41. Ethan
Ethan
I thought my heart had stopped. What was Calder talking about? Was he telling me the truth? How could I not have noticed? Was I really so blind?
A thousand questions raced through my mind, each one more terrifying than the last. But that look in Calder’s eyes, it told me everything I needed to know. He was telling me the truth. Jake’s letter was right. He really was… a monster.
But had Calder really killed my father? Was he so twisted and sick that he’d followed me across state lines just to find me, befriend me, and fuck me as some cruel form of torture? He’d seemed so genuine in his affection for me. Was I really that fucking stupid and blind?
"Ethan, please," Calder begged, taking a tentative step toward me. "I can explain everything."
I backed away until I hit the wall, still clutching the mug like it could protect me from a supernatural predator. My mind flashed to the night my father died, to the gleaming teeth and glowing eyes in the darkness. Had they really been Calder's?
"Don't come near me," I warned, my voice breaking. "You've been lying this whole time. Pretending to protect me from the monster when you’re the monster."
"No!" His voice cracked with emotion. "I mean, yes, I'm a werewolf, but I'm not the one who killed your father or Jake. I swear to you."
I laughed bitterly. "And I'm supposed to believe that? After all the lies?"
"I lied about what I am, not how I feel about you." His eyes—those eyes that had looked at me with such tenderness—were pleading now. "Everything between us is real, Ethan. I love you."
"Stop saying that!" I screamed, hurling the mug at him. He dodged it easily, the ceramic shattering against the wall behind him. "You don't get to say that to me anymore!"
My mind was racing, trying to process everything. The way he always seemed to hear things before I did. How he could smell the monster on Jake's letter. The unnatural strength when he carried me. The golden glow in his eyes when we made love.
"My whole pack has been hunting the rogue wolf," Calder said, his voice low and urgent. "The one who killed your father, who's been killing people here. That's why I was out last night—I needed to run, to shift. I was going crazy being cooped up."
"Your pack?" I repeated, disgust rising in my throat. "There are more of you? All this time you've been... what? Playing with me? Leading me on? Was this some sick game?"
"No!" Calder took another step forward, and I grabbed Jake's scrapbook, holding it against my chest like a shield. "Ethan, listen to me. The moment I met you, something happened. Something rare and precious. We bonded… a mate bond. It's why everything between us felt so intense, so fast."
"Mate bond? What the fuck are you talking about?"
"It's like... finding your soulmate, but deeper. Biological, instinctual. My wolf recognized you as mine from the first moment." His voice softened. "I was going to tell you everything once we caught the rogue. I swear I was."
I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. "So all this time, while I was pouring my heart out to you about the monster that killed my father, you were one of them? Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?"
"I know," he said, shaking his head. “But I couldn’t tell you… because humans and werewolves aren’t allowed to be together.”
“Because you fucking eat them?!”
“No! Because if I don’t get proper approval, the council might kill you!”
The moment the words left his lips, Calder’s eyes went wide. He snapped his mouth shut, a look of horror on his face. Clearly that was something else I was never meant to know. Another lie.
My body went cold, a numbness spreading from my fingertips up my arms. The room seemed to tilt around me as I stared at the man I thought I knew.
"They'd... kill me?" I whispered, my voice barely audible even to my own ears.
Calder's face crumpled. "That's not what I wanted to say. Fuck." He ran his hands through his hair, tugging at it in frustration. "This is all coming out wrong."
"No, I think it's coming out perfectly clear," I said, finding my voice again.
"Your... council... would kill me for knowing about you.
For being with you." I laughed, the sound hollow and broken.
"And you didn't think that was something I should know before you had me move in with you? Before you fucked me?"
"It's complicated," Calder said, taking another cautious step toward me. "The Elder Council has rules that have kept our kind hidden for centuries. Humans who learn about us are usually... dealt with. But you're my mate, Ethan. That changes everything."
"Stop saying that!" I shouted. "I'm not your mate! I'm not your anything! I'm just some stupid human you've been lying to and using for your own entertainment!”
"I was protecting you!" Calder's voice rose to match mine, frustration evident in every line of his body. "If I'd told you what I was, would you have believed me? Or would you have run screaming, thinking I was the one who killed your father?"
"Which is exactly what I'm doing now!" I shot back. "Because how do I know you're not? How do I know anything you say is true?"
I clutched Jake's scrapbook tighter against my chest. Jake, who had died trying to protect me. Jake, who had seen through Calder's lies when I couldn't. He was the one who’d actually been trying to take care of me, not Calder. And I’d let him die because I’d fallen for the monster’s tricks.
"Because I love you," Calder said, his voice breaking on the words. "Because from the moment I met you, all I've wanted to do is keep you safe."
"Safe?" I laughed bitterly. "My research disappears, Jake is murdered, and you've been sneaking out at night to turn into a fucking wolf! How is any of that keeping me safe?"
Something flickered in Calder's eyes at the mention of my research. It was brief, but I caught it. It was guilt, maybe, or fear.
"Wait," I said slowly, the pieces falling into place. "The research. You took it, didn't you? There was no break-in, was there?"
Calder's silence was all the confirmation I needed.
"Jesus Christ," I breathed, feeling sick to my stomach. "That was my life's work. Everything I had about my father's murder... And you just took it?"
"I had to," Calder said quietly. "If the Council found it in my house, with your scent all over it... they would have killed you without hesitation. You… You know too much about our world.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “So what you’re telling me is that I’ve got nothing to lose now?” I scoffed. “If I stay with you, you might kill me. If I leave, this mysterious council might kill me. Seems like I’m fucked either way, Calder. And all because of you.”
Calder's face crumpled, his shoulders sagging as if I'd physically struck him. "I would never hurt you. Never."
"You already have!" I grabbed the nearest object, a lamp on the side table, and hurled it at him. It missed, shattering against the wall. "Everything between us was a lie!"
"Not everything," he insisted, taking another step toward me. "Please, Ethan. Let me try to fix this—"
"Fix it?!" I screamed, backing away until I hit the front door. "There’s nothing to fix, Calder! You’ve marked me for death because you couldn’t keep your dick to yourself and say you want to protect me? That you want me to trust you? Fuck you! You really are a fucking monster!”
His eyes flashed gold again and I swore I saw his hackles rise. Clearly I’d gotten under his skin. I fumbled behind me for the doorknob, my heart thundering against my ribs.
"Where are you going?" Alarm filled his voice.
"Away from you," I spat, clutching Jake's scrapbook to my chest with one hand while the other found the doorknob. "Don't follow me."
"Ethan, please—it's not safe out there!" He moved toward me with that unnatural speed I'd always attributed to athletic grace. Now I knew better. "The rogue is still out there. He killed Jake, and he'll kill you too if he gets the chance."
“Better him than you," I snarled, yanking the door open. "At least he's honest about what he is. I don’t even know who you are."
I bolted out the door, adrenaline giving me speed I didn't know I possessed. Behind me, I heard Calder calling my name, his voice desperate and shaking. I didn't look back. I couldn't.
My feet pounded against the pavement as I ran, tears blurring my vision. I had no destination in mind, just away. Away from the lies, away from the monster wearing the face of the man I'd so stupidly fallen in love with.
I heard footsteps behind me, gaining rapidly. Of course he was faster than me. He wasn't human.
"Ethan, stop!" Calder's voice was closer than I expected. "Please, just listen to me!"
"Stay away from me!" I screamed over my shoulder, clutching the scrapbook tighter. "You fucking animal! Monster! I hate you!"
The words tore from my throat, vicious and raw. I meant them to hurt, to wound him as deeply as he'd wounded me. The footsteps behind me faltered for a moment, and I seized the opportunity to cut across someone's yard, leaping over a low hedge.
My lungs burned as I ran, my body demanding oxygen that my panic wouldn't allow me to take in properly. I had to keep going. I had to get away. I stumbled onto a busier street, nearly colliding with a woman walking her dog.
"I'm so sorry," I gasped, barely acknowledging her startled expression as I pushed past.
I heard her yell something after me, but the words were lost in the rush of blood pounding in my ears. I glanced back, terrified I'd see Calder's powerful form bearing down on me, but the street behind me was empty. Had he given up? Or was he circling around, planning to cut me off?
God, what had I done? I'd fallen in love with a monster—the very creature I'd been hunting my entire adult life. Every touch, every kiss, every whispered promise had been tainted by his lies. And Jake... poor Jake had paid the ultimate price for trying to warn me.
I ducked down a side street, slowing to catch my breath. My lungs felt like they were on fire, and my legs trembled beneath me. I leaned against a brick wall, clutching the scrapbook to my chest like it was the only real thing left in my world.
What was I supposed to do now? Go to the police? They'd think I was insane. Run to my mother? That would only put her in danger too. I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. Everyone I trusted had either died or betrayed me.
A low growl from the shadows at the end of the alley sent ice through my veins.
"Calder?" I called out, my voice breaking. "Is that you?"
No answer came, just another growl, deeper this time. I backed away slowly, my heart hammering against my ribs. The sound was familiar, feral and threatening just like that night my father died…
I turned to run, but my foot caught on something—a broken bottle or piece of trash—sending me sprawling onto the wet pavement.
Pain shot through my palms as they scraped against the rough surface.
Jake's scrapbook skidded away from me, pages fluttering open in the damp morning air and photos flying everywhere.
I scrambled toward it, desperate not to lose the only evidence I had left. As my fingers closed around the cover, a shadow fell over me. I looked up, and my blood froze.
Standing at the mouth of the alley was a beast I recognized. Broad shoulders, thick fur, and eyes that seemed to burn with an inner fire. I'd seen this beast before…
I realized Jake had been wrong far too late. This wasn’t Calder. This werewolf was larger than he could ever be, with matted fur and eyes filled with malice. This was the monster from my nightmares, the creature that had haunted me since I was fourteen years old. The one that had killed my father.
I tried to scramble backward, my palms slipping on the wet pavement. The beast's lips curled back to reveal yellowed fangs, a low rumble emanating from its chest. Those eyes… nothing like Calder's warm brown with gold flecks, were a sickly yellow, filled with a hunger that froze my blood.
"Please," I whispered, though I knew it was useless. This thing didn't care about my pleas. It had murdered my father without mercy, and had taken Jake's life without hesitation. I was just another heart to rip from a chest.
The werewolf took a step forward, its massive paw splashing in a puddle. I pressed myself against the brick wall, nowhere left to run. The irony wasn't lost on me. I'd run from one monster straight into the arms of another.
The beast lunged forward with impossible speed. I threw my arms up in a pathetic attempt to shield myself, a scream tearing from my throat. But instead of claws and teeth tearing into my body, I instead felt a fist connect with my stomach.
Air rushed out of my lungs and I collapsed to the pavement. My vision began to tunnel in and I glanced up one last time to see only fangs filling my world.
Then everything went black.