19. Casey
Chapter 19
Casey
T he silence in the room was all I could hear. That and the blood pulsing in my temples. Worry sweat trickled down the back of my neck. That hadn’t happened since the last playoffs. We’d won that night, but I didn’t think my luck would hold out here.
And I wasn’t sure what answer would qualify as winning this game.
Gemma sat across from me, her face pale, her hands trembling in her lap. I had asked her the one question I couldn’t let go, and now I waited for the truth to drop like a bomb between us.
If I wasn’t the father, why else would she not tell me? Did she not know who the father was? I’d never judge her for that, but after explaining the whole society-is-judgmental thing, I understood why she might not want to admit that. Maybe if I assured her I would never think less of her for that, she’d tell me.
But before I could get the words out, she nodded. “Yes.”
The single word hit me like a sledgehammer, shattering my world apart.
I leaned back in my chair, the air rushing out of my lungs as I tried to process what she’d just said. She wasn’t looking at me anymore, her eyes fixed on the table as if the weight of my gaze was too much to bear.
I should’ve expected it. Some part of me had, or I never would have asked. Somewhere deep down, I think I already knew. But hearing it confirmed was something else entirely.
Winnie was mine. I had a daughter. With a woman who had lied about her and kept her from me.
A thousand emotions surged through me at once—shock, anger, confusion, more, so much more—but cutting through all of it was a strange, unexpected sense of joy. Winnie. She wasn’t just Gemma’s little girl anymore. She was mine, too.
And she was amazing.
I thought back to the day at the park, the way she’d giggled when I pushed her on the swings, the way she’d run circles around Gemma with boundless energy. She was sharp and sweet and so full of life, and now I knew why I’d felt that strange connection to her.
But as quickly as the joy came, it was swallowed by the enormity of the situation.
Gemma hadn’t told me.
For almost five years. That was how long she’d kept this secret. How long I’d missed out on being a father to my daughter. How long she’d chosen to handle this on her own, without giving me a choice.
Five years with my daughter, gone. The words rasped out of me, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Her head snapped up, her brown eyes wide with guilt. “Casey, I?—”
“Five years,” I said, cutting her off. “Five years, and you didn’t say a word. Why?”
Her shoulders sagged, and she looked away again, her voice barely above a whisper. “Because I didn’t know how. I didn’t even know your name. And by the time I figured out I was pregnant, I’d already moved across the country. I’d started a life in California, and I wasn’t ready to give that up. I needed that fresh start, Casey. After Dad…I didn’t think…” She trailed off, shaking her head.
“You didn’t think I deserved to know?” I asked, the anger simmering beneath my words.
“No, that’s not it,” she said quickly, her voice trembling. “I didn’t think you’d want to know. Most guys, a hookup calls and says she’s pregnant, he’s ready to drive very fast into a brick wall, you know? Think about any guy you’ve ever known in that situation.”
The truth was, there had been some surprise babies for my players, and each one handled it differently. Some were inclined the way she said it, others were overjoyed. “Men are not a monolith, Gem. You know me now. Do you think I would have been like that?”
She slowly shook her head. “No. But I didn’t know you then, and I didn’t want to burden you with a choice I’d already made. It wasn’t your fault that I decided to keep her. That was my choice. Not yours. You shouldn’t have to be saddled with a child and a stranger as your child’s mother.”
The words stung, even though I could hear the sincerity in her voice. She hadn’t done it out of malice, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Do you know how much I’ve thought about that night?” I asked, my chest tightening. “How many times I wondered who you were if I’d ever see you again? And now, to find out like this?—”
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice breaking. “I know I should’ve told you the minute I figured it out. I know I should’ve found a way. But I didn’t, and now…”
She looked at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
“Now what?” I asked, my voice softening despite myself.
“Now I don’t know what to do,” she admitted.
Neither did I. So, I stood, pacing through her house as I tried to process everything. Pacing helped me think. The playoffs were right around the corner, the team was under immense pressure, and now this—this massive, life-changing revelation—was crashing down on me.
And then there was the other problem.
“Do you know what this means for us?” I asked, stopping to look at her.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s against company policy for me to fraternize with a player’s family,” I said. “If anyone finds out?—”
“And Whitney knows.”
“She won’t tell. Whitney’s the only reason we’ve gotten this far without it blowing up in our faces. But if this gets out, I’m cooked.”
“You’re worried about your job,” she said, her tone flat, as if she had any right to be disappointed in me.
“Of course, I’m worried about my job,” I said, the frustration slipping into my voice. “This is my career, Gemma. My entire life. And now I’ve got a daughter I didn’t even know about, and I don’t know how…I don’t know anything at all.”
Neither of us spoke for what felt like an eternity. I resumed pacing and dragged my fingers through my hair, wishing that was her hand, her gentle touch. I loved when she did that.
Not today, though.
“I need to think,” I said finally.
“Casey,” she said, standing.
“I need to think,” I repeated, my voice firmer this time. “And I can’t think here. You’re here. I’m too…you muddy things up in my head.” I started toward the door, but before I could reach it, she was there, standing in front of me.
“Don’t go,” she said, her voice trembling.
“I have to,” I said. The look on her face made it feel like my chest was caving in.
She grabbed my arm, her brown eyes locking on mine. “I love you.”
The words stopped me in my tracks.
My body went numb. I was overloaded. I forced the words out, “How…how can you say that to me now?”
“I had to tell you.”
“To make me stay?”
She shook her head. “I’m not trying to manipulate you, Casey. I needed to say it. I’ve wanted to say it for days?—”
“After you drop this on me, you say that, and I’m supposed to…what, exactly? Say all’s forgiven, let’s be a happy family? Gemma, you’re fucking with my heart, my livelihood, my life, and I have no idea how to handle any of this?—"
“I know this is a lot,” she said, her voice shaking. “And I know I’ve handled it all wrong. For someone who writes for a living, I suck at saying things the right way out loud. But I love you, Casey. I love you so much, and I don’t want to lose you.”
My heart ached at her words, torn between the anger, the confusion, and the deep, undeniable love I felt for her. But it was too much—the playoffs, the team, the policy, and most importantly of all, Winnie.
If I said it back, if I told her I loved her, I couldn’t be rational. I’d give into whatever she wanted, and I’d ruin my career over it. The career had given my life meaning when I was so lonely for so long that I thought love was a construct and the only real thing was my work. Whenever love had let me down, work was there for me. I couldn’t just say screw it, could I?
Her house had become unbearably small and suffocating. I had to go somewhere I could breathe again. “I need time.”
She nodded, stepping aside to let me pass, but the hurt in her eyes killed me. I opened the door and walked outside, the cool night air hitting me like a splash of cold water.
I didn’t look back. If I did, I’d never get this figured out, and there was a very young child in need of me figuring it out. I had to leave for her sake.