Chapter Twenty
After returning from church, Robert and Frederick were enjoying their luncheon; Frederick was still basking in the glow of the many appreciative comments he had received for his sermon.
“I know you said I spoke well, Robert,” Frederick said, grinning, “although I would hope to expect such praise from my own brother. But, because so many other parishioners were complimentary as well, I suppose I can truly believe that I did well.”
“You did, Freddy,” Robert replied warmly.
“I think you chose wisely when you decided to enter the ministry over the military. You may never be wealthy, but your consolation must be this: You have a gift for both writing and oratory matters that will always please your congregants. I am proud of you.”
“Thank you. Are you going riding this afternoon? I thought I heard you order your horse be made ready. Do you wish for some company? I should enjoy an outing with you; it has been some time since we went riding together.”
He saw a rueful smile on Robert’s face.
“I would enjoy that, too, Freddy, but you see, I actually have an appointment. I am riding out to Haverstone to spend some time strolling the gardens with the charming Miss Kendall. I must confess, I find her company quite enjoyable and with each encounter, my admiration for her certainly increases. In fact, I am seriously thinking of making her an offer of marriage, perhaps at the upcoming ball the Gillinghams are holding.”
Frederick felt as if his stomach had dropped to his boots. He lost his hold of his spoon, which fell into the bowl, splashing soup on the plate and damask linen tablecloth.
“What?” he croaked. “You love Miss Kendall? Robert, I…I am beyond astonishment. Why have you not spoken of this before? I have never heard you utter a word of admiration about her. In fact, I think you once proclaimed your disdain for how Lord and Lady Gillingham were set on making a match with you.”
Robert did not reply right away. When he spoke, his eyes were fixed on his soup rather than on his sibling. He always found it hard to lie to his brother.
“Oh, yes, I did feel that way, initially,” he finally said.
“But, our several encounters over this summer have entirely changed my mind. Truly, I find her charming, elegant, intelligent, and everything Brentwood should have in its new mistress.” Robert raised his eyes, and Frederick noted an expression he could not quite make out, but it did not seem to him like the face of a man in love.
“Yes,” Robert continued, “I think she will grace the halls of Brentwood every bit as well as our dear mother once did. In truth, I am most eager to make her an offer.”
“But…do you truly love her?” Frederick pressed.
He could hardly remain calm. He wanted to yell at his brother that no, he was in love with Charlotte, and it was he who should propose, not Robert.
But, he was struggling to keep his voice from betraying all the emotions racing through him. He watched his brother shrug.
“Love? Naturally, I would not consider marrying someone I am not in love with, Freddy. But, even putting such lofty, romantic thoughts aside, I am twenty-eight now, and it is high time I married and provided the estate with an heir, do you not agree?” Robert wiped his mouth and tossed the napkin on the table.
He rose and smiled. “Now, do keep this all a secret, promise? As I said, I plan to ask for her hand at the Gillingham ball. I feel most confident of her acceptance, too. Well. I have a little estate business to take care of before I ride to Haverstone. I shall see you at dinner.” He walked to the door and turned back to his brother.
Now, his countenance seemed to Frederick to show, what—sorrow?
Pity? “Again, congratulations on a fine sermon, Frederick. It was well done.” With a nod, he exited.
Frederick sat, letting his soup grow cold; he waved away the footman’s offer of a fresh bowl, his appetite utterly gone.
Robert to propose to Miss Kendall? Why had he not noticed his brother’s interest in her?
It must have been obvious to everyone. Somehow, he had missed seeing it.
Did she return the affection? He desperately thought back to each encounter they had had with the charming young lady, trying to discern any hint that she favored Robert in a particular way.
Her teasing ways that he so adored—she had exhibited it toward both of them.
No, he could not recall any specific action or statement she had made that might reveal that she favored Robert over…
him. Still, his brother would not be ready to propose marriage to Miss Kendall if he did not think she returned his feelings, would he?
Sorrow mixed with shame overwhelmed him.
I am a fool. She probably has had her hopes of securing Robert’s affection all this time and was being merely…
courteous to me, with no thought of me as a romantic partner.
Why did I even dare think she would consider a poor curate to be her future husband when the gentleman of a wealthy estate was available?
I have deluded myself all this time. I thought we were so well suited, too, with our shared love of art and reading.
But, clearly I misinterpreted her regard for me.
Thank heavens, I did not reveal her name as the lady I was thinking of proposing to when I asked Robert for an increase in my wages.
Now, he need never know of my feelings. It is clear I am nothing more than a friend and now future brother to Miss Kendall, and I must accept that.
Frederick slowly rose from the table and walked upstairs to his room.
A glance at the closed door of Robert’s study indicated a desire for solitude.
Frederick knew he should go and wish his brother joy; it would be the right and proper thing to do.
But, oh, his heart ached too much now to be able to congratulate him in a sincere manner.
As he reached his room, an odd thought came unbidden into his mind.
He never did say he loved her, though.