Calder
Sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night felt wrong, like I was lying to Ethan in some way.
But then again, I suppose I was. It had been days since I’d shifted, never getting the chance with him around, and I was starting to feel like I was squirming under my own skin.
I needed to let the wolf out, to at least bask in a little bit of moonlight before I went crazy.
Controlling the wolf while Ethan was around was hard enough.
But if I didn’t let it out… Well, something was going to give and Ethan would never trust me again. And that was the last thing I wanted.
I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could, pausing when Ethan shifted in his sleep.
He mumbled something incoherent and rolled over, clutching my pillow to his chest. My heart ached looking at him.
He was so peaceful, so trusting. If he only knew what I really was and how I’d been deceiving him this entire time.
The wooden floor creaked slightly as I made my way to the back door.
I'd oiled the hinges last week specifically for these nighttime escapes, so it opened silently as I slipped outside into the cool night air.
The rain was light, just a gentle drizzle that misted my skin as I padded barefoot across the damp grass.
My muscles were already twitching with anticipation. I could feel my wolf pacing restlessly beneath my skin, eager for release after days of confinement. The moon wasn't full tonight, hidden behind a veil of clouds, but I could still feel its pull like a physical tug in my chest.
I moved to the darkest corner of my backyard, shielded from neighbors' windows by a stand of old pines. Quickly, I stripped off my sweatpants and t-shirt, folding them neatly on a dry spot beneath the eaves. The cold air raised goosebumps across my naked skin, but I wouldn't be cold for long.
I closed my eyes, surrendering to the change that was already rippling through me.
My bones cracked and shifted, muscles stretching and reforming as my body transformed.
It hurt like it always did but I'd learned to embrace the pain, to ride it like a wave until it crested and broke.
My skin prickled as fur sprouted across my body, my face elongating into a muzzle filled with sharp teeth.
The shift took less than a minute, and then I was standing on four paws, shaking out my dark fur.
The world around me transformed too. Colors faded but scents exploded into vivid detail.
I could smell everything including the damp earth, a raccoon that had passed through hours ago, and the lingering scent of Ethan on my fur.
Ethan. My mate. My human mate who had no idea what I truly was. A fact that would terrify him if he knew.
I lifted my muzzle to scent the air, making sure no one was around before I darted across the yard and slipped through the gap in the fence I'd deliberately left loose.
The neighboring yards were dark and quiet as I silently made my way through them, keeping to the shadows, moving from one patch of darkness to the next.
This was dangerous, I knew that. If anyone saw me, if anyone recognized what I was, it could spell disaster.
Plus there was the fact that a rogue wolf was on the loose, killing people at random.
But I couldn't stay cooped up any longer. The wolf needed freedom, even if just for a short run through the sleeping neighborhood. Fifteen minutes of running while keeping the house in sight wouldn’t be the end of the world. I hoped.
The drizzling rain helped mask my scent and muffle my footfalls as I loped down the empty street.
Most houses were dark, their occupants long asleep.
Halloween decorations swayed gently in the night breeze.
There were plastic ghosts and paper witches clinging to hooks and carved pumpkins on porch steps.
I inhaled the scent of wet leaves and petrichor, savoring that perfect combination that conjured up images of Halloween.
I loved that smell. It was one I looked forward to all year long.
I slowed my pace, relishing the way the rain dampened my fur without soaking through to my skin.
The wolf part of me loved this weather. It was cool enough to be comfortable in my thick coat, but wet enough to sharpen all the scents around me.
I paused at the corner of Maple and Elm streets, ears perked for any sounds of humans stirring.
Nothing but the distant hum of the highway and the soft patter of raindrops on leaves.
As I moved through the shadows between streetlights, my thoughts kept circling back to Ethan.
I needed to tell him the truth. Soon. The longer I waited, the harder it would be, and the more betrayed he would feel.
But how could I explain that I was the very thing he feared most?
That I belonged to the same species that had murdered his father?
I remembered the terror in his eyes when he talked about the monster, the way his hands trembled when he described what he'd seen that night in the woods. Would he look at me with that same fear if he knew?
The thought made me whine softly, a sound that echoed in the empty street. I quickly silenced myself, ducking behind a parked car as a light flicked on in a nearby house. My heart raced as I waited, counting seconds until the light went off again. Too close.
I needed to be more careful. This wasn't just about me anymore. If I was discovered, it wouldn't just be my secret exposed. It would expose my entire pack, the Council, our whole hidden world. And Ethan would be caught in the crossfire.
I turned back toward home, cutting through the small park that separated my street from the main road. The grass was slick under my paws, and I reveled in the feeling of earth and nature beneath me instead of hardwood floors and carpet. This was where I belonged, where my wolf felt most alive.
But my heart belonged with Ethan now. My human side and my wolf were in complete agreement on that. He was mine to protect, to love, to cherish. Even if telling him the truth might mean losing him forever.
I paused at the edge of the park, raising my nose to check for any unfamiliar scents. The rogue wolf had been quiet since the cider mill attack, but that didn't mean he wasn't still out there, watching, waiting. My territory, my mate… he'd threatened both.
But if I encountered him tonight, alone, I wasn't sure how things would end. I was strong, an Alpha, but he was unpredictable, savage in a way that defied pack instincts. And I couldn't risk Ethan waking to find me gone or worse, dead.
I quickened my pace, keeping to the tree line as I made my way back toward my house.
The run had helped, loosening the tightness in my muscles, giving my wolf the freedom it craved, but it wasn't enough.
It never was anymore. Not since I'd met Ethan. What I wanted more than anything was to shift and spend the night with him, curled up in bed. Or maybe we could take moonlit walks together through the woods. But that couldn’t happen.
Not yet at least. Not while a monster hunted him day and night.
I slowed my pace as I approached my fence, circling around to the loose section where I'd slipped out earlier.
The rain was coming down harder now, enough to plaster my fur against my body.
I needed to get inside before I tracked mud all over the house and had to explain to Ethan why the floors were covered in dirty pawprints in the morning.
As I squeezed through the gap, a familiar scent caught my attention. Human, but not Ethan's. It was fresh too, and couldn't have been more than an hour old. Someone had been in my yard while I was running.
My hackles rose instantly, a growl building in my throat. I circled the perimeter of my property, nose to the ground, following the scent trail. It led toward my bedroom window, the one Ethan was behind, then doubled back toward the street.
Someone had been watching us.
The rogue? No, this was definitely human. Perhaps one of the Council's spies? They'd been keeping tabs on me since I'd mated with Ethan, I knew that. But this felt different somehow.
I shook off the water from my coat before padding up to the house where my clothes were still lying under the eaves.
The shift back to human form was always more painful than the initial transformation, my bones protesting as they realigned, muscles contracting sharply as they returned to their original configuration.
I bit back a cry as my muzzle receded, hands forming from paws, fur retreating beneath my skin.
When the transformation was complete, I knelt naked on my back porch, rain pelting my bare shoulders as I caught my breath. The mysterious scent still bothered me. Who would be coming around my house in the middle of the night?
I grabbed my clothes from their hiding spot, pulling them on quickly despite my damp skin. The t-shirt clung uncomfortably, but I was too preoccupied to care. All I could think about was getting back to Ethan, making sure he was safe.
The house was silent as I slipped back inside, locking the door behind me. I padded quietly through the darkened kitchen, pausing to listen for any sounds that didn't belong. Nothing but the soft hum of the refrigerator and the gentle patter of rain against the windows.
I moved down the hallway toward the bedroom, my wolf senses still sharp enough to navigate without light. The door was ajar, just as I'd left it. I pushed it open slowly, holding my breath as the hinges threatened to creak.
Ethan lay exactly where I'd left him, still clutching my pillow to his chest. His breathing was deep and even, face relaxed in sleep. The sight of him calmed my racing heart immediately. He was safe. Whoever had been outside hadn't gotten in.
I stripped off my damp clothes and slid carefully back into bed beside him.
He stirred slightly, murmuring something unintelligible before settling against me, his head finding my shoulder in the darkness.
His body found the crook of my neck, his skin warm against mine.
I wrapped my arm around him, pulling him closer, breathing in his scent to reassure myself he was really there, really safe.
"Where'd you go?" he mumbled sleepily, his voice thick with dreams.
"Just to get some water," I whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Go back to sleep."
He hummed contentedly and nestled closer. I felt a stab of guilt for the lie, but what choice did I have? I couldn't tell him I'd been running through the neighborhood as a wolf, not yet. Not with the rogue still out there, not with Ethan's history.
As I lay there listening to the rain against the windows, I tried to imagine how I would ever explain what I was to him.
How could I possibly make him understand that not all wolves were like the one that killed his father?
That my kind lived peacefully alongside humans, protecting them from the rogues who gave us all a bad name?
I traced gentle patterns on his back, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing. He trusted me so completely, and I was betraying that trust every day I kept my true nature from him.
But the alternative was worse. If I told him and he ran from me, if he looked at me with fear and disgust in those beautiful green eyes... I wasn't sure I could survive it. The mate bond was too strong now. Losing him would break something fundamental inside me.
Yet I couldn't keep lying to him forever. Especially not after I'd promised him no more secrets once this was all over.