Chapter 18
Clara pushed open the door to the church and stepped inside the building.
There was a man sitting near the front, with his head bowed in prayer.
Clara slipped into the pew she’d sat in with Max and keeping an eye on the man, she reached under the seat and pulled out the prayer book.
Slowly, so she didn’t make any noise with turning the pages, she found page thirty-five and slid the pieces of paper with the names between the pages, before putting it back under the pew.
The man got to his feet, dipped his head towards the altar as he stepped out into the aisle. Clara kept her own head bowed as the man walked down the aisle and left the church.
Clara’s heels echoed around the space as she walked up the side aisle and into the empty Lady Chapel. She knelt before the statue of Mary and from her pocket took the box of matches. Her hands shook as she struck the match and lit a candle, before blowing out the flame.
Clara glanced around. No one was watching. She leaned forward and drew the burned end across the stone wall behind Mary’s statue. One vertical black line.
She crossed herself and left.
By the time she got home, Friedrich was already there. ‘You’re late, I was just beginning to worry about you.’
‘Sorry.’ She rose on tiptoe to kiss him.
‘I’ll get supper started right away.’ She hung up her coat and walked briskly down the hallway to the kitchen.
She couldn’t lie to Friedrich about where she’d been.
That wasn’t how their marriage worked. ‘Oh, you’ve already started it.
’ The soup was in the saucepan and the bread already cut, waiting on the side.
‘Clara.’
‘Did you use the potatoes in the soup?’
‘Clara.’ Friedrich’s voice was firmer.
She turned to look at him, her eyes silently begging him not to ask what she had been doing. He studied her for a long moment, before speaking. ‘Is there anything I need to know, to worry about?’
She shook her head slowly. ‘No more than usual.’ She let out a sigh. ‘I can’t stop thinking about Frau Levin and my other patients that might suddenly disappear.’ It was the truth in part.
Friedrich crossed the room to her. ‘Try not to take everything as your personal responsibility.’ He took the spoon from her hand. ‘Go and get changed. I’ll finish supper.’
She nodded and went to leave.
‘Clara, whatever is going on around us, in the world, we must always take great care. We are no use to anyone otherwise. You must take care always.’
She turned and looked at him, wondering if he suspected what she was doing or just that she was doing something. She gave a small smile. ‘Always.’
It was two days before she finally had contact from the anti-regime network.
Two whole days of worry. Two whole days of hiding her nerves from Friedrich.
He had gently probed if she was all right and she had avoided telling him outright.
They had skirted around direct questions and direct answers.
It seemed neither of them were quite ready for the truth.
She hated the feeling of not being honest with Friedrich but the desire to protect him from knowing what she was doing was stronger.
That morning at work, Paul had turned up in reception asking to speak to her.
‘Frau Bergmann,’ he said, giving a polite nod. ‘I have a message from your sister-in-law. She wants you to call round to see her on your way home this evening.’
‘Thank you,’ said Clara. ‘Please tell her I’ll be there.’ Of course, she had no such relation, but knew this was the coded message that Max wanted to speak to her in person.
Paul left without another word.
‘Polite young man,’ commented the receptionist after Paul had left.
‘Yes. He lives next door to my sister-in-law. He often runs errands for her.’ Clara hoped her voice sounded casual.
The next six hours at work dragged and although she always looked forward to seeing Ursula, tonight was different. Clara didn’t have much time to get from Ursula’s to the church.
‘Would you like a coffee before you go home?’ asked Ursula. ‘Or we could go to the café for a change, especially as everything seems to be well with me and the baby.’ She smoothed her hand over her stomach.
‘Oh, I’d love to,’ said Clara. ‘But I promised Friedrich I’d be home early tonight. He’s away for a week as of tomorrow.’ It was true, Friedrich had told her he had received orders to carry out a supply inspection, apparently there were some irregularities that he needed to check.
‘Oh, that’s a shame, but I understand,’ said Ursula. ‘Perhaps we could go out one day when you’re not working?’
‘That would be lovely,’ said Clara and she again felt the genuine warmth of friendship which seemed to have come from an unlikely source. They were two women from opposite sides of the war who had found friendship in each other.
She set off for the church with a conflict of emotions, how could she be happy and yet so worried at the same time?
Max was already in the Lady Chapel when Clara arrived, kneeling as if in prayer. She slid into the pew behind him, keeping her voice low.
‘I didn’t think it would take two days before I saw you.’
‘I had a few days annual leave at the police headquarters.’ He turned to look back at her and even in the dim light of the church, she could see a purple and black bruise blooming around his eye.
‘What happened?’
‘They brought me in for questioning. Held me for a couple of days.’ He touched the bruise. ‘They didn’t have enough to keep me, but they are getting close. People are talking.’
‘The city is getting more dangerous by the day.’
‘Anyway, what did you want me for? What is so urgent?’
‘The list I gave you. It had names underlined in red and marked in the column which represents Neuruppin.’
‘A medical facility for pregnant women.’
‘You know about it?’
‘It’s my job to know everything.’
‘Hannah Rothstein’s name is on the Neuruppin list.’
Max’s shoulders tensed. ‘I know.’
‘You know?’ Clara’s voice rose slightly. ‘Then you’re going to help her. You’ve already warned her, haven’t you? Please tell me you have.’
‘Keep your voice down.’ Max glanced around the church before looking back at Clara. ‘When is she being taken?’
‘I don’t know. I was hoping you’d tell me that. But it’s irrelevant. We need to get her out. Now. Tonight.’
‘We can’t.’
‘What do you mean you can’t?’ She fought to keep her voice to a whisper.
‘We have protocols. Priorities. We can’t just charge in and rescue one person because we know them.’
Clara gripped the pew in front of her. ‘She’s pregnant. She’s being sent to Neuruppin. How is that not a priority?’
‘She’s one woman. There are fifteen other names on that list.’ Max’s jaw tightened. ‘We don’t have the resources to save them all. We save who we can.’
‘You’re talking about a woman who is about to give birth any week now. You do know what happens at Neuruppin, don’t you?’
‘Look, Clara, I’m talking about survival. Do you think I want to make these choices?’ He breathed out a long breath. ‘Every name on that list is someone’s mother, someone’s daughter. But if we try to save everyone, we save no one. We will be exposed. You will be exposed.’
‘But Hannah – I helped her when the Charité turned her away. I’ve visited her at home. I promised myself I wouldn’t let anything happen to her.’
Max shook his head. ‘You shouldn’t ever promise anything right now. Not even to yourself.’ He let out another sigh. ‘We can’t pick and choose based on personal connections. That’s not how it works.’
Clara sank back in the pew, fighting back the tears of frustration and anger. ‘That’s fine. I’ll do it myself. I should have just done so in the first place.’
‘What? You can’t. You will risk ruining the whole operation.’
‘You don’t know that. She will just be someone who wasn’t where they were expecting to find her.’
‘And what exactly are you going to do once you’ve rescued her?’ Max emphasised the world ‘rescued’.
Clara hadn’t thought that far ahead. ‘I’ll work that out myself.’
‘But will you? No. You’ll need help. My help and that could jeopardise the rescue of five other women. Are you prepared to sacrifice five women and their babies for one pregnant woman? Do you think that is right? That we have favourites in all this.’
‘I can’t let them take her away,’ said Clara. ‘They took my neighbour away and I did nothing. I stood there and watched from the comfort of my apartment, protected by my German officer husband.’ Her eyes burned with tears. ‘I won’t stand by and do nothing again.’
The chapel was silent. Max studied her before speaking. ‘It’s too late. She’s already gone.’
‘What? She’s been rescued already . . .’ Her words faded as she saw the grim look on Max’s face. She shook her head slowly. ‘No. No.’
‘I’m sorry, Clara. They came yesterday. They came a day earlier than normal. I was under arrest. There was nothing we could do.’
A wave of dizziness overcame Clara, and she gripped the edge of the seat to steady herself, closing her eyes for a moment.
When she opened them and looked up at Max, any hope she had that it wasn’t true vanished.
‘Oh, God,’ she whispered, a tear tracking its way down her face.
‘Oh no. Not Hannah too.’ She held her head in her hands.
The anger welled up inside her, engulfing the feeling of dread and helplessness.
The whole situation was outrageous. Unfair.
She didn’t care what Max said. She was going to fight this, even if she had to do it on her own.
She sat up and brushed the tears from her face.
‘In that case, I’m going to Neuruppin to rescue her. ’
Max stared at her. Then he laughed – quiet but incredulous. He glanced around the empty chapel. ‘You seriously think you’re going to walk into Neuruppin and ask for Hannah Rothstein. And they will just hand her over. Then what? You’ll both just stroll back to Berlin?’
‘Like I said, I’ll work it out.’ She went to get to her feet, but Max caught her wrist in his grasp.
‘Sit down, Clara.’
She went to object but hesitated and then did as he instructed. ‘What?’
‘Give me forty-eight hours.’
‘I can’t wait that long.’
‘It’s the best I can offer. It’s not my decision alone.’ Max’s face was grim. ‘If you go charging in there without a plan, you’ll compromise everything. Every safe house. Every contact. Wait and I will help you.’
Clara stared at Max, she couldn’t agree to his timescale, she didn’t have the luxury of time. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said in a whisper.
Max studied her for a long moment. ‘You’re not going to wait are you?’ She didn’t answer and then, cursing under his breath, he let go of her wrist. ‘Meet me here Monday morning at eight o’clock. It’s the best I can do.’
Clara closed her eyes in relief. ‘Thank you,’ she said, looking at Max again. ‘Thank you.’ She sidled out of the aisle.
‘Clara.’ She turned to look at him. ‘The Levin baby, did she have blonde hair?’
Clara nodded. ‘Beautiful white blonde and big blue eyes.’ It was almost painful to recall the infant’s face.
‘Then she’s probably still alive. They give the Aryan-looking ones to German families.’ His expression was unreadable. ‘I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.’
She met his gaze. ‘I don’t either.’