your mother ever since—’ She stopped. ‘Well, we won’t go there.’
‘Ever since I made the mistake of looking at a text you sent,’ Ronan filled in. ‘Which caused the accident. I never blamed you, though, you know that,’ he added.
‘I couldn’t have known you were driving,’ Angela remarked sourly. ‘But as I said, we won’t go there. I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you when you were in hospital. I did send a card, though.’
‘Thanks,’ Ronan said. ‘Would have been nice to have seen you, but maybe it was best as we broke up after that.’
‘Well, I’m not good around sick people,’ Angela said, looking defensive. ‘It’s not really my thing.’ She studied him for a moment. ‘You look well,’ she said. ‘And not much different from when we were together.’
‘You haven’t changed much either,’ he said, looking at her face that seemed strangely frozen. Botox or some other kind of beauty treatment?
‘Thank you.’ Angela drank a little wine. ‘So,’ she continued, ‘I heard your mother has set you free. What does that mean?’
Ronan picked up his glass and took a sip.
‘She never forced me to look after her. It was my own fault for thinking I owed her something. But she’s now pushing me to have my own life and move out.
She wants to hire a full-time carer. Someone who’ll live in.
She’s been feeling guilty about having me look after her.
So there’ll be a huge change in both our lives.
I’m still trying to get used to the idea. ’
‘Well, she can afford to do whatever she wants,’ Angela said. ‘Great news for you, though. Are you going to move out or stay in that lovely house?’
‘I haven’t decided yet,’ Ronan replied. ‘I’ll stay until the carer has settled in. And then I’ll look around for a flat somewhere nice.’
‘Like where?’ Angela asked. ‘I’d go for something in Dalkey if I were you. I can help you look if you like. After all, I’m working at one of the top estate agencies in Dublin.’
‘Thanks,’ Ronan said. ‘That’s very kind of you.
’ What’s wrong with me? he asked himself.
Here I am with this beautiful, perfectly turned-out woman, with whom I was so in love when I was younger.
And she seems keen to hook up with me again.
We could try to get back what we had eight years ago.
But is that really what I want? The question echoed through his mind as he looked at his former girlfriend.
Even if Angela hadn’t changed, he knew that he had.
He had thought back then that beauty was all about perfection but now he knew better.
Perfection is boring, he thought as the image of another woman floated into his mind. Ciara with her haphazard way of dressing, her bright blue eyes, her black hair and her wide grin seemed infinitely more endearing than Angela with her polished appearance.
‘What’s wrong?’ Angela asked, touching her face. ‘You’re staring at me in an odd way. Do I have lipstick on my teeth or something?’
‘No, there’s nothing wrong with you at all,’ Ronan replied. And that’s the problem, he secretly thought. Ciara would have spilled wine on her shirt, her cheeks would have been red and her hair messed up by the wind before she came in. ‘You look absolutely perfect.’
‘Why does that sound like something negative?’ Angela asked, looking suddenly confused.
‘I have no idea,’ Ronan lied. He was relieved when his phone rang. He picked it up and saw that it was Maureen. ‘Sorry, I have to take this,’ he said, getting up. ‘Back in a moment.’ He stepped into the lobby of the pub, away from the noise. ‘Maureen? What’s up?’
‘It’s Brian,’ Maureen said in a near sob. ‘He’s gone missing and Ciara is in such a state. We’re out in the woods near the tower looking for him, but I’m not sure we’re going to find him. You know how much Ciara loves that animal.’
‘Yes, I do,’ Ronan said. ‘She must be devastated. Do you want me to drive over to you? I’m with a friend right now, but I could come up later.’
‘Would you?’ Maureen asked, sounding relieved. ‘That would be a huge help. Can you leave Elaine, though?’
‘Yes, she’s with Aino, our part-time carer who’s staying the night, so I’m free. I’ll be in Cherrywood as soon as I can.’
‘I’m up the road near the tower,’ Maureen said. ‘I can drop a pin when you’re on your way.’
‘Perfect. Then I’ll know where you are.’
‘But it sounds as if you’re in a restaurant,’ Maureen protested. ‘I don’t want to ruin your evening.’
‘I’m in a pub having a drink with a… friend.
But I don’t think it’s going to last that long.
See you later, Maureen,’ Ronan said and hung up.
It had startled him to hear that Ciara’s dog was missing and how upset she was.
It made him want to rush to her side and try to help, even if it was only to comfort her.
That kiss in the dark corridor at Powerscourt was still on his mind.
Suddenly overwhelmed with how cute she was, he had acted on impulse and pulled her close and kissed her.
She had responded with a fervour that had both surprised and delighted him and now all he wanted to do was to be with her.
But he had to deal with Angela before he could leave.
‘Sorry about that,’ he said when he got back to the table, where Angela was fuming. ‘A friend who needs a bit of help.’
‘A girl called Maureen, I seem to have heard.’
‘She’s not a girl, but a woman in her seventies,’ Ronan replied. ‘And a kind of friend to Elaine.’
‘Oh, I see. But you look as if you wished you were somewhere else,’ Angela remarked sourly.
‘Somewhere far away from me.’ She drained her glass and started to gather up her handbag and blazer.
‘I thought we would have a happy reunion,’ she said, looking disappointed.
‘I was hoping we could…’ She stopped. ‘But I think you’ve changed.
Being cooped up for such a long time with an invalid must have affected you and now that she has set you free, you want to go out there and date other women. ’
‘Not exactly,’ Ronan started. ‘But I’ve met people through my work who have made me feel I want different things than before. A different life, maybe.’
‘You’ve met someone,’ Angela said, frowning.
‘I can tell by that faraway look in your eyes.’ She sighed and pulled at the scarf around her neck.
‘Well, I suppose absence didn’t make your heart any fonder.
I had hoped that one day we’d get back what we had.
Not that I’ve been pining for you at all, actually.
I’ve been out there seeing other men, and I nearly got engaged once.
But it didn’t work out in the end. Nice guy with good career prospects.
But he moved to Liverpool. He asked me to go with him, but I said no, so that was the end of that. ’
‘Why did you say no?’ Ronan couldn’t help asking.
‘Honestly, Ronan,’ Angela said and rolled her eyes. ‘Can you see me in Liverpool?’
‘What’s wrong with Liverpool?’ Ronan tried his best not to laugh. ‘They have shops there too, you know.’
‘You find this funny,’ Angela said, looking at him for a moment. ‘You have really changed.’
‘And you haven’t,’ Ronan stated.
‘Maybe that’s the problem?’ Angela asked, getting up. ‘We’re not compatible any more.’
‘Could be.’ Ronan rose. ‘Are you leaving?’
‘Yes. Thanks for the drink.’
‘You’re welcome, Angela. It was good to see you. And before you go, I just want to say again that I never thought the accident was your fault. Not for a second.’
‘Of course it wasn’t,’ Angela said. ‘I’ve never worried about it at all.’
‘That’s good,’ Ronan told her. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cool cheek. ‘Bye, Angela. It was nice to see you.’
She stepped back. ‘Was it? I had a feeling you just wanted to close the chapter – our chapter, I mean. But I suppose it was a good thing to do. Bye, Ronan. Good luck with the rest of your life.’
‘And I wish you the very best with yours,’ Ronan said warmly. ‘I really do.’
Angela nodded. ‘Thank you, Ronan.’ And with that, she walked out of the pub and his life.
He watched the door close behind her, feeling a part of his life was now over and he could move on.
His mother’s announcement had shaken him, and he wasn’t sure he trusted her to stick to her words.
But right now, he was determined to enjoy the freedom to come and go as he pleased.
He couldn’t wait to see Ciara and talk to her about what he would do with the rest of his life.
But first he had to drive to Cherrywood and help her find her dog.
He knew how much she loved that beautiful creature.
How would she cope if the dog was missing for good – or worse?