Chapter 32
Clara barely slept that night. Thoughts of having to leave Friedrich played on her mind until the early hours of the morning.
It went against every grain in her body to leave her husband but at the same time, it was no longer her own safety, it was that of their child.
Much as she knew it would break her heart to leave Friedrich, and indeed already was, she also knew that she would do it for the life growing inside her.
It wasn’t about her or them anymore, it was about their child.
‘What shall I do today?’ asked Clara as she sat down for breakfast with Friedrich.
‘You will do what you always do,’ he said.
‘You need to report to the police station as required.’ Although he said the words calmly, Clara knew only too well by the way his hand shook a fraction when he lifted his coffee cup that underneath the composed exterior, he too was frightened. It unnerved her even more.
‘But what if they arrest me?’
‘If they were going to arrest you, then they would have done it last night.’ Friedrich put his cup down.
‘They haven’t got the evidence. This morning is the safest time to go, and it will bide you the most amount of time.
’ He reached over and placed his hand on hers.
‘We must carry on today as normal. No deviation. No changes. Just in case we are being watched.’
Clara nodded. It was easier said than done. The thought of stepping foot in that police station this morning did nothing to allay the feeling of sickness in her stomach. A sensation she couldn’t distinguish between fear or morning sickness.
An hour later, Friedrich was preparing to leave for work. He kissed her with more meaning than ever before, held her that little bit longer and drew in a deeper breath than usual.
Clara clung to him, not wanting to let him go. ‘I love you,’ she whispered into his chest. ‘Always.’
‘Always,’ he whispered back.
She watched him from the window as he stepped out on the pavement, where he paused and as normal lifted his hand to wave at her.
She waved back. As he walked away, Clara’s eyes scanned the street up and down, certain she was going to see a black Mercedes parked in the road, watching her, monitoring her movements. But there wasn’t.
Half an hour later, dressed in her uniform, Clara left the apartment and made her way to the police station.
As she approached the building, her heart sped up in an erratic pattern. Her breath was shallow and fast. Her knees wanted to collapse under her body. But she forced herself to walk forwards. She had to keep her composure. Stay calm. Act like everything was normal.
‘Guten Morgen, Frau Bergmann.’
It was Herr Arnold. ‘Guten Morgen,’ she heard herself replying and was somewhat astonished at how calm she sounded.
It was not how she felt. She took her documents from her handbag and placed them on the counter.
Herr Arnold had, as promised, always been here as often as he could to inspect her papers since that time when Fuchs was obnoxious.
She reminded herself of this. He wasn’t here because of last night.
This was normal. She had to behave as normal.
Herr Arnold inspected her documents, before stamping them and passing them back to her. ‘About last night,’ he began. Clara looked up questioningly at him. He cleared his throat. ‘I hope you weren’t too upset by the intrusion.’
‘I was rather taken by surprise,’ confessed Clara, as she put her documents back into her bag. ‘And, if I’m honest, a little frightened.’
‘Yes, naturally. My apologies.’ Arnold rubbed his chin. ‘Herr Wolf is very keen to find out what happened to Fuchs. He is likely to have further questions.’ He gave her a pointed look.
Clara wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret this information. Was he warning her? Was it a warning from a friend or a foe?
‘If I can help in any way, I will of course,’ replied Clara.
‘I will try to let Friedrich know in advance next time,’ said Arnold. He gave a smile and a polite nod of his head as he bade Clara a good day.
Her afternoon house calls consisted of just three expectant mothers and one newborn home visit.
She missed not being able to call in to Ursula and there was that emptiness that she wouldn’t be able to speak to Ursula again.
In her mind, she had romanticised about finding Ursula after the war and thanking her properly for what she did.
Clara wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to do that now.
Would she ever be able to come back to Berlin?
Clara was home by three o’clock that day. She wished Friedrich would somehow engineer it so that he was home early, but she knew he would stick to his routine so as not to arouse any suspicion. She both loved her husband for this and hated his attention to detail at the same time.
She smoothed her hand over her stomach, reminding herself why she was going through with this.
She had only just changed out of her uniform when there was a knock at the door. Clara gasped. Her heart raced. Surely they hadn’t come back for her already. Not now. Not when she hadn’t said goodbye to Friedrich. She stood still in her room. Maybe they would go away.
The knock came again. And then she heard her name being called. It wasn’t a male voice. It was female.
She slowly moved out into the hallway, staring at the door. ‘Clara, are you there? It’s me, Marie.’
The air whooshed out Clara’s lungs in relief and she raced to the door, throwing it open and enveloping her friend in an embrace before Marie even knew what was happening.
‘Oh, Marie, I’m so glad to see you,’ said Clara.
She blinked back tears as she remembered she was supposed to be acting as normal. ‘Come in, come in.’
‘I don’t think I’ve ever had such an enthusiastic welcome from you,’ said Marie, stepping into the apartment. She looked at Clara, tipping her head to one side. ‘Is everything all right?’
‘Of course,’ said Clara. What else could she say? ‘I wasn’t expecting to see you. This is such a lovely surprise.’
Marie hesitated for a moment before speaking. ‘I heard what happened last night.’
Clara was surprised. ‘How?’
‘I had a meeting with Max about supplies to get to you.’ She placed the cake box on the table and opened the lid.
Clara shouldn’t have been surprised Max had heard. He had contacts all over the city. She peered into the box where there was what appeared to be an iced sponge cake.
Marie pushed her finger into the top edge of the cake and gripped it with her thumb, pulling away the cardboard outer layer which had been covered in icing and cream.
Then she took away the top layer of sponge cake to reveal several bottles of medication.
Mostly pain relief and antiseptics. Items she had managed to procure from the hospital supplies.
‘Max said you need to top up your medical kit.’
‘Thank you,’ said Clara, feeling guilty at taking the precious supplies with the full knowledge she would never use them.
She hoped they would find their way back to Marie or to Max once she was gone.
It was getting more and more difficult to get medical supplies without people asking questions.
She’d stopped going into the chemist on her street when she had bought eucalyptus oil and Herr Keller had remarked on Friedrich having yet another cold.
Once the supplies were put away, Clara made them both a coffee and they had a slice of sponge each. ‘It would be shameful to let it go to waste,’ remarked Marie. ‘Have to get our pleasures where we can.’
They finished their treat in silence. Clara watched her friend and a feeling of sadness washed over her.
She was going to miss Marie. She hoped Marie would forgive her for slipping away without telling her.
But Clara knew it was for the best. At least if Marie was questioned, she would genuinely have no knowledge of Clara’s whereabouts.
‘You’re looking very thoughtful,’ said Marie once she had finished her cake.
Clara gave a small smile. ‘I was just thinking what a good friend you have been to me and how brave you have been to get involved with what I’ve been doing.’
Marie gave a shrug. ‘I wouldn’t call it brave. Foolish, maybe.’ She looked at Clara. ‘Is everything all right? Apart from the obvious and yesterday’s visit.’
‘The police visiting has unsettled me, I must admit. But I’ve been to report to the police station this morning and everything was fine.’
‘Hmm,’ replied Marie, looking unconvinced. ‘There’s something else.’
‘There’s nothing.’
‘Are you going to tell me, or do I drag it out of you?’ Marie raised her eyebrows in question.
Clara looked back at her friend. Had she guessed what Clara was planning? It wasn’t possible, surely. Friedrich would never have allowed anyone to know what he was preparing. And even so, how would Marie know?
‘There really is nothing to tell you,’ said Clara, shoring up her previous response.
Marie gave a laugh and reached over touching Clara’s hand. ‘I can see it in your face. You can’t fool me. I’ve seen it before and so have you.’
‘What?’ Clara was confused now.
Marie’s smile was broad. ‘You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’
It was Clara’s turn to laugh out loud as relief swamped her. She realised Marie was waiting for a reply. ‘Yes. Yes, I’m pregnant.’
‘I knew it. I could tell by your face. You have that soft roundness and a glow to you.’ Marie looked very pleased with herself. ‘Congratulations, my friend.’ She got up and went around to Clara, hugging her. ‘Have you told Friedrich? What did he say? I bet he was excited.’
‘Yes. He was delighted,’ said Clara, forcing herself to smile. It was true, her husband was delighted, but their happiness was clouded, no make that smothered, by sadness.
‘So, tell me, how far along are you?’